TODAY

“Ursula”, seventy-four, was diagnosed with cancer two months ago. By the time the cancer was discovered, it was too late for treatment as it had spread throughout her body. Less than a week after the diagnosis, she came onto hospice.

Ursula was so full of life and had such a dynamic personality. She had a quirky sense of humor that had me laughing right from the start. She was still working and one of the first things she did was file her retirement papers. She had a difficult time with this as she loved her job. She worked for the state and her job involved numbers and details; something she excelled at. She loved to be able to figure out the process in order to successfully complete a project

Ursula lived with her daughter and son-in-law, “Erica” and “Mac”. Erica and Mac were so devoted to Ursula. Erica worked as a nurse, so while she was at work, Mac cared for Ursula. Fortunately, Mac’s job allowed him to work out of the home if needed.

Ursula declined quickly while keeping her upbeat personality. This past week though, the decline was so rapid to where she could no longer get out of bed. Erica took a leave from work to stay with her mother.

I was shocked by how she looked when I went out to do a routine visit yesterday. Ursula was so thin and had lost a lot of weight. She had constant nausea and had stopped eating two days before. She was tired of the struggle of living like this. She was ready to go.

When I asked her if there was anything I could do for her, she replied, “Tell me that today is the day I will die.” She was so used to having control and sorting out what the next step would be. She didn’t like not being able to figure out what to do.

I told her that no can answer that question as no one really knows. I added that it would happen when it is the perfect time for it to happen. I said that letting go may allow the process to flow to where it is suppose to flow. Why she was still here, I didn’t know.

I always like to think that earth is our school. We are teachers at times and students at other times. We all have lessons to teach and to learn. Once we have ended our lessons and taught what we need to teach, then maybe that is our time. There is no logical or clear answer for any of us I suppose.

TODAY
　

She wanted me to tell her
that today was the day she would die.
She wanted me to say her suffering would end
before tomorrow comes.

She stopped eating two days ago.
She was weak and could no longer get up.
She was nauseous with no end in sight.
She had had enough.

She wanted to understand the process
so she would know what she needed to do.
She wanted a guarantee that today was the day.
Something no one could ever promise or know.

I told her it will happen in its own time.
The moment will be perfect for her.
She must trust and release control.
Letting go may allow things to flow.

She must have listened to my words.
She must have thought things through
as before the clock struck twelve
her final wish came true.

Today.