DOWN TIMES

I was diagnosed with Orthostatic Hypotension about three months ago.  With any exertion, my blood pressure will drop.  My doctor told me that I will live “A long and productive, just go slow”.  I am following her guidance and was slowly getting stronger and becoming able to handle many of my life’s joys.  It was difficult to suddenly retire from my hospice Social Work position, but I was able to look at the positives that came along with that.  I have wonderful support as well as was starting to do the fun things in life, 

Ten days ago, I suddenly started to decline again.  My doctor ran tests that were all normal.  It brings up questions to me as to “Why?”   Fortunately, I am now again slowly regaining my strength, but what can I do to prevent this from happening again.  I will do what I need to do as my life, like everyone’s, is so precious.  I hate the down times as much as I love the up times.  My only request is, “Give me strength”.   Writing poetry helps me process my emotions, which is so helpful.  

DOWN TIMES

 

From day one with this diagnosis,
the journey has been rewarding and tough.
I have always been a positive soul,
and do easily embrace my wonderful support.
 
The progress is slow and I try so hard to see my gains;
although I am also impacted by the down times.
I was doing so well, but ten days ago, things changed.
I was again becoming weaker and losing my strength.
 
Blood tests all came back normal with no alerts.
My doctor scheduled another test in two weeks,
wanting to know why my mornings have been hard.
I so want to know, “What caused this sudden decline”?
 
I am again slowly getting stronger.
Each day is a bit better than the last;
but will this happen again; and if so;
                         “Why?”
 
I’m looking for logical answers.
Ways to allow me to have control.
I want my normal life back again.
Patience is such a hard lesson to learn.
 
Down times cause some sadness,
which, I know, is a normal way to grieve.
“But please give me back my life again.
It is much easier to give, than to receive”.
 
“Let me get through each day slowly
while accepting the reality of it all.
Give me strength to handle what comes
while embracing the good times,
                         along with the down.”