DRIVE

Fifty-eight year old “Joseph” suffers from liver cancer. He retired two years ago from his job at a janitorial service company. Six weeks later, he was diagnosed with his cancer. Joseph is divorced and had lived alone for years. He has a very strong, independent personality and feels that his family see him as weak as they do not want him to drive. Joseph moved in with his daughter, “Vicky”, and her family three weeks ago as he could no longer live alone. He is getting weaker and is needing more and more help.

Joseph is on strong pain medication which makes him wobbly when he walks. Appropriately his family does not want him to drive. Joseph parks his small pickup truck in this daughter’s driveway. Several times he has snuck out to drive to a nearby grocery store. Nothing can sway Joseph to realize the risk he is taking with himself and others.

Eighty-two year old “Marie, suffers from lung cancer. Marie is widowed and lives with her fifty-one year old mentally disabled son, “Ben”. Ben is high functioning, but needs constant supervision. Marie’s only other family is a son who lives in Australia. Marie has a very close friend, “Roberta”, who lives nearby and is “family” to Marie and Ben.

When it gets to the point where Marie can no longer be alone, Roberta will care for her full time. Roberta also plans on becoming the guardian to Ben and will move permanently into Marie’s home. Marie had a birthday two months ago. Marie said that is when she stopped driving as feared she could not pass the driving test. She hates asking her friends to drive her around, but felt she had no other choice.

“George”, ninety-one, moved into an Assisted Living Center two months ago. George suffers from colon cancer. George’s wife died one year ago. George said it was soon after that he was diagnosed. George says he is ready to go as had a good life. He shared a lot of stories about he and his wife’s travels all over the world.

George has two daughters, both out of the area. One daughter, “Janet”, lives in a nearby state, and handles all of his business and legal issues. Another daughter, “Debbie” lives a few hours north and can be “pushy and bossy” per George. George says he had been driving less and less over the past few months. He was thinking that it wasn’t going to be long before he had to sell his car and give up driving altogether. It was about that time Debbie visited and demanded that her father give up his driver’s license. He went along as knew it was probably close to the time he would have made that choice himself, but resents her intrusion.

All three stories are a bit different, but the end result is the same. Throughout life, we all suffer losses and limitations that are easy to adapt to as it involves a minor adjustment most often. Driving is huge for anyone and a tremendous loss.


DRIVE
　

　
Joseph has always loved to drive.
To just head out on a whim.
Independent, free, adventuresome.
But not now, with family hovering nearby.

Marie drove until her last birthday.
She knew she couldn’t pass the driving test.
With a disabled son, she needs to get around.
Now resigned; asking friends for help.

George had been driving less and less for months.
He knew time was near to sell his car.
His daughter demanded he no longer drive.
Some resentment still hangs around.

A driver’s license gives autonomy.
Getting from one place to another with ease.
It has to be so difficult to give it up.
Another reminder, of yet, one more loss.

One thinks he can still drive,
but the medication is way too strong.
Facing reality, she made a tough choice.
Another resents that the decision was made for him.

No matter what the reason,
driving represents freedom, independence.
Turning in one’s license
         symbolizes the start
                  of so many more losses
                           that are yet to come.