HER LANGUAGE

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Mitchell” to our hospice program. Mitchell has been suffering from brain cancer for several years. He had been doing quite well until ten days ago when he took a sudden fall. After the fall, Mitchell rapidly declined. He is now bedridden, weak and needing help with all of his needs.

Mitchell lives with his wife, “Andre”. Andre and Mitchell are both retired University Professors. They are both very intellectual when speaking. Both are direct and to the point. Mitchell has totally accepted his status and poor prognosis. He wants it over. He denied any fears or concerns about his dying.

Mitchell’s family all live out of state, but the couple has a tremendous support network of friends who live nearby. Mitchell has stated that he no longer wants any visitors. He wants to focus on dying. He is processing about what options are available. It is all so simple to him.

Andre, on the other hand, wants to follow her husband’s wishes, but needs time to process her grief and emotions. Her natural way of thinking is the intellectual way. Unfortunately, thinking intellectual can often overlook one’s deep emotions and grief.

It was a challenge to me to keep to the nuts and bolts of hospice, but I knew that was likely the best way to communicate to her. Mitchell slept through much of the meeting, so the majority of my conversation was directed toward Andre.

I walked away feeling so sad about what this couple is going through. I didn’t feel like I helped Andre much at all, although maybe I did more than I thought while speaking her language. One thing I know, Andre has a tremendously large network of friends. She will, hopefully, get her needed support from them.


HER LANGUAGE

He was diagnosed several years ago
and had been doing quite well.
Ten days ago, all has changed.
He is now weak, bedridden and dependent.

He is so sure about his wishes.
He is ready for it all to be over.
He denied any fears or concerns,
"When do they pull the plug?"

Both are University Professors.
Both have brilliant, academic minds.
She is attempting to intellectualize her feelings,
although her emotions are screaming so loud.

She wants to follow his wishes,
even though they are not hers.
She doesn't want to acknowledge her grief.
The pain is way too great.

I kept to the nuts and bolts
while explaining our hospice support.
It isn’t my language at all,     
but likely the best dialect she could hear.

I wanted to normalize her fears.
I wanted to validate her emotions.
Hopefully, I was successful in supporting her,
using her language
         that was foreign to my ears.