SOLITUDE

I did two admissions today.  It was interesting to witness many similarities between the two of them.  Both chose; either by life circumstances or selection, to live their life with much of it alone.   By human nature, we are social beings.  Most of us do love being surrounded by many who love us and who care.  But then, these two men today did remind me that it is the quality of life and not the numbers.   

 

Both men had metastatic cancer and were in a lot of pain.  Both were taking pain killers which made it hard for them to stay focused on the conversation.  Each had no family around; but did have one close friend who was devoted to them.  Who is anyone to say, “They need more”.   

 

We all search for what we need.  In addition, we all have to work with what we have; being it just one person or a very large group of family and friends.  I vote for the latter, but if I had to live with only one support person, I would feel so gracious.  I learned a lot today. 

SOLITUDE 

 

When we think about human nature, 

we often envision being together; 

intermixing with others; 

                         never just being alone. 

 

He was diagnosed with cancer 

just a little over three months ago. 

Chemotherapy is no longer working 

as it has already spread to his bone. 

 

Due to his “Poly Substance Abuse”, 

he has a long history of burning bridges. 

He has no family coming forward to help. 

Fortunately, his ex-girlfriend is here 

                         with her kind heart. 

 

This second patient, too, has been mostly alone. 

He was a long-haul trucker by trade. 

He also suffers from cancer that has spread. 

No family, but a friend, is staying by his side. 

 

Both must have chosen to be this alone 

or life experiences led them this way. 

Most folks I know need company; need support, 

but then, both do have one strong person 

                      forever by their side. 

 

It is definitely quality; not quantity  

that gives the best support. 

Sitting quietly by another’s side is profound. 

Your heart is strongly saying; “I so deeply care”. 

 

It is not solitude or loneliness at all; 

but what all of us so deeply desire 

is pure unconditional love. 

                         By far, the best blessing of all. 

   

HOME

 “Bill”, seventy-five, has had body pain for a while.   After he recently saw his physician, they discovered that he has bone cancer.   Bill chose not to pursue treatment as his cancer had already spread.  He was hospitalized this week due to his tremendous bone pain.  He wanted to go home as told the medical staff, “I have two dogs that I need to take care of”.  

The hospice nurse ordered Morphine for Bill's pain.  It was to be delivered to his home in two hours.  The nurse clearly explained how to use the syringe to get the correct dose.   

 

The patient lives alone, but his neighbor does check on him.  She found him unresponsive this morning in his recliner.  She called hospice to make a visit.  When our nurse arrived, he was no longer breathing.   I felt some comfort when I heard that as he is no longer suffering.  But then, did he overdose on the morphine or was it his natural time?  Either way, I believe he is now at peace. That gives the nurse and I some comfort.  But then, I will never forget this experience.  It was traumatic and strongly haunted both of us. 

HOME 

 

 

He was hospitalized due to pain 

as his cancer has spread to his bones. 

He left the hospital against medical advice 

as so strongly wanted to be home. 

 

We arrived as the ambulance pulled up. 

He was in profound pain; rating it a “9”. 

Before the nurse could order pain meds, 

he had to be informed about our program 

along with signing the admission paperwork. 

 

Walking through his front door, we were shocked. 

The house was in complete disarray.   

The rug, chairs and counters were deteriorated. 

Dust was deeply covering everything in sight. 

 

He was so happy to have arrived back home; 

while all we noticed was the dirt; the filth; the grease. 

He struggled keeping up with our assessment 

as was so appropriately distracted by his pain. 

 

After the visit, the nurse and I met up nearby. 

We had to de-brief and process our emotions. 

For most, home is where the heart is,  

but his home and environment has left us 

                         haunted.