MISERY

“Dylan”, fifty-six, suffers from tongue cancer. He had been doing well until two months ago when he started to decline. Dylan was admitted to a Skilled Nursing Facility shortly afterwards. He is now bedridden and requires assistance with all of his needs. He appears to understand, but his words are few.

Dylan is divorced and has two adult sons. Both of his boys live in North Africa and, fortunately, Dylan was able to visit them this past summer. Dylan has four siblings living locally, who are very devoted and supportive of him.

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit Dylan to our hospice program yesterday. Five weeks ago, Dylan was in the hospital when the doctors put in a trach for his breathing and a feeding tube for nutrition. Both procedures were urgent at the time. The family feels that Dylan likely just went along with the doctors. Looking back, the family feels that if Dylan had time to think about things, it likely is something he never would have opted for

Dylan is so thin, it is obvious that he is no longer processing the nutrition. The hospice nurse spoke with the family regarding the feeding tube and the family chose to stop all nutrition. The goal now is to keep Dylan comfortable for what little time he has left.

The family showed the nurse and I Dylan’s driver’s license photo. We saw a vital, robust man. Now Dylan is a shell of what he once was. The family said he had such a sense of humor and was always laughing. Now, he just lies there, not speaking, with his eyes tracking us.

I can’t get him off my mind. Why does someone have to suffer so? It would be a blessing for God to take him. There are things worse than death. In my opinion, this is one of them.

ADDENDUM: Dylan died four days later with his family at the bedside. They said it was peaceful. I pray the family has some comfort from that and that Dylan has finally found his eternal peace.


MISERY

　
I can’t stop thinking about him.
Lying there all alone.
So weak; so thin; not talking.
Why does he have to live this way?

His tongue is swollen from the cancer.
He can’t even close his own mouth.
It looks so uncomfortable and frustrating.
He lies there just existing.

He has a feeding tube and a trach.
Machines are extending his life.
He can’t tell us what he wants.
No one would choose to be this way.

The family has to make some tough choices.
Mixed emotions challenge them all.
They aren’t ready for him to die,
but will be relieved when his suffering is done.

If he could talk, what would he tell us?
I am sure most would say, “I’m done”.
I pray for God to take him soon.
Relieve him of this suffering; this misery.
Please God, take him home.