SHE CRIED

We received an urgent referral to admit, "Kathy", sixty-two years of age, to our hospice program. Kathy was diagnosed with brain cancer one year ago. Even though Kathy had been through continuous treatment., her cancer continued to grow. Kathy and her husband, “Ken”, were just informed two days ago that there is no more treatment available to help her.

Reading Kathy’s chart, prior to going out to do the visit, made me so sad. As it spoke about her symptoms, it added anxiety, depression and how often she cries. Reading that in her chart, my thought was, “I don’t blame her. I would likely feel the same way."

Kathy earned her PhD in Psychology and did so much amazing work with children. She was renowned for creating multiple children’s programs. She was published and taught classes at the local State University.

Kathy’s suffered from right sided paralysis and needed a wheelchair to maneuver around. She needed help with navigating her wheelchair. Kathy also suffered from expressive aphasia which meant she totally understood what was being said to her, but could not verbalize or speak any proper words to reflect what she wanted to say.

The hospice nurse and I sat around the kitchen table with Kathy and Ken. Throughout the visit, Kathy quite often would cry. She would try to verbalize a thought and could only speak one word or two. You could see frustration in her face. She and her husband are still processing the news they received two days ago. In addition, I am sure by the nurse and I describing hospice supports, reality burst forth as well.

My goal, as with every hospice patient, is to give them support to deal with their illness in the way that works for them. With my words to Kathy, I was wanting to give her much needed support. After the visit, the sadness I felt remained. I hope and pray I was helpful and not hurtful. If not my words, I hope the softness in my voice gave comfort.


SHE CRIED

Reading her chart
before I met her,
I felt so sad.
Life can be so unfair.

A brain cancer diagnosis
only one year ago this month.
Chemo, radiation, medication.
Her cancer continued to grow.

She has right sided paralysis.
Needing a wheelchair to get around.
Depression, anxiety, memory loss.
Frequent charting of how she cried.

She totally understands what you are saying,
but cannot express any words.
Her brilliant mind is trapped inside her body.
Throughout the visit, she so easily cried.

I shared that her family and friends so love her.
Not because she's published a book, or set up programs,
but because of who she is; her heart and her soul.
of which she will always and forever be.

I don't know if she was comforted or saddened
as I expressed my words of support.
It broke my heart to see her pain
as it was again that her emotions did show
as she suddenly
          and so tearfully cried.