GUIDED

 I have always been guided spiritually when doing Social Work.  I talk to my gang up above before meeting any patient or family.  “Kelly”, sixty-seven, was diagnosed with kidney cancer five years ago.  I met Kelly and her husband, “Ted”, two weeks ago when we admitted Kelly to our Palliative Care program.  She had some weakness but was able to manage a majority of her needs.

These past two weeks, though, have been very dramatic for her due to a huge downturn.  Due to that decline, she met the criteria for hospice.  She was admitted to hospice yesterday by one of our admitting nurses.  I called Ted this afternoon at about 4 p.m. to check in on how they were all doing. I felt I was guided from above to make a visit.  Thank you guys up there.   You always guide me to where I need to go.

GUIDED

I met them two weeks ago

when admitting her to Palliative Care.

She was so realistic and accepting as shared,

“I am living my life the best that I can.

                         It is what it is."

She then had a rapid, steep decline;

bedbound, weak, no longer eating.

She met the criteria for hospice

and was admitted to our program yesterday.

 

to inform him about Social Work support.

His grief was apparent; he sounded so sad.

“Can a grief counselor come out today?”

       

I suddenly felt my inner heart soften and replied, “Yes”.

Thirty minutes later, I was greeted at their front door

by him and his thirty-year-old autistic son.

I counseled on grief and loss which they were thankful for.

They both then immediately started sharing her life;

talking about her accomplishments; but mostly her love.

Routinely, she told her son, “I love you”.

He would answer, "I love you more.

She always then would say, “I love you most”.

It was after-hours, but I was guided to their home.

I just let go and let the visit flow as needed.

“You have helped us so much. I am so glad you came”.               

I then quietly thought;

                         “I love you most.”

NO WORDS

 We admitted “Dana”, sixty-four years old, to hospice today.  Dana was diagnosed with metastatic Liver Cancer just last summer.  She tried chemotherapy, but the side effects were challenging to her.  Understandably, she chose to stop all treatment.

This past week, Dana has declined so suddenly. I spoke with her daughter, Ally, offering support while normalizing her emotions and grief.  One may think that counseling takes a lot of talking by the therapist, but so often, it is the opposite.  Social Workers learn to be where the client is and that is what I did with Ally. I did a lot of guidance with a lot of listening.  Simply said, with just a few words.

NO WORDS

She was diagnosed only ten months ago;

liver cancer that has already spread.

She was totally independent last month.

Now, she likely has just hours to a few days at most.

I spoke with her daughter to offer support; 

hearing, “Things are happening so quickly.

She has had no food or water for over two days.

She just nods as the words no longer come."

“I am overwhelmed!  I don’t know what to do.

I thought she had a lot more time”.

“It takes no energy to hear or feel touch.

Hold her hand while sharing your love”.

“She will let go when the time is right.

She is a mother forever; you are her child.

She will not go until she knows you’re okay.

If you can, give her permission to go

I supported her with a lot of active listening 

while validating and normalizing her sorrow.

“There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Feel what you need to feel

                         while embracing your support.”

She so needed to vent her emotions

as her grief was so sudden and so strong.

I wanted to ease her pain; reduce her sorrow;

but knew it was healthy for her 

                        to process all what’s inside.

There is no perfect consultation to fix things;

as there is nothing that is broken.

So, I know and am simply aware,

                         “There are no words.”