DEPRESSION

I went out to open “Penelope”, who is eighty-seven, to hospice today. Penelope suffers from esophageal cancer. Penelope also has dementia and is pleasantly confused. Penelope was sitting in her recliner when we walked into her living room. She easily smiles as she loves the company.

Penelope has never married and has no children. Her family consists of many nieces and nephews. Her niece, “Diana”, is the contact person and is responsible for Penelope‘s care. Diana lives about thirty minutes away and visits often. Diana recently hired twenty-four hour attendant care to manage Penelope’s needs.

Diana was sitting on the couch when the nurse and I walked into the home. Diana is devoted to her aunt and is diligent in making sure all of her needs are met. Penelope struggles with keeping up with any conversation. She deals with it by smiling and then pointing to her niece to answer any question that comes up.

Diana, like her aunt, was very pleasant and social. At one point, I asked Diana how she is coping with all of this. It was then when she shared how she attempted suicide years ago by shooting herself in her head. The bullet lodged near her eye. Diana has some slurred speech, likely from that injury.

Diana talked at length about her depression and her life. Fortunately, she has one close friend/spiritual guide, that gives her support. Diana is on anti-depressants, but does not see a therapist. I encouraged her to think about seeing a therapist as well as reaching out to her spiritual friend for support.

Depression is such a powerful emotion. It makes me sad when hearing about suicide as one feels that is the only option they have. How blessed most of us are to be able to recognize the joy, laughter and love in our lives. I wish Penelope and Diana all the best.


DEPRESSION

　
She has been depressed for years,
never finding joy in her world.
She was unsuccessful in one suicide attempt.
She still thinks about suicide every day.

She owns a dog grooming business.
She cares for the pets in her home.
She feels responsible to her clients;
giving her purpose to continue to hold on.

She is now the primary caretaker for her aunt.
Her aunt is confused and needs constant care.
Having attendants around the clock helps a lot.
One less thing to worry about.

Her aunt’s quality of life is diminishing.
She is confused and forgets a lot.
She cannot keep up with any conversation,
but will smile and just go along.

With sad eyes, she watched her aunt sitting in the recliner.
She wishes she could trade places with her.
“Not that I want her to continue to live this way,
but I would prefer to die”. 

Despair, melancholy, sadness, grief;
overshadowing any joy or happiness inside.
Others easily see her thoughtful, caring heart.
Hopefully, one day, she too, will believe.
         Depression.