SHE BLAMES HERSELF

“Dolly”, seventy years old, suffers from lung cancer that has spread to her bone. Dolly is widowed and had been living alone. Several months ago, she moved in with her eldest son, “Trevor”, because she no longer could care for herself. Dolly has two other children who live within an hour away.

Dolly has a very large, extended family, who all visit and help out. Several months ago, when I first met Dolly and her family, I was amazed at how many were available and willing to help her. Even Dolly’s in-laws are available and help out as needed. This family is devoted to Dolly and to each other. It reflects a lot about Dolly’s family and Dolly herself.

During a routine visit today, Dolly started talking about how her diagnosis of cancer has let everyone down. Prior to being sick, Dolly had been caring for her elderly mother, who suffers from Alzheimer’s. Once Dolly could no longer care for her mother because of her own decline, family placed her in a nearby Skilled Nursing Facility. Fortunately the facility is only a block from Trevor’s home.

Dolly blames herself for not being able to continue to care for her mother. Dolly thought her mother was disappointed in her as she let her down. Once Dolly and I addressed these concerns, she understood the reality of the situation and was able to understand that cancer is a random disease and no one is to blame. Dolly has blamed herself for so much throughout her life, it has to be hard for her to switch gears.

Dolly shared that when she and her sister were twelve, they jumped out from a closet and scared their aunt. She still feels guilty decades later. I asked her what she thought her aunt would tell her today about that, or would her aunt even remember. Dolly shared that her aunt had died years ago.

I hope she is aware of how many things she has done well in her life. Her family is her legacy. So many are devoted and love her. For that she must take full blame. It is how she will be remembered. I will continue to support her and strive to teach her how well she did during this life. I only hope she will hear.


SHE BLAMES HERSELF

　
She has always been a worrier.
She’s one who never forgets.
She worries about others constantly,
while always blaming herself.

She holds onto her past,
where others have long forgotten.
Childhood pranks of yesteryear
still haunt her today.

She blames herself for getting cancer.
She struggles to find out why.
No longer able to care for her own mother;
somehow she has let everyone down.

Her heart is as big as they come.
That wonderful feeling of helping another.
She feels guilty now for needing assistance.
She hates being a burden to them.

Her children learned well from her.
They saw her always there for one in need.
They are devoted in their care for her.
For only that, I hope she can
       continue
              to blame herself.