LATER

“Ellen”, ninety years old, was admitted to hospice today because of a recent decline in her health. Ellen suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. These past several weeks, Ellen has become more confused, weaker and needing more help.

Ellen lives with “George”, her husband of fifty-eight years. When the hospice nurse and I first walked into their apartment at the Assisted Living Center to admit Ellen to hospice, George immediately started to ask questions about the hospice program. After explaining what hospice can offer the family, George was happy that Ellen could stay at home. That was his biggest concern.

George comes across brusque and abrupt when one asks him about how he is coping. Grief support is a large part of what hospice can offer families and patients. When explaining the hospice program to families, I like to be thorough regarding the benefit. I want to make sure hospice is a good match for the family. Often doctors make a referral to hospice without patient’s and families truly understanding what it is all about.

Any time I even broached the subject of the grieving process, our bereavement program or coping skills, George immediately said, “Those things can come later”. George tried so hard to hide his big heart without success. It was so obvious how much he adored his wife. Ellen’s death will be a huge loss for George, but he just can’t go there yet. He spoke about Ellen needing to be by his side when they were sleeping. I have a feeling, George was speaking also about himself.

George and Ellen’s daughter, “Beverly”, was also present during the visit. Beverly shared that she is worried about her father after her mother is gone. I told her that the assigned social worker can meet George where he is at by using baby steps to sneak in some grief counseling with him. Hopefully George will get the help he needs, in his terms and at his time. Even if it is later.

LATER
　

He comes across abrupt.
Trying hard to hide any emotion.
“Let’s get on with things.
Let’s get this paperwork done.”

She’s declined these past few weeks.
She is much more confused than before.
She needs more care as has no strength.
He’s hired attendants to help her out.

When asked about how he is coping,
he will immediately reply,
“I will worry about things later.
Now is not the time.”

He said no to a hospital bed.
“It gives her comfort,
when she reaches out at night,
knowing I am lying by her side.”

He likes that hospice comes to them.
His biggest concern is her comfort.
He wants her to be able to stay at home.
“It calms her to see me here.”

It is so obvious how much he loves her;
how much he is going to miss her.
He’ll continue to hide his heart,
until, hopefully,
       he will reach out.
              later.