The hospice nurse and I met with "Linda" today to admit her mother to our hospice program. While Linda and I were sitting at her kitchen table, she began to share the tragic story of how her grandson was murdered. Her tears flowed so easily while she was talking. She easily shared the pain of her grief while holding my hand. I sensed that she felt some support and relief while talking about her dear grandson.
Linda shared that music and prayer helps her cope with life's tough times. She is doing what she needs to do to help her cope, but grief always has a way of surprising one while showing up so unexpected.
Linda's mother is ninety-five and has had a long and fulfilling life. She has struggled a bit with heart failure, but was able to live her life her way until recently. Her mother is declining a bit each day and with that decline, Linda's grief is strong. Linda has a huge family that is very supportive to her and her mother. I know she will get through this tough time with her singing, her prayers and her family. And then, every now and then a strong reminder will surface resurfacing the pain of her grandson's death. I pray for her strength.
THREE YEARS AGO
The tears always will flow
when talking about her grandson.
He had just turned sixteen
when he was brutally murdered
just three years ago.
They shot and killed him
because he wouldn't do what they wanted.
They were searching for his friend
and demanded answers from him.
The police never found his body,
but the two of them will serve
a life time sentence of 108 years
with no possibility of ever receiving parole.
Now her mom is dying
after living over ninety years.
She struggles to let her mother go
as she so knows the compelling pain of loss.
Her grief is compounded
as it is, again, bringing up
those painful memories
of losing her grandson just three years ago.
Grief and loss are powerful emotions.
No one ever gets a free pass.
Sadly it will continue to happen now and again
as her grandson's grief is
forevermore.
Saturday, December 28, 2019
Saturday, December 21, 2019
SHE IS READY
We admitted, “Claudia”, eighty-nine, to our hospice services today. Claudia suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. Claudia has five sons, who all live nearby with their families. All of her sons are devoted to their mother. One feels the strong love the moment you enter her home. It is so wonderful.
Claudia was lying down in her bedroom. The moment the nurse and I walked in, she gave us such a beautiful smile. One could see her gentle soul and kindness. The family would laugh so easily while teasing. You know they all got it from Mom. They had the nurse and I laughing a lot. I told them that it was very difficult to remain in any kind of professional role when in their presence. It was great.
We were informed that Claudia’s husband died two years ago after a short hospice admission. They said their mother missed their dad every day. Claudia has shared with her sons many times that she is ready.
The family understands and has accepted her wish. They say that she has had a wonderful life, but she misses their father so deeply. Claudia, I wish you peace and know that you will go when it is your time to do so. Here’s to a beautiful journey.
SHE IS READY
The moment you meet her,
you easily embrace her huge heart.
She immediately gives you one lovely smile
the moment you enter her room.
She's had a full and wonderful life,
raising her five sons till grown.
Traveling all over the world
with her husband of whom she adored.
She is now dependent needing so much help.
Alzheimer's has taken its toll.
She forgets so easily and cannot recall,
but does feel the love of her family around.
"She has good days and bad days,
but each day it is getting worse.
Our dad died on hospice two years ago.
She so misses him every single day."
One wants to help her; to take care of her.
To give her comfort and peace of mind.
But she is so ready for it to be over.
She just wants to totally let go.
She has told her sons,
"I'm slowly dying. I want to be with Papa."
While her sons understandably say,
"She is dying of a broken heart.
She is losing her will to live."
She is ready.
Claudia was lying down in her bedroom. The moment the nurse and I walked in, she gave us such a beautiful smile. One could see her gentle soul and kindness. The family would laugh so easily while teasing. You know they all got it from Mom. They had the nurse and I laughing a lot. I told them that it was very difficult to remain in any kind of professional role when in their presence. It was great.
We were informed that Claudia’s husband died two years ago after a short hospice admission. They said their mother missed their dad every day. Claudia has shared with her sons many times that she is ready.
The family understands and has accepted her wish. They say that she has had a wonderful life, but she misses their father so deeply. Claudia, I wish you peace and know that you will go when it is your time to do so. Here’s to a beautiful journey.
SHE IS READY
The moment you meet her,
you easily embrace her huge heart.
She immediately gives you one lovely smile
the moment you enter her room.
She's had a full and wonderful life,
raising her five sons till grown.
Traveling all over the world
with her husband of whom she adored.
She is now dependent needing so much help.
Alzheimer's has taken its toll.
She forgets so easily and cannot recall,
but does feel the love of her family around.
"She has good days and bad days,
but each day it is getting worse.
Our dad died on hospice two years ago.
She so misses him every single day."
One wants to help her; to take care of her.
To give her comfort and peace of mind.
But she is so ready for it to be over.
She just wants to totally let go.
She has told her sons,
"I'm slowly dying. I want to be with Papa."
While her sons understandably say,
"She is dying of a broken heart.
She is losing her will to live."
She is ready.
Saturday, December 14, 2019
FIFTY YEARS
The hospice nurse and I admitted "John" to our hospice program today. John suffers from lung cancer that has spread to his bones. The moment we walked into the home, John welcomed us so graciously. He spoke about his life in such a realistic way. He did not blame anyone for his cancer, but spoke of his years of abusing alcohol and smoking cigarettes.
John has suffered so many losses in his life. All of his relatives are deceased. John embraces his days as no one in his family have survived to see fifty years, but him. John has three daughters who all live nearby and are healthy. Two of John's daughters were present during our visit, and one could so feel the strong love in the home. It was so beautiful to see.
John cherishes each day that he has, while having no fears about dying. He has strong spiritual beliefs and knows that there is an afterlife, but not sure what it is all about. His wife died four years ago and he truly knows he will be seeing her again. He is looking forward to that moment.
I was so amazed by John, as he realistically and easily spoke about his life; the good, the bad and the ugly. He had no blame, but total acceptance. He embraced each day as it came, knowing any day could be his last. I wish him the best.
FIFTY YEARS
He casually spoke about his life.
How he smoked and drank for years.
His body has reacted to those addictions;
lung cancer is now in control.
He is very realistic regarding his life.
Fully accepting all that he's been through.
He lost his wife four years ago.
He knows he will see her soon.
He spoke about his family.
How all have died before seeing fifty years.
His mother in her early thirties;
his father at forty-nine.
He no longer has his siblings;
both brothers have already died.
He does not talk of the strong pain of that loss,
but quietly will say, "I still miss them every day."
I asked him about any fears or concerns.
His answer came from deep in his heart.
"I am in bonus time. I embrace each day.
It's all in my Higher Power's hands".
He's lived twenty years longer than any of them.
His life has been up and down.
He has no regrets or unfinished business.
He just doesn't want to die alone.
His three daughters will grieve him I know,
but are so appreciative of the time that he has had.
All anticipated an early death,
but he has always, and will continue to.
embrace his life no matter how many years.
John has suffered so many losses in his life. All of his relatives are deceased. John embraces his days as no one in his family have survived to see fifty years, but him. John has three daughters who all live nearby and are healthy. Two of John's daughters were present during our visit, and one could so feel the strong love in the home. It was so beautiful to see.
John cherishes each day that he has, while having no fears about dying. He has strong spiritual beliefs and knows that there is an afterlife, but not sure what it is all about. His wife died four years ago and he truly knows he will be seeing her again. He is looking forward to that moment.
I was so amazed by John, as he realistically and easily spoke about his life; the good, the bad and the ugly. He had no blame, but total acceptance. He embraced each day as it came, knowing any day could be his last. I wish him the best.
FIFTY YEARS
He casually spoke about his life.
How he smoked and drank for years.
His body has reacted to those addictions;
lung cancer is now in control.
He is very realistic regarding his life.
Fully accepting all that he's been through.
He lost his wife four years ago.
He knows he will see her soon.
He spoke about his family.
How all have died before seeing fifty years.
His mother in her early thirties;
his father at forty-nine.
He no longer has his siblings;
both brothers have already died.
He does not talk of the strong pain of that loss,
but quietly will say, "I still miss them every day."
I asked him about any fears or concerns.
His answer came from deep in his heart.
"I am in bonus time. I embrace each day.
It's all in my Higher Power's hands".
He's lived twenty years longer than any of them.
His life has been up and down.
He has no regrets or unfinished business.
He just doesn't want to die alone.
His three daughters will grieve him I know,
but are so appreciative of the time that he has had.
All anticipated an early death,
but he has always, and will continue to.
embrace his life no matter how many years.
Saturday, December 7, 2019
SADNESS
The hospice nurse and I went out to meet "Steve", a fifty-seven year old suffering from lung and heart disease. Steve was discharged home this afternoon from the hospital after a two day stay for shortness of breath. We arrived at Steve's travel trailer five minutes after the paramedics arrived. The paramedics were waiting for us to come as did not want to leave Steve alone.
Steve is very weak as his body is fighting constantly to take another breath. The nurse and I walked into Steve's tiny trailer which stopped me as I had never seen such filth, disarray and so many cockroaches.
What amazed me is that Steve didn't seem bothered by it at all as his biggest concern was making sure his medication would always be delivered to his door on time. He did not want to be out of any of his prescription medication.
I am a mandated reported and self neglect is reportable. I did make a referral to Adult Protective Services and they will follow up. My biggest concern is that Steve needs help and he would not allow me to call his brother, who lives nearby. I wanted to assess how available and involved his family is in helping him.
Unfortunately I believe Steve will call 911 and end up in the hospital again. The best plan would be for the hospital to place him in a Skilled Nursing Facility to get the proper care. My heart just breaks for him and for all that he may have missed because of his addiction What a huge loss for him and for all of us as well.
SADNESS
He has severe lung and heart disease;
needing oxygen all of the time.
He's had countless ER visits
with complaints of severe chest pain.
He's had a very difficult life
making choices that didn't help much at all.
His biggest worry is delivery of his medicine,
but heroin has grabbed all of his power.
He lives in an unkempt, roach infested trailer
which is just a normal day for him.
No worries about bathing, doing laundry or food;
"Just make sure my medicine arrives on time."
My first impression was
how could anyone live this way?
The filth, the disorder; the chaos.
But then again; addiction always leads the way.
I can't get him off of my mind.
I am haunted by his soul.
What opportunities were there for him?
What might have he achieved?
He knows his time is short.
He has accepted it without fears.
I hope he finds his peace in this life;
but for me, the strongest emotion I have is
pure sadness for him
and for so many other lost souls.
Saturday, November 30, 2019
FROM ABOVE
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, "Mona", ninety-one, to our hospice program. Mona suffers from Alzheimer's and has had a recent decline of becoming more confused and weaker. We were scheduled to meet up with Mona's three daughters. Two of the daughters only wanted information about hospice as didn't feel Mom was quite ready to be admitted. The third, and youngest daughter, "Bonnie", felt quite the opposite and wanted hospice's support.
The five of us sat in a meeting room at the Skilled Nursing Facility where mom was a patient. While the hospice nurse and I were explaining our program, the one daughter, "Karen", kept interjecting strongly how she only wanted this to be informational and not an admission visit. While she spoke, her two sisters kept quiet and allowed her to vent her strong resistance.
Once it was decided that it was only an informational visit, we all walked to mom's room at the facility. Bonnie stopped outside in the hallway and started to cry. While the others all walked into the room, I stayed with Bonnie as she started to share her struggles with her family. I so strongly felt the purpose of this visit was for me to support Bonnie.
It is such a strong example to me that I am so guided from above as I am led to be where I need to be. I used the proper words for Bonnie to feel support. I so strongly feel that I do not do this work alone. I am so raised by the support of my spiritual beings. They so amazingly guide me to whom I am today.
FROM ABOVE
We met up with the three daughters
to educate them about our hospice support.
Two of them weren't quite sure for us to be involved,
while the other so strongly felt it was time.
Mom had been declining for months.
She was slowly getting weaker and more confused.
We spoke about hospice's goals of comfort care
along with twenty-four hour support.
Her two sisters strongly felt, "Not yet",
while she quietly went along.
We all then walked to mom's room,
while I and the one daughter stopped by the door.
She started to cry so strongly,
sharing memories of how she never fit in.
How she has a strong faith, whereas her family does not
while softly adding how her mother was "Always so mean."
I counseled her and offered support,
knowing I was directed to be there today just for her.
I felt I was guided from above when she said,
"You have helped me so very much."
Spirituality comes from my loved ones above.
They guide me to be where I need to be;
helping me to use the proper words at the right time.
They raise me higher than I ever could go on my own.
I truly know and always do believe that
I never, ever work alone.
Sunday, November 24, 2019
A MOMENT
My cousin Jack died from Lou Gehrig's Disease six months ago. His disease progressed rapidly as he died two and a half months after his diagnosis. It was so difficult seeing him decline so quickly, but, in the end, it likely was best for him for it to be over.
My dad died fifteen years ago after a short bout with cancer. My dad lived to be 94 years of age, which is more than many of us ever get; but still, it was much too soon. Age does not matter when it is someone you love.
Both Jack and my dad had great senses of humor and I was so very close to both of them. When we all got together there was always a lot of joking around and laughter. The two of them loved each other so deeply. It was wonderful. I know that they are together again. That thought fills me with such beautiful peace.
I was driving to a patient's home this afternoon. The route drove me past the town where Jack lived. Grief hit me so suddenly and so hard. I was attempting to process my thoughts when the song "Do You Realize" came on the radio. That melody has always had the perfect words for me to sing to my dad. I always know my dad is near me when I hear it.
I had a thought today that our loved ones never truly leave us. When we think about them and feel their presence, they are truly right by our side. The sadness of missing both of them hits strong, but gratitude also comes knowing they were in my life in the physical world and they are also in my life in the spiritual world. I so strongly believe that we all will be truly and fully together; yet again one day.
A MOMENT
While driving in my car early this afternoon
it happened without warning.
A moment of sadness suddenly struck
while I was passing by where you used to live.
My eyes quickly filled with tears.
My heart gripped with sorrow
mourning the loss; without you here.
"Jack; you always would make me laugh."
A few miles later, that special song came on the radio.
It always immediately connects me to my dad.
Those perfect words; that spiritual understanding.
A reminder to me that he is always around with his love.
Another strong moment of sadness,
even though it's been fifteen years.
"I miss your unconditional love;
I miss your jokes."
You and Jack were always so close.
I so know you two are forever together
telling me to continue to laugh; to enjoy life.
That insight gives me pure peace.
Thoughts of the two of you bring a smile
as humor was always a common theme.
You both are teaching me to continue to laugh
as that is what life, and hopefully death, is all about.
I so miss both of you and truly know that
sadness will hit again I am sure,
but hopefully for only a moment;
for just one moment.
Saturday, November 16, 2019
HER DREAMS
I met ninety-nine year old "Margaret" today. She touched me from the start. She sat so upright in her recliner chair as we walked into her home; looking regal while sitting up so straight. Her humor immediately shown through. She'd laugh so hard at herself. Her laugh was contagious which made us all laugh as well. She was such a delight.
Margaret earned her bachelors degree from Stanford University in 1942. She had no fears of not completing her goal of a teaching degree. She taught the prisoners in the Internment Camps during WWII. She never had doubts of not achieving her goals.
She took a break from teaching while raising her five children. She set the same high standards for them while giving them the same courage she had for her success; embracing them with love and maintainable goals.
All of her children graduated from college. Three are College Professors; following their mother's path; while the other two created their own personal paths of success. Margaret amazed me as doubts and not succeeding were never in her thoughts. Now that she is dying, she wants to be able to manage that as well. This may be the first time she will learn to just let go and allow her life to flow its natural path. I wish her well.
HER DREAMS
She'll be ninety-nine in a few weeks.
She's had a long, amazing life.
A trail blazer from the beginning.
Nothing has ever stopped her
from following her dreams.
She attended college in the 1940's
where few other women ever dared.
Earning a teaching degree; making a difference.
Her strong ambition easing her way.
She taught high school for years
while raising her five children her way.
She was strict with high expectations
teaching them to follow their special dreams.
Somehow she always knew how to succeed.
She naturally understood which way to turn.
It never mattered what society expected;
nothing ever stopped her from reaching her goal.
Now her heart is failing.
She is slowly winding down.
She is weak, having trouble walking;
spending her days quietly in her chair.
Throughout her life, the answers came easy.
She always knew which way to turn.
Now, for the first time, there is no solution in sight.
"I just don't know how to die."
Margaret earned her bachelors degree from Stanford University in 1942. She had no fears of not completing her goal of a teaching degree. She taught the prisoners in the Internment Camps during WWII. She never had doubts of not achieving her goals.
She took a break from teaching while raising her five children. She set the same high standards for them while giving them the same courage she had for her success; embracing them with love and maintainable goals.
All of her children graduated from college. Three are College Professors; following their mother's path; while the other two created their own personal paths of success. Margaret amazed me as doubts and not succeeding were never in her thoughts. Now that she is dying, she wants to be able to manage that as well. This may be the first time she will learn to just let go and allow her life to flow its natural path. I wish her well.
HER DREAMS
She'll be ninety-nine in a few weeks.
She's had a long, amazing life.
A trail blazer from the beginning.
Nothing has ever stopped her
from following her dreams.
She attended college in the 1940's
where few other women ever dared.
Earning a teaching degree; making a difference.
Her strong ambition easing her way.
She taught high school for years
while raising her five children her way.
She was strict with high expectations
teaching them to follow their special dreams.
Somehow she always knew how to succeed.
She naturally understood which way to turn.
It never mattered what society expected;
nothing ever stopped her from reaching her goal.
Now her heart is failing.
She is slowly winding down.
She is weak, having trouble walking;
spending her days quietly in her chair.
Throughout her life, the answers came easy.
She always knew which way to turn.
Now, for the first time, there is no solution in sight.
"I just don't know how to die."
Sunday, November 10, 2019
SACRED WORDS
“Kristin”, sixty-four, was diagnosed with lung disease many years ago. She was able to function and continue her life as she wished. It all changed six months ago when she shared that her decline started to begin. She gets short of breath so easily now; even when talking. She needs oxygen at all times in order to help her catch her breath.
Kristin has a strong family and friend support system. Her people are rallying and helping her so much physically and emotionally. What amazed me about Kristin was her use of words. She had the skill of articulating so perfectly her emotions regarding her illness and the impact on her emotionally and physically.
She had a strong spiritually belief system and was able to verbalize so naturally her emotions and expectations about afterlife. I felt honored to have met her as she, to me, felt like a supreme being. Her words; her spirit gifted her as a heavenly teacher here on Earth.
SACRED WORDS
She's been ill for many years,
but easily was able to carry on.
These past six months, though,
have been difficult; have been hard;
as her decline is now coming on strong.
She's always been there for others.
She's the one they counted on for support.
Now the shoe is on the other foot.
She's trying to figure it all out.
She spoke openly and honestly to us
about her emotions; her devout beliefs.
How spirituality has always been there
to help her cope through life's tough times.
"Anxiety comes when I struggle to breath,
as I am strongly feeling the losses.
My heart has opened to the process.
I trust my beliefs; I am ready to go."
She spoke about a close friend's death
when her heart overflowed with joy.
"It was so full; almost painful
where beautifully hidden below it all
was pure love."
She expressed normal fears; normal sorrows.
She was so receptive in recognizing new emotions.
But the most amazing gift of all
was how she beautifully knew how to articulate it all.with her pure and amazingly divine
Sacred Words.
Kristin has a strong family and friend support system. Her people are rallying and helping her so much physically and emotionally. What amazed me about Kristin was her use of words. She had the skill of articulating so perfectly her emotions regarding her illness and the impact on her emotionally and physically.
She had a strong spiritually belief system and was able to verbalize so naturally her emotions and expectations about afterlife. I felt honored to have met her as she, to me, felt like a supreme being. Her words; her spirit gifted her as a heavenly teacher here on Earth.
SACRED WORDS
She's been ill for many years,
but easily was able to carry on.
These past six months, though,
have been difficult; have been hard;
as her decline is now coming on strong.
She's always been there for others.
She's the one they counted on for support.
Now the shoe is on the other foot.
She's trying to figure it all out.
She spoke openly and honestly to us
about her emotions; her devout beliefs.
How spirituality has always been there
to help her cope through life's tough times.
"Anxiety comes when I struggle to breath,
as I am strongly feeling the losses.
My heart has opened to the process.
I trust my beliefs; I am ready to go."
She spoke about a close friend's death
when her heart overflowed with joy.
"It was so full; almost painful
where beautifully hidden below it all
was pure love."
She expressed normal fears; normal sorrows.
She was so receptive in recognizing new emotions.
But the most amazing gift of all
was how she beautifully knew how to articulate it all.with her pure and amazingly divine
Sacred Words.
Saturday, October 26, 2019
CARE OF SELF
Ninety-seven year old, "George", was admitted to hospice today with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease. George has been in a recent decline to where he is weaker, eating less and sleeping more. He speaks only a few words at a time, but easily smiled when the hospice nurse and I walked into his bedroom.
George has hired caregivers, but his daughter, "Linda", is totally involved and supportive. She loves her father so much as is so attentive to him in such a kind and loving way. Linda was focused on wanting to know what support hospice would give. She asked detailed questions about medical equipment, medications etc. She so efficiently wrote down all of the information on a note pad. She wanted to do things just right.
Linda is a psychologist and is knowledgeable about Psychological theories and counseling tools to help her clients. Nevertheless, she is such a prime example of how difficult it is for any of us to handle things when it is so personal.
Self care is such an important tool for all of us to utilize, but so often we do not put ourselves first in order to initiate the self care that is so vital. I wish Linda the best and hopefully, with hospice on board, she will receive the counseling from our hospice staff that will help her through the grief and emotions associated with the loss of losing a loved one.
CARE OF SELF
She is a psychologist by trade.
She counsels clients on self care.
She helps them cope with life stressors
while teaching them ways to handle it all.
Her elderly father came onto hospice today.
He has been sick for many years.
He's getting weaker; needing so much help,
but will smile so easily while saying, "Hello".
She is focused on the tasks that need to be done.
"What about the hospital bed; what pills does he take?
I need to write all of this down.
I have to get it straight."
When I asked how she was coping,
she struggled with something to say.
"My husband died suddenly two months ago.
I have attended one of your groups."
She wanted to fix things.
She wanted to know what to say.
She could not see how to put herself first;
how to utilize the tool of self care.
It is so different when it hits you personally.
All of your knowledge just fades away.
Your heart is broken and not easily fixed.
Stop the world a minute,
I have to get off.
Saturday, October 19, 2019
SIMPLE LIFE
I met with "Steve" today to admit him to our hospice program. Steve is fifty-one years old, but looks twenty years older secondary to his past history of drugs. He lives in his car which he parks in a parking lot near the local soup kitchen; where he gets three meals a day.
Steve has a cousin, "Ted", who lives nearby in a very small apartment with his family. Ted is very devoted and attentive to Steve. The two are very close. Steve has no other family, but has a very large network of friends, who visit him frequently in the parking lot. Steve says that is what helps him cope.
Steve has such a positive attitude about life as focuses on who is in his life and not what others may think he is missing. He totally accepts his life situation as tries not to think about his cancer diagnosis and poor prognosis. Steve's heart shines so brightly as he embraces the good in his life while trying not to think about his disease and how strongly it does impact his life.
In our society, wealth is measures by possessions and monetary value, but I truly believe Steve is a millionaire with all the love and support he receives from his cousin and so many friends. His beautiful smile loudly embraces all that he has
SIMPLE LIFE
Upon first meeting him,
you know he's had it rough.
His clothes are dirty; he needs a shave.
Looking much older than his fifty-one years.
He admits to using drugs in the past.
That addiction closed so many accessible doors.
The only vice left for him is cigarettes.
Now cancer has invaded his bones.
He has such a positive attitude about life.
His spirit shines through his heart.
"I treat others how I want to be treated."
It doesn't get much simpler than that.
His income is so low, he cannot afford to rent.
He lives in his twenty-four year old car.
He parks it near the local Soup Kitchen
where he always will get a tasty hot meal.
He has many friends who stop by to say "Hello."
That's what helps him cope with life's misfortunes.
When talking about his cancer and his poor prognosis;
"I try not to think much about it."
He smiles easily appreciating the positives in his life.
He focuses on what he has; his family; his friends.
He accepts living in his sedan with so few possessions.
After all, he also totally accepts and welcomes what he has;
A Simple Life.
Steve has a cousin, "Ted", who lives nearby in a very small apartment with his family. Ted is very devoted and attentive to Steve. The two are very close. Steve has no other family, but has a very large network of friends, who visit him frequently in the parking lot. Steve says that is what helps him cope.
Steve has such a positive attitude about life as focuses on who is in his life and not what others may think he is missing. He totally accepts his life situation as tries not to think about his cancer diagnosis and poor prognosis. Steve's heart shines so brightly as he embraces the good in his life while trying not to think about his disease and how strongly it does impact his life.
In our society, wealth is measures by possessions and monetary value, but I truly believe Steve is a millionaire with all the love and support he receives from his cousin and so many friends. His beautiful smile loudly embraces all that he has
SIMPLE LIFE
Upon first meeting him,
you know he's had it rough.
His clothes are dirty; he needs a shave.
Looking much older than his fifty-one years.
He admits to using drugs in the past.
That addiction closed so many accessible doors.
The only vice left for him is cigarettes.
Now cancer has invaded his bones.
He has such a positive attitude about life.
His spirit shines through his heart.
"I treat others how I want to be treated."
It doesn't get much simpler than that.
His income is so low, he cannot afford to rent.
He lives in his twenty-four year old car.
He parks it near the local Soup Kitchen
where he always will get a tasty hot meal.
He has many friends who stop by to say "Hello."
That's what helps him cope with life's misfortunes.
When talking about his cancer and his poor prognosis;
"I try not to think much about it."
He smiles easily appreciating the positives in his life.
He focuses on what he has; his family; his friends.
He accepts living in his sedan with so few possessions.
After all, he also totally accepts and welcomes what he has;
A Simple Life.
Saturday, October 12, 2019
I BELIEVE
In the past two days, I have done three hospice admissions with such similarity. All three were men near 80 years old. All three had strong spiritual beliefs about life and death. All had recent diagnoses of terminal status. All three men will likely die within the next month. I was in awe of how each of them accepted their fate with such spirit; such grace.
All were loving and appreciative of their family and friends that surrounded them. They each had such a positive look on life, while accepting their death. I was in awe and so amazed at how graciously each of them lived their life; using similar tools to help them cope so beautifully.
I feel honored to have witnessed such grace these past two days. Each of them has taught me about love and acceptance in an awesome way. Thank you to each of them.
I BELIEVE
These past two days,
I have met three amazing men;
with similar backgrounds, similar beliefs.
All adjusting to a recent, poor prognosis.
His kidneys have failed; he says no to dialysis.
Without it, he only has a few short weeks.
He is very practical; he's realistic.
He knows what he is facing next.
"I'm now waiting for my time to come.
I've tried to live a clean life.
I read my bible twice each day.
I believe in it!"
My next patient's lungs are fading fast.
His wife sees his daily decline.
He is getting weaker; needing more help.
He doesn't have much time.
He has accepted what is to come.
"The end is closer than it was.
I am resigned to it.
I believe in God!"
My third patient was diagnosed two days ago.
There is no treatment; no cure.
He was given only a few weeks more.
Family says, "He is at peace about going."
All have such strong spiritual responses
while seeing life as a gift to embrace.
Acceptance, love, appreciation of what is;
acknowledging that their work is now done
as all three graciously and strongly believe.
All were loving and appreciative of their family and friends that surrounded them. They each had such a positive look on life, while accepting their death. I was in awe and so amazed at how graciously each of them lived their life; using similar tools to help them cope so beautifully.
I feel honored to have witnessed such grace these past two days. Each of them has taught me about love and acceptance in an awesome way. Thank you to each of them.
I BELIEVE
These past two days,
I have met three amazing men;
with similar backgrounds, similar beliefs.
All adjusting to a recent, poor prognosis.
His kidneys have failed; he says no to dialysis.
Without it, he only has a few short weeks.
He is very practical; he's realistic.
He knows what he is facing next.
"I'm now waiting for my time to come.
I've tried to live a clean life.
I read my bible twice each day.
I believe in it!"
My next patient's lungs are fading fast.
His wife sees his daily decline.
He is getting weaker; needing more help.
He doesn't have much time.
He has accepted what is to come.
"The end is closer than it was.
I am resigned to it.
I believe in God!"
My third patient was diagnosed two days ago.
There is no treatment; no cure.
He was given only a few weeks more.
Family says, "He is at peace about going."
All have such strong spiritual responses
while seeing life as a gift to embrace.
Acceptance, love, appreciation of what is;
acknowledging that their work is now done
as all three graciously and strongly believe.
Saturday, October 5, 2019
BROTHERS
"Matt", who suffered from lung cancer, had been in the Intensive Care Unit for over a week. We received a referral to meet with Matt and his brother, "Timothy", at the hospital.
Matt lived with his brother. The plan was to discharge Matt home the next day. Matt had not eaten for five days and was drinking very little. Timothy knew his brother didn't have much longer to live and he knew his brother would want to be at home.
The hospice nurse and I walked into Matt's ICU room. We saw Timothy sitting next to Matt holding his hand. Timothy's face showed pure love for his brother. What struck me so beautifully was that, in the end, the important thing is not what is in your life, but whom. Timothy's love for his brother was so pure and beautiful. In the end, that is truly the most precious gift of all.
BROTHERS
We quietly walked into his ICU room.
His brother was sitting by his side.
He, sound asleep in the hospital bed,
while his brother so gently holding his hand.
It was so calm; so beautiful.
The love between them magnificently glowed.
Unconditional love embraced the two.
He trying to hold on before saying goodbye.
There is no other family but an uncle or two.
Both elderly and unable to come.
His brother has been sick for so many years.
He alone; always focusing on his brother's care.
He stopped eating five days ago.
We knew he didn't have long.
His brother wanted to bring him home;
to die in peace in his own room.
He died a few hours after we left.
He never did make it home.
But he was surrounded by his brother's love;
he knew it was his time to go.
I hope his grief is manageable.
I hope he reaches out for support.
It is such a huge loss losing someone so close,
but I truly believe that they will
always and forevermore never stop
being brothers.
Saturday, September 21, 2019
ON THE RADIO
Dr. G, has a PhD in Psychology. She hosts a weekly show each Wednesday at noon on our local radio station. She holds many conferences that my hospice offers so I do see her around the office occasionally, but never have been officially introduced.
Two weeks ago, our hospice had a Taco and Ice Cream truck come to our parking lot. It was to thank all of the staff for their hard work. There were folding chairs set out on the lawn and Dr. G and I happened to sit next to each other. She asked me what did I do at the hospice which led the two of us to talk about hospice. I spoke about the tremendous spirituality that is such a wonderful part of hospice work. I also shared my poetry.
I was so shocked when she asked me to be on her show. I had many moments of being nervous, but the moment I walked into the studio, calmness overtook me. It was a lot of fun to be able to talk about a subject that is so dear to my heart. Each day I so thank my patients and families for what they give back to all of us working at hospice.
ON THE RADIO
She said she had something to ask me.
I had no idea what to expect.
"Would you like to be on my radio show
to talk about hospice and spirituality?"
Each Wednesday at noontime,
she hosts a show called "Heart to Heart;"
talking weekly with a wide variety of folks,
on our one local radio station.
I said "Yes", but the nerves hit me hard.
"Will I know what to say on a live program?
What if I totally mess things up?"
But then some relief as I do know hospice and spirituality.
Nerves were with me as I walked in today;
but calmness overcame as I sat down by the mike.
Hospice embraces my soul; it gives me peace.
The words flowed so naturally; I wanted to teach.
I spoke about my hospice patient's and their families;
their struggles and their grief.
I also spoke about amazing strengths; the love that regularly flows.
Death is a natural part of life; although we all will do it only once.
I read a few of my poems.
I shared some amazing stories.
If she ever asks me a second time,
I will happily say "Yes"
to again be on the radio.
Two weeks ago, our hospice had a Taco and Ice Cream truck come to our parking lot. It was to thank all of the staff for their hard work. There were folding chairs set out on the lawn and Dr. G and I happened to sit next to each other. She asked me what did I do at the hospice which led the two of us to talk about hospice. I spoke about the tremendous spirituality that is such a wonderful part of hospice work. I also shared my poetry.
I was so shocked when she asked me to be on her show. I had many moments of being nervous, but the moment I walked into the studio, calmness overtook me. It was a lot of fun to be able to talk about a subject that is so dear to my heart. Each day I so thank my patients and families for what they give back to all of us working at hospice.
ON THE RADIO
She said she had something to ask me.
I had no idea what to expect.
"Would you like to be on my radio show
to talk about hospice and spirituality?"
Each Wednesday at noontime,
she hosts a show called "Heart to Heart;"
talking weekly with a wide variety of folks,
on our one local radio station.
I said "Yes", but the nerves hit me hard.
"Will I know what to say on a live program?
What if I totally mess things up?"
But then some relief as I do know hospice and spirituality.
Nerves were with me as I walked in today;
but calmness overcame as I sat down by the mike.
Hospice embraces my soul; it gives me peace.
The words flowed so naturally; I wanted to teach.
I spoke about my hospice patient's and their families;
their struggles and their grief.
I also spoke about amazing strengths; the love that regularly flows.
Death is a natural part of life; although we all will do it only once.
I read a few of my poems.
I shared some amazing stories.
If she ever asks me a second time,
I will happily say "Yes"
to again be on the radio.
Saturday, September 14, 2019
TOGETHER
"Joyce" and "Ricky" have been married seventy years. Ricky is only a few months older than Joyce as both turned ninety-five this year. The couple have two children who are very devoted to their parents and help out a lot. For years the couple ran a small family business spending their days with each other at work.
Both have been pretty healthy, although in the past few years have been needing more help due to aging limitations. They hired some caregivers to help them out for a few hours each day which worked out well for them.
This past week, both Joyce and Ricky have had health crises which left them both hospitalized. Joyce was transported home this afternoon by ambulance. It was then that we met with their daughter, ""Leah" to sign up Joyce to hospice. During the visit, Leah informed us that her father will be discharged home from the same hospital tomorrow. The hospital will be making a hospice referral for him as well.
It was so amazing how Joyce and Ricky's lives were in such unison. Obviously they were a perfect match for each other. It sounds like they will be starting the next segment of their spiritual lives together as well. May the next journey be as beautiful as this one has been for both of them.
ADDENDUM: Joyce died the next morning after her hospice admission. Ricky died four days later. They are now truly, forevermore, together.
TOGETHER
They have known each other for forever;
just celebrating seventy years of marriage.
He turned ninety-five a few months before her.
It's been just the two of them; always together.
She was just discharged from the hospital today;
likely he will be discharged home tomorrow.
They both got sick at the same time;
now together needing so much more help.
She was so sleepy and a bit confused,
but it was clear she knew she was home.
She produced a beautiful, sincere smile
as the paramedics wheeled her in
through the front door.
We admitted her to hospice due to her recent decline.
She has not eaten at all this week; not much water either.
She likely has no more than a few days.
It is so wonderful that she made it back home.
Once he arrives home tomorrow, we will return.
It will now be her husband that we admit to our program.
They have always done everything as one;
now not surprisingly; they will let go
Together.
Both have been pretty healthy, although in the past few years have been needing more help due to aging limitations. They hired some caregivers to help them out for a few hours each day which worked out well for them.
This past week, both Joyce and Ricky have had health crises which left them both hospitalized. Joyce was transported home this afternoon by ambulance. It was then that we met with their daughter, ""Leah" to sign up Joyce to hospice. During the visit, Leah informed us that her father will be discharged home from the same hospital tomorrow. The hospital will be making a hospice referral for him as well.
It was so amazing how Joyce and Ricky's lives were in such unison. Obviously they were a perfect match for each other. It sounds like they will be starting the next segment of their spiritual lives together as well. May the next journey be as beautiful as this one has been for both of them.
ADDENDUM: Joyce died the next morning after her hospice admission. Ricky died four days later. They are now truly, forevermore, together.
TOGETHER
They have known each other for forever;
just celebrating seventy years of marriage.
He turned ninety-five a few months before her.
It's been just the two of them; always together.
She was just discharged from the hospital today;
likely he will be discharged home tomorrow.
They both got sick at the same time;
now together needing so much more help.
She was so sleepy and a bit confused,
but it was clear she knew she was home.
She produced a beautiful, sincere smile
as the paramedics wheeled her in
through the front door.
We admitted her to hospice due to her recent decline.
She has not eaten at all this week; not much water either.
She likely has no more than a few days.
It is so wonderful that she made it back home.
Once he arrives home tomorrow, we will return.
It will now be her husband that we admit to our program.
They have always done everything as one;
now not surprisingly; they will let go
Together.
Saturday, August 17, 2019
SO NATURAL
While we were camping, we were taking a walk around the campground. A very large family were camping nearby. Cooper, a cute blond seven year old, came over to me on his scooter. Cooper and my interaction was so natural; so spiritual. The feelings, even though surprising, were so beautiful.
Cooper's family were close by and I was amazed by what a family member told me about the recent loss of Cooper's grandmother and, in addition, informing me that his mother had just walked out on her family. Cooper had such insight as he unsurprisingly knew what to ask me. His words came out so naturally, so beautifully, that I reacted in kind. It was an amazing interaction. I hope he continues to reach out and receive all the love a seven year old unconditionally needs.
SO NATURAL
We were strolling through the campground
passing by a large family group sitting outside.
A cute seven year old scooted up to me and asked,
"Are you here to find me?"
He asked so naturally, so full of love,
as I to him in return answered, "Yes."
I bent down to his level and he hugged me
so tightly, so beautifully; then he was off.
A family member came over and said,
"His grandmother just died.
She had short hair just like you";
while sadly adding,
"His mother just walked out on him too."
I felt Grandma used me as a vessel
to let her grandson know he is forever loved.
She, hopefully through me, gave him reassurance
that love is always and forever around him.
It was so natural; so normal for him to reach out.
I believe he saw my spirit; my soul.
He recognized unconditional love
and reached out knowing it would be there
through his maternal Grandmother's natural
and forever loving spirit.
Cooper's family were close by and I was amazed by what a family member told me about the recent loss of Cooper's grandmother and, in addition, informing me that his mother had just walked out on her family. Cooper had such insight as he unsurprisingly knew what to ask me. His words came out so naturally, so beautifully, that I reacted in kind. It was an amazing interaction. I hope he continues to reach out and receive all the love a seven year old unconditionally needs.
SO NATURAL
We were strolling through the campground
passing by a large family group sitting outside.
A cute seven year old scooted up to me and asked,
"Are you here to find me?"
He asked so naturally, so full of love,
as I to him in return answered, "Yes."
I bent down to his level and he hugged me
so tightly, so beautifully; then he was off.
A family member came over and said,
"His grandmother just died.
She had short hair just like you";
while sadly adding,
"His mother just walked out on him too."
I felt Grandma used me as a vessel
to let her grandson know he is forever loved.
She, hopefully through me, gave him reassurance
that love is always and forever around him.
It was so natural; so normal for him to reach out.
I believe he saw my spirit; my soul.
He recognized unconditional love
and reached out knowing it would be there
through his maternal Grandmother's natural
and forever loving spirit.
Saturday, August 10, 2019
THE PURPOSE
I suffered a ruptured appendix six years ago this coming October. While being treated in the Emergency Room, I had an out of body experience. It was the most normal feeling and I knew the answers to the universe. My thought now is that life is not that complicated as we all seem to think it is. I felt pure love, but strongly knew it wasn’t my time.
I felt to honored and humbled to have had that amazing experience, but what do I do with it? It was so profound and wonderful and I had no clear answers. All of my family and friends know all about it, but I do not share it much further except for my hospice patients and families. I share it occasionally one-on-one. Those few times I have shared, it has always been so profound to whom I have told.
We met “Tom” and his sister, “Marilyn” ten days ago to admit him to our Palliative Care program. I shared my out-of-body experience with both of them as felt guided to do so. Tom is now hospitalized and does qualify for hospice. I called Marilyn to let her know that we will visit tomorrow to do the hospice admission. It was then she thanked me for sharing my experience. Marilyn, too, has cancer like her brother. I am so glad my words may have help ease their stress even for just a little.
I truly believe that I had this experience to help others cross over. I feel that I was selected to cross over as I am in the environment where the folks who may need to hear it are in my world too. Maybe there is no rhyme or reason, but I hope to continue to support and share when I am guided from above.
THE PURPOSE
Six years ago this Fall,
I crossed over to the other side.
It lasted less than a minute,
but is profound in impacting my life.
It brought up questions of "Why?"
"What is it all about?
What was the purpose?
What am I to do with it all?"
I share it now and then
with patients and families.
I trust my words always,
as am guided from above.
I met she and her brother ten days ago.
We admitted him to our Palliative Care program.
I felt an urge to share and I did.
I spoke about my visit to the other side.
He is now hospitalized and hospice appropriate.
I called her and said we will admit him to hospice.
The first thing she said was to thank me for
"Talking to us about heaven."
"It was so amazing and helpful to us both,
knowing that there is another, loving world.
My cancer has now spread to my lungs and liver.
I ask that you now pray for me as well."
I truly believe the purpose of it all
is for me to tell folks one-on-one.
To give them the gift of my experience
by letting me share from my heart.
That truly is one amazing and
magnificent purpose.
I felt to honored and humbled to have had that amazing experience, but what do I do with it? It was so profound and wonderful and I had no clear answers. All of my family and friends know all about it, but I do not share it much further except for my hospice patients and families. I share it occasionally one-on-one. Those few times I have shared, it has always been so profound to whom I have told.
We met “Tom” and his sister, “Marilyn” ten days ago to admit him to our Palliative Care program. I shared my out-of-body experience with both of them as felt guided to do so. Tom is now hospitalized and does qualify for hospice. I called Marilyn to let her know that we will visit tomorrow to do the hospice admission. It was then she thanked me for sharing my experience. Marilyn, too, has cancer like her brother. I am so glad my words may have help ease their stress even for just a little.
I truly believe that I had this experience to help others cross over. I feel that I was selected to cross over as I am in the environment where the folks who may need to hear it are in my world too. Maybe there is no rhyme or reason, but I hope to continue to support and share when I am guided from above.
THE PURPOSE
Six years ago this Fall,
I crossed over to the other side.
It lasted less than a minute,
but is profound in impacting my life.
It brought up questions of "Why?"
"What is it all about?
What was the purpose?
What am I to do with it all?"
I share it now and then
with patients and families.
I trust my words always,
as am guided from above.
I met she and her brother ten days ago.
We admitted him to our Palliative Care program.
I felt an urge to share and I did.
I spoke about my visit to the other side.
He is now hospitalized and hospice appropriate.
I called her and said we will admit him to hospice.
The first thing she said was to thank me for
"Talking to us about heaven."
"It was so amazing and helpful to us both,
knowing that there is another, loving world.
My cancer has now spread to my lungs and liver.
I ask that you now pray for me as well."
I truly believe the purpose of it all
is for me to tell folks one-on-one.
To give them the gift of my experience
by letting me share from my heart.
That truly is one amazing and
magnificent purpose.
Saturday, August 3, 2019
TELLING ME
My dear cousin, Jack, died almost three months ago after a short illness. Jack and I grew up together and were so close. We traveled the world together on amazing vacations, but the best thing about my cousin is how much he made me laugh. Jack and I often would start laughing so hard together. Folks with us would then say, "There they go again."
It was wonderful.
Jack had been living in a mobile home park until he had to move out as could no longer live alone. I was there with other family members packing up things he would need with his move. When it was time for all of us go leave, it took two of my cousins twenty minutes to help Jack get down the front steps. That image leaves such a sad spot in my heart.
Four days ago I was delivering some supplies to a hospice family. I was helping out the team as I had time to drive to the patient's home. Halfway there, I suddenly realized that it was Jack's mobile home park. I drove in past his mobile home and saw a strange car in the driveway. The new owners had moved in. It brought up such sadness to me.
Today, four days later, I did a hospice admission in a retirement community where Jack lived prior to moving into his mobile home. This was a large complex with six buildings. The patient's apartment was only four doors down from Jack's apartment. While still in the parking lot, I looked up to the sky and said to Jack, "What are you doing to me?" Laughing while I said it.
This coincidence is letting me know that Jack is, and always will be, around. I know he is laughing in heaven. I promise you Jack that your memories will always make me laugh and chuckle at all of those funny times we had together. But, on the other hand, I do and will always miss you. It is such an beautiful feeling knowing that Jack is still around.
TELLING ME
Four days ago I made a visit
to a patient's mobile home park.
Halfway there, I suddenly realized
the last time I was there.
It was the day you moved out.
No longer able to live alone;
needing twenty-four hour help.
Leaving the home you loved.
Sadness hit me quietly;
telling me how much I so miss you.
Remembrance of that fateful day
like it all just happened yesterday.
Today I did a hospice admission.
The patient lived where you lived before.
Four doors down from your apartment.
Bringing up memories of fun times past.
What is it all about?
Bringing me to places where you have lived.
Recalling the fun times while visiting you;
telling me about our extraordinary past.
Coincidences are signs from above;
but this time I know it is you
telling me that your spirit is nearby;
telling me that you are still loving me,
and will always be,
forevermore around.
Jack had been living in a mobile home park until he had to move out as could no longer live alone. I was there with other family members packing up things he would need with his move. When it was time for all of us go leave, it took two of my cousins twenty minutes to help Jack get down the front steps. That image leaves such a sad spot in my heart.
Four days ago I was delivering some supplies to a hospice family. I was helping out the team as I had time to drive to the patient's home. Halfway there, I suddenly realized that it was Jack's mobile home park. I drove in past his mobile home and saw a strange car in the driveway. The new owners had moved in. It brought up such sadness to me.
Today, four days later, I did a hospice admission in a retirement community where Jack lived prior to moving into his mobile home. This was a large complex with six buildings. The patient's apartment was only four doors down from Jack's apartment. While still in the parking lot, I looked up to the sky and said to Jack, "What are you doing to me?" Laughing while I said it.
This coincidence is letting me know that Jack is, and always will be, around. I know he is laughing in heaven. I promise you Jack that your memories will always make me laugh and chuckle at all of those funny times we had together. But, on the other hand, I do and will always miss you. It is such an beautiful feeling knowing that Jack is still around.
TELLING ME
Four days ago I made a visit
to a patient's mobile home park.
Halfway there, I suddenly realized
the last time I was there.
It was the day you moved out.
No longer able to live alone;
needing twenty-four hour help.
Leaving the home you loved.
Sadness hit me quietly;
telling me how much I so miss you.
Remembrance of that fateful day
like it all just happened yesterday.
Today I did a hospice admission.
The patient lived where you lived before.
Four doors down from your apartment.
Bringing up memories of fun times past.
What is it all about?
Bringing me to places where you have lived.
Recalling the fun times while visiting you;
telling me about our extraordinary past.
Coincidences are signs from above;
but this time I know it is you
telling me that your spirit is nearby;
telling me that you are still loving me,
and will always be,
forevermore around.
Saturday, July 20, 2019
THE UNKNOWN
Yesterday, the hospice nurse and I went out to meet "Gary", and his wife, "Michele", at the local hospital. Gary was diagnosed with colon cancer one year ago. Gary had been through a lot of treatment to no avail. He has been in a rapid decline these past few weeks.
Gary was asleep during our visit, so we spoke with his wife, Michele, in a nearby meeting room. Michele's anxiety was intense. She worried about making the right decision of admitting Gary to a nursing home or bringing him home. She said she felt guilty not bringing him home, but was not sure if she had the ability to properly care for him as he needed.
We spoke about both options with Michele assuring her that there was no right or wrong decision to be made. We encouraged her to make the best decision for Gary and herself. Michele so strongly kept focusing on doing the right thing. We spoke about hospice support in the home and normalized her fears.
Gary was ready for discharge and the hospital discharge planning department was waiting to hear what Michele's discharge plan would be. One hour after the nurse and I left the hospital, Michele call to say she wanted to bring Gary home.
We met Michele and Gary at their home today. Gary had just arrived as the ambulance was still out in front when the nurse and I showed up. Michele was much calmer and did help Gary with a few needs while we were there. She did a great job.
Gary is so weak and speaks in such a soft tone. I spoke with Gary quietly to let him know how hospice will follow up for thirteen months to support his wife and his two daughters. Yesterday, I asked Michele about Gary's spiritual beliefs. She said he had Christian beliefs about God and the afterlife. Today when I asked him if he had any fears or concerns, I was not surprised hearing his answer.
We all have fears of the unknown. Unfortunately, we all will walk our last walk. It is a new experience for all of us. I know we all will do it our own individual way. God bless us all.
THE UNKNOWN
We met her at the hospital yesterday.
Her anxiety was sky-high.
Worried about making the right decision;
admit to a nursing facility or bringing him home.
Her biggest fear was the unknown.
"Will I be able to care for him at home?
How will I change his colostomy bag?
How will I adjust him in the hospital bed?"
"What is the dying process all about?
How will I know when his end is near?
I want to be with him when he takes his final breath."
Unknown answers fueling her stress.
She was much calmer today;
feeling some comfort having him home.
She will hire caregivers to help out.
I know she'll do just fine.
He is bedridden and so very weak.
His recent decline has been swift.
I let him know that hospice support is for him,
his children and definitely his wife.
I asked him if he had any fears or concerns.
He quietly nodded his head yes.
He, just like his wife had felt,
"My biggest fear is truly
the unknown."
Saturday, July 13, 2019
HER VOICE
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Sarah” to our hospice program. Sara, eighty-two years old, has struggled with Alzheimer’s Disease for many years. She lives with her husband, “Mitchell”, who is her primary caregiver. The couple have three children, but all live out of state and not able to help out as often as they would like.
Sarah has been in a rapid decline this past month. Where, one month ago, she was walking with a walker, now she needs her wheelchair. She is now totally dependent with all of her needs. Mitchell was so gentle; so soft; so loving with Sarah. His total focus was on taking care of Sarah.
Mitchell has a cute sense of humor which helps him cope. But the one thing that saddens him the most is that Sarah is using so few words now. There are times she does not talk at all, which breaks his heart. He has been losing Sarah for so many years as her needs increase, but she has always had her beautiful voice. Mitchell is now losing the one final piece of his wife.
Mitchell will become sad when talking about his wife turning within, then will use humor to break his sadness. Grief impacts us all in different ways. I am glad that hospice is now on board to support Mitchell as well. He is doing an amazing job caring for his wife.
HER VOICE
She's had Alzheimer's for many years,
but this past month has been hard.
She's been declining so quickly.
Becoming dependent all the more.
He's taken care of her all alone.
No family or other help around.
He's done an amazing job;
so loving; so gentle, so kind.
She requires help with all of her needs.
She cannot do anything on her own.
He feeds her; he dresses her, he helps her to bed.
His total focus is only on caring for her.
He told us that she is turning within.
Her face frequently expressing a flat affect.
She is sleeping more now than she is awake.
He is so saddened as her words are now few.
He is losing his wife slowly day by day.
She is not the woman he has loved all these years.
He is holding onto whatever she can give;
while using wry humor to lighten his load.
He will be by her side until the end;
while slowly letting her go.
But he knows what he will miss most of all
will be the beautiful sound of
her voice.
Sarah has been in a rapid decline this past month. Where, one month ago, she was walking with a walker, now she needs her wheelchair. She is now totally dependent with all of her needs. Mitchell was so gentle; so soft; so loving with Sarah. His total focus was on taking care of Sarah.
Mitchell has a cute sense of humor which helps him cope. But the one thing that saddens him the most is that Sarah is using so few words now. There are times she does not talk at all, which breaks his heart. He has been losing Sarah for so many years as her needs increase, but she has always had her beautiful voice. Mitchell is now losing the one final piece of his wife.
Mitchell will become sad when talking about his wife turning within, then will use humor to break his sadness. Grief impacts us all in different ways. I am glad that hospice is now on board to support Mitchell as well. He is doing an amazing job caring for his wife.
HER VOICE
She's had Alzheimer's for many years,
but this past month has been hard.
She's been declining so quickly.
Becoming dependent all the more.
He's taken care of her all alone.
No family or other help around.
He's done an amazing job;
so loving; so gentle, so kind.
She requires help with all of her needs.
She cannot do anything on her own.
He feeds her; he dresses her, he helps her to bed.
His total focus is only on caring for her.
He told us that she is turning within.
Her face frequently expressing a flat affect.
She is sleeping more now than she is awake.
He is so saddened as her words are now few.
He is losing his wife slowly day by day.
She is not the woman he has loved all these years.
He is holding onto whatever she can give;
while using wry humor to lighten his load.
He will be by her side until the end;
while slowly letting her go.
But he knows what he will miss most of all
will be the beautiful sound of
her voice.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
MONKS
Often we meet patients while still in the hospital to explain our hospice program. "Rosa", ninety-three, had been in the hospital for three days with poor cardiac disease. She had been in a recent decline to where she was bedbound and dependent with all of her needs. Her daughter, "Sharon", told the hospice nurse and I that her mother's heart was causing her blood pressure to drop at night.
Rosa was asleep during the majority of our hospital visit, but would open her eyes and speak quietly. The hospice nurse told me that she thought Rosa had likely only a few days at most. After hearing that, I suddenly thought to ask about her religious or spiritual beliefs. I was hoping a minister or priest could visit her at the hospital.
Typically I ask about spirituality when sharing with the patient and family about our hospice team. A chaplain is a very important part of our team. I did not share much about hospice support while at the hospital as knew we would meet up again in a few hours once the patient returned home.
I truly believe I was spiritually guided to ask when I did. I feel so honored and humbled to have played a part in something so special that was meant to be. Coincidences are truly signs from above.
ADDENDUM: Rosa died the following morning shortly after sunrise.
MONKS
We met her in the hospital.
She so wanted to just be home.
Oxygen on board helping her breathe;
her heart tiring her out.
The ambulance was coming in two hours
to transport her back to home.
We would meet up again at that time
to get the hospice paperwork done.
Something told me to ask about her spirituality then.
Typically I do so when talking about the hospice team
while doing the paperwork in the home.
She quietly said yes to a visit by a Buddhist Monk.
The hospital chaplain told me about the closest temple;
and how they never visit this far away.
The daughter then called the temple; hoping he was wrong.
They confirmed what the chaplain relayed.
Coincidently, though, two of their monks were driving back
from a city two hours north of town.
They have the time and will stop by to bless the patient
as it is on their driving route to home.
The nurse and I met up again in the patient's home.
She thought that the patient might die tonight.
While there, the two monks did show up
to bless the patient while easing her return
to her sacred, spiritual home.
Rosa was asleep during the majority of our hospital visit, but would open her eyes and speak quietly. The hospice nurse told me that she thought Rosa had likely only a few days at most. After hearing that, I suddenly thought to ask about her religious or spiritual beliefs. I was hoping a minister or priest could visit her at the hospital.
Typically I ask about spirituality when sharing with the patient and family about our hospice team. A chaplain is a very important part of our team. I did not share much about hospice support while at the hospital as knew we would meet up again in a few hours once the patient returned home.
I truly believe I was spiritually guided to ask when I did. I feel so honored and humbled to have played a part in something so special that was meant to be. Coincidences are truly signs from above.
ADDENDUM: Rosa died the following morning shortly after sunrise.
MONKS
We met her in the hospital.
She so wanted to just be home.
Oxygen on board helping her breathe;
her heart tiring her out.
The ambulance was coming in two hours
to transport her back to home.
We would meet up again at that time
to get the hospice paperwork done.
Something told me to ask about her spirituality then.
Typically I do so when talking about the hospice team
while doing the paperwork in the home.
She quietly said yes to a visit by a Buddhist Monk.
The hospital chaplain told me about the closest temple;
and how they never visit this far away.
The daughter then called the temple; hoping he was wrong.
They confirmed what the chaplain relayed.
Coincidently, though, two of their monks were driving back
from a city two hours north of town.
They have the time and will stop by to bless the patient
as it is on their driving route to home.
The nurse and I met up again in the patient's home.
She thought that the patient might die tonight.
While there, the two monks did show up
to bless the patient while easing her return
to her sacred, spiritual home.
Sunday, June 30, 2019
INTUITION
I have always been blessed to be able to see another’s spirit; another’s soul. I see the love they have inside. It has always been a natural thing for me. It doesn’t distract me as I walk along a street, but when I stop and talk with someone, I immediately sense their goodness inside.
“Paul”, sixty-six, was diagnosed with Bile Duct Cancer two months ago. His wife, “Marilyn” shared that he had symptoms a few months prior, but Paul thought it was nothing serious and didn’t go to the doctor to have it checked out. During the Admission Visit today, Marilyn spoke with the hospice nurse and I in the living room. Paul was asleep in the bedroom.
Marilyn spoke about his symptoms and his recent, rapid decline. While she spoke about all of his limitations, I pictured a frail man needing so much help. At the end of the visit, we all walked into the bedroom to introduce ourselves. I saw a vibrant man lying on top of the covers on his bed. He immediately smiled and took my hand. I felt so much kindness; so much love from him.
His heart was huge and I felt so surrounded by his beautiful being. It makes me think that likely he is ready to go as has completed his work here on Earth. All that remains is love in his heart. I hugged him before I left; telling him what a beautiful person he is and will forevermore be.
INTUITION
When I was still a youngster;
maybe about eight years old or so;
I was told by several relatives
that I was very intuitive.
I didn't know what the word meant
so I went to ask my mom.
"You have a strong awareness
of what others are inside."
I have always seen people’s spirits.
I have always seen their hearts.
Their love; their sensitivity;
all the good inside.
He was diagnosed two months ago.
His decline has been swift.
We spoke with his family at length
before meeting him.
They said he was weak; struggled to get around.
He didn’t eat much at all; sleeping all the time.
I had an image of a frail gentleman;
dependent; needing so much help.
We walked into his bedroom
to check in and kindly tell him “Hi”.
His tremendous spirit embraced me so fully.
I was immediately drawn by his love.
He had no fears or concerns about anything.
Preparing himself to go with such a beautiful soul.
He listened so intently to all that we had to say.
But in the end, he will so rightly; so perfectly;
do it all his way.
“Paul”, sixty-six, was diagnosed with Bile Duct Cancer two months ago. His wife, “Marilyn” shared that he had symptoms a few months prior, but Paul thought it was nothing serious and didn’t go to the doctor to have it checked out. During the Admission Visit today, Marilyn spoke with the hospice nurse and I in the living room. Paul was asleep in the bedroom.
Marilyn spoke about his symptoms and his recent, rapid decline. While she spoke about all of his limitations, I pictured a frail man needing so much help. At the end of the visit, we all walked into the bedroom to introduce ourselves. I saw a vibrant man lying on top of the covers on his bed. He immediately smiled and took my hand. I felt so much kindness; so much love from him.
His heart was huge and I felt so surrounded by his beautiful being. It makes me think that likely he is ready to go as has completed his work here on Earth. All that remains is love in his heart. I hugged him before I left; telling him what a beautiful person he is and will forevermore be.
INTUITION
When I was still a youngster;
maybe about eight years old or so;
I was told by several relatives
that I was very intuitive.
I didn't know what the word meant
so I went to ask my mom.
"You have a strong awareness
of what others are inside."
I have always seen people’s spirits.
I have always seen their hearts.
Their love; their sensitivity;
all the good inside.
He was diagnosed two months ago.
His decline has been swift.
We spoke with his family at length
before meeting him.
They said he was weak; struggled to get around.
He didn’t eat much at all; sleeping all the time.
I had an image of a frail gentleman;
dependent; needing so much help.
We walked into his bedroom
to check in and kindly tell him “Hi”.
His tremendous spirit embraced me so fully.
I was immediately drawn by his love.
He had no fears or concerns about anything.
Preparing himself to go with such a beautiful soul.
He listened so intently to all that we had to say.
But in the end, he will so rightly; so perfectly;
do it all his way.
Saturday, June 22, 2019
AND SO
The hospice nurse and I went out to meet "Paula" and her son, "Matt", to admit her to our hospice program. Prior to meeting her, I noticed on her medical records that we were the same age. She was born three months after me. It does catch my attention as it immediately makes me feel so grateful for my health.
Paula was diagnosed only five months ago. Her chemotherapy was not affective at all. It left her weak and nauseas. The doctors offered more chemotherapy, but Paula strongly felt that it would only make her sicker. She was looking at quality of life; not quantity. Paula’s son, Matt, was a strong advocate wanting to follow his mother’s wishes.
Paula was a “straight-shooter” . She always spoke her truth in a kind and supportive way. She was so grateful for her two children. There was a lot of love in her family. She was so aware of the importance of love in one’s life. She accepted her terminal diagnosis and strongly wanted to discuss all of her options with the hospice nurse and I. She would ask us direct questions wanting our truth. One’s terminal journey is so unique to each individual. There are so many questions with no direct answer.
Meeting Paula made me feel so grateful for what I have in my life. None of us know when our last day here on earth will be. Paula was a wonderful teacher to us all in appreciating each day and living your best life with all that you have. It isn’t any more complicated than that.
AND SO
She's lived many decades.
Born in the year between two wars.
Growing up with Elvis and Rock & Roll.
And so have I.
She married and has two children.
Both caring and devoted to her.
She embraces her children's love.
And so do I.
She finds the good in others,
valuing all that she has.
Coping with life's stressors as they arrive.
And so do I.
She was diagnosed five months ago with cancer.
Chemotherapy did not help at all.
Her cancer is spreading; leaving her weak.
She knows her time is short.
She is a realist; wanting to know the truth.
She appreciates honesty from others
as it helps her understand them more.
And so do I.
Our similarities drew her to me;
but "There for but the grace of God, go I."
I felt empathy, support and compassion.
Hopefully receiving them;
and so did she.
Paula was diagnosed only five months ago. Her chemotherapy was not affective at all. It left her weak and nauseas. The doctors offered more chemotherapy, but Paula strongly felt that it would only make her sicker. She was looking at quality of life; not quantity. Paula’s son, Matt, was a strong advocate wanting to follow his mother’s wishes.
Paula was a “straight-shooter” . She always spoke her truth in a kind and supportive way. She was so grateful for her two children. There was a lot of love in her family. She was so aware of the importance of love in one’s life. She accepted her terminal diagnosis and strongly wanted to discuss all of her options with the hospice nurse and I. She would ask us direct questions wanting our truth. One’s terminal journey is so unique to each individual. There are so many questions with no direct answer.
Meeting Paula made me feel so grateful for what I have in my life. None of us know when our last day here on earth will be. Paula was a wonderful teacher to us all in appreciating each day and living your best life with all that you have. It isn’t any more complicated than that.
AND SO
She's lived many decades.
Born in the year between two wars.
Growing up with Elvis and Rock & Roll.
And so have I.
She married and has two children.
Both caring and devoted to her.
She embraces her children's love.
And so do I.
She finds the good in others,
valuing all that she has.
Coping with life's stressors as they arrive.
And so do I.
She was diagnosed five months ago with cancer.
Chemotherapy did not help at all.
Her cancer is spreading; leaving her weak.
She knows her time is short.
She is a realist; wanting to know the truth.
She appreciates honesty from others
as it helps her understand them more.
And so do I.
Our similarities drew her to me;
but "There for but the grace of God, go I."
I felt empathy, support and compassion.
Hopefully receiving them;
and so did she.
Saturday, June 15, 2019
AGELESS HUMOR
We admitted, "Carl" to our hospice program today. Carl, ninety-eight and a half, as he continued to say, was so young at heart. He was able to walk around his apartment without any devices. He did use a walker when ambulating outdoors, but was a vital, amazing human being.
Immediately he had us all laughing with his wonderful humor. He was quick witted and sarcastic, in such an amazing way. Carl spoke of appreciation in all things in life. He didn't see what he could no longer do with ease, but focused on all that he had in life.
He was realistic about his life, and accepted it all without fail. His Significant Other, "Rita" sat nearby and just listened quietly. Carl spoke about meeting up with Rita after being separated for seventy-five years. He then asked her out and he told us that she said, "No!" Rita then answered quietly, "I didn't say that." Carl had a way of slightly twisting his stories into awesome humor.
Carl was such an inspiration to us. Just because you have lived decades, not all of us become old. Keep it up Carl.
AGELESS HUMOR
He had been lying down with his partner.
He got up to let us all in.
Loudly, while laughing, he then said,
"We are shacking up together!"
They dated while in high school.
Losing touch after going away to college.
He became widowed and looked her up again.
After seventy-five years apart,
they, for a second time, became one.
He was a high school principal for years.
He laughed while sharing several stories;
but the one lesson he learned was,
"Kids are never wrong."
He laughed throughout the visit,
finding humor in so many things.
He also had a positive attitude about life;
so appreciating his ninety-eight and a half years.
Toward the end of our visit,
he became solemn while talking about his faith.
"You can't live this long and not believe.
Every day is a miracle."
Immediately he had us all laughing with his wonderful humor. He was quick witted and sarcastic, in such an amazing way. Carl spoke of appreciation in all things in life. He didn't see what he could no longer do with ease, but focused on all that he had in life.
He was realistic about his life, and accepted it all without fail. His Significant Other, "Rita" sat nearby and just listened quietly. Carl spoke about meeting up with Rita after being separated for seventy-five years. He then asked her out and he told us that she said, "No!" Rita then answered quietly, "I didn't say that." Carl had a way of slightly twisting his stories into awesome humor.
Carl was such an inspiration to us. Just because you have lived decades, not all of us become old. Keep it up Carl.
AGELESS HUMOR
He had been lying down with his partner.
He got up to let us all in.
Loudly, while laughing, he then said,
"We are shacking up together!"
They dated while in high school.
Losing touch after going away to college.
He became widowed and looked her up again.
After seventy-five years apart,
they, for a second time, became one.
He was a high school principal for years.
He laughed while sharing several stories;
but the one lesson he learned was,
"Kids are never wrong."
He laughed throughout the visit,
finding humor in so many things.
He also had a positive attitude about life;
so appreciating his ninety-eight and a half years.
Toward the end of our visit,
he became solemn while talking about his faith.
"You can't live this long and not believe.
Every day is a miracle."
Saturday, June 8, 2019
STRONG FAITH
The hospice nurse and I went out to meet "Nora", eighty-eight years old. Nora has suffered with cardiac disease for many years. She had been doing quite well until a month ago where things quickly went downhill. She spent a few days in the hospital for treatment, but was discharged home today. Where she had been walking with a walker, she is now bedridden and needing help with all of her daily needs.
Nona was widowed forty years ago. Her husband had a sudden heart attack. As expected, it impacted the family greatly. Nona worked two jobs to care for her children. Her main focus was letting them know they were loved. Unfortunately, four years ago, two of her children died months apart; one from a heart attack and the other a stroke. She did a beautiful job raising them all as now her three remaining children are here by her side. Two of her children live out of state, but it is so important for them to be with their mother.
Nora amazed me as she had such a positive attitude about life and smiled so easily. Living the dark side of life, left her to appreciate the beautiful side. Nora was so successful in teaching her children the importance of love and family. In addition, her strong faith, I believe, helped her survive and live her life in the most amazing and loving way.
Nora is an inspiration to us all. She is such a prime example of how life is all about perspective. I know every morning, Nora must think, "This day will be full of love." Because for her, I know every day is a great day. Thank you Nora for being you.
STRONG FAITH
She's had a lot of life challenges.
War and conflict in her Russian homeland.
Emigrating to America in her twenties.
Searching for safety in an unknown land.
She met and married the man of her dreams.
Then suddenly, a heart attack ended his life;
leaving her to raise their five children alone.
Her Christian faith helped carry her on.
She worked two jobs to support her family;
but always made time to unconditionally love them.
She knew how important affection was
as lived through times with no love around.
Four years ago, two of her sons died four months apart.
She grieved like you know any parent would.
Now in her eighties, her health has slowed her down.
She is weak, bedridden and sleeping a lot.
You walk in her room to meet with her.
The first thing you see is her uplifting, happy face.
She'll smile so beautifully and then tell you, "Hello".
Appreciating all that she has around.
Her strong faith continues to support her.
She knows where we all will be going.
She has no fears; no concerns at all, stating
"I am just renting here.
My mansion is up in heaven."
Nona was widowed forty years ago. Her husband had a sudden heart attack. As expected, it impacted the family greatly. Nona worked two jobs to care for her children. Her main focus was letting them know they were loved. Unfortunately, four years ago, two of her children died months apart; one from a heart attack and the other a stroke. She did a beautiful job raising them all as now her three remaining children are here by her side. Two of her children live out of state, but it is so important for them to be with their mother.
Nora amazed me as she had such a positive attitude about life and smiled so easily. Living the dark side of life, left her to appreciate the beautiful side. Nora was so successful in teaching her children the importance of love and family. In addition, her strong faith, I believe, helped her survive and live her life in the most amazing and loving way.
Nora is an inspiration to us all. She is such a prime example of how life is all about perspective. I know every morning, Nora must think, "This day will be full of love." Because for her, I know every day is a great day. Thank you Nora for being you.
STRONG FAITH
She's had a lot of life challenges.
War and conflict in her Russian homeland.
Emigrating to America in her twenties.
Searching for safety in an unknown land.
She met and married the man of her dreams.
Then suddenly, a heart attack ended his life;
leaving her to raise their five children alone.
Her Christian faith helped carry her on.
She worked two jobs to support her family;
but always made time to unconditionally love them.
She knew how important affection was
as lived through times with no love around.
Four years ago, two of her sons died four months apart.
She grieved like you know any parent would.
Now in her eighties, her health has slowed her down.
She is weak, bedridden and sleeping a lot.
You walk in her room to meet with her.
The first thing you see is her uplifting, happy face.
She'll smile so beautifully and then tell you, "Hello".
Appreciating all that she has around.
Her strong faith continues to support her.
She knows where we all will be going.
She has no fears; no concerns at all, stating
"I am just renting here.
My mansion is up in heaven."
Saturday, June 1, 2019
A WIFE
I made a call to "Adam", to offer condolences and support. Adam's wife died four days ago after being diagnosed with cancer only two months prior. Adam sadly shared that the both of them always thought he would die first as he was fifteen years older than she.
Adam said that his wife had a slow, continuous decline since her diagnosis, although the day before she died, it came on suddenly. He spoke of how the day she died, they were sitting on the couch in the family room. She was lying in his arms when she quietly took her last breath.
While Adam shared his story, he focused more on the process leading up to death and the sadness associated with it all. I told Adam what struck my heart so deeply was the gifts he and his wife gave to each other. He, allowing her the perfect moment to go; and she letting go while resting on his shoulder.
I added that, although sad, it was the most loving, spiritual part of it all. That moment emphasized the beauty of their relationship that will forever hold true.
A WIFE
He was fifteen years older than her,
but their love so deeply strong.
He always thought he would go first,
whereby she would have years alone.
Both were shocked when she was diagnosed;
only two short months ago.
Her decline was steady and slow.
Both knew she didn't have long.
On Saturday, she stopped talking.
A rapid decline from the day before.
By Sunday, she was barely awake;
not responding much at all.
Sunday evening they sat together on the couch
with the television set turned down low.
He wanted to carry her to bed,
but didn't have the strength to do so.
He spoke with the hospice night nurse,
who called the Fire Department Lift Team.
The Fire Fighters and Paramedics came quickly;
informing him she was already gone.
He allowed her to die peacefully in his arms;
while she gave him a gift of letting go.
She was still taking care of her husband,
as will continue and forevermore
always be his wife.
Adam said that his wife had a slow, continuous decline since her diagnosis, although the day before she died, it came on suddenly. He spoke of how the day she died, they were sitting on the couch in the family room. She was lying in his arms when she quietly took her last breath.
While Adam shared his story, he focused more on the process leading up to death and the sadness associated with it all. I told Adam what struck my heart so deeply was the gifts he and his wife gave to each other. He, allowing her the perfect moment to go; and she letting go while resting on his shoulder.
I added that, although sad, it was the most loving, spiritual part of it all. That moment emphasized the beauty of their relationship that will forever hold true.
A WIFE
He was fifteen years older than her,
but their love so deeply strong.
He always thought he would go first,
whereby she would have years alone.
Both were shocked when she was diagnosed;
only two short months ago.
Her decline was steady and slow.
Both knew she didn't have long.
On Saturday, she stopped talking.
A rapid decline from the day before.
By Sunday, she was barely awake;
not responding much at all.
Sunday evening they sat together on the couch
with the television set turned down low.
He wanted to carry her to bed,
but didn't have the strength to do so.
He spoke with the hospice night nurse,
who called the Fire Department Lift Team.
The Fire Fighters and Paramedics came quickly;
informing him she was already gone.
He allowed her to die peacefully in his arms;
while she gave him a gift of letting go.
She was still taking care of her husband,
as will continue and forevermore
always be his wife.
Saturday, May 25, 2019
PERFECT
A fellow co-worker, "Tanya", and I have worked together for several years. She is such an amazing and supportive person; full of love and kindness. One of Tanya's closest friends, "Stephanie", was diagnosed with cancer a number of months ago. Stephanie underwent chemotherapy to no avail.
Tanya asked one of our wonderful hospice nurses and myself to do the admission visit for her friend. I felt so honored to be asked. I truly believe that ninety-five percent of hospice is from the heart. Patients and family can feel the heart and support we bring when introducing them to our hospice program.
When we walked into Stephanie's home, Tanya sat down next to me. Stephanie was sitting nearby across the room. I focused the majority of my conversation onto Stephanie as I knew Tanya is aware of the program. In addition, when I looked at Tanya, my heart would just melt and I wanted to hug her. It did distract me for a moment, but then I would focus on Stephanie.
Walking out after the visit, I felt I just didn't do enough. I wanted to say all of the wonderful and amazing words and be perfect. I know it is a goal no one could achieve, but I felt I could have done so much more.
I know Tanya will never even come close to thinking that, but because she is my friend, I emotionally want to fix it and make all of her pain go away. Intellectually, I know that was an unreachable goal for anyone.
Life does send all of us obstacles and high hills to cross over. My heart goes out to Stephanie and Tanya. The best I can do is be there for Tanya and support her as I best can.
PERFECT
I know that no one is totally perfect.
Such a difficult goal to even achieve.
But there are times we strive to be flawless.
Human nature unsurprisingly pushing us there.
She is such an amazing person.
A huge heart so full of love.
Tender, kind, gracious and smart.
I love just having her around.
She asked me and her favorite nurse
to please do the hospice admission for her friend.
I felt so honored and humbled by her request.
She was letting us know just what to do.
With each admission I explain our program.
Offering comfort with words from my heart.
I let the patient know that they are in charge.
"Please let us know what works for you."
My friend was sitting next to me.
I was as much there for her as I was for her friend.
I wanted to offer tremendous support;
using only perfect and wonderful words.
I set a goal no one could ever achieve.
I felt I could have done more.
I wanted to take their pain away;
while striving for an unreachable goal;
to be perfect.
Tanya asked one of our wonderful hospice nurses and myself to do the admission visit for her friend. I felt so honored to be asked. I truly believe that ninety-five percent of hospice is from the heart. Patients and family can feel the heart and support we bring when introducing them to our hospice program.
When we walked into Stephanie's home, Tanya sat down next to me. Stephanie was sitting nearby across the room. I focused the majority of my conversation onto Stephanie as I knew Tanya is aware of the program. In addition, when I looked at Tanya, my heart would just melt and I wanted to hug her. It did distract me for a moment, but then I would focus on Stephanie.
Walking out after the visit, I felt I just didn't do enough. I wanted to say all of the wonderful and amazing words and be perfect. I know it is a goal no one could achieve, but I felt I could have done so much more.
I know Tanya will never even come close to thinking that, but because she is my friend, I emotionally want to fix it and make all of her pain go away. Intellectually, I know that was an unreachable goal for anyone.
Life does send all of us obstacles and high hills to cross over. My heart goes out to Stephanie and Tanya. The best I can do is be there for Tanya and support her as I best can.
PERFECT
I know that no one is totally perfect.
Such a difficult goal to even achieve.
But there are times we strive to be flawless.
Human nature unsurprisingly pushing us there.
She is such an amazing person.
A huge heart so full of love.
Tender, kind, gracious and smart.
I love just having her around.
She asked me and her favorite nurse
to please do the hospice admission for her friend.
I felt so honored and humbled by her request.
She was letting us know just what to do.
With each admission I explain our program.
Offering comfort with words from my heart.
I let the patient know that they are in charge.
"Please let us know what works for you."
My friend was sitting next to me.
I was as much there for her as I was for her friend.
I wanted to offer tremendous support;
using only perfect and wonderful words.
I set a goal no one could ever achieve.
I felt I could have done more.
I wanted to take their pain away;
while striving for an unreachable goal;
to be perfect.
Saturday, May 18, 2019
SPIRITUAL
I am the Admission Social Worker at my hospice. I feel so blessed to be able to meet so many who are coping with such challenges. All of us cope so differently, but I so often find humor in many of the homes I enter.
“Catherine”, eighty-nine, was admitted to our hospice today. The moment we met, her humor coated the conversation. Here, I walk in as a professional, but so many get me laughing so hard. I know it helps to connect with the patient and the family. Humor is so helpful in taking the edge off the stress of the situation.
Catherine had no fears or concerns about her end of life journey. She had tremendous family support. Her husband, along with all of her five children; and many grandchildren, were there. So many supporting her and each other. It was beautiful. The ninety minutes I spent in their home, was so special and fun. A perfect example of why I continue to do what I do.
SPIRITUAL
I have to ask several specific questions
upon each hospice admission I do.
My favorite question to ask is,
"Do you have any religious or spiritual beliefs?"
Some have a strong faith; some not at all.
"What is your philosophy about life?"
There is no right or wrong answer.
I love to hear what folks deeply believe.
Religion is spiritual;
but spirituality is so much more.
It could be nature or the universe to you.
No matter what; it gives one support.
So many of us use humor to cope.
It helps take the edge off of the rough reality.
It makes it easier to get through each day.
Laughter cleanses the soul.
I asked her about her religion or spirituality.
She paused and thought a moment; then said
“My family will have a séance after I die
and I will hear, “Trump is no longer president.”
It doesn’t matter what political party you choose.
It doesn’t really matter what you believe.
Humor pokes fun at all of us equally.
It helped her get through a bit easier today.
“Catherine”, eighty-nine, was admitted to our hospice today. The moment we met, her humor coated the conversation. Here, I walk in as a professional, but so many get me laughing so hard. I know it helps to connect with the patient and the family. Humor is so helpful in taking the edge off the stress of the situation.
Catherine had no fears or concerns about her end of life journey. She had tremendous family support. Her husband, along with all of her five children; and many grandchildren, were there. So many supporting her and each other. It was beautiful. The ninety minutes I spent in their home, was so special and fun. A perfect example of why I continue to do what I do.
SPIRITUAL
I have to ask several specific questions
upon each hospice admission I do.
My favorite question to ask is,
"Do you have any religious or spiritual beliefs?"
Some have a strong faith; some not at all.
"What is your philosophy about life?"
There is no right or wrong answer.
I love to hear what folks deeply believe.
Religion is spiritual;
but spirituality is so much more.
It could be nature or the universe to you.
No matter what; it gives one support.
So many of us use humor to cope.
It helps take the edge off of the rough reality.
It makes it easier to get through each day.
Laughter cleanses the soul.
I asked her about her religion or spirituality.
She paused and thought a moment; then said
“My family will have a séance after I die
and I will hear, “Trump is no longer president.”
It doesn’t matter what political party you choose.
It doesn’t really matter what you believe.
Humor pokes fun at all of us equally.
It helped her get through a bit easier today.
Monday, May 6, 2019
HIS LEGACY
My cousin, Jack, died two days ago of Lou Gehrig's disease. My husband and I visited him one day prior to his death. I spoke about his legacy being laughter as he could always make me laugh so hard.
Since his death, two days ago, I have been wanting a sign from him that he is okay. During an afternoon meeting today, I was focused on my co-worker and my work discussions. Out of sheer amazement and shock, Jack gave me a sign that he is, and will always be, around. We traveled to so many places with Jack. Whenever we were in an airport, we would always bring up saying hi to Jack and then laugh like it was the first time we heard it.
Thank you Jack. Your spirit, your soul, your legacy and your memories will forevermore be with me. Gifts that I will always cherish in my heart.
HIS LEGACY
In our last visit together, I told him,
"Your legacy to me will be
how you always could make me laugh".
One day later, he was gone.
It's been two days since he died.
It still feels all so surreal.
I'm looking for signs of him all around.
"Show me that you are okay."
I was meeting with a co-worker this afternoon.
She sweetly asked how I was coping.
"Didn't you all do vacations together?
Didn't you travel all over the world?"
"Yes, but we could not greet
my cousin in an airport.
With security guards hanging around
saying "Hi Jack" may cause an alarm."
We both started giggling so hard.
The laughter and the story
strongly reminded me of Jack.
He is still here deep in my heart.
The next moment my cell phone rang once.
I checked to see who had called.
To my total surprise, it simply said,
"Missed Call. Jack cell."
I truly believe he heard us laughing.
He so wanted me to know
that his spirit and soul will always be here.
He and I both know that he and his legacy
will always be around.
Since his death, two days ago, I have been wanting a sign from him that he is okay. During an afternoon meeting today, I was focused on my co-worker and my work discussions. Out of sheer amazement and shock, Jack gave me a sign that he is, and will always be, around. We traveled to so many places with Jack. Whenever we were in an airport, we would always bring up saying hi to Jack and then laugh like it was the first time we heard it.
Thank you Jack. Your spirit, your soul, your legacy and your memories will forevermore be with me. Gifts that I will always cherish in my heart.
HIS LEGACY
In our last visit together, I told him,
"Your legacy to me will be
how you always could make me laugh".
One day later, he was gone.
It's been two days since he died.
It still feels all so surreal.
I'm looking for signs of him all around.
"Show me that you are okay."
I was meeting with a co-worker this afternoon.
She sweetly asked how I was coping.
"Didn't you all do vacations together?
Didn't you travel all over the world?"
"Yes, but we could not greet
my cousin in an airport.
With security guards hanging around
saying "Hi Jack" may cause an alarm."
We both started giggling so hard.
The laughter and the story
strongly reminded me of Jack.
He is still here deep in my heart.
The next moment my cell phone rang once.
I checked to see who had called.
To my total surprise, it simply said,
"Missed Call. Jack cell."
I truly believe he heard us laughing.
He so wanted me to know
that his spirit and soul will always be here.
He and I both know that he and his legacy
will always be around.
Monday, April 29, 2019
AND SO DO I
Jack, my cousin, was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease or ALS two and a half months ago. He is living in an Assisted Living Facility in order to get the twenty-four hour care he so needs.
My husband and I visited Jack two days ago after not seeing him for a few weeks. He went through a week or two where he requested no visits. It was so hard not to be able to visit him. Last week, he again was ready for visitors. I was stressed on the ninety minute drive there as I did not know how he would be. He was declining daily and becoming weaker all of the time. I wanted to say the right things, but did not know what that would be.
The moment I walked into his room and saw him, relief suddenly surrounded me. He is still Jack one hundred percent and will always be. He was lying in his recliner. I pulled a chair over next to him and held his hand.
He spoke about his dying through tears. We both spoke about life, love and death. Each of us communicated with our hearts. We were so connected which did not surprise me. The two of us have been close our entire lives. After we left, I felt so blessed knowing how much we love each other; and were able to express it to each other during these forty-five special minutes.
I did not know that it would be our last time together. But now looking back, the conversation expressed love, life, death and goodbyes in an amazing way.
Jack died last night at 11pm. I was surprised, but also feel relief as he is no longer suffering. I shared with him how his legacy to me was how the two of us would frequently laugh so hard together.
God bless you dear Jack. You were so much more than my cousin. You were my brother, my best friend. I know we will be together again. Peace.
AND SO DO I
I was so stressed on the way there.
What would I see; how would he be?
Relief embraced me as I walked in
as he was, as always, so beautifully him.
I sat down next to him holding his hand.
We held our hands tight the entire time.
He needed to talk; to share his truth;
and so did I.
He is declining daily.
Weakness is the one in charge.
He can no longer walk or even hold a glass.
Dependency fills his days.
He spoke about the End-of-Life Act.
That is an option he may have.
"If it is that or this disease,
I am still dying. Nothing will change."
Tears flowed as we spoke about love
and the importance of those around.
He is not yet ready to leave this earth;
and neither am I.
His journey has been rough.
Likely there is more to come.
He wants to find his peace; his happiness.
For him; so do I.
My husband and I visited Jack two days ago after not seeing him for a few weeks. He went through a week or two where he requested no visits. It was so hard not to be able to visit him. Last week, he again was ready for visitors. I was stressed on the ninety minute drive there as I did not know how he would be. He was declining daily and becoming weaker all of the time. I wanted to say the right things, but did not know what that would be.
The moment I walked into his room and saw him, relief suddenly surrounded me. He is still Jack one hundred percent and will always be. He was lying in his recliner. I pulled a chair over next to him and held his hand.
He spoke about his dying through tears. We both spoke about life, love and death. Each of us communicated with our hearts. We were so connected which did not surprise me. The two of us have been close our entire lives. After we left, I felt so blessed knowing how much we love each other; and were able to express it to each other during these forty-five special minutes.
I did not know that it would be our last time together. But now looking back, the conversation expressed love, life, death and goodbyes in an amazing way.
Jack died last night at 11pm. I was surprised, but also feel relief as he is no longer suffering. I shared with him how his legacy to me was how the two of us would frequently laugh so hard together.
God bless you dear Jack. You were so much more than my cousin. You were my brother, my best friend. I know we will be together again. Peace.
AND SO DO I
I was so stressed on the way there.
What would I see; how would he be?
Relief embraced me as I walked in
as he was, as always, so beautifully him.
I sat down next to him holding his hand.
We held our hands tight the entire time.
He needed to talk; to share his truth;
and so did I.
He is declining daily.
Weakness is the one in charge.
He can no longer walk or even hold a glass.
Dependency fills his days.
He spoke about the End-of-Life Act.
That is an option he may have.
"If it is that or this disease,
I am still dying. Nothing will change."
Tears flowed as we spoke about love
and the importance of those around.
He is not yet ready to leave this earth;
and neither am I.
His journey has been rough.
Likely there is more to come.
He wants to find his peace; his happiness.
For him; so do I.
Saturday, April 27, 2019
HIS NEEDS
"Don", eighty-three, suffered a major stroke one week ago. He is now wheelchair bound and needing assistance with all of his activities of daily living. Fortunately, he lives in an Assisted Living Facility where there is full time care. Don is widowed and has one son, "Vince", who lives locally. Vince visits his father frequently and is very supportive and involved.
While we were completing the hospice paperwork, Vince shared his father's life story. It was fascinating. When I told Vince how courageous it was for his father to emigrate to America, Vince stated, "If not, he would have been killed."
It always astounds me of how frequently I hear these amazing stories. We all have stories, but because it is us just living our life, we often don't see them as amazing. I so love hearing them. It is such a reminder of how so many of us living on the same planet have legendary lives.
HIS NEEDS
He was born and raised in Vietnam.
His life was full of achievement.
He had a lovely family; a beautiful home.
All that he would ever need.
He was a Senator; he was an Ambassador.
He had input in how things should be.
He was well known and respected
for his persuasive influence in doing the right thing.
Forty-five years ago, he had to suddenly leave.
The Communists were invading; running amok.
He lost his home and all of his possessions.
There was nothing left to save.
His life was in danger; he had to move fast
to protect himself and all of his family.
He drove his Toyota into the river; tossing his keys.
He didn’t want them to get everything.
He made it to America.
He began a new life.
His family safely again by his side.
It was then he fully realized that
he still had
all that he would ever need.
While we were completing the hospice paperwork, Vince shared his father's life story. It was fascinating. When I told Vince how courageous it was for his father to emigrate to America, Vince stated, "If not, he would have been killed."
It always astounds me of how frequently I hear these amazing stories. We all have stories, but because it is us just living our life, we often don't see them as amazing. I so love hearing them. It is such a reminder of how so many of us living on the same planet have legendary lives.
HIS NEEDS
He was born and raised in Vietnam.
His life was full of achievement.
He had a lovely family; a beautiful home.
All that he would ever need.
He was a Senator; he was an Ambassador.
He had input in how things should be.
He was well known and respected
for his persuasive influence in doing the right thing.
Forty-five years ago, he had to suddenly leave.
The Communists were invading; running amok.
He lost his home and all of his possessions.
There was nothing left to save.
His life was in danger; he had to move fast
to protect himself and all of his family.
He drove his Toyota into the river; tossing his keys.
He didn’t want them to get everything.
He made it to America.
He began a new life.
His family safely again by his side.
It was then he fully realized that
he still had
all that he would ever need.
Saturday, April 20, 2019
HELLO
My cousin, Jack, was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease two months ago. His first symptom was five months ago when his left leg became very weak. He has the most accepting attitude since diagnosis. Whereby two months ago, he was living alone; he now is residing in a Board and Care home in order for his needs to be met. He is declining on a daily basis, becoming weaker all of the time.
He no longer can talk on the phone as his voice has no projection. In addition, he can no longer text messages or send e-mails. His sister, Judy, visits Jack daily as she lives nearby. Jack has asked that all of our communication go through her. I so respect his decision to handle things his way, but it is so hard as I so want to be there by his side.
I have come to terms that following his wishes is helping him. I have, and will continue to communicate to Jack through Judy. Jack knows how much I love him and will, at any moment he needs, be there for him.
It is so hard to say goodbye when one wants to just say "Hello". It has made me feel so blessed that I have so many people in my life that I still am able to tell them, “Hello” whenever I want. Life is such a blessing for all of us. I know afterlife will be profound and wonderful as well. It comforts me to know that we all will be together again.
HELLO
You were only recently diagnosed,
but your decline has been swift.
No longer able to talk on the phone;
no more texting or communicating at all.
You requested no more visits;
wanting to do this part alone.
I so want to be there by your side
to once again just say, "Hello".
My heart is breaking as I am slowly,
every day, starting to say, "Goodbye."
No longer able to talk with you;
no more playing our online games.
We saw each other all of the time.
Having dinner and playing cards;
laughing so hard, tears would flow,
or just talking on the phone.
I know we all will meet up again one day.
And it will be at the most perfect time,
for both of us to happily, again,
tell each other a heartfelt and wonderful,
“Hello”.
He no longer can talk on the phone as his voice has no projection. In addition, he can no longer text messages or send e-mails. His sister, Judy, visits Jack daily as she lives nearby. Jack has asked that all of our communication go through her. I so respect his decision to handle things his way, but it is so hard as I so want to be there by his side.
I have come to terms that following his wishes is helping him. I have, and will continue to communicate to Jack through Judy. Jack knows how much I love him and will, at any moment he needs, be there for him.
It is so hard to say goodbye when one wants to just say "Hello". It has made me feel so blessed that I have so many people in my life that I still am able to tell them, “Hello” whenever I want. Life is such a blessing for all of us. I know afterlife will be profound and wonderful as well. It comforts me to know that we all will be together again.
HELLO
You were only recently diagnosed,
but your decline has been swift.
No longer able to talk on the phone;
no more texting or communicating at all.
You requested no more visits;
wanting to do this part alone.
I so want to be there by your side
to once again just say, "Hello".
My heart is breaking as I am slowly,
every day, starting to say, "Goodbye."
No longer able to talk with you;
no more playing our online games.
We saw each other all of the time.
Having dinner and playing cards;
laughing so hard, tears would flow,
or just talking on the phone.
I know we all will meet up again one day.
And it will be at the most perfect time,
for both of us to happily, again,
tell each other a heartfelt and wonderful,
“Hello”.
Saturday, April 13, 2019
ASK WHY
“George”, eighty-two, was referred to hospice because of heart disease. George has been in a recent decline in the past few months. He is becoming weaker and more confused. He needs help with all of his activities of daily living.
The hospice nurse and I met George and his daughter, “Jennie”, in George’s apartment at the Assisted Living Facility where he has lived for nine years. When we walked into George’s apartment, he immediately started to talk to us. He rambled on and on about family stories of the past, intermixing his memories of his career as a chemist.
He would show us old photos and explain them to us, but his words were so sporadic and very difficult to follow. The nurse and I both knew that we would need to speak with Jennie alone about hospice support and her father’s needs.
The beautiful part of it all was his daughter, Jennie. She was so gentle and kind to her father. She visits him weekly and with such patience, gives him pure love.
Meeting George made me so sad. It always brings up the question, “Why?” to me. With his brilliant mind, what amazing things could he have achieved. It not only is a huge loss for George, but also for all of us.
ASK WHY
He was a brilliant man.
Science came so easy to him.
He graduated from Stanford University;
working as a Chemist; following his dream.
The next few years worked so well for him.
He was doing what he so loved to do.
Then came some bizarre behavior.
Schizophrenia was to blame.
He fumbled a bit, but continued to work.
As the years flowed by, it became harder to do.
He would then work for less than six months;
subsequently to be told, it was time to go.
He now is in his eighties; living in a care home.
He wants to talk; to share stories about his life,
but his speech is frenzied; so hard to follow;
making no sense at all.
Why did his life throw so many challenges?
Why didn’t he get a fair break?
I can only imagine what he could have accomplished,
but he never got the chance.
It makes no sense to me.
Life can be so unfair.
I know that there are no logical answers,
but I will always continue to just ask
“Why?”
The hospice nurse and I met George and his daughter, “Jennie”, in George’s apartment at the Assisted Living Facility where he has lived for nine years. When we walked into George’s apartment, he immediately started to talk to us. He rambled on and on about family stories of the past, intermixing his memories of his career as a chemist.
He would show us old photos and explain them to us, but his words were so sporadic and very difficult to follow. The nurse and I both knew that we would need to speak with Jennie alone about hospice support and her father’s needs.
The beautiful part of it all was his daughter, Jennie. She was so gentle and kind to her father. She visits him weekly and with such patience, gives him pure love.
Meeting George made me so sad. It always brings up the question, “Why?” to me. With his brilliant mind, what amazing things could he have achieved. It not only is a huge loss for George, but also for all of us.
ASK WHY
He was a brilliant man.
Science came so easy to him.
He graduated from Stanford University;
working as a Chemist; following his dream.
The next few years worked so well for him.
He was doing what he so loved to do.
Then came some bizarre behavior.
Schizophrenia was to blame.
He fumbled a bit, but continued to work.
As the years flowed by, it became harder to do.
He would then work for less than six months;
subsequently to be told, it was time to go.
He now is in his eighties; living in a care home.
He wants to talk; to share stories about his life,
but his speech is frenzied; so hard to follow;
making no sense at all.
Why did his life throw so many challenges?
Why didn’t he get a fair break?
I can only imagine what he could have accomplished,
but he never got the chance.
It makes no sense to me.
Life can be so unfair.
I know that there are no logical answers,
but I will always continue to just ask
“Why?”
Sunday, April 7, 2019
WASHER
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, "Betty", eighty-four, to our hospice program. Betty had suffered from lung disease for years. She was in a recent, rapid decline. We went out to meet Betty and her daughter, "Patricia". Patricia, the nurse and I sat in the living room of Betty's home to admit her to our hospice program.
During the Admission Visit, we educate patients and families about our program and the twenty-four hour support. During the course of our visit, Patricia started to share life stories about both of her parents. It was then when she shared the story about the washer. It gave Patricia peace; knowing and believing that her father placed the washer there.
I frequently hear stories from families on how a deceased loved one comes back after their death to let the family know that they are still around. Maybe not physically, but their spirit and devotion are forever with those whom they loved while on Earth. It validates to me that death may not be an ending, but a beginning. Room for thought I am sure.
WASHER
He was an Engineer by trade.
He knew all about washers, bolts and screws.
He was totally devoted to his profession,
but his family always came first.
His focus was on his wife and children.
Their needs so important to him.
He was regularly there to fix what was broken
or to bandage up a child's skinned knee.
She was telling me about her father.
How he died five years ago from cancer.
He was buried in the local cemetery.
She revisited his gravesite the very next day.
There was just a rectangle square of smooth soil
as his tombstone was not yet placed.
Right in the middle, in the perfect center of it all
was a small, silver coated washer.
How did it land so perfectly centered?
Did her father place it there?
She then drove over to visit her mother.
She found her trying to stop a faucet leak.
She didn't know how to fix it.
She couldn't make it stop.
Her daughter then told her about the gravesite.
She immediately knew what to do.
While she replaced the worn out washer,
she felt his love; his tenderness; his devotion.
He was still caring for his family.
She then knew he would always be around.
During the Admission Visit, we educate patients and families about our program and the twenty-four hour support. During the course of our visit, Patricia started to share life stories about both of her parents. It was then when she shared the story about the washer. It gave Patricia peace; knowing and believing that her father placed the washer there.
I frequently hear stories from families on how a deceased loved one comes back after their death to let the family know that they are still around. Maybe not physically, but their spirit and devotion are forever with those whom they loved while on Earth. It validates to me that death may not be an ending, but a beginning. Room for thought I am sure.
WASHER
He was an Engineer by trade.
He knew all about washers, bolts and screws.
He was totally devoted to his profession,
but his family always came first.
His focus was on his wife and children.
Their needs so important to him.
He was regularly there to fix what was broken
or to bandage up a child's skinned knee.
She was telling me about her father.
How he died five years ago from cancer.
He was buried in the local cemetery.
She revisited his gravesite the very next day.
There was just a rectangle square of smooth soil
as his tombstone was not yet placed.
Right in the middle, in the perfect center of it all
was a small, silver coated washer.
How did it land so perfectly centered?
Did her father place it there?
She then drove over to visit her mother.
She found her trying to stop a faucet leak.
She didn't know how to fix it.
She couldn't make it stop.
Her daughter then told her about the gravesite.
She immediately knew what to do.
While she replaced the worn out washer,
she felt his love; his tenderness; his devotion.
He was still caring for his family.
She then knew he would always be around.
Sunday, March 31, 2019
TO LET GO
We met "Samantha" and her husband, "Jimmy" three days ago. Samantha had recently started dialysis as had been in a recent two month slow decline. Samantha has had multiple medical problems through most of her adult life. In her early twenties, she received radiation for treatment which impacted her health greatly.
Samantha worked with infants and babies. She lit up when talking about her work. It was her passion; her love. Samantha had a strong desire to travel the world. She and Jimmy retired early in order to have time to travel. Both of them knew that, at any time, Samantha's health could easily limit their adventures.
Samantha was interested in hospice. The hospice nurse and I met Samantha and Jimmy three days ago to educate them on our program. Medicare has strict criteria regarding if a patient is eligible for hospice. Hospice is a comfort care, palliative care program; not curative. Dialysis is considered curative by Medicare.
Samantha had dialysis the day after we met. It was then she knew she wanted hospice and not dialysis. She was aware that when patients stop dialysis treatment they may have only days to a few weeks to live. Per her husband, Samantha was ready "to let go."
Three days later, this morning, the nurse and I went back to admit Samantha to hospice. I was shocked at how much she declined in such a short period of time. She was weak three days ago, but vital in her words and mannerisms. Today she was in a deep sleep in her bed. She was very hard to arouse. She appeared imminent.
Jimmy was so aware, but was a bit torn, as did not want his wife to die, but he loved her with all of his heart to be able to let her go. Blessings to both of you.
ADDENDUM: Samantha died peacefully five days later with her family at her bedside. Speaking with Jimmy afterwards, he stated, "She did it all her way. It was her time "to just let go."
TO LET GO
She only just started dialysis
to curb her recent decline.
She's a fighter; she's tough,
doing what she needs to do.
She's been sick for decades.
She's had many "up and down" days.
Always aware that her life could be cut short,
she's lived each day to the fullest.
She's followed her dreams.
She's embraced each day.
Working at a job she loves;
traveling all over the world.
We met her three days ago.
She spoke extensively about her life.
Her recent decline is a strong reminder
that it may be close for her to let go.
The next day, she chose to stop dialysis
knowing she may have a few weeks at most.
We returned to admit her to hospice today.
She is imminent; barely breathing.
She was in a deep sleep while he did the paperwork.
With tears he shared, "I will cry, but have a lot of support."
It's hard, but he knows she is doing things her way.
"She chose her time
to just let go."
Samantha worked with infants and babies. She lit up when talking about her work. It was her passion; her love. Samantha had a strong desire to travel the world. She and Jimmy retired early in order to have time to travel. Both of them knew that, at any time, Samantha's health could easily limit their adventures.
Samantha was interested in hospice. The hospice nurse and I met Samantha and Jimmy three days ago to educate them on our program. Medicare has strict criteria regarding if a patient is eligible for hospice. Hospice is a comfort care, palliative care program; not curative. Dialysis is considered curative by Medicare.
Samantha had dialysis the day after we met. It was then she knew she wanted hospice and not dialysis. She was aware that when patients stop dialysis treatment they may have only days to a few weeks to live. Per her husband, Samantha was ready "to let go."
Three days later, this morning, the nurse and I went back to admit Samantha to hospice. I was shocked at how much she declined in such a short period of time. She was weak three days ago, but vital in her words and mannerisms. Today she was in a deep sleep in her bed. She was very hard to arouse. She appeared imminent.
Jimmy was so aware, but was a bit torn, as did not want his wife to die, but he loved her with all of his heart to be able to let her go. Blessings to both of you.
ADDENDUM: Samantha died peacefully five days later with her family at her bedside. Speaking with Jimmy afterwards, he stated, "She did it all her way. It was her time "to just let go."
TO LET GO
She only just started dialysis
to curb her recent decline.
She's a fighter; she's tough,
doing what she needs to do.
She's been sick for decades.
She's had many "up and down" days.
Always aware that her life could be cut short,
she's lived each day to the fullest.
She's followed her dreams.
She's embraced each day.
Working at a job she loves;
traveling all over the world.
We met her three days ago.
She spoke extensively about her life.
Her recent decline is a strong reminder
that it may be close for her to let go.
The next day, she chose to stop dialysis
knowing she may have a few weeks at most.
We returned to admit her to hospice today.
She is imminent; barely breathing.
She was in a deep sleep while he did the paperwork.
With tears he shared, "I will cry, but have a lot of support."
It's hard, but he knows she is doing things her way.
"She chose her time
to just let go."
Saturday, March 16, 2019
I'M GRIEVING
It was just about two months ago that I learned that a close family member was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease . Due to the medical findings, he likely has only a year or two to live. His attitude is amazing as he has accepted it without ever feeling sorry for himself. The way he is handling things does make it a bit easier for the rest of us.
In the midst of all of this, I have heard from multiple friends about one of their family or friends also having a challenging diagnosis. I want to say the right words to comfort them. But, in the end, there really is no right words to say. My goal is to fix things and make it better, but that is an impossible task for anyone.
I have had so many moments of feeling strong grief. There is a part of me that feels I should be able to handle it so much better than I am due to my knowledge about it all. But, then, I am human like all the rest of us. So often, it is much harder to forgive oneself than others.
Intellectually I know, that in the end, it is who is in your life; who is there for you. It is not words or hugs, but the powerful gift of love. Life, in spite of us all, it not that complicated. Embrace each moment and all of those around you . Blessedly, I am emotionally learning, that is all that any of us truly need.
I'M GRIEVING
I have been a grief counselor for years.
I am so familiar with grief''s "up and down" journey.
Whatever one feels, is called normal.
I then guide them to process it their own way.
I understand, I validate, I normalize.
Letting one know it is okay
to go wherever grief leads you.
There is no right or wrong way to go.
Now I am grieving a loved one in my life.
I feel it should be easy as I know all about sorrow.
I should be able to effectively handle whatever comes.
What I am learning most about it all is;
"I am not!"
I am mostly doing fine and managing okay.
My life is wonderful and all feels normal.
Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, grief is back.
No warning; being taken by surprise.
These last few months have been hard.
So many of my friends are grieving too.
I want to help them; to ease their pain,
but something inside of me is missing a beat.
In the end, I truly know;
it is not the words, but the heart.
It is not the gestures, but the love.
Love is what strongly embraces us all.
Sadness; grief; sorrow;
no matter what;
love always
graciously remains.
In the midst of all of this, I have heard from multiple friends about one of their family or friends also having a challenging diagnosis. I want to say the right words to comfort them. But, in the end, there really is no right words to say. My goal is to fix things and make it better, but that is an impossible task for anyone.
I have had so many moments of feeling strong grief. There is a part of me that feels I should be able to handle it so much better than I am due to my knowledge about it all. But, then, I am human like all the rest of us. So often, it is much harder to forgive oneself than others.
Intellectually I know, that in the end, it is who is in your life; who is there for you. It is not words or hugs, but the powerful gift of love. Life, in spite of us all, it not that complicated. Embrace each moment and all of those around you . Blessedly, I am emotionally learning, that is all that any of us truly need.
I'M GRIEVING
I have been a grief counselor for years.
I am so familiar with grief''s "up and down" journey.
Whatever one feels, is called normal.
I then guide them to process it their own way.
I understand, I validate, I normalize.
Letting one know it is okay
to go wherever grief leads you.
There is no right or wrong way to go.
Now I am grieving a loved one in my life.
I feel it should be easy as I know all about sorrow.
I should be able to effectively handle whatever comes.
What I am learning most about it all is;
"I am not!"
I am mostly doing fine and managing okay.
My life is wonderful and all feels normal.
Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, grief is back.
No warning; being taken by surprise.
These last few months have been hard.
So many of my friends are grieving too.
I want to help them; to ease their pain,
but something inside of me is missing a beat.
In the end, I truly know;
it is not the words, but the heart.
It is not the gestures, but the love.
Love is what strongly embraces us all.
Sadness; grief; sorrow;
no matter what;
love always
graciously remains.
Saturday, March 9, 2019
STAY POSITIVE
Ninety-eight year old, "Beatrice", had been fairly independent until her recent hospitalization for shortness of breath. Beatrice was then diagnosed with lung cancer. She chose not to follow up with any treatment. She was discharged home from the hospital today with a hospice referral.
The hospice nurse and I went out to meet Beatrice and her daughter, "Kathy". The two of them live together. Kathy has retired and available to care for her mother. Beatrice had been fairly independent prior to this hospitalization. She is now on oxygen and extremely weak. Being ninety-eight, one knows she is tough and a fighter.
Beatrice had a great sense of humor and had us laughing so hard. She did not think she was that funny, but I assured her that she definitely made me laugh so hard. She spoke of the many losses she suffered over her lifetime and how her positive attitude helped her cope with it all.
She was able to talk about those losses in such a loving way. She accepted all the good and all the bad in her life with the thought, “That is life.” With a smile on her face, she spoke about how she taught her four children to always have a positive attitude. Even without those words, her behavior taught them by her actions.
She is an amazing mother and such an amazing person. What a wonderful attitude she has about life and all of its up and down drama. I am honored to have met her.
STAY POSITIVE
She had us laughing
from the moment we walked in.
Her humor was clever
matching her positive attitude.
I asked her about her longevity,
"What is the secret to becoming 98?"
She quickly corrected my by saying,
"I am ninety-eight and a half!"
She spoke about the death of her husband,
from Alzheimer's Disease over thirty years ago.
Then her eldest son only four months ago
after a long battle with cancer.
I asked her, "How do you cope with it all?"
Her answer came straight from her heart,
"It is life. Nothing more."
Then quietly adding, "It was their time to go."
She spoke about her upbeat attitude
and how it optimistically guides her life.
"I taught my children to always stay positive.
It is the only way to be."
Whether she lives to be one hundred,
or only ninety-eight and a half,
I know she will so naturally stay positive
while her amazing smile
will continue to brighten
each of her days
forevermore.
The hospice nurse and I went out to meet Beatrice and her daughter, "Kathy". The two of them live together. Kathy has retired and available to care for her mother. Beatrice had been fairly independent prior to this hospitalization. She is now on oxygen and extremely weak. Being ninety-eight, one knows she is tough and a fighter.
Beatrice had a great sense of humor and had us laughing so hard. She did not think she was that funny, but I assured her that she definitely made me laugh so hard. She spoke of the many losses she suffered over her lifetime and how her positive attitude helped her cope with it all.
She was able to talk about those losses in such a loving way. She accepted all the good and all the bad in her life with the thought, “That is life.” With a smile on her face, she spoke about how she taught her four children to always have a positive attitude. Even without those words, her behavior taught them by her actions.
She is an amazing mother and such an amazing person. What a wonderful attitude she has about life and all of its up and down drama. I am honored to have met her.
STAY POSITIVE
She had us laughing
from the moment we walked in.
Her humor was clever
matching her positive attitude.
I asked her about her longevity,
"What is the secret to becoming 98?"
She quickly corrected my by saying,
"I am ninety-eight and a half!"
She spoke about the death of her husband,
from Alzheimer's Disease over thirty years ago.
Then her eldest son only four months ago
after a long battle with cancer.
I asked her, "How do you cope with it all?"
Her answer came straight from her heart,
"It is life. Nothing more."
Then quietly adding, "It was their time to go."
She spoke about her upbeat attitude
and how it optimistically guides her life.
"I taught my children to always stay positive.
It is the only way to be."
Whether she lives to be one hundred,
or only ninety-eight and a half,
I know she will so naturally stay positive
while her amazing smile
will continue to brighten
each of her days
forevermore.
Sunday, March 3, 2019
STORY TELLER
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit “Johnny” to our Palliative Care program. Johnny lives alone in a Residential Care Facility. He is so healthy for one his age. Johnny will be one hundred and two in one week. He is totally alert and oriented and able to manage all of his needs.
Johnny pointed us to chairs gathered around his recliner. He then sat down and immediately started to share life stories. Johnny had a lot of them. All were so fascinating and interesting. He is a walking history book. He was so happy to be able to share his stories, not realizing how amazing each one was. He remembered so much detail. I was in awe by him.
He had a great sense of humor and portrayed his stories that same way. He had me laughing so hard. It was wonderful. When we were ready to leave, I felt a bit disappointed that I wouldn’t be seeing him again. Hmmm, maybe I can find a way to go back.
STORY TELLER
The moment we walked in,
he started to share life stories.
His face lit up as he spoke,
so happy to have a listening audience.
When he was ten years old,
he shook Calvin Coolidge's hand.
He was motioned to a car in World War II.
Sitting inside and wanting to talk was JFK.
He was a veterinarian by trade.
He taught at the university near by.
He showed us a letter from Albert Schweitzer,
thanking him for caring for his dog.
He has traveled all over the world,
sharing fabulous stories about each site.
China, Japan, Chile, Australia.
Each with its own unique, extraordinary story.
He will be one hundred and two next week.
He invited me to his one hundred and third.
When asked, “What is your secret to a long life?”
While laughing, he answered; “You just continue to breath.”
His life reflections come so naturally to him;
not aware of how extraordinary or special at all.
I know he will continue to share all of them;
likely while celebrating his one hundred and third.
Story Teller Extraordinaire.
Johnny pointed us to chairs gathered around his recliner. He then sat down and immediately started to share life stories. Johnny had a lot of them. All were so fascinating and interesting. He is a walking history book. He was so happy to be able to share his stories, not realizing how amazing each one was. He remembered so much detail. I was in awe by him.
He had a great sense of humor and portrayed his stories that same way. He had me laughing so hard. It was wonderful. When we were ready to leave, I felt a bit disappointed that I wouldn’t be seeing him again. Hmmm, maybe I can find a way to go back.
STORY TELLER
The moment we walked in,
he started to share life stories.
His face lit up as he spoke,
so happy to have a listening audience.
When he was ten years old,
he shook Calvin Coolidge's hand.
He was motioned to a car in World War II.
Sitting inside and wanting to talk was JFK.
He was a veterinarian by trade.
He taught at the university near by.
He showed us a letter from Albert Schweitzer,
thanking him for caring for his dog.
He has traveled all over the world,
sharing fabulous stories about each site.
China, Japan, Chile, Australia.
Each with its own unique, extraordinary story.
He will be one hundred and two next week.
He invited me to his one hundred and third.
When asked, “What is your secret to a long life?”
While laughing, he answered; “You just continue to breath.”
His life reflections come so naturally to him;
not aware of how extraordinary or special at all.
I know he will continue to share all of them;
likely while celebrating his one hundred and third.
Story Teller Extraordinaire.
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