MOM'S WISHES

We admitted, "Linda", ninety-two, to our hospice program today. Linda has five daughters. Two of her daughters live nearby; while the other three reside out of state. Linda has been in a recent decline due to heart disease. She was hospitalized last week and discharged back home today.

All five of her daughters were at her side. Mom's biggest complaint is weakness and having trouble swallowing. Her diet has to be pureed in order for her to get any nutrition. Two weeks ago, Linda was able to walk independently. Now she struggles to get up out of her chair needing a lot of assistance.

Linda easily verbalizes her wishes. She is ready for this all to be over. She has strong spiritual beliefs and has no fears about dying. Today, she expressed to her family that she will stop eating and drinking, hoping it will hurry her death along. All of her daughters, lovingly claim they want to follow Mom's wishes, but each of them have a different interpretation of what she wants.

The patient's words are so direct and clear. The hospice nurse and I totally understand that she is ready to die and wants to do what she can to hurry things along. We spoke with the daughters about hospice's goal is to follow the patient's wishes. On the other hand, we also understand that it is not an easy thing for any of us to allow someone we love to go.

The patient has no quality of life and strongly does not want to live this way. Hopefully with hospice's support and guidance, we can help the patient and her family to cope with what lies ahead for all of them.


MOM'S WISHES　

She's been so independent
for all of her 90 plus years.
She has always done life her way;
being determined, focused and strong.

That's what her daughters love about her.
She always speaks her truth.
A wonderful, loving mother to them,
but now she is taking care of herself.

Her recent decline has been swift.
She's become dependent and needs a lot of help.
She doesn't want to live this way,
"I am so ready for all of this to be over."

She has chosen to stop eating or drinking
hoping it will hurry things along.
"I didn't think dying would be this hard.
          When will I be done?"

Her five daughters want to follow Mom's wishes,
but none can agree with the others.
They ask her and listen to what she says,
but each clearly defends what they hear in her words.

They will bicker; they will fight
trying to strongly defend their side.
All knowing she is ready to die,
with none able to let her go.

There is no right or wrong way to die.
It is such an individual want.
We will continue to follow her wishes;
while helping her daughters
          to follow and respect them too.