BOTH PARENTS

Two days ago, our hospice received a referral for "Al", an elderly gentleman with a long history of cardiac disease. Al resides in a nursing home and is dependent with all of his needs. The doctor made a hospice referral as Al was in a rapid decline. Al stopped eating several days ago as could no longer swallow. He is now bedridden and hard to awaken. It is only a matter of time.

I called Al's daughter, "Jean", to schedule a hospice admission visit. Jean said that she was in Southern California as her mother was just admitted into a hospice there. Jean spoke of having a need to be in both places at the same time. Jean's sister lives near their mother and Jean knew her mother wouldn't be left unattended, but she still struggled to leave her mother's side.

Hearing Jean's story made me so sad. I just do not understand why some folks get more than their fair share. The hospice nurse and I met Jean late this afternoon to admit her father to our program. Jean was exhausted as spent her day driving 500 miles to get to her father's side.

She said that she hasn't even begun to grieve as is focusing on all of the tasks that need to be done. She shared that once all of this is over, is when she will start to grieve. She said that now it is just so overwhelming and surreal.

Jean has been on my mind for several days since the initial phone call. Somehow life is just not fair and equal to all of us. This is a small, but close loving family. Having that love and support will help both Jean and her sister to get through this challenging time.


BOTH PARENTS

Her parents divorced years ago
when she and her sister were in their teens.
Mom lives in the southern part of the state,
while dad lives eight hours north.

Each parent has a daughter living nearby
which was helpful as mom and dad aged.
Their needs slowly increased throughout the years,
but overall, each was doing okay.

Recently though, dad's health caught up with him.
He could no longer live alone.
She moved him into a nursing home
to get the around-the-clock care he needed.

It all has suddenly changed.
He is confused and hard to awaken.
He is no longer eating or drinking.
It is just a matter of days.

I called her to schedule a hospice admission visit.
She said she'd be home in a few days.
She is hours away with her sister,
comforting mom with hospice there too.

They both are trying to process their emotions.
It is so overwhelming and surreal.
Together they are putting one foot in front of the other.
How do they even begin to grieve

          Both parents?