SOMEHOW

Eighty-nine year old “Stanley” suffers from lung cancer. Until recently, he was up and about and could manage many of his personal needs. Stanley is widowed with four adult children. All of the children reside in the three bedroom home with him. He and his two daughters each have their own bedroom, while “Stanley Jr”, sleeps on the couch in the living room. Stanley’s other son has a makeshift bedroom in the garage.

Stanley’s eldest daughter, “Barb” is the primary caretaker for him and the rest of the family. Barb is a nurses aide by trade and is familiar with the needs of the elderly. Her three siblings rely on Barb to know what to do. Barb has a part time job out of the home caring for an elderly client. While she is working, Stanley Jr. cares for his father. Stanley Jr. has had a stroke and heart attack which limits his abilities, although is attentive to his father.

Barb has to direct her siblings to what needs their father has. Only Stanley Jr helps Barb out when he can. Her other two siblings do not help much at all. Her sister, “Lana” suffers from depression and anxiety which makes it difficult for her to pitch in at times. Their other brother, “Bob” refuses to help at all.

Only Barb and her sister Lana work out of the home. The family depends upon Barb to care for their father, do all of the cooking, yard work and housework. Stanley is declining; is bed bound and dependent now with all of his needs. Even though his care needs have increased, none of Barb‘s siblings have stepped up their limited help.

I have been visiting the family weekly to give Barb support. She’ll complain about her siblings, but then she’ll make a joke and show a big smile. Barb’s only support is her own daughter, who lives nearby. Barb says her daughter texts her throughout the day which is helpful. Even though Barb has little support, she thrives on helping others and doing the right thing.

Somehow this has always worked for this family and will continue to work for the years to come. I know Barb will continue on as usual with a quick joke and easy smile.

SOMEHOW

　
Her family depends upon her.
She’s never let them down.
She continues to be there for all of them,
while putting her own needs aside.

She gets frustrated at times
knowing they all could do a little more.
But she’ll give them a pass, crack a quick joke
and follow up with an easy smile.

She has little support from others,
but somehow keeps moving on.
She gets satisfaction in doing the right thing
even though she’s in this alone.

She’ll never protest or make a fuss
in spite of all their demands.
Somehow it all works for this family.
They know of no other way.

She’ll continue to be the caretaker.
They’ll continue to lean on her.
Somehow it allows them not to even try.
They know she’ll get it all done.
Somehow.