SADNESS

The hospice nurse and I went out to meet "Steve", a fifty-seven year old suffering from lung and heart disease. Steve was discharged home this afternoon from the hospital after a two day stay for shortness of breath. We arrived at Steve's travel trailer five minutes after the paramedics arrived. The paramedics were waiting for us to come as did not want to leave Steve alone.

Steve is very weak as his body is fighting constantly to take another breath. The nurse and I walked into Steve's tiny trailer which stopped me as I had never seen such filth, disarray and so many cockroaches.

What amazed me is that Steve didn't seem bothered by it at all as his biggest concern was making sure his medication would always be delivered to his door on time. He did not want to be out of any of his prescription medication.

I am a mandated reported and self neglect is reportable. I did make a referral to Adult Protective Services and they will follow up. My biggest concern is that Steve needs help and he would not allow me to call his brother, who lives nearby. I wanted to assess how available and involved his family is in helping him.

Unfortunately I believe Steve will call 911 and end up in the hospital again. The best plan would be for the hospital to place him in a Skilled Nursing Facility to get the proper care. My heart just breaks for him and for all that he may have missed because of his addiction What a huge loss for him and for all of us as well.


 SADNESS　

He has severe lung and heart disease;
needing oxygen all of the time.
He's had countless ER visits
with complaints of severe chest pain.

He's had a very difficult life
making choices that didn't help much at all.
His biggest worry is delivery of his medicine,
but heroin has grabbed all of his power.

He lives in an unkempt, roach infested trailer
which is just a normal day for him.
No worries about bathing, doing laundry or food;
"Just make sure my medicine arrives on time."

My first impression was
how could anyone live this way?
The filth, the disorder; the chaos.
But then again; addiction always leads the way.

I can't get him off of my mind.
I am haunted by his soul.
What opportunities were there for him?
What might have he achieved?

He knows his time is short.
He has accepted it without fears.
I hope he finds his peace in this life;
but for me, the strongest emotion I have is
pure sadness for him
         and for so many other lost souls.