TO DO ALONE

“Flora”, ninety-one, suffers from dementia. Flora lives in an assisted living facility as she needs help with all of her daily needs. Flora is widowed and has two children. Her son, “Ted”, lives locally but not able to visit. Ted suffered a stroke six months ago and was hospitalized for several months. He recently contracted scabies at a nursing facility. He is now homebound; quarantined because of his illness. Before he became sick, Ted and his wife would visit Flora several times each week. In addition, Flora has a daughter, “Leslie”, who lives two states away.

Flora has been in a recent decline to where she is becoming much weaker and eating less. Flora needs to be fed as she has forgotten how to feed herself. She is on a pureed diet as coughs easily when eating solid food. Due to her weakness, Flora spends most of her days in her wheelchair or recliner. Flora no longer talks and does not recognize her family.

Due to Flora’s recent decline, the hospice nurse and I went out to admit Flora to our hospice program. Leslie was able to sign all of the appropriate paperwork and fax it back to our hospice office. I spoke with Leslie on the phone during the admission. It was during that phone call when she shared her mother’s belief about the dying process.

Leslie says it is hard as her mother no longer knows who they are, but then, she would like to visit. I told Leslie to do what her heart dictates. She is in a dilemma as wants to visit; but then wants to do things the way her mother would want her to do things. Leslie feels, that if her mother were aware, she would not want her family to come. Leslie has good support and does reach out to her friends. Leslie also shared that she loves to knit, which gives her comfort.

People die the way they live. No one really knows how much Flora understands. Leslie is trying to do the right thing. I wish all of this family the best. They have had some difficult times recently. I hope all get the support they need.


TO DO ALONE　

You walk in and immediately see her.
Eyes closed, but not sleeping.
Others sitting around, not interacting.
She in her recliner; all alone.

She looks content and comfortable.
She has such a sweet, kind face.
She no longer remembers much;
how to eat; how to dress; how to talk.

Her son lives nearby,
but unable to come around.
Quarantined with an infection.
Isolated in his own home.

Her daughter lives two states away.
She speaks with the staff each day.
Wanting an update on how mom is doing.
Knowing she is in a persistent decline.

She'd like to visit more,
but knows to stay at home
as her mother always told her,
"Dying is something
         you have to do alone."