“Wes”, eighty-seven, has been in a nursing home for several weeks suffering from lung disease. Due to weakness, Wes needs a lot of help with his daily activities. The hospice nurse and I met up with Wes and his wife, “Helen”, at the nursing home. They wanted information about hospice and the support that is available.
Wes’s eighty-eighth birthday is next week. The plan is to discharge him home on that day. The one concern was if Helen could care safely for him. Helen was a very young eighty-two year old. She had a strong personality and would do whatever she had to do to make sure Wes’s needs were met.
She planned on hiring daily attendant care for several hours each morning and each night. Helen had such a strong personality with a lot of humor. She was direct and to the point. Wes was very weak and didn’t say much, but when Helen’s humorous statements came out, he would look at her with such love.
The two of them were the perfect example of unconditional love. They so displayed that at the end of life, it is who’s in your life, not what. The hospice nurse and I will be going back next week to admit Wes to our program. I am looking forward to meeting up with the two of them again.
ADDENDUM: Wes was discharged home on his 88th birthday. He was so happy to be home on his special day. We, too, were very happy that he made it home.
TO GO HOME
They both are in their eighties.
He's been sick for quite a while.
The nursing home is okay but,
he just wants to go home.
They've been together only twelve years.
This is the second marriage for both.
They were previously married to cousins.
Both widowed before they hooked up.
She says she's known him for years.
She didn't much like him back then.
Gesturing, "He had a beer in one hand,
while holding a cigarette in the other."
He smiled so deeply hearing those words.
They both laughed remembering past times.
Facing each other with love in their eyes.
It was nothing short of unconditional love.
She is determined to bring him home,
knowing he needs a lot of help.
She tells us all will be okay,
"I am a country girl. I am tough!"
His birthday is next week.
That same day, he will return home.
I asked him, "What do you wish for your birthday."
With a huge smile, he replied,
"I just want to go home."
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Sunday, December 24, 2017
A NIGHTMARE
"Rita", eighty six, has been residing in a nursing home for almost six years. She suffers from Alzheimer's Disease. Two weeks ago she was able to walk around using her walker. Rita's daughter, "Jennie", was visiting daily to feed mom lunch. Rita has had a rapid decline these past two weeks to where now she is unresponsive and in a deep sleep.
This family has had multiple losses over the past eighteen months. In addition, just last week, Jennie found out that her husband has cancer. Jennie is torn between being with her mom while being supportive to her husband.
Jennie is able to use humor to cope. It is what gets her through each day. Whenever I hear about someone with so many stressors in such a short period of time, it always makes me ask, "Why?" There really is no logical answer. Rita is not being punished. There is nothing she has done to make this happen. It is just so random.
Death or loss any time of the year is so difficult, but somehow it all seems a bit sadder during this time of year; the Christmas holiday season. We are all logical beings and want a logical answer. I know there is no answer but, someday, I still would like to know.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you. Never forget to count all of your blessings.
A NIGHTMARE
These past eighteen months
have been a nightmare for her.
She lost her father, her sister,
her mother-in-law and one close friend.
Now, her mother is imminent
after a rapid two week decline.
She likely has only hours to days.
It is happening way too fast.
She's been visiting mom daily for weeks.
She comes over to feed her lunch.
Now mom is not eating much at all.
Her eyes are closed; she is in a deep sleep.
She feels guilty not being home with her husband.
They were just told he has cancer.
She is such a strong advocate for mom,
but who is going to be there for her?
These cases always bring up the same questions to me.
Questions with no answer at all.
Why is so much happening to her?
What is this nightmare
all about?
I would truly love to know
what to answer with certainty
when asked such a simple question
But the hardest part of all is
likely,
there is no answer.
This family has had multiple losses over the past eighteen months. In addition, just last week, Jennie found out that her husband has cancer. Jennie is torn between being with her mom while being supportive to her husband.
Jennie is able to use humor to cope. It is what gets her through each day. Whenever I hear about someone with so many stressors in such a short period of time, it always makes me ask, "Why?" There really is no logical answer. Rita is not being punished. There is nothing she has done to make this happen. It is just so random.
Death or loss any time of the year is so difficult, but somehow it all seems a bit sadder during this time of year; the Christmas holiday season. We are all logical beings and want a logical answer. I know there is no answer but, someday, I still would like to know.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you. Never forget to count all of your blessings.
A NIGHTMARE
These past eighteen months
have been a nightmare for her.
She lost her father, her sister,
her mother-in-law and one close friend.
Now, her mother is imminent
after a rapid two week decline.
She likely has only hours to days.
It is happening way too fast.
She's been visiting mom daily for weeks.
She comes over to feed her lunch.
Now mom is not eating much at all.
Her eyes are closed; she is in a deep sleep.
She feels guilty not being home with her husband.
They were just told he has cancer.
She is such a strong advocate for mom,
but who is going to be there for her?
These cases always bring up the same questions to me.
Questions with no answer at all.
Why is so much happening to her?
What is this nightmare
all about?
I would truly love to know
what to answer with certainty
when asked such a simple question
But the hardest part of all is
likely,
there is no answer.
Sunday, December 10, 2017
TWENTY-FOUR
We admitted, "Chris", fifty-four, to our hospice program today. Chris was diagnosed with cancer six months ago. It was then that the doctors informed Chris that his cancer had already spread to his bones. Chris's daughter, "Myra" is his primary caregiver. Myra is an old soul. She is wise beyond her twenty-four years. Myra's total focus is on her father. She was appropriately tearful throughout our visit.
Myra's parents divorced when she was young. Myra moved South with her father, while her younger sister stayed with her mom. Myra and her father recently moved up north to be near her mother and sister to get the needed support. Myra spoke of her worries about her sister and her mother. Myra never once put the focus on herself as she was caring for everyone else.
This is an amazing family. Chris taught his daughter so well about life, family, responsibility and love. Myra blew me away by her maturity. She is planning on attending a local college next semester. I told Myra that her father is so proud of her.
Being such an amazing learner, I know Myra is learning lessons that she will use throughout her life. She has an amazing heart and such a spiritual soul.
TWENTY-FOUR
Her younger sister went with mom,
while her dad raised her alone.
The two of them have been close.
He teaching her all about
life, family, values and love.
He got sick six months ago.
His cancer had already spread.
They moved up north to get the support
of her mom and teenage sister.
His decline was extremely rapid
as he can no longer be alone.
A week ago he was walking and doing life.
Now he just sleeps; not eating much at all.
She worries about her sister.
She is concerned about her mom.
Her primary emotion though, is on her father,
"I thought we'd have more time."
She is the matriarch of her tiny family.
She is wise beyond her years.
She will get through these heartbreaking days
as she is twenty-four
going on forty-four.
Myra's parents divorced when she was young. Myra moved South with her father, while her younger sister stayed with her mom. Myra and her father recently moved up north to be near her mother and sister to get the needed support. Myra spoke of her worries about her sister and her mother. Myra never once put the focus on herself as she was caring for everyone else.
This is an amazing family. Chris taught his daughter so well about life, family, responsibility and love. Myra blew me away by her maturity. She is planning on attending a local college next semester. I told Myra that her father is so proud of her.
Being such an amazing learner, I know Myra is learning lessons that she will use throughout her life. She has an amazing heart and such a spiritual soul.
TWENTY-FOUR
Her younger sister went with mom,
while her dad raised her alone.
The two of them have been close.
He teaching her all about
life, family, values and love.
He got sick six months ago.
His cancer had already spread.
They moved up north to get the support
of her mom and teenage sister.
His decline was extremely rapid
as he can no longer be alone.
A week ago he was walking and doing life.
Now he just sleeps; not eating much at all.
She worries about her sister.
She is concerned about her mom.
Her primary emotion though, is on her father,
"I thought we'd have more time."
She is the matriarch of her tiny family.
She is wise beyond her years.
She will get through these heartbreaking days
as she is twenty-four
going on forty-four.
Saturday, December 2, 2017
GOOSEBUMPS
The hospice nurse and I admitted, “Betty”, to hospice today. Betty had been in the hospital for almost a week receiving treatment for her cancer. The doctors told Betty about a new treatment plan, but Betty said, “I want to go home to die. I am done.”
Betty lives with her husband, “Walter”, who is her primary caretaker. Walter has some health issues himself and does need additional help in caring for Betty. Walter has hired full time caregivers. Walter and Betty’s two daughters both live about sixty miles away and will be rotating weekends to help out their parents.
Both daughters were very open and realistic regarding their mother’s poor prognosis and terminal status. The youngest daughter, “Mary Ann”, easily verbalized her emotions, stress and grief. A big part of the social work role is to validate and paraphrase what someone is saying. It is called Active Listening. It is so supportive to the one talking as it normalizes their thoughts. In addition, it is building up a relationship whereby patients or family members will know it is safe to express honest feelings.
We were all in Betty’s bedroom during the visit. When I was ready to leave, Mary Ann said that she would walk me to the front door. Mary Ann and I then spent another fifteen minutes talking. We both felt that we were meant to meet today. I feel we were drawn together by spiritual vibes from above. These type of moments always give me goose bumps, which is so wonderful, humbling and amazing.
GOOSEBUMPS
It happens now and then.
You meet up with someone
with whom you totally connect;
you completely understand.
She started talking the moment we walked in.
Sharing her emotions; sharing her stress.
Needing to care for her mother;
knowing how much it is helping her dad.
At the end of our visit,
she walked me to the front door.
She talked for another fifteen minutes
while I validated and understood her beliefs.
She told me about her out-of-body experience
while I, then too, shared mine.
Neither quite finding the words to explain,
but both understanding from deep inside.
Coincidences are from above.
Spirituality at its best.
I feel so honored, I get goose bumps
whenever I experience mystical moments.
She felt goose bumps too
as meeting me made them arise.
She said, “We were meant to meet today,”
while I replied, “I feel it too.”
Goosebumps.
Betty lives with her husband, “Walter”, who is her primary caretaker. Walter has some health issues himself and does need additional help in caring for Betty. Walter has hired full time caregivers. Walter and Betty’s two daughters both live about sixty miles away and will be rotating weekends to help out their parents.
Both daughters were very open and realistic regarding their mother’s poor prognosis and terminal status. The youngest daughter, “Mary Ann”, easily verbalized her emotions, stress and grief. A big part of the social work role is to validate and paraphrase what someone is saying. It is called Active Listening. It is so supportive to the one talking as it normalizes their thoughts. In addition, it is building up a relationship whereby patients or family members will know it is safe to express honest feelings.
We were all in Betty’s bedroom during the visit. When I was ready to leave, Mary Ann said that she would walk me to the front door. Mary Ann and I then spent another fifteen minutes talking. We both felt that we were meant to meet today. I feel we were drawn together by spiritual vibes from above. These type of moments always give me goose bumps, which is so wonderful, humbling and amazing.
GOOSEBUMPS
It happens now and then.
You meet up with someone
with whom you totally connect;
you completely understand.
She started talking the moment we walked in.
Sharing her emotions; sharing her stress.
Needing to care for her mother;
knowing how much it is helping her dad.
At the end of our visit,
she walked me to the front door.
She talked for another fifteen minutes
while I validated and understood her beliefs.
She told me about her out-of-body experience
while I, then too, shared mine.
Neither quite finding the words to explain,
but both understanding from deep inside.
Coincidences are from above.
Spirituality at its best.
I feel so honored, I get goose bumps
whenever I experience mystical moments.
She felt goose bumps too
as meeting me made them arise.
She said, “We were meant to meet today,”
while I replied, “I feel it too.”
Goosebumps.
Sunday, November 26, 2017
"CALL YOLO HOSPICE!"
I had heard about Yolo Hospice while I was working at a large medical center's hospice program for over eleven years. The medical center's hospice received so many referrals that they did not have the staff to take on all of them. They delegated half of their referrals to other local hospices. During the course of my work there, I only heard positive feedback about Yolo Hospice.
Three years ago, fate led me to Yolo Hospice. Yolo Hospice is where I need to be and I am so happy that I did, at that time, call Yolo Hospice. When I left my job, our quality nurse, when finding out I was going to Yolo Hospice, said, "You chose the best." I too know that what she said was so true.
One of Yolo Hospice's competitors is a large for profit hospice. I have heard so many complaints about this hospice from staff, family etc. The daughter of the patient we admitted today, has a friend who works for that large for profit hospice. It was that friend who told the daughter to "Call Yolo Hospice!"
I am so blessed and proud to work for Yolo Hospice. Staff are able to care for patients and families as directed by the patients and families themselves, for as long as it takes.
The rewards are amazing as seen on folks faces or by the loving words they share. I feel honored to be a part of such an amazing non-profit hospice.
"CALL YOLO HOSPICE!"
The call came right before closing yesterday.
"Please come out as soon as you can.
My friend told me to,
"Call Yolo Hospice!"
This family had used a competitive hospice
who admitted their father yesterday afternoon.
The kids said the nurse felt cold and uncaring.
Worrying only about the paperwork.
We went out quickly today
to admit their father to our hospice program..
The patient and his kids shared many family stories.
They all needed to talk and to vent.
We immediately listened and laughed with them.
This family had so much love and compassion.
Moments later, the two kids silently looked at each other,
affirming us, by smiling while nodding their heads.
They guided us to where they needed to go;
feeling our empathy, our hearts.
Both the nurse and I are extremely happy
that the two kids did
"Call Yolo Hospice!"
Three years ago, fate led me to Yolo Hospice. Yolo Hospice is where I need to be and I am so happy that I did, at that time, call Yolo Hospice. When I left my job, our quality nurse, when finding out I was going to Yolo Hospice, said, "You chose the best." I too know that what she said was so true.
One of Yolo Hospice's competitors is a large for profit hospice. I have heard so many complaints about this hospice from staff, family etc. The daughter of the patient we admitted today, has a friend who works for that large for profit hospice. It was that friend who told the daughter to "Call Yolo Hospice!"
I am so blessed and proud to work for Yolo Hospice. Staff are able to care for patients and families as directed by the patients and families themselves, for as long as it takes.
The rewards are amazing as seen on folks faces or by the loving words they share. I feel honored to be a part of such an amazing non-profit hospice.
"CALL YOLO HOSPICE!"
The call came right before closing yesterday.
"Please come out as soon as you can.
My friend told me to,
"Call Yolo Hospice!"
This family had used a competitive hospice
who admitted their father yesterday afternoon.
The kids said the nurse felt cold and uncaring.
Worrying only about the paperwork.
We went out quickly today
to admit their father to our hospice program..
The patient and his kids shared many family stories.
They all needed to talk and to vent.
We immediately listened and laughed with them.
This family had so much love and compassion.
Moments later, the two kids silently looked at each other,
affirming us, by smiling while nodding their heads.
They guided us to where they needed to go;
feeling our empathy, our hearts.
Both the nurse and I are extremely happy
that the two kids did
"Call Yolo Hospice!"
Sunday, November 19, 2017
CHALLENGES
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, "Carmen", a forty-one year old, suffering from liver cancer. Carmen, an immigrant from Mexico, has lived in the United States for over twenty years. She speaks Spanish and does not understand much of the English language.
Upon entering her home, we found Carmen sitting on the couch. She was so frail and thin. She sat quietly while wrapped in a big woolen blanket. She greeted us, but appeared somber at first. Carmen's sister was there and acted as the interpreter. Once we started talking about Carmen and her family's needs, we informed them about hospice support.
Carmen started to trust us and opened up quickly. She had the cutest sense of humor. She was such a joyful person, I felt instantly connected to her. She has two teenagers which she raised as a single mom. Her income was very low as she had worked in the fields for many years. She had so many challenges in her life, but accepted each one as it came along.
She was tearful when talking about not being ready to leave her family or friends. Carmen so embraced life and those people in her life. It was not surprising that she had such a supportive family with a huge network of friends.
Carmen is such a special person and I felt honored to have met her. I have done hospice work for a long time and still have no answer as to why some folks have to cope with such a devastating illness. I don't believe there is an answer. It is just so random. I only wish Carmen the best.
CHALLENGES
Her life has been full of challenges.
A single mom; hard work in the field; now cancer.
Her beautiful smile, her sense of humor
has helped her cope so well.
She was sitting on the couch
when we walked into her home.
Quietly wrapped in a woolen blanket.
Withered, emaciated, weak.
She didn’t speak our language
so her sister translated the words.
But her heart, her spirit spoke so clearly,
we deeply understood how she did feel.
Through all of the struggles,
her gracefulness brilliantly shown through.
Her eloquence, her dignity
truly stole all of our hearts.
She cried so genuinely
when I asked her about her fears.
She’s not yet ready
to leave her young children;
her family or her friends.
She is one special gal
whom I feel honored to have met.
I know she will face her upcoming challenges
with her beautiful smile;
spiritual dignity,
and with her own special grace.
Upon entering her home, we found Carmen sitting on the couch. She was so frail and thin. She sat quietly while wrapped in a big woolen blanket. She greeted us, but appeared somber at first. Carmen's sister was there and acted as the interpreter. Once we started talking about Carmen and her family's needs, we informed them about hospice support.
Carmen started to trust us and opened up quickly. She had the cutest sense of humor. She was such a joyful person, I felt instantly connected to her. She has two teenagers which she raised as a single mom. Her income was very low as she had worked in the fields for many years. She had so many challenges in her life, but accepted each one as it came along.
She was tearful when talking about not being ready to leave her family or friends. Carmen so embraced life and those people in her life. It was not surprising that she had such a supportive family with a huge network of friends.
Carmen is such a special person and I felt honored to have met her. I have done hospice work for a long time and still have no answer as to why some folks have to cope with such a devastating illness. I don't believe there is an answer. It is just so random. I only wish Carmen the best.
CHALLENGES
Her life has been full of challenges.
A single mom; hard work in the field; now cancer.
Her beautiful smile, her sense of humor
has helped her cope so well.
She was sitting on the couch
when we walked into her home.
Quietly wrapped in a woolen blanket.
Withered, emaciated, weak.
She didn’t speak our language
so her sister translated the words.
But her heart, her spirit spoke so clearly,
we deeply understood how she did feel.
Through all of the struggles,
her gracefulness brilliantly shown through.
Her eloquence, her dignity
truly stole all of our hearts.
She cried so genuinely
when I asked her about her fears.
She’s not yet ready
to leave her young children;
her family or her friends.
She is one special gal
whom I feel honored to have met.
I know she will face her upcoming challenges
with her beautiful smile;
spiritual dignity,
and with her own special grace.
Sunday, November 12, 2017
TWENTY YEARS AGO
My friend, Kate, died twenty years ago today from breast cancer. I had met Kate five years prior at where we both worked. At that time, she had been in remission from her cancer. On March 17, 1997, she learned that her cancer was back. Kate gracefully accepted what her doctor told her. She went through many treatments including a stem-cell transplant. After her hospitalizations for that transplant, she stayed in an apartment on the hospital's property for two weeks. The first week, I took vacation time and stayed with her, while her sister was there the second week.
Kate was always so easy going and quietly accepted her fate. After the transplant, she slowly went downhill. There was a group of her girlfriends who all shared caring for Kate; myself included. I donated platelets and drove her to treatments. I wanted to do so much more to help, but felt limited as could not take the disease away. I have worked in the medical field my entire career and have a lot of knowledge, but it is so different when it is someone you know and love.
Kate died two months after Lady Diana. Elton John sang "Candle in the Wind" at Diana's memorial. I associate that particular song with Kate's death as well. I heard Elton John singing that song on the radio today. I know Kate was telling me that she is doing fine.
Kate taught me so much about life and death. She taught me grace and beauty. Her dying and death totally changed my life in so many amazing ways. Even twenty years later, I think of Kate so much. It was her powerful presence that taught me so well. I pray that I can continue to honor her; such a special soul.
TWENTY YEARS AGO
You were with me all day today.
I felt your presence;
I felt your comfort;
I strongly felt your love.
You were such a special gift to me
and to all those who were around.
You taught us all about life
while traveling your delicate journey.
You never complained.
You totally accepted your fate.
Taking each day as it came.
Embracing those who loved you too.
You were my greatest teacher.
A Grandmaster of them all.
Lessons I have never forgotten;
priceless gifts to be beheld.
It was twenty years ago today
that you went to the other side.
Your life changed dramatically
and so did mine.
Kate was always so easy going and quietly accepted her fate. After the transplant, she slowly went downhill. There was a group of her girlfriends who all shared caring for Kate; myself included. I donated platelets and drove her to treatments. I wanted to do so much more to help, but felt limited as could not take the disease away. I have worked in the medical field my entire career and have a lot of knowledge, but it is so different when it is someone you know and love.
Kate died two months after Lady Diana. Elton John sang "Candle in the Wind" at Diana's memorial. I associate that particular song with Kate's death as well. I heard Elton John singing that song on the radio today. I know Kate was telling me that she is doing fine.
Kate taught me so much about life and death. She taught me grace and beauty. Her dying and death totally changed my life in so many amazing ways. Even twenty years later, I think of Kate so much. It was her powerful presence that taught me so well. I pray that I can continue to honor her; such a special soul.
TWENTY YEARS AGO
You were with me all day today.
I felt your presence;
I felt your comfort;
I strongly felt your love.
You were such a special gift to me
and to all those who were around.
You taught us all about life
while traveling your delicate journey.
You never complained.
You totally accepted your fate.
Taking each day as it came.
Embracing those who loved you too.
You were my greatest teacher.
A Grandmaster of them all.
Lessons I have never forgotten;
priceless gifts to be beheld.
It was twenty years ago today
that you went to the other side.
Your life changed dramatically
and so did mine.
Sunday, November 5, 2017
A THOUSAND FOLD
I admitted a new patient to hospice today. The patient was in her mid-eighties and had suffered from cardiac disease for many years. She is now unresponsive and imminent with death likely within hours to a few days.
I met with her husband, her son and her daughter to inform them about hospice and the support we are able to give to all of them. Part of my role as the Admission Social Worker, is to explain the role of each member of the hospice team. As I was explaining the chaplain role, I often like to elaborate on how their support is spiritual. So often folks will feel a chaplain will come in and only read the bible to the patient.
I will clarify that yes, religion is spiritual, but spirituality is so much more. It is one's philosophy and beliefs about life. Several years ago, a male patient shared that his spirituality was his motorcycle and I believed him. I added that our chaplain will offer spiritual support as defined by the patient and the family.
It was then that the patient's son shared those most beautiful words to me. This is a prime example of why I continue to do the hospice work that I do. It is not work, but a life's calling for me. This family so validated why I, and my colleagues, continue to do hospice. The benefits are so amazing.
ADDENDUM: Back at the office, I heard that the patent died peacefully, with the family at the bedside, two hours after I left. I wish them all peace.
A THOUSAND FOLD
As hospice workers,
we often get asked,
"How can you do,
what you do?"
Walking along next to others
who are facing an emotional ordeal,
we often hear how much we have helped.
Giving it back to us a thousand fold.
Today's family was so inspiring.
Coping, grieving, loving, realistic.
Easily verbalizing their emotions and grief.
Embracing the blessings that are still around.
His wife, their mother.
Imminent, unresponsive.
Likely hours to only a few days.
Giving her permission to go,
as they know she is going to a better place.
I spoke about our hospice team
and the support we all can give;
when he shared the most beautiful words to me,
"You are giving us all that we need."
"You are listening to us.
You are hearing what we have to say.
You are doing what we all so deeply need.
We cannot thank you enough."
I had tears when I heard his words.
They are struggling with such a major loss,
but still able to share the kindness of their hearts.
Thanking me for just being there.
Giving it back to me
A Thousand Fold.
I met with her husband, her son and her daughter to inform them about hospice and the support we are able to give to all of them. Part of my role as the Admission Social Worker, is to explain the role of each member of the hospice team. As I was explaining the chaplain role, I often like to elaborate on how their support is spiritual. So often folks will feel a chaplain will come in and only read the bible to the patient.
I will clarify that yes, religion is spiritual, but spirituality is so much more. It is one's philosophy and beliefs about life. Several years ago, a male patient shared that his spirituality was his motorcycle and I believed him. I added that our chaplain will offer spiritual support as defined by the patient and the family.
It was then that the patient's son shared those most beautiful words to me. This is a prime example of why I continue to do the hospice work that I do. It is not work, but a life's calling for me. This family so validated why I, and my colleagues, continue to do hospice. The benefits are so amazing.
ADDENDUM: Back at the office, I heard that the patent died peacefully, with the family at the bedside, two hours after I left. I wish them all peace.
A THOUSAND FOLD
As hospice workers,
we often get asked,
"How can you do,
what you do?"
Walking along next to others
who are facing an emotional ordeal,
we often hear how much we have helped.
Giving it back to us a thousand fold.
Today's family was so inspiring.
Coping, grieving, loving, realistic.
Easily verbalizing their emotions and grief.
Embracing the blessings that are still around.
His wife, their mother.
Imminent, unresponsive.
Likely hours to only a few days.
Giving her permission to go,
as they know she is going to a better place.
I spoke about our hospice team
and the support we all can give;
when he shared the most beautiful words to me,
"You are giving us all that we need."
"You are listening to us.
You are hearing what we have to say.
You are doing what we all so deeply need.
We cannot thank you enough."
I had tears when I heard his words.
They are struggling with such a major loss,
but still able to share the kindness of their hearts.
Thanking me for just being there.
Giving it back to me
A Thousand Fold.
Sunday, October 29, 2017
SCHITZOPHRENIA
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Bonnie” to our hospice program. Bonnie and her husband, “Willie”, have three amazing children. This was such a close, intertwined group of people.
All of us sat in one big circle in Bonnie’s living room. Bonnie did not join us as she is tremendously weak and was sleeping throughout our visit. All of the family, except her one son, “Kevin”, were speaking their truth and emotions. The family has a strong Christian faith which helps all of them cope.
Kevin sat there quietly with his gaze downward. You could tell he was struggling with what he was hearing from us and his family. I was sitting across from Willie and got up to sit next to him in order to sign the admission paperwork. I sat between Kevin and his dad. Our seating arrangement was perfect as Kevin was sitting at an angle to me.
I asked Kevin how he was doing with all of this. I spoke softly and calmly gazing into his eyes. Kevin started to speak. At first slowly, but then was able to fully express how he was coping. He started to say, “I know my mother is dying.....” Kevin spoke simply, but was able to totally pinpoint his emotions.
The two of us spoke for about fifteen minutes. Kevin was able to begin to process his emotions. Everyone else sat quietly without saying a word. All of us were respecting Kevin. It gave me such a wonderful feeling to be able to witness such a beautiful transformation.
I left the home about fifteen minutes before the hospice nurse. The hospice nurse later informed me that Kevin’s sister shared how she had never seen him speak like that before. Kevin made such a difference to me. I only hope I did the same. I cherish this special time with Kevin.
SCHITZOPHRENIA
He sat so quietly looking stressed.
One knew it was because of his mom
and her recent, rapid decline.
Reality no longer able to deny.
His gaze was downward listening to us all.
His family spoke freely;
direct and to the point.
Emotions, tenderness, grief.
I sat down next to him and softly asked,
“How are you doing with all of this?”
He slowly started to answer,
deep in thought and from his heart.
He spoke about his mother dying.
His strong belief she’ll be okay
crossing over to the other side.
He wants her to think of just that.
He spoke of his one uncle who died years ago.
His uncle was so close to his brother, like he too.
“He had schizophrenia. I miss him so.
I have schizophrenia too.”
I was so amazed by his thought process.
Simple, but profound.
He was getting to the deep core of his grief.
He wanted to understand.
I told him how impressed I was by him.
“Keep doing what you are doing.
It will help you and your mother too.
But most of all,
you are one remarkable son."
All of us sat in one big circle in Bonnie’s living room. Bonnie did not join us as she is tremendously weak and was sleeping throughout our visit. All of the family, except her one son, “Kevin”, were speaking their truth and emotions. The family has a strong Christian faith which helps all of them cope.
Kevin sat there quietly with his gaze downward. You could tell he was struggling with what he was hearing from us and his family. I was sitting across from Willie and got up to sit next to him in order to sign the admission paperwork. I sat between Kevin and his dad. Our seating arrangement was perfect as Kevin was sitting at an angle to me.
I asked Kevin how he was doing with all of this. I spoke softly and calmly gazing into his eyes. Kevin started to speak. At first slowly, but then was able to fully express how he was coping. He started to say, “I know my mother is dying.....” Kevin spoke simply, but was able to totally pinpoint his emotions.
The two of us spoke for about fifteen minutes. Kevin was able to begin to process his emotions. Everyone else sat quietly without saying a word. All of us were respecting Kevin. It gave me such a wonderful feeling to be able to witness such a beautiful transformation.
I left the home about fifteen minutes before the hospice nurse. The hospice nurse later informed me that Kevin’s sister shared how she had never seen him speak like that before. Kevin made such a difference to me. I only hope I did the same. I cherish this special time with Kevin.
SCHITZOPHRENIA
He sat so quietly looking stressed.
One knew it was because of his mom
and her recent, rapid decline.
Reality no longer able to deny.
His gaze was downward listening to us all.
His family spoke freely;
direct and to the point.
Emotions, tenderness, grief.
I sat down next to him and softly asked,
“How are you doing with all of this?”
He slowly started to answer,
deep in thought and from his heart.
He spoke about his mother dying.
His strong belief she’ll be okay
crossing over to the other side.
He wants her to think of just that.
He spoke of his one uncle who died years ago.
His uncle was so close to his brother, like he too.
“He had schizophrenia. I miss him so.
I have schizophrenia too.”
I was so amazed by his thought process.
Simple, but profound.
He was getting to the deep core of his grief.
He wanted to understand.
I told him how impressed I was by him.
“Keep doing what you are doing.
It will help you and your mother too.
But most of all,
you are one remarkable son."
Saturday, October 21, 2017
TRAILBLAZERS
I admitted two patients to our hospice program today. Both were elderly and widowed. Both had memory deficits; one from Alzheimer's Disease, while the other from a multitude of medical issues.
"Susan" had no short term memory, but when her son asked her if she had breakfast this morning, she calmly stated, "I don't remember." It was so matter of fact with no emotion at all. She totally accepted her forgetfulness. "Virginia", due to brain damage, struggled with communicating as could not find the words to speak what she wanted to say. She said it was frustrating, but laughed about it as if she knew that there was nothing she could do about it.
Both of these ladies had supportive, involved families. Sadly, both families were losing their mothers slowly. The two families started grieving several years ago when the memory problems first appeared. Quite often, families will feel some relief at the death as they know their loved one is no longer suffering.
It just amazed me how both of these admission were so similar. We all make choices in our life to help us through our experiences; good times or not so good times. It is who we are that make us who we are today.
I so admired each of these lady's strength in doing what they needed to do and accepting what was going on. They are teaching all of us that we do have some control in the direction our life may move. They are, to me, true heroes and teachers to us all.
TRAILBLAZERS
I love hearing my patient's life stories
as we all are so individual and unique.
But today I experienced such a coincidence
as if the two of them walked a similar path.
Both of these ladies were widowers
for just about four years.
Both husbands had been on our hospice;
dying only a few months apart.
They come from wonderful families,
although both experienced some rough times.
They kept moving forward no matter what,
having great strength to help them through.
Today that uniqueness blended together.
Hearing two stories so much alike.
How happenstance and choices
impacted each life.
But the most amazing thing to me though,
was how each chose their career.
One was "Rosie the Riveter";
the other a welder by trade.
Doing what needed to be done
no matter what.
Impressive;
powerful;
Trailblazers.
"Susan" had no short term memory, but when her son asked her if she had breakfast this morning, she calmly stated, "I don't remember." It was so matter of fact with no emotion at all. She totally accepted her forgetfulness. "Virginia", due to brain damage, struggled with communicating as could not find the words to speak what she wanted to say. She said it was frustrating, but laughed about it as if she knew that there was nothing she could do about it.
Both of these ladies had supportive, involved families. Sadly, both families were losing their mothers slowly. The two families started grieving several years ago when the memory problems first appeared. Quite often, families will feel some relief at the death as they know their loved one is no longer suffering.
It just amazed me how both of these admission were so similar. We all make choices in our life to help us through our experiences; good times or not so good times. It is who we are that make us who we are today.
I so admired each of these lady's strength in doing what they needed to do and accepting what was going on. They are teaching all of us that we do have some control in the direction our life may move. They are, to me, true heroes and teachers to us all.
TRAILBLAZERS
I love hearing my patient's life stories
as we all are so individual and unique.
But today I experienced such a coincidence
as if the two of them walked a similar path.
Both of these ladies were widowers
for just about four years.
Both husbands had been on our hospice;
dying only a few months apart.
They come from wonderful families,
although both experienced some rough times.
They kept moving forward no matter what,
having great strength to help them through.
Today that uniqueness blended together.
Hearing two stories so much alike.
How happenstance and choices
impacted each life.
But the most amazing thing to me though,
was how each chose their career.
One was "Rosie the Riveter";
the other a welder by trade.
Doing what needed to be done
no matter what.
Impressive;
powerful;
Trailblazers.
Saturday, October 14, 2017
THAT LITTLE VOICE
During my career as a Medical Social Worker, I have always instinctually just let go. I allow my inner thoughts to intuitively come through. To me, hospice is such spiritual work. So often, I know that I am guided from above. I trust those feelings that are truly from above and from within.
I heard about a late admission that was scheduled for today. I am not expected to go as it would put me in overtime. When I heard about it, I immediately knew that I needed to go. That inner voice inside of me speaks quite loudly at times. I didn’t know why I needed to go, but always trust and listen to my instincts.
The hospice nurse and I walked into the patient’s home and were so warmly greeted by the patient and her two girlfriends. The patient, “Ellen”, was sitting on the couch with her two close girlfriends sitting nearby. Ellen was diagnosed only a few months ago with lung cancer after going to her doctor thinking she had pneumonia.
Ellen went through treatment with horrific side affects. She has always been a very strong, independent woman and is treating her life situation the same. She knew she was done with treatment and was focused on what the next steps in her journey would be like.
Ellen and her two girlfriends were so grateful and thankful for us being there to admit her to our hospice program. Their kindness was so amazing and wonderful. Her friends called us true angels. My immediate thoughts were no, we are not the angels, but you two friends truly are.
Their behavior and support for Ellen was based truly and strongly on love and caring hearts. I felt so honored to have met the three of them. They are pure examples of true love, support and kindness. It was such an honor to have been there to meet three most amazing souls.
THAT LITTLE VOICE
That little voice inside of me
stays quiet most of the time.
Now and then though, it speaks clearly
guiding me along my path.
Hearing about a late admission today,
I felt this strong need to go.
It was that little voice inside of me
leading me to her home.
She was diagnosed only a few months ago
having already gone through chemo and radiation.
She was through with any further treatment
as the side affects were brutal.
She is very realistic regarding her prognosis.
She will talk openly and honestly about it all.
Being surrounded by so many loving friends.
"Crying with them helps me through."
She graciously accepted us into her home.
Thanking us both for being there.
Her friends called us true angels,
but lovingly by her side, they are the true angels.
I am so honored to have met the three of them.
True teachers of unconditional love and support.
My little voice led me to them.
Gifts of no other kind.
I heard about a late admission that was scheduled for today. I am not expected to go as it would put me in overtime. When I heard about it, I immediately knew that I needed to go. That inner voice inside of me speaks quite loudly at times. I didn’t know why I needed to go, but always trust and listen to my instincts.
The hospice nurse and I walked into the patient’s home and were so warmly greeted by the patient and her two girlfriends. The patient, “Ellen”, was sitting on the couch with her two close girlfriends sitting nearby. Ellen was diagnosed only a few months ago with lung cancer after going to her doctor thinking she had pneumonia.
Ellen went through treatment with horrific side affects. She has always been a very strong, independent woman and is treating her life situation the same. She knew she was done with treatment and was focused on what the next steps in her journey would be like.
Ellen and her two girlfriends were so grateful and thankful for us being there to admit her to our hospice program. Their kindness was so amazing and wonderful. Her friends called us true angels. My immediate thoughts were no, we are not the angels, but you two friends truly are.
Their behavior and support for Ellen was based truly and strongly on love and caring hearts. I felt so honored to have met the three of them. They are pure examples of true love, support and kindness. It was such an honor to have been there to meet three most amazing souls.
THAT LITTLE VOICE
That little voice inside of me
stays quiet most of the time.
Now and then though, it speaks clearly
guiding me along my path.
Hearing about a late admission today,
I felt this strong need to go.
It was that little voice inside of me
leading me to her home.
She was diagnosed only a few months ago
having already gone through chemo and radiation.
She was through with any further treatment
as the side affects were brutal.
She is very realistic regarding her prognosis.
She will talk openly and honestly about it all.
Being surrounded by so many loving friends.
"Crying with them helps me through."
She graciously accepted us into her home.
Thanking us both for being there.
Her friends called us true angels,
but lovingly by her side, they are the true angels.
I am so honored to have met the three of them.
True teachers of unconditional love and support.
My little voice led me to them.
Gifts of no other kind.
Sunday, September 24, 2017
TWO SPIRITS
We admitted a 44 year old patient to hospice today. "Raymond" suffered from terminal cancer that he has been struggling with for many years. Raymond has three children that he has been raising as a single parent. He recently moved in with his sister and her family as he needed the support.
Raymond is hoping that his sister can get custody of his children. Raymond will tell you what is going on in his life; good or bad, with a huge smile on his face. I instantly felt a strong connection to him because of his positive attitude on life. Raymond expressed so much love and kindness.
He held my hand in both of his and didn't want to let go. He felt, as did I, a strong bond between us. I helped him walk to the bathroom and he turned to me and said how we were so much alike. Raymond determinedly told me that "When one finds another soul like yours, both will know."
Raymond and I spoke different languages, but no words were needed. It felt like our spirits were communicating on such a higher level. I will never forget Raymond or this profound spiritual moment.
TWO SPIRITS
He instantly welcomed us
with such a remarkably warm smile.
I immediately saw his amazing spirit.
It was all about love and appreciation.
He easily verbalized all of his blessings to us
being thankful for all that he had.
His strong faith supported him tremendously,
"God will guide me.
I am so happy".
He was twenty years my junior.
We did not speak the same language,
but it didn't matter much at all
as our two spirits combined as one.
He showed me a piece of heaven today.
Totally connecting to another
without a word being spoken.
Completely understanding it all.
He clasped my hand in both of his
not ever wanting to let go.
He said we were so much alike
having love and kindness in our hearts.
I was in awe of him.
I admired his courage; his strength.
He captured me fully with his love.
He completely embraced
both me and
My Heart.
Raymond is hoping that his sister can get custody of his children. Raymond will tell you what is going on in his life; good or bad, with a huge smile on his face. I instantly felt a strong connection to him because of his positive attitude on life. Raymond expressed so much love and kindness.
He held my hand in both of his and didn't want to let go. He felt, as did I, a strong bond between us. I helped him walk to the bathroom and he turned to me and said how we were so much alike. Raymond determinedly told me that "When one finds another soul like yours, both will know."
Raymond and I spoke different languages, but no words were needed. It felt like our spirits were communicating on such a higher level. I will never forget Raymond or this profound spiritual moment.
TWO SPIRITS
He instantly welcomed us
with such a remarkably warm smile.
I immediately saw his amazing spirit.
It was all about love and appreciation.
He easily verbalized all of his blessings to us
being thankful for all that he had.
His strong faith supported him tremendously,
"God will guide me.
I am so happy".
He was twenty years my junior.
We did not speak the same language,
but it didn't matter much at all
as our two spirits combined as one.
He showed me a piece of heaven today.
Totally connecting to another
without a word being spoken.
Completely understanding it all.
He clasped my hand in both of his
not ever wanting to let go.
He said we were so much alike
having love and kindness in our hearts.
I was in awe of him.
I admired his courage; his strength.
He captured me fully with his love.
He completely embraced
both me and
My Heart.
Friday, September 15, 2017
WHY HER?
Forty-five year old “Maureen” was admitted to hospice today due to a major infection. She was diagnosed with such a crippling disease two years ago. She is a quadriplegic, bedridden and dependent upon all of her needs. Fortunately, Maureen has such a large, devoted and caring family. One feels the love once you first step into her home.
Maureen smiles so easily and is at peace about her life. She embraces her family and so appreciates the loving support she receives. Maureen has accepted her situation without fears. Her strong Christian faith helps her cope as she knows she is going to a better place.
Seeing someone in such a challenging circumstance, brings up so many questions for me as to why was she given so much to deal with. She is such a teacher to us all. Maybe she was chosen because she surely is the special one. But still.........
WHY HER?
Why her?
She got pounded so hard.
Way more than her fair share.
What's it all about?
Why do some have to struggle so?
Why is their life so hard?
She has so much love inside of her.
It just feels so unfair.
She is in her mid forties.
She is bedridden, unable to move.
Totally dependent upon her family.
There is nothing at all she can do.
She smiles so easily
embracing the love that's around.
She has no fears or concerns at all.
Her strong Christian faith helps her through.
It brings up so many questions.
Why was she struck this way?
Maybe it is because she is a special one
to teach us tolerance, endurance and love.
I just know it just doesn't feel fair
for her to battle so hard.
What's it all about?
Why her?
Maureen smiles so easily and is at peace about her life. She embraces her family and so appreciates the loving support she receives. Maureen has accepted her situation without fears. Her strong Christian faith helps her cope as she knows she is going to a better place.
Seeing someone in such a challenging circumstance, brings up so many questions for me as to why was she given so much to deal with. She is such a teacher to us all. Maybe she was chosen because she surely is the special one. But still.........
WHY HER?
Why her?
She got pounded so hard.
Way more than her fair share.
What's it all about?
Why do some have to struggle so?
Why is their life so hard?
She has so much love inside of her.
It just feels so unfair.
She is in her mid forties.
She is bedridden, unable to move.
Totally dependent upon her family.
There is nothing at all she can do.
She smiles so easily
embracing the love that's around.
She has no fears or concerns at all.
Her strong Christian faith helps her through.
It brings up so many questions.
Why was she struck this way?
Maybe it is because she is a special one
to teach us tolerance, endurance and love.
I just know it just doesn't feel fair
for her to battle so hard.
What's it all about?
Why her?
Saturday, September 2, 2017
BOTH PARENTS
Two days ago, our hospice received a referral for "Al", an elderly gentleman with a long history of cardiac disease. Al resides in a nursing home and is dependent with all of his needs. The doctor made a hospice referral as Al was in a rapid decline. Al stopped eating several days ago as could no longer swallow. He is now bedridden and hard to awaken. It is only a matter of time.
I called Al's daughter, "Jean", to schedule a hospice admission visit. Jean said that she was in Southern California as her mother was just admitted into a hospice there. Jean spoke of having a need to be in both places at the same time. Jean's sister lives near their mother and Jean knew her mother wouldn't be left unattended, but she still struggled to leave her mother's side.
Hearing Jean's story made me so sad. I just do not understand why some folks get more than their fair share. The hospice nurse and I met Jean late this afternoon to admit her father to our program. Jean was exhausted as spent her day driving 500 miles to get to her father's side.
She said that she hasn't even begun to grieve as is focusing on all of the tasks that need to be done. She shared that once all of this is over, is when she will start to grieve. She said that now it is just so overwhelming and surreal.
Jean has been on my mind for several days since the initial phone call. Somehow life is just not fair and equal to all of us. This is a small, but close loving family. Having that love and support will help both Jean and her sister to get through this challenging time.
BOTH PARENTS
Her parents divorced years ago
when she and her sister were in their teens.
Mom lives in the southern part of the state,
while dad lives eight hours north.
Each parent has a daughter living nearby
which was helpful as mom and dad aged.
Their needs slowly increased throughout the years,
but overall, each was doing okay.
Recently though, dad's health caught up with him.
He could no longer live alone.
She moved him into a nursing home
to get the around-the-clock care he needed.
It all has suddenly changed.
He is confused and hard to awaken.
He is no longer eating or drinking.
It is just a matter of days.
I called her to schedule a hospice admission visit.
She said she'd be home in a few days.
She is hours away with her sister,
comforting mom with hospice there too.
They both are trying to process their emotions.
It is so overwhelming and surreal.
Together they are putting one foot in front of the other.
How do they even begin to grieve
Both parents?
I called Al's daughter, "Jean", to schedule a hospice admission visit. Jean said that she was in Southern California as her mother was just admitted into a hospice there. Jean spoke of having a need to be in both places at the same time. Jean's sister lives near their mother and Jean knew her mother wouldn't be left unattended, but she still struggled to leave her mother's side.
Hearing Jean's story made me so sad. I just do not understand why some folks get more than their fair share. The hospice nurse and I met Jean late this afternoon to admit her father to our program. Jean was exhausted as spent her day driving 500 miles to get to her father's side.
She said that she hasn't even begun to grieve as is focusing on all of the tasks that need to be done. She shared that once all of this is over, is when she will start to grieve. She said that now it is just so overwhelming and surreal.
Jean has been on my mind for several days since the initial phone call. Somehow life is just not fair and equal to all of us. This is a small, but close loving family. Having that love and support will help both Jean and her sister to get through this challenging time.
BOTH PARENTS
Her parents divorced years ago
when she and her sister were in their teens.
Mom lives in the southern part of the state,
while dad lives eight hours north.
Each parent has a daughter living nearby
which was helpful as mom and dad aged.
Their needs slowly increased throughout the years,
but overall, each was doing okay.
Recently though, dad's health caught up with him.
He could no longer live alone.
She moved him into a nursing home
to get the around-the-clock care he needed.
It all has suddenly changed.
He is confused and hard to awaken.
He is no longer eating or drinking.
It is just a matter of days.
I called her to schedule a hospice admission visit.
She said she'd be home in a few days.
She is hours away with her sister,
comforting mom with hospice there too.
They both are trying to process their emotions.
It is so overwhelming and surreal.
Together they are putting one foot in front of the other.
How do they even begin to grieve
Both parents?
Sunday, August 27, 2017
WANTS HER HOME
Mid afternoon, our Admission Department, received an urgent call from a local hospital requesting that hospice quickly come to admit this patient to our program. They shared that the patient was dying and her family wanted her home.
The nurse and I were able to get to the Emergency Department within the hour. As I was driving, I had this strong premonition that the patient would die near the time of my visit. Surprisingly, my intuition was accurate.
"Janice", the patient, came from a very large family. There were about fifteen family members with her. As they lovingly hovered around the patient's bed, I was able to counsel them on grief, loss and validate their feelings and emotions.
I felt that Janice waited for hospice to arrive, knowing that her family would get the needed support from hospice. It makes me feel that I am a small part of something amazing and quite large.
After the visit, I headed back to the hospice office. Walking up to my desk, I noticed a shiny, copper penny a few feet away from my chair. I have witnessed, and have had similar experiences with copper pennies. When one sees a copper penny, I know that someone who has died is telling you that he/she is okay. I truly believe Janice was telling me that, she too, was okay.
The rewards are amazing as I truly believe that we all are a part of a wonderful, spiritual universe.
WANTS HER HOME
The nurse called us from the ER.
"Can you come quickly?
She is dying.
Her family wants her home."
Driving up to meet the family,
my thoughts became quite strong.
"She will die right before,
or maybe right after I get there."
Walking into the Emergency Department,
a few steps from her room,
several family members rushed out,
tearfully saying, "She has just died!"
I felt she waited until I arrived,
knowing it was then okay to go.
Wanting additional support for her family.
Doing what she needed to do.
I was able to support this large family,
while offering condolences;
counseling on grief and loss;
informing them about bereavement.
The family wanted her home,
but lovingly were by her side.
A stronger power was involved,
as God too,
wanted her home.
The nurse and I were able to get to the Emergency Department within the hour. As I was driving, I had this strong premonition that the patient would die near the time of my visit. Surprisingly, my intuition was accurate.
"Janice", the patient, came from a very large family. There were about fifteen family members with her. As they lovingly hovered around the patient's bed, I was able to counsel them on grief, loss and validate their feelings and emotions.
I felt that Janice waited for hospice to arrive, knowing that her family would get the needed support from hospice. It makes me feel that I am a small part of something amazing and quite large.
After the visit, I headed back to the hospice office. Walking up to my desk, I noticed a shiny, copper penny a few feet away from my chair. I have witnessed, and have had similar experiences with copper pennies. When one sees a copper penny, I know that someone who has died is telling you that he/she is okay. I truly believe Janice was telling me that, she too, was okay.
The rewards are amazing as I truly believe that we all are a part of a wonderful, spiritual universe.
WANTS HER HOME
The nurse called us from the ER.
"Can you come quickly?
She is dying.
Her family wants her home."
Driving up to meet the family,
my thoughts became quite strong.
"She will die right before,
or maybe right after I get there."
Walking into the Emergency Department,
a few steps from her room,
several family members rushed out,
tearfully saying, "She has just died!"
I felt she waited until I arrived,
knowing it was then okay to go.
Wanting additional support for her family.
Doing what she needed to do.
I was able to support this large family,
while offering condolences;
counseling on grief and loss;
informing them about bereavement.
The family wanted her home,
but lovingly were by her side.
A stronger power was involved,
as God too,
wanted her home.
Saturday, August 19, 2017
I AM
The moment I knew I wanted to major in Social Work, I also knew I wanted to do Medical Social Work. For whatever reason, I have always been interested in death and dying. Working in the Emergency Room at the start of my career, I daily worked with families after a sudden death. It was in those moments that I felt I made such a difference. One sees the relief on people's faces when you say that you are there for as long as they need you to be.
Hospice continually fills my cup up to the brim. Patients and families are so relieved after we explain our hospice support. Our goal is to give the patient and family the support to do their journey in their own way. The rewards return a thousand fold back to us as hospice workers.
Today I received multiple accolades from my social work peers and my supervisor. I will now be meeting up with the social workers on a weekly basis to do supervision in order for them to retain the counseling hours to earn their license (LCSW). Their responses blew me away. They all were so thankful that I will be doing this for them. Their words and kindness overwhelmed me.
It made me realize that this is another wonderful and supportive reason why I love doing hospice work so much. It comes naturally and I truly realize that it is my gift. The wonderful part is that I can also give back to my wonderful co-workers. Another, “Thank you God for all that you have given me.”
I AM
I am deeply aware of my blessings;
being thankful for all that I have.
Grateful for all whom embrace my life.
That is just who I am.
I found my life's passion
in the hospice work that I do.
It is just natural for me to be there
meeting amazing folks along the way.
The rewards come from patients and families,
thanking us for all that we do.
Our listening, our comfort, our hearts.
Those gifts return to us a thousand fold.
Today I received an another amazing gift.
Not from a patient or a family,
but, wonderfully, from my peers
with whom I daily work side by side.
Their admiration; their praise
acknowledging the insight that I have.
Their kindness validates
what I have known all along;
"I am truly
where I need to be".
Hospice continually fills my cup up to the brim. Patients and families are so relieved after we explain our hospice support. Our goal is to give the patient and family the support to do their journey in their own way. The rewards return a thousand fold back to us as hospice workers.
Today I received multiple accolades from my social work peers and my supervisor. I will now be meeting up with the social workers on a weekly basis to do supervision in order for them to retain the counseling hours to earn their license (LCSW). Their responses blew me away. They all were so thankful that I will be doing this for them. Their words and kindness overwhelmed me.
It made me realize that this is another wonderful and supportive reason why I love doing hospice work so much. It comes naturally and I truly realize that it is my gift. The wonderful part is that I can also give back to my wonderful co-workers. Another, “Thank you God for all that you have given me.”
I AM
I am deeply aware of my blessings;
being thankful for all that I have.
Grateful for all whom embrace my life.
That is just who I am.
I found my life's passion
in the hospice work that I do.
It is just natural for me to be there
meeting amazing folks along the way.
The rewards come from patients and families,
thanking us for all that we do.
Our listening, our comfort, our hearts.
Those gifts return to us a thousand fold.
Today I received an another amazing gift.
Not from a patient or a family,
but, wonderfully, from my peers
with whom I daily work side by side.
Their admiration; their praise
acknowledging the insight that I have.
Their kindness validates
what I have known all along;
"I am truly
where I need to be".
Sunday, August 13, 2017
END-OF-LIFE
"Gary", eighty years old, was admitted to our hospice program today. Gary was diagnosed a month ago with Colon Cancer that has spread to his liver. Gary has been in a decline since that time. Gary uses a cane to ambulate as is a bit wobbly on his feet. Family state that Gary's appetite is "up and down". Gary has lost weight since his diagnosis.
Gary lives with his wife, who is his primary caregiver. Their two children live nearby and are very supportive to their father. Gary has a tremendous network of friends who all want to help out in any way that they can.
Gary has accepted his recent diagnosis without any fear or concerns. He is a highly educated man and worked as a scientist for the state. Gary thinks things through in a very objective way. He informed the nurse and I about his process in the End-of-Life Option Act in a very matter-of-fact way. He is totally at peace about his decision as feels it is the only choice he has.
At one point, I was able to speak to Gary's family about his decision and all are supportive of his choice. They deeply know that this is his way and the only option that will work for him.
Most folks, after a new diagnosis, need time to process what the doctor has told them. Gary immediately knew what was the best choice for him. I wish him well and pray that he has a peaceful death.
END-OF-LIFE
He was diagnosed only a month ago
with a cancer that had already spread.
No treatment or cure; no viable options.
There was nothing more to be done.
He then thought about what choices he had;
realizing there were only a few.
Next he made a doctor's appointment
initiating the End-of-Life Option Act.
He doesn't know about afterlife
as does not identify with any faith.
He has no fears or concerns at all;
"It will be what it will be."
He has a strong, spiritual soul
living in the power of nature.
He hikes, he bikes, he loves the outdoors.
Multiple things that gives him peace.
I admire him for his convictions.
I admire him for his strength.
His unwavering belief; his strong principles;
in knowing what is so right for him;
End-of-Life Option Act.
Gary lives with his wife, who is his primary caregiver. Their two children live nearby and are very supportive to their father. Gary has a tremendous network of friends who all want to help out in any way that they can.
Gary has accepted his recent diagnosis without any fear or concerns. He is a highly educated man and worked as a scientist for the state. Gary thinks things through in a very objective way. He informed the nurse and I about his process in the End-of-Life Option Act in a very matter-of-fact way. He is totally at peace about his decision as feels it is the only choice he has.
At one point, I was able to speak to Gary's family about his decision and all are supportive of his choice. They deeply know that this is his way and the only option that will work for him.
Most folks, after a new diagnosis, need time to process what the doctor has told them. Gary immediately knew what was the best choice for him. I wish him well and pray that he has a peaceful death.
END-OF-LIFE
He was diagnosed only a month ago
with a cancer that had already spread.
No treatment or cure; no viable options.
There was nothing more to be done.
He then thought about what choices he had;
realizing there were only a few.
Next he made a doctor's appointment
initiating the End-of-Life Option Act.
He doesn't know about afterlife
as does not identify with any faith.
He has no fears or concerns at all;
"It will be what it will be."
He has a strong, spiritual soul
living in the power of nature.
He hikes, he bikes, he loves the outdoors.
Multiple things that gives him peace.
I admire him for his convictions.
I admire him for his strength.
His unwavering belief; his strong principles;
in knowing what is so right for him;
End-of-Life Option Act.
Saturday, August 5, 2017
"I'VE ACCEPTED"
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, "Shirley", to our hospice program today. Shirley, eighty-two, welcomed us into her home with open arms. She graciously directed us to the dining room table to sit down and talk. Shirley's husband, "Frank", was already sitting at the table.
Shirley immediately started talking about her cancer and feeding tube, along with her career as a school teacher and other family stories. She would laugh so easily. Frank cried several times throughout our visit when talking about his wife's cancer and poor prognosis. She would then tell him to stop crying. Shirley only wanted positive moments in her life.
The way she spoke about her cancer was so amazing as she turned things around to the positive side. She spoke of her amazing family and her marvelous friends. She stayed upbeat and positive. Shirley was a perfect example of dying the way she lived. I have a feeling her family and friends are not surprised at all.
"I'VE ACCEPTED"
Her smile came so easily
as she greeted us into her home.
She straightforwardly spoke about her cancer,
her trouble swallowing, her feeding tube.
She was realistic and matter of fact.
No worries or fears at all.
She embraced her amazing family
and her tremendous number of friends.
Her husband's tears flowed more easily
as he spoke about his grief and sadness.
The thought of losing his wife of 61 years
was almost too much to bear.
When I asked her how she is coping,
her reply came so quickly,
"I've accepted
That is what I do."
She was so amazing.
Diagnosed only three weeks ago.
Totally accepting so much unexpected loss.
Dying the way she lived.
Shirley immediately started talking about her cancer and feeding tube, along with her career as a school teacher and other family stories. She would laugh so easily. Frank cried several times throughout our visit when talking about his wife's cancer and poor prognosis. She would then tell him to stop crying. Shirley only wanted positive moments in her life.
The way she spoke about her cancer was so amazing as she turned things around to the positive side. She spoke of her amazing family and her marvelous friends. She stayed upbeat and positive. Shirley was a perfect example of dying the way she lived. I have a feeling her family and friends are not surprised at all.
"I'VE ACCEPTED"
Her smile came so easily
as she greeted us into her home.
She straightforwardly spoke about her cancer,
her trouble swallowing, her feeding tube.
She was realistic and matter of fact.
No worries or fears at all.
She embraced her amazing family
and her tremendous number of friends.
Her husband's tears flowed more easily
as he spoke about his grief and sadness.
The thought of losing his wife of 61 years
was almost too much to bear.
When I asked her how she is coping,
her reply came so quickly,
"I've accepted
That is what I do."
She was so amazing.
Diagnosed only three weeks ago.
Totally accepting so much unexpected loss.
Dying the way she lived.
Saturday, July 29, 2017
WHAT HELPS YOU?
We admitted, “Lonnie”, to our hospice program today. Lonnie was diagnosed with Liver Cancer three years ago. Lonnie went through multiple treatments, but now his doctor said there is no more.
Lonnie lives with his son, “Ryan”. Ryan is on leave from his work and is available to help his dad full time. Ryan is so focused on caring for his dad and is doing a beautiful job. Lonnie cannot say enough how appreciative he is of Ryan. The two have a fantastic relationship.
The moment we walked in, Lonnie started to talk. He needed to tell us his story. Lonnie had a great sense of humor as was very witty. Lonnie would talk serious for a moment about his disease, and then would start to say something funny and laugh. He was so much fun to be around.
Near the end of our visit, I asked Lonnie how he is coping with it all. His answer was so amazing and beautiful. His answer is what draws me to do hospice work, as to me, it really isn’t work at all. Thank you Lonnie.
WHAT HELPS YOU?
I am amazed by our hospice patients.
I am in awe at how they cope.
Using tactics that have always worked for them.
They will all deal with this in their own natural way.
I often ask patients, "What helps you?"
"How do you manage to get through each day?"
Many answer, "Oh the normal way."
And then I am so surprised by what I do hear.
He's been struggling for over two years.
The cancer has now rapidly spread.
These past few weeks have been tough on him.
Weaker, short of breath, not walking at all.
He cannot thank his son enough
for all the help that he does give.
He hates being so dependent,
but then his humor helps him through.
The minute we walked in, he started to talk.
He needed to tell us his story.
Using humor, he spoke about his cancer,
while telling us tales about way back when.
"What is helping you get through each day?"
“What is helping you cope?”
He became somber as his thoughts turned within.
He answered in only one word.
That word was spoken softly,
as was from deep in his heart.
He turned to both of us and gently said,
“You”.
Lonnie lives with his son, “Ryan”. Ryan is on leave from his work and is available to help his dad full time. Ryan is so focused on caring for his dad and is doing a beautiful job. Lonnie cannot say enough how appreciative he is of Ryan. The two have a fantastic relationship.
The moment we walked in, Lonnie started to talk. He needed to tell us his story. Lonnie had a great sense of humor as was very witty. Lonnie would talk serious for a moment about his disease, and then would start to say something funny and laugh. He was so much fun to be around.
Near the end of our visit, I asked Lonnie how he is coping with it all. His answer was so amazing and beautiful. His answer is what draws me to do hospice work, as to me, it really isn’t work at all. Thank you Lonnie.
WHAT HELPS YOU?
I am amazed by our hospice patients.
I am in awe at how they cope.
Using tactics that have always worked for them.
They will all deal with this in their own natural way.
I often ask patients, "What helps you?"
"How do you manage to get through each day?"
Many answer, "Oh the normal way."
And then I am so surprised by what I do hear.
He's been struggling for over two years.
The cancer has now rapidly spread.
These past few weeks have been tough on him.
Weaker, short of breath, not walking at all.
He cannot thank his son enough
for all the help that he does give.
He hates being so dependent,
but then his humor helps him through.
The minute we walked in, he started to talk.
He needed to tell us his story.
Using humor, he spoke about his cancer,
while telling us tales about way back when.
"What is helping you get through each day?"
“What is helping you cope?”
He became somber as his thoughts turned within.
He answered in only one word.
That word was spoken softly,
as was from deep in his heart.
He turned to both of us and gently said,
“You”.
Saturday, July 22, 2017
THEIR LAST GOODBYE
We admitted two patients to hospice today. Both were females in their eighties. Both were residing in a Residential Care Facility. One mom had been in her facility for over three years as suffered from dementia and needed a lot of help. Recently, though, she has been in a decline to where she is weaker, more confused and not eating, although the staff are supplementing her diet with an Ensure.
Her daughter, “Sharon”, visits frequently and was realistic and honest about her mother’s status and her emotions regarding this recent change. Her mom doesn’t talk much, but appeared relaxed and comfortable. Sharon spoke how she is ready to let her mother go as their is no quality of life for her any longer.
The second patient we admitted to our program, also was in her eighties and living in a Residential Care Facility. The difference was that this second patient had been independent until she suffered two major strokes. She was recovering from the first stroke when another stroke occurred one week ago.
The family moved her into the Residential Care Facility one week ago after going through rehabilitation. It was then that the patient suffered another major stroke. She is now imminent and unresponsive. Likely she will die within a few days. Her children are all aware and are grieving so appropriately. The three children shared that it is each other and their sense of humor that help them cope with life’s challenges.
Both patients had such different backgrounds, but it goes to show, that in the end, love is what matters and saying goodbye may be the best gift of love after all.
THEIR LAST GOODBYE
Her mom is in her eighties.
She's been confused for years.
Lately, though, she is weaker.
Not eating much now, at all.
She is more wobbly on her feet
resulting in several recent falls.
Her daughter is grieving her mother
as there is no quality of life left at all.
Their mother's decline has been sudden.
She, late eighties too, had been living alone.
Now imminent and unresponsive.
Two major strokes ending it all.
Both families love their mothers,
but the mom they know is no longer around.
They told childhood stories; laughing while sharing.
Reminiscing about the past; good days long gone.
All are now ready for it to be over.
Their moms have suffered enough.
The kids don’t want their mother to leave,
but each are so ready to speak from their hearts
to lovingly say;
Their Last Goodbye.
Her daughter, “Sharon”, visits frequently and was realistic and honest about her mother’s status and her emotions regarding this recent change. Her mom doesn’t talk much, but appeared relaxed and comfortable. Sharon spoke how she is ready to let her mother go as their is no quality of life for her any longer.
The second patient we admitted to our program, also was in her eighties and living in a Residential Care Facility. The difference was that this second patient had been independent until she suffered two major strokes. She was recovering from the first stroke when another stroke occurred one week ago.
The family moved her into the Residential Care Facility one week ago after going through rehabilitation. It was then that the patient suffered another major stroke. She is now imminent and unresponsive. Likely she will die within a few days. Her children are all aware and are grieving so appropriately. The three children shared that it is each other and their sense of humor that help them cope with life’s challenges.
Both patients had such different backgrounds, but it goes to show, that in the end, love is what matters and saying goodbye may be the best gift of love after all.
THEIR LAST GOODBYE
Her mom is in her eighties.
She's been confused for years.
Lately, though, she is weaker.
Not eating much now, at all.
She is more wobbly on her feet
resulting in several recent falls.
Her daughter is grieving her mother
as there is no quality of life left at all.
Their mother's decline has been sudden.
She, late eighties too, had been living alone.
Now imminent and unresponsive.
Two major strokes ending it all.
Both families love their mothers,
but the mom they know is no longer around.
They told childhood stories; laughing while sharing.
Reminiscing about the past; good days long gone.
All are now ready for it to be over.
Their moms have suffered enough.
The kids don’t want their mother to leave,
but each are so ready to speak from their hearts
to lovingly say;
Their Last Goodbye.
Saturday, July 15, 2017
NO REGRETS
"Les", eighty, was diagnosed with stomach cancer several years ago. Les received many treatments of chemotherapy and radiation. Recently, his physician ordered several scans which revealed that Les's cancer is spreading. Les is slowly getting weaker, although still can manage all of his needs.
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit Les to our hospice program this morning. Les was so welcoming and immediately started to tell jokes, that he had us laughing moments after we walked through his front door. Les has such a positive attitude about life and so easily shared all his personal life stories.
Les does not worry about a thing. He knows that one day he may no longer be able to live alone. Les has been estranged from the majority of his family, although one cousin lives nearby. His cousin works full time and will not be able to help Les with his future daily needs. I spoke with Les about options for long term care. Les answered me with, "It is way too early to talk about those things."
Les lives in the moment and enjoys each moment he has. He doesn't worry about what tomorrow may bring him. Somehow I know from just meeting him today, that Les likely will be okay. He will embrace his life until the end, with no regrets.
NO REGRETS
He jokes and laughs so easily.
He sees life in such a positive way.
He loves to share his own life stories
with no regrets at all.
He divorced his wife thirty years ago.
He is estranged from all of his kids.
He started drinking vodka at age five.
Being matter of fact, he'll share all.
He'd like to live to one hundred twenty-five
knowing that is unrealistic for sure.
"When it is my time, I will go.
We all have to travel that road one time."
More than thirty years ago.
he had an out-of-body experience.
That encounter took away any fears
as they told him then, it wasn't his time.
He'll continue to drink his vodka.
He'll smoke his marijuana cigarettes to help him sleep.
He'll keep on telling jokes and laughing;
and he will continue to live his customary way
with no regrets at all.
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit Les to our hospice program this morning. Les was so welcoming and immediately started to tell jokes, that he had us laughing moments after we walked through his front door. Les has such a positive attitude about life and so easily shared all his personal life stories.
Les does not worry about a thing. He knows that one day he may no longer be able to live alone. Les has been estranged from the majority of his family, although one cousin lives nearby. His cousin works full time and will not be able to help Les with his future daily needs. I spoke with Les about options for long term care. Les answered me with, "It is way too early to talk about those things."
Les lives in the moment and enjoys each moment he has. He doesn't worry about what tomorrow may bring him. Somehow I know from just meeting him today, that Les likely will be okay. He will embrace his life until the end, with no regrets.
NO REGRETS
He jokes and laughs so easily.
He sees life in such a positive way.
He loves to share his own life stories
with no regrets at all.
He divorced his wife thirty years ago.
He is estranged from all of his kids.
He started drinking vodka at age five.
Being matter of fact, he'll share all.
He'd like to live to one hundred twenty-five
knowing that is unrealistic for sure.
"When it is my time, I will go.
We all have to travel that road one time."
More than thirty years ago.
he had an out-of-body experience.
That encounter took away any fears
as they told him then, it wasn't his time.
He'll continue to drink his vodka.
He'll smoke his marijuana cigarettes to help him sleep.
He'll keep on telling jokes and laughing;
and he will continue to live his customary way
with no regrets at all.
Saturday, July 8, 2017
HE'S NOT READY
As part of our hospice support, we meet with patients and their families to educate them about our hospice program and supports. Often, folks are not yet ready for hospice as have fears we hurry death along or we take charge over how things are managed.
We met up with “Sam”, who wanted to hear about our program because of his elderly mother who has been declining for such a long time. She is now totally dependent upon all of her needs. She is eating very little as is awake only a few hours each day.
Sam liked what we said about our program, but wanted to ask his mother what she thought about hospice support. He feared she would just give up on life as wasn’t ready to hear about hospice.
Several hours later, Sam gave me a call to schedule a hospice admission. He asked his mother what she thought about hospice being involved. He was so surprised and relieved by her response. I told him that he gave her the opportunity to talk about her true feelings. I believe that she was also likely relieved by his question.
In the end, I feel that most of us do best with the truth. It is typically a healthy practice as it allows us to process our own emotions and thoughts in a safe environment.
HE'S NOT READY
She's been bedridden for over two years.
She is weak and needs so much help.
She sleeps about twenty-two hours each day.
Her decline is slow, but continuing.
Her son wants to do what's right for her,
but doesn't know where to begin.
He wanted to know about hospice support,
but he's not ready to hear this may be her end.
We educated him about our hospice program.
He liked what we had said,
but he doesn't know how to tell her.
He fears she might give up.
He went out to talk with her.
He didn't know what to say,
but she awoke when he mentioned hospice.
"Would you like us to bring them in?"
He was amazed by what his mother said
as feared she would be upset.
Instead it was "Such a magical moment",
as felt instant relief by her response.
He didn’t believe she was prepared,
but she easily told him that she was,
by answering his question
in a few simple words.
“Yes.
I am ready.”
We met up with “Sam”, who wanted to hear about our program because of his elderly mother who has been declining for such a long time. She is now totally dependent upon all of her needs. She is eating very little as is awake only a few hours each day.
Sam liked what we said about our program, but wanted to ask his mother what she thought about hospice support. He feared she would just give up on life as wasn’t ready to hear about hospice.
Several hours later, Sam gave me a call to schedule a hospice admission. He asked his mother what she thought about hospice being involved. He was so surprised and relieved by her response. I told him that he gave her the opportunity to talk about her true feelings. I believe that she was also likely relieved by his question.
In the end, I feel that most of us do best with the truth. It is typically a healthy practice as it allows us to process our own emotions and thoughts in a safe environment.
HE'S NOT READY
She's been bedridden for over two years.
She is weak and needs so much help.
She sleeps about twenty-two hours each day.
Her decline is slow, but continuing.
Her son wants to do what's right for her,
but doesn't know where to begin.
He wanted to know about hospice support,
but he's not ready to hear this may be her end.
We educated him about our hospice program.
He liked what we had said,
but he doesn't know how to tell her.
He fears she might give up.
He went out to talk with her.
He didn't know what to say,
but she awoke when he mentioned hospice.
"Would you like us to bring them in?"
He was amazed by what his mother said
as feared she would be upset.
Instead it was "Such a magical moment",
as felt instant relief by her response.
He didn’t believe she was prepared,
but she easily told him that she was,
by answering his question
in a few simple words.
“Yes.
I am ready.”
Saturday, July 1, 2017
A SPECIAL GUY
"Matt", sixty-six, was admitted to hospice several weeks ago. Matt had colon cancer and was told there was nothing more to be done. Matt then moved in with his family in order to have someone to care for him as his needs increased. Due to the move, Matt connected with a new physician. His new physician informed Matt about new treatment options that were available.
Matt had a very low-key, calm personality. He thought about the treatment and was excited about giving it a try. Because he was pursuing curative treatment, we discharged Matt from hospice two weeks ago. It was then that I met Matt as I went out with the nurse to admit Matt to our Palliative Care Program.
Matt immediately impressed me with his huge heart and embracing personality. He had strong Eastern Spiritual beliefs and would remain calm no matter what came his way. Matt had a successful career and totally enjoyed his life. We sat with Matt in the backyard of his family's home. Matt was so full of life.
One week later, Matt ended up in the ICU due to the progression of his illness. It was then that his family chose to admit Matt to hospice for the second time. Yesterday I went out to meet with Matt and his family. I was shocked at how much he declined in such a short period of time. Matt was lying in bed and spoke only a few words. He easily fell back into a deep sleep. He was so weak, I knew he did not have much time.
I heard late this afternoon that Matt had died. My grief came on suddenly. I was happy for him that he is no longer suffering, but sad for his family and all those who knew him. It is such a huge loss for all. Matt has left an amazing legacy. I feel so blessed to have met him. Special times with such a special guy.
A SPECIAL GUY
There was something so special about him.
It wasn't just one particular thing.
How he embraced his life so fully.
Easily accepting whatever came his way.
He would think about all of his options.
Which one naturally would work the best.
Which would keep balance in his life.
Able to easily then, take another step.
He had a complete, full life,
but wasn't quite yet ready to let go.
His doctor wanted to try new treatments.
He, with hope, willing to give it a try.
One week later, admitted to the ICU.
Nothing more do be done.
Yesterday, home with hospice support.
Unresponsive, imminent, it was now his time.
He died peacefully late this afternoon.
I am happy for him as he suffers no more.
But I had chills, eyes full of tears.
I am grieving
such an amazing man.
Matt had a very low-key, calm personality. He thought about the treatment and was excited about giving it a try. Because he was pursuing curative treatment, we discharged Matt from hospice two weeks ago. It was then that I met Matt as I went out with the nurse to admit Matt to our Palliative Care Program.
Matt immediately impressed me with his huge heart and embracing personality. He had strong Eastern Spiritual beliefs and would remain calm no matter what came his way. Matt had a successful career and totally enjoyed his life. We sat with Matt in the backyard of his family's home. Matt was so full of life.
One week later, Matt ended up in the ICU due to the progression of his illness. It was then that his family chose to admit Matt to hospice for the second time. Yesterday I went out to meet with Matt and his family. I was shocked at how much he declined in such a short period of time. Matt was lying in bed and spoke only a few words. He easily fell back into a deep sleep. He was so weak, I knew he did not have much time.
I heard late this afternoon that Matt had died. My grief came on suddenly. I was happy for him that he is no longer suffering, but sad for his family and all those who knew him. It is such a huge loss for all. Matt has left an amazing legacy. I feel so blessed to have met him. Special times with such a special guy.
A SPECIAL GUY
There was something so special about him.
It wasn't just one particular thing.
How he embraced his life so fully.
Easily accepting whatever came his way.
He would think about all of his options.
Which one naturally would work the best.
Which would keep balance in his life.
Able to easily then, take another step.
He had a complete, full life,
but wasn't quite yet ready to let go.
His doctor wanted to try new treatments.
He, with hope, willing to give it a try.
One week later, admitted to the ICU.
Nothing more do be done.
Yesterday, home with hospice support.
Unresponsive, imminent, it was now his time.
He died peacefully late this afternoon.
I am happy for him as he suffers no more.
But I had chills, eyes full of tears.
I am grieving
such an amazing man.
Sunday, June 25, 2017
THEY KNOW
We admitted , "Ted", a twenty-four year old diagnosed with cancer. Ted had been doing quite well until a recent onset of tremendous pain. Ted moved in with family who were able to care for him. His pain became quite severe to where he had many clinic visits to help reduce his pain.
We met Ted’s family in the kitchen of their home. Ted did not participate as he was in a deep sleep. At the end of our visit, the hospice nurse examined Ted and felt he was imminent. He had moments when he did not breathe. This symptom often can occur at the end of one’s life.
At the beginning of our visit, the family was talking about curative treatment and wanting to call 911 so that Ted would not die. We spoke of our palliative care program thinking that they were not ready for hospice. The nurse and I listened to them and validated their feelings. We also directed the family on looking at Ted's wishes and how he perceived quality of life.
By the end of our visit, the family was on the hospice page. They knew he was dying and they started to look at the peaceful side of things. Their strong Christian faith helped them cope with knowing that Ted was going to a better place. It was amazing to see their transition from unrealistic hopes of curative options, to coming to terms with the reality of things. They were giving Ted a lot of love, compassion and care. The best medicine for him.
THEY KNOW
He was diagnosed two years ago.
Until recently, he was doing well.
His decline has now been swift.
Weakness, pain, no appetite.
They wanted him on hospice.
They knew that we could help.
They needed resources, reassurances
that he would be okay.
They spoke of clinical trials.
They didn't want to destroy any hope.
He has a full life ahead of him.
My gosh, so unfair; he is only twenty-four.
We spoke about comfort care.
We spoke about quality of life.
What would be his wishes?
What would he tell you to do?
"I gave him permission to go.
I said we’d be alright.
He's going to a better place.
Do we call hospice when he stops breathing?"
Yes, they know.
They all truly know.
We met Ted’s family in the kitchen of their home. Ted did not participate as he was in a deep sleep. At the end of our visit, the hospice nurse examined Ted and felt he was imminent. He had moments when he did not breathe. This symptom often can occur at the end of one’s life.
At the beginning of our visit, the family was talking about curative treatment and wanting to call 911 so that Ted would not die. We spoke of our palliative care program thinking that they were not ready for hospice. The nurse and I listened to them and validated their feelings. We also directed the family on looking at Ted's wishes and how he perceived quality of life.
By the end of our visit, the family was on the hospice page. They knew he was dying and they started to look at the peaceful side of things. Their strong Christian faith helped them cope with knowing that Ted was going to a better place. It was amazing to see their transition from unrealistic hopes of curative options, to coming to terms with the reality of things. They were giving Ted a lot of love, compassion and care. The best medicine for him.
THEY KNOW
He was diagnosed two years ago.
Until recently, he was doing well.
His decline has now been swift.
Weakness, pain, no appetite.
They wanted him on hospice.
They knew that we could help.
They needed resources, reassurances
that he would be okay.
They spoke of clinical trials.
They didn't want to destroy any hope.
He has a full life ahead of him.
My gosh, so unfair; he is only twenty-four.
We spoke about comfort care.
We spoke about quality of life.
What would be his wishes?
What would he tell you to do?
"I gave him permission to go.
I said we’d be alright.
He's going to a better place.
Do we call hospice when he stops breathing?"
Yes, they know.
They all truly know.
Saturday, June 17, 2017
SHE SPOKE
We admitted, "Elizabeth", to our hospice program today. Elizabeth suffers from ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). She has been in a recent decline to where now she is wheelchair bound and dependent with all of her needs.
Elizabeth immediately welcomed the nurse and I into her home. She had this broad, beautiful smile while asking her hired caregiver to move two chairs over near her. Elizabeth spoke softly, but her words and heart were so amazing. She spoke of her family, friends and the support she receives in such an appreciative way.
Elizabeth was a Neo-natal physician and shared stories about her work experiences. She shared so much love with families in such stressful moments. She also shared a few stories about how it was, at times, a blessing to let a child go. Elizabeth's words were so powerful because of the immense love she had while sharing them.
One amazing coincidence presented itself during the hospice nurse's and my conversation with Elizabeth. The nurse said that she was two months premature and weighed three pounds at birth. Elizabeth then shared her thoughts and insight about premies. I was then able to add that I, too, was three months premature and also weighed three pounds at birth. Elizabeth was able to share that my weight came on earlier than typically expected. It made me think how fortunate I was as that may be the reason I was able to survive. My parents were told that there was a 25% chance of survival for me.
There are folks that we meet along our journey that cross our paths only once. I feel so blessed that I was able to meet Elizabeth. I sure do hope our paths cross again. She is such an inspiration.
SHE SPOKE
The moment you walk into her home
you feel her kindness; you feel her compassion.
She spoke so softly, so genuine.
Her heart permeated the room.
She spoke of her dependence.
Her disease and its impact on her life.
"I wish I were dead.
I wish I wasn't lucid."
She was a neo-natal physician by trade.
She spoke of newborns less than a pound.
How so many were saved to fulfill productive lives;
while others did not fare so well.
She still remembers her first one pound baby.
"His name is Ronald. He is thirty-five now.
He is living a full, healthy life.
He is someone I will never forget."
She thanked us for our kindness; our compassion,
but she is the one with an amazing, spiritual heart.
It was so beautiful; so obvious to all.
It became apparent immediately
because
She spoke.
Elizabeth immediately welcomed the nurse and I into her home. She had this broad, beautiful smile while asking her hired caregiver to move two chairs over near her. Elizabeth spoke softly, but her words and heart were so amazing. She spoke of her family, friends and the support she receives in such an appreciative way.
Elizabeth was a Neo-natal physician and shared stories about her work experiences. She shared so much love with families in such stressful moments. She also shared a few stories about how it was, at times, a blessing to let a child go. Elizabeth's words were so powerful because of the immense love she had while sharing them.
One amazing coincidence presented itself during the hospice nurse's and my conversation with Elizabeth. The nurse said that she was two months premature and weighed three pounds at birth. Elizabeth then shared her thoughts and insight about premies. I was then able to add that I, too, was three months premature and also weighed three pounds at birth. Elizabeth was able to share that my weight came on earlier than typically expected. It made me think how fortunate I was as that may be the reason I was able to survive. My parents were told that there was a 25% chance of survival for me.
There are folks that we meet along our journey that cross our paths only once. I feel so blessed that I was able to meet Elizabeth. I sure do hope our paths cross again. She is such an inspiration.
SHE SPOKE
The moment you walk into her home
you feel her kindness; you feel her compassion.
She spoke so softly, so genuine.
Her heart permeated the room.
She spoke of her dependence.
Her disease and its impact on her life.
"I wish I were dead.
I wish I wasn't lucid."
She was a neo-natal physician by trade.
She spoke of newborns less than a pound.
How so many were saved to fulfill productive lives;
while others did not fare so well.
She still remembers her first one pound baby.
"His name is Ronald. He is thirty-five now.
He is living a full, healthy life.
He is someone I will never forget."
She thanked us for our kindness; our compassion,
but she is the one with an amazing, spiritual heart.
It was so beautiful; so obvious to all.
It became apparent immediately
because
She spoke.
Saturday, June 10, 2017
WISE OLD SOUL
We admitted, "Cathy", to hospice today after a three year struggle with cancer. One's first impression of Cathy, is that she has had a rough life. She instantly smiles when she meets you, along with a wisecrack. She accepts life in such a positive, humorous way.
Cathy has recently declined to where she is much weaker. Cathy says she could use a walker as she is now wobbly on her feet. She is eating very little and sleeping a lot more during the day. She has totally accepted her terminal diagnosis and poor prognosis. She has strong Native American beliefs about life and lives those beliefs daily.
Her humor was off-the-wall hilarious. She had us all laughing when talking about her medication and recent decline. When I asked her if she had any fears or concerns, she stated that she wishes she would know that she would die in a few days. She does not like burdening her family with her slowly increasing needs.
What was so amazing and wonderful, is that Cathy lives her beliefs every day. She accepts where others are in their beliefs, but truly has such a strong spiritual insight. She has lived many more years than her age. She is an amazing soul.
ADDENDUM: Cathy got her wish, as five days later she died peacefully with her family by her bedside.
WISE OLD SOUL
She has no fear of dying.
"We all are going to do it".
Not sure of the other side,
"But it will be an adventure."
She embraces her life;
one moment at a time.
Accepting, loving, giving.
Her natural personality just shines.
She was a Corrections Officer by trade.
She comes across rough and tough.
She is straightforward and direct,
using sarcastic humor to lighten her load.
I was drawn to her instantly.
Amazed by her strong beliefs.
Spiritually living each day
knowing it may be her last.
She is a natural teacher about life.
Her mystical energy just flows.
She is the wisest of old souls,
at such a young age
of only
forty-five.
Cathy has recently declined to where she is much weaker. Cathy says she could use a walker as she is now wobbly on her feet. She is eating very little and sleeping a lot more during the day. She has totally accepted her terminal diagnosis and poor prognosis. She has strong Native American beliefs about life and lives those beliefs daily.
Her humor was off-the-wall hilarious. She had us all laughing when talking about her medication and recent decline. When I asked her if she had any fears or concerns, she stated that she wishes she would know that she would die in a few days. She does not like burdening her family with her slowly increasing needs.
What was so amazing and wonderful, is that Cathy lives her beliefs every day. She accepts where others are in their beliefs, but truly has such a strong spiritual insight. She has lived many more years than her age. She is an amazing soul.
ADDENDUM: Cathy got her wish, as five days later she died peacefully with her family by her bedside.
WISE OLD SOUL
She has no fear of dying.
"We all are going to do it".
Not sure of the other side,
"But it will be an adventure."
She embraces her life;
one moment at a time.
Accepting, loving, giving.
Her natural personality just shines.
She was a Corrections Officer by trade.
She comes across rough and tough.
She is straightforward and direct,
using sarcastic humor to lighten her load.
I was drawn to her instantly.
Amazed by her strong beliefs.
Spiritually living each day
knowing it may be her last.
She is a natural teacher about life.
Her mystical energy just flows.
She is the wisest of old souls,
at such a young age
of only
forty-five.
Saturday, June 3, 2017
WE WILL KNOW
I have been with so many hospice patients, who get to a certain point, that they are fully aware that they are done. They feel it on such an unemotional basis. It is like the next step for them. We admitted "Betsy", eighty-one, to hospice today after suffering a major stroke. She was discharged home today from the hospital.
Her daughter, "Judy", is her primary caretaker and wants to do what is best for mom. She and her mother have always been close. Mom can no longer talk, but does understand. Judy tries to ask her mom simple questions where her mother can nod her head yes or no.
Two weeks ago, when this first happened, Betsy did tell her daughter and her family what she wanted. One thing I know for sure, there is total love in this home. I told Betsy's daughter that she is doing things so perfectly for her mom as she is giving her love and she is accepting Mom's decision.
WE WILL KNOW
Somehow I truly believe
that we all can reach the point
where we say and truly know,
"I am done."
We all want independence.
We all want quality of life.
Each defined so individually.
It is such a personal choice.
She was fine two weeks ago.
She was fully living and enjoying life.
A major stroke after a sudden heart attack.
Her life so dramatically changed.
She is now bedridden; not eating at all.
She is blind; no longer can talk.
She will nod her head to questions asked.
She knows what is going on.
They all know what she wants.
They all know it is her time
as two weeks ago she told them all,
"I am finished.
I am done."
Her daughter, "Judy", is her primary caretaker and wants to do what is best for mom. She and her mother have always been close. Mom can no longer talk, but does understand. Judy tries to ask her mom simple questions where her mother can nod her head yes or no.
Two weeks ago, when this first happened, Betsy did tell her daughter and her family what she wanted. One thing I know for sure, there is total love in this home. I told Betsy's daughter that she is doing things so perfectly for her mom as she is giving her love and she is accepting Mom's decision.
WE WILL KNOW
Somehow I truly believe
that we all can reach the point
where we say and truly know,
"I am done."
We all want independence.
We all want quality of life.
Each defined so individually.
It is such a personal choice.
She was fine two weeks ago.
She was fully living and enjoying life.
A major stroke after a sudden heart attack.
Her life so dramatically changed.
She is now bedridden; not eating at all.
She is blind; no longer can talk.
She will nod her head to questions asked.
She knows what is going on.
They all know what she wants.
They all know it is her time
as two weeks ago she told them all,
"I am finished.
I am done."
Saturday, May 27, 2017
HER LANGUAGE
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Mitchell” to our hospice program. Mitchell has been suffering from brain cancer for several years. He had been doing quite well until ten days ago when he took a sudden fall. After the fall, Mitchell rapidly declined. He is now bedridden, weak and needing help with all of his needs.
Mitchell lives with his wife, “Andre”. Andre and Mitchell are both retired University Professors. They are both very intellectual when speaking. Both are direct and to the point. Mitchell has totally accepted his status and poor prognosis. He wants it over. He denied any fears or concerns about his dying.
Mitchell’s family all live out of state, but the couple has a tremendous support network of friends who live nearby. Mitchell has stated that he no longer wants any visitors. He wants to focus on dying. He is processing about what options are available. It is all so simple to him.
Andre, on the other hand, wants to follow her husband’s wishes, but needs time to process her grief and emotions. Her natural way of thinking is the intellectual way. Unfortunately, thinking intellectual can often overlook one’s deep emotions and grief.
It was a challenge to me to keep to the nuts and bolts of hospice, but I knew that was likely the best way to communicate to her. Mitchell slept through much of the meeting, so the majority of my conversation was directed toward Andre.
I walked away feeling so sad about what this couple is going through. I didn’t feel like I helped Andre much at all, although maybe I did more than I thought while speaking her language. One thing I know, Andre has a tremendously large network of friends. She will, hopefully, get her needed support from them.
HER LANGUAGE
He was diagnosed several years ago
and had been doing quite well.
Ten days ago, all has changed.
He is now weak, bedridden and dependent.
He is so sure about his wishes.
He is ready for it all to be over.
He denied any fears or concerns,
"When do they pull the plug?"
Both are University Professors.
Both have brilliant, academic minds.
She is attempting to intellectualize her feelings,
although her emotions are screaming so loud.
She wants to follow his wishes,
even though they are not hers.
She doesn't want to acknowledge her grief.
The pain is way too great.
I kept to the nuts and bolts
while explaining our hospice support.
It isn’t my language at all,
but likely the best dialect she could hear.
I wanted to normalize her fears.
I wanted to validate her emotions.
Hopefully, I was successful in supporting her,
using her language
that was foreign to my ears.
Mitchell lives with his wife, “Andre”. Andre and Mitchell are both retired University Professors. They are both very intellectual when speaking. Both are direct and to the point. Mitchell has totally accepted his status and poor prognosis. He wants it over. He denied any fears or concerns about his dying.
Mitchell’s family all live out of state, but the couple has a tremendous support network of friends who live nearby. Mitchell has stated that he no longer wants any visitors. He wants to focus on dying. He is processing about what options are available. It is all so simple to him.
Andre, on the other hand, wants to follow her husband’s wishes, but needs time to process her grief and emotions. Her natural way of thinking is the intellectual way. Unfortunately, thinking intellectual can often overlook one’s deep emotions and grief.
It was a challenge to me to keep to the nuts and bolts of hospice, but I knew that was likely the best way to communicate to her. Mitchell slept through much of the meeting, so the majority of my conversation was directed toward Andre.
I walked away feeling so sad about what this couple is going through. I didn’t feel like I helped Andre much at all, although maybe I did more than I thought while speaking her language. One thing I know, Andre has a tremendously large network of friends. She will, hopefully, get her needed support from them.
HER LANGUAGE
He was diagnosed several years ago
and had been doing quite well.
Ten days ago, all has changed.
He is now weak, bedridden and dependent.
He is so sure about his wishes.
He is ready for it all to be over.
He denied any fears or concerns,
"When do they pull the plug?"
Both are University Professors.
Both have brilliant, academic minds.
She is attempting to intellectualize her feelings,
although her emotions are screaming so loud.
She wants to follow his wishes,
even though they are not hers.
She doesn't want to acknowledge her grief.
The pain is way too great.
I kept to the nuts and bolts
while explaining our hospice support.
It isn’t my language at all,
but likely the best dialect she could hear.
I wanted to normalize her fears.
I wanted to validate her emotions.
Hopefully, I was successful in supporting her,
using her language
that was foreign to my ears.
Saturday, May 20, 2017
"THANK YOU GOD"
A Hospice Volunteer Coordinator, I worked with years ago, had this amazing sign in her office. It simply said, "You don't choose hospice, hospice chooses you." That statement to me is profound and so true.
I have always been interested in death and dying for whatever reason. Maybe because I was born three months early and was not expected to survive. In high school I took a Career Planning test which came up mortician. During those years, hospice was not a noteworthy profession. My natural spiritual path led me directly to hospice.
We often get asked how can we do hospice? The primary answer is that the work we do is so fulfilling and rewarding. Each day, we hear in words or see on people's faces, that we have made a positive difference by our support. I truly feel it is my life's passion. I will continue to do this work until I can no longer. It is that special to me.
Today's case was a prime example of why I keep getting up each day to continue doing hospice work. The rewards are amazing and so humbling. When patients or families tell us thank you, I want to say, "No, thank you for welcoming us into your home, sharing something so intimate during such a heartbreaking, vulnerable time." It is an honor to witness so many amazing moments.
"THANK YOU GOD"
I have been blessed this life.
I talk to God every single day.
It is not prayers, but a conversation.
"Thank you God for all that you give me."
The gift of doing hospice work is amazing.
Meeting people struggling with a terminal disease.
Hearing their stories; giving them support.
It doesn't get much better than that.
People often ask us,
"How can you do hospice work?"
I say, "It is a calling; it is a passion.
The rewards so remarkably high".
They hoped Mom would be okay.
They hoped she would bounce back.
But the pneumonia was way too strong.
She is now imminent; close to death.
Meeting them for the first time today,
they were ready to hear what I had to say.
I normalized their sorrow; I validated their feelings.
I counseled all on grief and loss.
They gave me so much more than I gave them.
"You need to teach. You are so good at this."
"You helped me more than you will ever know.
Thank you so much."
My eyes filled with gracious tears.
I am doing my life's work; my passion.
Driving away from their home,
I looked upward and again said,
"Thank you God
for all that you give."
I have always been interested in death and dying for whatever reason. Maybe because I was born three months early and was not expected to survive. In high school I took a Career Planning test which came up mortician. During those years, hospice was not a noteworthy profession. My natural spiritual path led me directly to hospice.
We often get asked how can we do hospice? The primary answer is that the work we do is so fulfilling and rewarding. Each day, we hear in words or see on people's faces, that we have made a positive difference by our support. I truly feel it is my life's passion. I will continue to do this work until I can no longer. It is that special to me.
Today's case was a prime example of why I keep getting up each day to continue doing hospice work. The rewards are amazing and so humbling. When patients or families tell us thank you, I want to say, "No, thank you for welcoming us into your home, sharing something so intimate during such a heartbreaking, vulnerable time." It is an honor to witness so many amazing moments.
"THANK YOU GOD"
I have been blessed this life.
I talk to God every single day.
It is not prayers, but a conversation.
"Thank you God for all that you give me."
The gift of doing hospice work is amazing.
Meeting people struggling with a terminal disease.
Hearing their stories; giving them support.
It doesn't get much better than that.
People often ask us,
"How can you do hospice work?"
I say, "It is a calling; it is a passion.
The rewards so remarkably high".
They hoped Mom would be okay.
They hoped she would bounce back.
But the pneumonia was way too strong.
She is now imminent; close to death.
Meeting them for the first time today,
they were ready to hear what I had to say.
I normalized their sorrow; I validated their feelings.
I counseled all on grief and loss.
They gave me so much more than I gave them.
"You need to teach. You are so good at this."
"You helped me more than you will ever know.
Thank you so much."
My eyes filled with gracious tears.
I am doing my life's work; my passion.
Driving away from their home,
I looked upward and again said,
"Thank you God
for all that you give."
Thursday, May 11, 2017
MOTHER'S DAY
My son, Mark, is a comedy writer living in Los Angeles. He has written multiple scripts titled "Magnificent Moms". Each Mother's Day, for several years, the local Hollywood theater he is connected with, lets Mark produce one of his shows. The show this year will have local comedians on stage with their own mothers to either sing, do a skit, dance etc. Mark has asked me to emcee the program with him. I have never done anything like this before, but Mark says I will do fine and not to worry.
In addition, Mark has asked me to write a poem about Mother's Day to read on stage. That is one thing I am comfortable doing. Mark reassures me that I will do well. I will just go with the flow and have fun with it all. One thing I know for sure, I am a proud Mom of two amazing sons. Happy Mother's Day to all of you.
MOTHER'S DAY
My son spoke about Mother's Day.
He asked me to write a poem.
My mind went into so many directions.
How can I capture it in just a few words?
The miracle of birth left me awestruck.
How do I care for someone so small?
I relied on Dr. Spock's instructions
guiding me with my first diaper change.
I didn't know much about raising kids,
but one thing I was sure.
Let them know how much they are loved.
The rest should hopefully, fall into place.
I embraced each moment wanting no change,
but then was so excited seeing them grow.
Watching them make friends, play sports, acting in plays.
Experiencing new adventures; following their dreams.
In the end, maybe it isn't that complicated at all.
You love them; you support them; you laugh and you cry.
But for me, the best thing about being a mom
is knowing that my sons are happy
and they do truly love me too.
In addition, Mark has asked me to write a poem about Mother's Day to read on stage. That is one thing I am comfortable doing. Mark reassures me that I will do well. I will just go with the flow and have fun with it all. One thing I know for sure, I am a proud Mom of two amazing sons. Happy Mother's Day to all of you.
MOTHER'S DAY
My son spoke about Mother's Day.
He asked me to write a poem.
My mind went into so many directions.
How can I capture it in just a few words?
The miracle of birth left me awestruck.
How do I care for someone so small?
I relied on Dr. Spock's instructions
guiding me with my first diaper change.
I didn't know much about raising kids,
but one thing I was sure.
Let them know how much they are loved.
The rest should hopefully, fall into place.
I embraced each moment wanting no change,
but then was so excited seeing them grow.
Watching them make friends, play sports, acting in plays.
Experiencing new adventures; following their dreams.
In the end, maybe it isn't that complicated at all.
You love them; you support them; you laugh and you cry.
But for me, the best thing about being a mom
is knowing that my sons are happy
and they do truly love me too.
Saturday, May 6, 2017
"MY HEART"
"Saul", sixty-eight, was diagnosed over two years ago with Pancreatic Cancer. At the time of diagnosis, doctors predicted he having only months to live. Saul went through chemotherapy and radiation treatment successfully. In the past weeks though, Saul has been in a decline. He is continually queasy and on a liquid diet as food makes his nauseous worse.
Saul lives with his wife, "Anna". They have four children who are very supportive and caring. Anna's phone continued to ring throughout our visit. It was supportive family and friends calling to check in how things were going.
Saul and Anna's home was simply decorated. It was very clean and neat having no excess belongings around. Saul asked all about his stomach pain, wanting to be clear on how to take the pain medication. Once he was satisfied that he understood, he had no other questions. He denied any fears or concerns about his terminal prognosis.
Anna, because of her strong faith, also saw life like Saul. Life was not that complex to the couple at all. Anna truly believed life's journey was all guided by God above. She accepted life no matter what came their way. She was so appreciative of hospice's support truly believing God had sent us to her front door.
What a beautiful soul. Her wonderful love of family, along with her strong faith, guides her peacefully. Talk about wisdom!
"MY HEART"
The moment you walk into her home,
you get a sense of who she is.
Her home is minimally decorated;
no clutter; no knick-knacks; no mess.
Her Muslim faith nourishes her;
clarifying her strong beliefs.
Life is not that complex to her.
She knows it is all in God's hands.
She graciously accepted hospice into her home,
trusting us to know how best to treat her husband.
He was diagnosed over two years ago.
Living so much longer than predicted.
She willingly accepts life's challenges,
trusting completely in God's spiritual plan.
She knows his disease is terminal by asking,
"How long will it be?"
I asked her, "How are you coping with this?"
Her answer, simply put, said it all.
"God is in my heart.
Husband is in my heart."
Saul lives with his wife, "Anna". They have four children who are very supportive and caring. Anna's phone continued to ring throughout our visit. It was supportive family and friends calling to check in how things were going.
Saul and Anna's home was simply decorated. It was very clean and neat having no excess belongings around. Saul asked all about his stomach pain, wanting to be clear on how to take the pain medication. Once he was satisfied that he understood, he had no other questions. He denied any fears or concerns about his terminal prognosis.
Anna, because of her strong faith, also saw life like Saul. Life was not that complex to the couple at all. Anna truly believed life's journey was all guided by God above. She accepted life no matter what came their way. She was so appreciative of hospice's support truly believing God had sent us to her front door.
What a beautiful soul. Her wonderful love of family, along with her strong faith, guides her peacefully. Talk about wisdom!
"MY HEART"
The moment you walk into her home,
you get a sense of who she is.
Her home is minimally decorated;
no clutter; no knick-knacks; no mess.
Her Muslim faith nourishes her;
clarifying her strong beliefs.
Life is not that complex to her.
She knows it is all in God's hands.
She graciously accepted hospice into her home,
trusting us to know how best to treat her husband.
He was diagnosed over two years ago.
Living so much longer than predicted.
She willingly accepts life's challenges,
trusting completely in God's spiritual plan.
She knows his disease is terminal by asking,
"How long will it be?"
I asked her, "How are you coping with this?"
Her answer, simply put, said it all.
"God is in my heart.
Husband is in my heart."
Saturday, April 29, 2017
WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?
"Kathy", sixty years old, was diagnosed with a stomach cancer two weeks ago. Kathy was discharged home from the hospital today as there was no further treatment. Kathy becomes nauseous when eating any solid food and has stopped eating because of that. Kathy can only take in liquids.
Kathy is now bed bound, weak and dependent with all of her daily needs. Kathy is single and has no family, but has three close girlfriends who have rallied to be by her side. The plan is for the three of them to share care giving support to Kathy so that Kathy is never alone.
Kathy’s mother died two months ago from the same cancer, yet Kathy continues to smile and tease her girlfriends. She is very positive even when asking for help from her friends. Kathy is very direct, honest and open with her emotions. She just amazed me with her spunk, even though her weakness did impact her ability to manage simple tasks.
Seeing someone in Kathy’s position, makes me questions what it is all about and why do some folks seems to suffer more than others? Hopefully one day, we all will have an answer and hopefully will understand. I just know that I have so many unanswered questions. I wish Kathy the best.
WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?
Life is full of questions.
The more we learn,
the more we experience.
And we'll always have more questions.
Her life has dealt her struggles.
Multiple bouts of different cancers.
She is tough; she is strong.
She has always battled through.
Two weeks ago, another diagnosis.
She is now weak, dependent, bedridden.
Nauseous, so only drinking water.
This cancer may be her last.
She has no family, but amazing friends.
They have rallied around her for support.
She uses humor with them, and they back,
staying positive no matter what.
She is still grieving her mother’s death.
Two months ago with the same diagnosis.
She has amazing grace and strength
revealing her beautiful soul.
My biggest question is “Why her?”
“What does she need to learn or teach?”
She has suffered so many losses,
but her smile continues to remain.
"What is it all about?"
Kathy is now bed bound, weak and dependent with all of her daily needs. Kathy is single and has no family, but has three close girlfriends who have rallied to be by her side. The plan is for the three of them to share care giving support to Kathy so that Kathy is never alone.
Kathy’s mother died two months ago from the same cancer, yet Kathy continues to smile and tease her girlfriends. She is very positive even when asking for help from her friends. Kathy is very direct, honest and open with her emotions. She just amazed me with her spunk, even though her weakness did impact her ability to manage simple tasks.
Seeing someone in Kathy’s position, makes me questions what it is all about and why do some folks seems to suffer more than others? Hopefully one day, we all will have an answer and hopefully will understand. I just know that I have so many unanswered questions. I wish Kathy the best.
WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?
Life is full of questions.
The more we learn,
the more we experience.
And we'll always have more questions.
Her life has dealt her struggles.
Multiple bouts of different cancers.
She is tough; she is strong.
She has always battled through.
Two weeks ago, another diagnosis.
She is now weak, dependent, bedridden.
Nauseous, so only drinking water.
This cancer may be her last.
She has no family, but amazing friends.
They have rallied around her for support.
She uses humor with them, and they back,
staying positive no matter what.
She is still grieving her mother’s death.
Two months ago with the same diagnosis.
She has amazing grace and strength
revealing her beautiful soul.
My biggest question is “Why her?”
“What does she need to learn or teach?”
She has suffered so many losses,
but her smile continues to remain.
"What is it all about?"
Saturday, April 22, 2017
EIGHT DAYS
I met "Sam's" family several months ago when the family requested that our hospice make a visit to educate them about our program. We spoke with Sam's son, "Andy" at that time as Sam was in a deep sleep during the initial visit. After we explained our program and left literature, Andy said that he wanted to speak with the rest of his family prior to making a decision to admit their father to our program.
Our Admission Department received a call about Sam early today from the hospital where he had been a patient for several days. Sam's diet this past month has been mostly comfort foods. Foods that take less energy to eat. That too has changed, as Sam now has stopped eating or drinking any fluids for several days. His family wanted him discharged home with hospice support so that he could die peacefully in his home.
The hospital coordinated with our Admission staff regarding a plan to discharge Sam to home today and admitting him to our program. I went out to the home forty-five minutes before Sam arrived home. I educated Sam's three children about our program and completed all of the admission paperwork moments before the ambulance transported Sam home.
Even though he was imminent, Sam touched my heart so deeply as we both were the same age. He made me realize how random illness can be. We all have heard folks say, "There for but the Grace of God go I". It makes me feel so blessed and thankful for all that I have and, hopefully, will continue to receive, this life.
ADDENDUM: Sam died peacefully the following morning with his family by his side.
EIGHT DAYS
He has an amazing family
who are always by his side.
Mind and body deeply impacted
from a devastating illness.
He had been doing quite well
until this recent decline.
His ten year illness winning the battle;
now imminent with death likely soon.
This family touched my heart
with their strong love and devotion.
They were realistic about his poor prognosis,
but ready, as he has suffered far too long.
He, being eight days younger than I,
gave me a mindful connection to him.
I, so easily, could have been the dependent one;
needing help with all of my needs.
Illness is so random.
It touches with no purpose at all.
No one knows who will be next.
So embrace eight days,
one month,
one year,
or whatever you got.
Our Admission Department received a call about Sam early today from the hospital where he had been a patient for several days. Sam's diet this past month has been mostly comfort foods. Foods that take less energy to eat. That too has changed, as Sam now has stopped eating or drinking any fluids for several days. His family wanted him discharged home with hospice support so that he could die peacefully in his home.
The hospital coordinated with our Admission staff regarding a plan to discharge Sam to home today and admitting him to our program. I went out to the home forty-five minutes before Sam arrived home. I educated Sam's three children about our program and completed all of the admission paperwork moments before the ambulance transported Sam home.
Even though he was imminent, Sam touched my heart so deeply as we both were the same age. He made me realize how random illness can be. We all have heard folks say, "There for but the Grace of God go I". It makes me feel so blessed and thankful for all that I have and, hopefully, will continue to receive, this life.
ADDENDUM: Sam died peacefully the following morning with his family by his side.
EIGHT DAYS
He has an amazing family
who are always by his side.
Mind and body deeply impacted
from a devastating illness.
He had been doing quite well
until this recent decline.
His ten year illness winning the battle;
now imminent with death likely soon.
This family touched my heart
with their strong love and devotion.
They were realistic about his poor prognosis,
but ready, as he has suffered far too long.
He, being eight days younger than I,
gave me a mindful connection to him.
I, so easily, could have been the dependent one;
needing help with all of my needs.
Illness is so random.
It touches with no purpose at all.
No one knows who will be next.
So embrace eight days,
one month,
one year,
or whatever you got.
Saturday, April 15, 2017
COWBOY
"Mike," ninety-eight years old, came onto hospice today due to weakness and multiple falls. Mike lives alone in a Residential Care Facility. He loves it there and has been very active until one week ago when he ended up twice in the Emergency Room after two separate falls. Since then, Mike has lost weight and is eating poorly.
The hospice nurse and I met Mike and his son, "Buddy", in Mike's apartment. Mike initially appeared very frail, thin and weak. Once we walked up to him sitting in his recliner, he showed us the biggest smile. Mike has such a positive outlook on life and laughed so easily.
Mike and Buddy started to share family stories about Mike's past of being a cowboy. Buddy stated that this past week has been such a dramatic decline for his father. Eight months ago, Mike was riding his bicycle thirty to forty miles several days each week. Currently he struggles when using his walker. He is at high risk for falling.
Mike started sharing many stories about his life. He was so engaging in his positive attitude. On our way out the door, after an hour of Mike's amazing stories, we saw him tough and rugged; the true him.
Every experience each of us has had, makes us who we are today. It doesn't get much better than that.
COWBOY
Looking at him,
one would never guess;
his rugged life;
his exciting past.
He's frail, he's thin.
Wobbly on his feet.
What most of us would expect
after ninety-eight years of life.
He will talk about his wife.
He is so proud of his son.
His family has always come first.
He feels blessed for it to be so.
He was in the Cavalry in the 1930s.
Riding his horse throughout the US.
He then became a cowboy for years.
A drover on the plains.
While sharing his stories
you begin to see the true him.
His spirit shines brightly
sharing his soul: exposing his truth;
big, strong,
tough, rugged.
Forevermore;
The Cowboy.
The hospice nurse and I met Mike and his son, "Buddy", in Mike's apartment. Mike initially appeared very frail, thin and weak. Once we walked up to him sitting in his recliner, he showed us the biggest smile. Mike has such a positive outlook on life and laughed so easily.
Mike and Buddy started to share family stories about Mike's past of being a cowboy. Buddy stated that this past week has been such a dramatic decline for his father. Eight months ago, Mike was riding his bicycle thirty to forty miles several days each week. Currently he struggles when using his walker. He is at high risk for falling.
Mike started sharing many stories about his life. He was so engaging in his positive attitude. On our way out the door, after an hour of Mike's amazing stories, we saw him tough and rugged; the true him.
Every experience each of us has had, makes us who we are today. It doesn't get much better than that.
COWBOY
Looking at him,
one would never guess;
his rugged life;
his exciting past.
He's frail, he's thin.
Wobbly on his feet.
What most of us would expect
after ninety-eight years of life.
He will talk about his wife.
He is so proud of his son.
His family has always come first.
He feels blessed for it to be so.
He was in the Cavalry in the 1930s.
Riding his horse throughout the US.
He then became a cowboy for years.
A drover on the plains.
While sharing his stories
you begin to see the true him.
His spirit shines brightly
sharing his soul: exposing his truth;
big, strong,
tough, rugged.
Forevermore;
The Cowboy.
Sunday, April 9, 2017
HUMOR
"Bette", eighty-three, was diagnosed a few months ago with liver cancer. Bette has been in a decline since the diagnosis. For years, she lived alone and able to handle all of her daily needs. With the increasing symptoms, Bette needed a lot more help. So a few weeks ago, Bette moved in with her daughter, "Kendra".
Bette walks slowly using a front wheeled walker. She has a poor appetite and is eating very little. Because of that, she is also losing weight. Her biggest complaint is weakness. Bette now needs someone nearby when she is up and about as she is at risk for falling.
The hospice nurse and I went out this morning to admit Bette to our program. Bette and Kendra teased each other so lovingly. It was cute and funny in a delightful way. They had us both laughing so hard at times. Bette denied any fears or concerns about her terminal prognosis. She has a strong Christian faith and stated, "I know where I am going." Kendra stated that her mother recently told her that she is ready to go to heaven.
What is helping this family cope is their sense of humor. Humor lightens their load and takes the edge off of the stressful situation. Bette's journey will be what it will be, but I know she will continue to tease and laugh along the way.
HUMOR
During the course of my day
I observe many sad moments.
Folks learn to cope in whatever way that works.
More often that not, it is humor.
She had been so independent her entire life.
She was used to doing anything she chose.
Her recent diagnosis of cancer changed all that.
She can no longer live alone.
She moved in with her daughter for help.
It has worked out well for each of them.
They both share how they are best friends;
teasing each other and laughing as they go.
I asked her how long she had been divorced.
She crinkled up her face with a twinkle in her eye,
"It has been forty years.
These are the best years of my life!"
Recently she has lost so much.
Her independence; her ability to get around.
But one thing, I know, she will always have;
and never let go,
her wonderful sense
of humor.
Bette walks slowly using a front wheeled walker. She has a poor appetite and is eating very little. Because of that, she is also losing weight. Her biggest complaint is weakness. Bette now needs someone nearby when she is up and about as she is at risk for falling.
The hospice nurse and I went out this morning to admit Bette to our program. Bette and Kendra teased each other so lovingly. It was cute and funny in a delightful way. They had us both laughing so hard at times. Bette denied any fears or concerns about her terminal prognosis. She has a strong Christian faith and stated, "I know where I am going." Kendra stated that her mother recently told her that she is ready to go to heaven.
What is helping this family cope is their sense of humor. Humor lightens their load and takes the edge off of the stressful situation. Bette's journey will be what it will be, but I know she will continue to tease and laugh along the way.
HUMOR
During the course of my day
I observe many sad moments.
Folks learn to cope in whatever way that works.
More often that not, it is humor.
She had been so independent her entire life.
She was used to doing anything she chose.
Her recent diagnosis of cancer changed all that.
She can no longer live alone.
She moved in with her daughter for help.
It has worked out well for each of them.
They both share how they are best friends;
teasing each other and laughing as they go.
I asked her how long she had been divorced.
She crinkled up her face with a twinkle in her eye,
"It has been forty years.
These are the best years of my life!"
Recently she has lost so much.
Her independence; her ability to get around.
But one thing, I know, she will always have;
and never let go,
her wonderful sense
of humor.
Sunday, March 19, 2017
POWERFUL DEPRESSION
Eighty-six year old, "Bea", suffers from many chronic health problems including diabetes and depression. Bea has a history of several suicide attempts. She has had intensive treatment in the past. Her doctor prescribed anti-depressants, which Bea refuses to take. She also refuses meals, but her diet consists of ice cream, chocolate and cake. That sugar diet is the exact opposite of what a diabetic should eat. Bea has no concerns about that at all.
Bea's doctor referred her to hospice, although she did not meet the criteria for our program. Our hospice also has Palliative Care support. We referred Bea to that program in order for medical staff to be more involved to hopefully help Bea and her family.
Bea has poor memory and may suffer from early onset of dementia. It also appeared that her forgetfulness may also be that she doesn't have any energy to put into her thinking. Bea has been passive and depressed for twenty-five years. These are the only emotions she knows at this time.
Bea's husband felt so helpless as he could not force her to take her medication. We offered many tactics, but Bea's depression has such a strong hold onto her that she is determined to just be with it.
I walked away feeling so sad for Bea and her family. I only hope that our Palliative Care Program can help Bea make even a small positive change in her life. My heart goes out to her and her family.
POWERFUL DEPRESSION
When you first meet her, you know.
She will smile and talk to you,
but her movements are slow
with a speech that is faint.
She will talk about her depression
sharing that she has been sad for many years.
Her family knows the exact date it began;
twenty-five years ago when her son committed suicide.
She refuses to take any medication,
although is told it will help her.
She has tried to overdose in the past
and has been hospitalized each time.
She is grieving her son's suicide
knowing the impact on those who loved him.
Her current behaviors are passive suicide,
although she can't face that reality.
She loved to garden; she loved to play the piano.
Activities no longer in her days.
She spends most days in bed,
while being up throughout the night.
I likely was unsuccessful,
but tried so hard to help her.
I walked away with feelings of sadness,
hoping there was one small thing
she may have heard.
Her normal is now continued sadness.
That is the only emotion she knows.
She is enslaved, captive and driven by
the powerful Depression.
Bea's doctor referred her to hospice, although she did not meet the criteria for our program. Our hospice also has Palliative Care support. We referred Bea to that program in order for medical staff to be more involved to hopefully help Bea and her family.
Bea has poor memory and may suffer from early onset of dementia. It also appeared that her forgetfulness may also be that she doesn't have any energy to put into her thinking. Bea has been passive and depressed for twenty-five years. These are the only emotions she knows at this time.
Bea's husband felt so helpless as he could not force her to take her medication. We offered many tactics, but Bea's depression has such a strong hold onto her that she is determined to just be with it.
I walked away feeling so sad for Bea and her family. I only hope that our Palliative Care Program can help Bea make even a small positive change in her life. My heart goes out to her and her family.
POWERFUL DEPRESSION
When you first meet her, you know.
She will smile and talk to you,
but her movements are slow
with a speech that is faint.
She will talk about her depression
sharing that she has been sad for many years.
Her family knows the exact date it began;
twenty-five years ago when her son committed suicide.
She refuses to take any medication,
although is told it will help her.
She has tried to overdose in the past
and has been hospitalized each time.
She is grieving her son's suicide
knowing the impact on those who loved him.
Her current behaviors are passive suicide,
although she can't face that reality.
She loved to garden; she loved to play the piano.
Activities no longer in her days.
She spends most days in bed,
while being up throughout the night.
I likely was unsuccessful,
but tried so hard to help her.
I walked away with feelings of sadness,
hoping there was one small thing
she may have heard.
Her normal is now continued sadness.
That is the only emotion she knows.
She is enslaved, captive and driven by
the powerful Depression.
Sunday, March 12, 2017
HIS GRACE
I went out with the hospice nurse yesterday to admit "Wayne" to our hospice program. Wayne had struggled for years with lung disease. He had been bedridden for several years and on continuous oxygen. Wayne lived in the home with his wife, "Laura."
Laura and Wayne are from very large families, who all live nearby. There were many family members in the home yesterday as all felt that Wayne was near death. They felt that Wayne was waiting for his grandson, who lived in Illinois, to come, and then he would go. During my visit yesterday, his grandson called to say he was getting on the plane.
I learned this afternoon that there was a wrong date on one of the admission papers. I needed Laura to change it to the correct date and initial the change. I arrived at the home late this afternoon. Like yesterday, their home was full of family. Laura corrected the date and initialed the paperwork. Seconds later, family became alarmed as Wayne's breathing dramatically changed and he quietly died.
I called the hospice office for a nurse to come out to pronounce Wayne's death. I was able to be with the family and offer support for their loss and their emotions.
I was feeling that I was meant to be there and was guided from above. Laura and several other family members confirmed my thoughts by saying how it was a blessing that I was there. This is such a perfect example of what hospice is all about. I am so thankful to be able to experience such spiritual moments.
HIS GRACE
I first met him yesterday.
His time seemed near.
He wasn't talking or awake much,
but one saw his beautiful smile.
His heart shone through
while he quietly laid there.
Surrounded by spirit,
his grace was amazing.
I went back to his house today
for a five minute paperwork need.
Moments after I arrived,
with all of his family around,
he quietly died.
Their home was filled with family.
Their home was full of love.
He left at the perfect time for him
knowing they all had the needed support.
They thanked me for being there.
They said it was God's spirit at work.
I can't thank them or God enough
as His grace is
truly amazing.
Laura and Wayne are from very large families, who all live nearby. There were many family members in the home yesterday as all felt that Wayne was near death. They felt that Wayne was waiting for his grandson, who lived in Illinois, to come, and then he would go. During my visit yesterday, his grandson called to say he was getting on the plane.
I learned this afternoon that there was a wrong date on one of the admission papers. I needed Laura to change it to the correct date and initial the change. I arrived at the home late this afternoon. Like yesterday, their home was full of family. Laura corrected the date and initialed the paperwork. Seconds later, family became alarmed as Wayne's breathing dramatically changed and he quietly died.
I called the hospice office for a nurse to come out to pronounce Wayne's death. I was able to be with the family and offer support for their loss and their emotions.
I was feeling that I was meant to be there and was guided from above. Laura and several other family members confirmed my thoughts by saying how it was a blessing that I was there. This is such a perfect example of what hospice is all about. I am so thankful to be able to experience such spiritual moments.
HIS GRACE
I first met him yesterday.
His time seemed near.
He wasn't talking or awake much,
but one saw his beautiful smile.
His heart shone through
while he quietly laid there.
Surrounded by spirit,
his grace was amazing.
I went back to his house today
for a five minute paperwork need.
Moments after I arrived,
with all of his family around,
he quietly died.
Their home was filled with family.
Their home was full of love.
He left at the perfect time for him
knowing they all had the needed support.
They thanked me for being there.
They said it was God's spirit at work.
I can't thank them or God enough
as His grace is
truly amazing.
Saturday, March 4, 2017
COMPELLING EMOTIONS
"Theresa", fifty years old, was diagnosed with stomach cancer four months ago. She was discharged from the hospital yesterday after a two week stay for surgery. Theresa has been in a rapid decline since her diagnosis to where she is now bedridden/chairbound and maximum assist with transfers. Theresa needs assistance with all of her needs.
Theresa has four children; three adult and one six year old daughter. Theresa’s eldest daughter, “Janice”, has moved in for the duration in order to care for her mom. Theresa is aware and realistic regarding her increasing needs. She will talk openly and freely about them, but will not talk at all about her terminal prognosis. Denial is such a powerful emotion, it helps one cope in baby steps. Theresa will talk about her needs and share how it is so overwhelming to talk with her six year old daughter about her terminal prognosis. Her denial helps her cope with it all.
We completed a new POLST (Physician’s Order for Life Sustaining Treatment) form following Theresa’s wishes of full code and full treatment during the visit. Theresa stated she did not want to go back to the hospital if hospice can treat her in the home, unless she stopped breathing. At that point, she wants full treatment and care. Theresa will complete her Advanced Directive for Health Care this week naming her daughter Janice as her agent.
We discussed that her agent can override what is on the POLST if a situation arises when Janice would know that her mom wouldn’t want full treatment. Theresa was aware and understood. Theresa is still processing her diagnosis and will continue to cope her way. Life hands all of us bumps in the road, but some bumps are so much larger than others. I pray Theresa is able to cope with what comes her way.
COMPELLING EMOTIONS
She has a powerful personality.
She will easily speak her truth.
One knows exactly how she feels
as she clearly shares her compelling emotions.
A recent diagnosis of cancer
with surgery only last week.
Her prognosis of six months or less
led hospice to her front door.
Her decline has been swift.
Her symptoms overriding each day.
She will talk honestly about her needs,
but strongly will not discuss her probable death.
She wants hospice support of comfort and treatment
knowing we are not a curative program.
She is okay calling hospice and not 911
unless she has a time that she stops breathing.
Then she will want life supports and CPR.
She’ll want a feeding tube to give her more time.
It is all so overwhelming for her,
especially telling her six year old daughter goodbye.
Hospice will support her where she is.
We honor her to do things her way.
Her heart is full of so much emotion,
but the most compelling emotion of all
is her very strong and powerful;
Denial
Theresa has four children; three adult and one six year old daughter. Theresa’s eldest daughter, “Janice”, has moved in for the duration in order to care for her mom. Theresa is aware and realistic regarding her increasing needs. She will talk openly and freely about them, but will not talk at all about her terminal prognosis. Denial is such a powerful emotion, it helps one cope in baby steps. Theresa will talk about her needs and share how it is so overwhelming to talk with her six year old daughter about her terminal prognosis. Her denial helps her cope with it all.
We completed a new POLST (Physician’s Order for Life Sustaining Treatment) form following Theresa’s wishes of full code and full treatment during the visit. Theresa stated she did not want to go back to the hospital if hospice can treat her in the home, unless she stopped breathing. At that point, she wants full treatment and care. Theresa will complete her Advanced Directive for Health Care this week naming her daughter Janice as her agent.
We discussed that her agent can override what is on the POLST if a situation arises when Janice would know that her mom wouldn’t want full treatment. Theresa was aware and understood. Theresa is still processing her diagnosis and will continue to cope her way. Life hands all of us bumps in the road, but some bumps are so much larger than others. I pray Theresa is able to cope with what comes her way.
COMPELLING EMOTIONS
She has a powerful personality.
She will easily speak her truth.
One knows exactly how she feels
as she clearly shares her compelling emotions.
A recent diagnosis of cancer
with surgery only last week.
Her prognosis of six months or less
led hospice to her front door.
Her decline has been swift.
Her symptoms overriding each day.
She will talk honestly about her needs,
but strongly will not discuss her probable death.
She wants hospice support of comfort and treatment
knowing we are not a curative program.
She is okay calling hospice and not 911
unless she has a time that she stops breathing.
Then she will want life supports and CPR.
She’ll want a feeding tube to give her more time.
It is all so overwhelming for her,
especially telling her six year old daughter goodbye.
Hospice will support her where she is.
We honor her to do things her way.
Her heart is full of so much emotion,
but the most compelling emotion of all
is her very strong and powerful;
Denial
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