LIFE'S LOSSES

Ninety-seven year old "Amanda" has been in a recent decline. She has no remarkable health diagnosis, but is just becoming weaker and weary. Where three months ago, she was able to ambulate with her walker, now she is wheelchair bound. Her granddaughter, "Susan", her primary caretaker, states that her grandmother's appetite is half of what it once was. Susan added that, day by day, her grandmother is getting weaker and needing more help.

The hospice nurse and I went out to meet with Susan and Amanda. Amanda was sitting in her bedroom at a table by the window looking outside. She has lost most of her vision and can only see shadows, but stated that she enjoys sitting there. She was so happy for hospice to come as it means she is dying. Amanda is so ready to go. She is tired of living this way; being dependent and in pain. Amanda has arthritis in her hips and knees which causes her pain with any movement.

Amanda will talk about her life and the many losses she has endured. She has outlived two husbands and both of her children. Forty years ago, Susan was scarred from a house fire. Susan said that eight members of the family were in the home that caught fire from a faulty water heater that exploded. Susan's mother and grandfather both died in that fire.

Susan shared that her only family remaining is her grandmother, along with her own daughter and two grandchildren. Susan so understands what a gift life is and how suddenly it can all be taken away. She also understands her grandmother's wish for it all to be over. Amanda kept questioning why she was still here at age ninety-seven. Susan says her grandmother is angry at God, but Amanda feels that once your dead, you are just dead.

Through all of Amanda's sharing of her life and losses, she would easily smile. Amanda had a quick wit and had a great sense of humor. I believe, with this family's history of tragedy, has made the survivors appreciate and cherish life much more. I also believe Amanda's sense of humor might have been a great asset in how she and her granddaughter have coped over the years.

I wish the best for Amanda and her granddaughter. I smile when I think of Amanda. Her legacy is not about loss, but about surviving with grace and humor. There is no better legacy.


LIFE’S LOSSES

She’s had so many losses
in her ninety-seven years.
More than any one person
should ever have to endure.

A water heater explosion
and horrific house fire years ago;
killing her husband and only daughter.
Lifelong scars; some hidden, others not.

Her granddaughter now her caretaker.
Visible scars on her hands and face.
Devoted and dedicated to her grandmother.
Understanding the precious gift of life.

Seven years ago her only son dying from cancer.
She feels it should have been her.
She is now blind, dependent and in pain.
"Why am I living so long like this?"

She has no major disability.
Her body is just wearing out.
In spite of what life has dealt her,
she will easily smile with a quick wit.

One moment, she'll make us all laugh.
The next, she'll question her life.
She wants things to happen quickly.
She is done and ready to go.
Enough of
         life's losses.