“Bill”, seventy-five, has had body pain for a while. After he recently saw his physician, they discovered that he has bone cancer. Bill chose not to pursue treatment as his cancer had already spread. He was hospitalized this week due to his tremendous bone pain. He wanted to go home as told the medical staff, “I have two dogs that I need to take care of”.
The hospice nurse ordered Morphine for Bill's pain. It was to be delivered to his home in two hours. The nurse clearly explained how to use the syringe to get the correct dose.
The patient lives alone, but his neighbor does check on him. She found him unresponsive this morning in his recliner. She called hospice to make a visit. When our nurse arrived, he was no longer breathing. I felt some comfort when I heard that as he is no longer suffering. But then, did he overdose on the morphine or was it his natural time? Either way, I believe he is now at peace. That gives the nurse and I some comfort. But then, I will never forget this experience. It was traumatic and strongly haunted both of us.
HOME
He was hospitalized due to pain
as his cancer has spread to his bones.
He left the hospital against medical advice
as so strongly wanted to be home.
We arrived as the ambulance pulled up.
He was in profound pain; rating it a “9”.
Before the nurse could order pain meds,
he had to be informed about our program
along with signing the admission paperwork.
Walking through his front door, we were shocked.
The house was in complete disarray.
The rug, chairs and counters were deteriorated.
Dust was deeply covering everything in sight.
He was so happy to have arrived back home;
while all we noticed was the dirt; the filth; the grease.
He struggled keeping up with our assessment
as was so appropriately distracted by his pain.
After the visit, the nurse and I met up nearby.
We had to de-brief and process our emotions.
For most, home is where the heart is,
but his home and environment has left us
haunted.
