THE UNKNOWN

Yesterday, the hospice nurse and I went out to meet "Gary", and his wife, "Michele", at the local hospital. Gary was diagnosed with colon cancer one year ago. Gary had been through a lot of treatment to no avail. He has been in a rapid decline these past few weeks.

Gary was asleep during our visit, so we spoke with his wife, Michele, in a nearby meeting room. Michele's anxiety was intense. She worried about making the right decision of admitting Gary to a nursing home or bringing him home. She said she felt guilty not bringing him home, but was not sure if she had the ability to properly care for him as he needed.

We spoke about both options with Michele assuring her that there was no right or wrong decision to be made. We encouraged her to make the best decision for Gary and herself. Michele so strongly kept focusing on doing the right thing. We spoke about hospice support in the home and normalized her fears.

Gary was ready for discharge and the hospital discharge planning department was waiting to hear what Michele's discharge plan would be. One hour after the nurse and I left the hospital, Michele call to say she wanted to bring Gary home.

We met Michele and Gary at their home today. Gary had just arrived as the ambulance was still out in front when the nurse and I showed up. Michele was much calmer and did help Gary with a few needs while we were there. She did a great job.

Gary is so weak and speaks in such a soft tone. I spoke with Gary quietly to let him know how hospice will follow up for thirteen months to support his wife and his two daughters. Yesterday, I asked Michele about Gary's spiritual beliefs. She said he had Christian beliefs about God and the afterlife. Today when I asked him if he had any fears or concerns, I was not surprised hearing his answer.

We all have fears of the unknown. Unfortunately, we all will walk our last walk. It is a new experience for all of us. I know we all will do it our own individual way. God bless us all.


THE UNKNOWN　

We met her at the hospital yesterday.
Her anxiety was sky-high.
Worried about making the right decision;
admit to a nursing facility or bringing him home.

Her biggest fear was the unknown.
"Will I be able to care for him at home?
How will I change his colostomy bag?
How will I adjust him in the hospital bed?"

"What is the dying process all about?
How will I know when his end is near?
I want to be with him when he takes his final breath."
Unknown answers fueling her stress.

She was much calmer today;
feeling some comfort having him home.
She will hire caregivers to help out.
I know she'll do just fine.

He is bedridden and so very weak.
His recent decline has been swift.
I let him know that hospice support is for him,
his children and definitely his wife.

I asked him if he had any fears or concerns.
He quietly nodded his head yes.
He, just like his wife had felt,
"My biggest fear is truly
          the unknown."