"THAT'S ALL THERE IS"

“Jack, eighty-eight, was diagnosed two months ago with bladder cancer that has spread to his pancreas. Jack has no appetite as says he always feels full. He has lost a lot of weight and is very weak. He is aware that his time is limited and handles his terminal diagnosis like he has handled everything else in his life. No worries, no concerns, adding, “We all live, we all die. That’s all there is”.

Jack was divorced years ago. He has one son, “Craig” from that marriage. Craig lives nearby with his wife. Both are very devoted and supportive to Jack. Craig’s fourteen year old son died eight years ago from a congenital disease. Craig says that was the hardest experience in his life. He is on anti-depressants to help him deal with such a huge loss.

Jack lives with his significant other of fifteen years. His S.O., “Melanie” suffers from Parkinson’s disease. Jack has been the one caring for Melanie. Due to his weakness, that task is getting harder for him. The couple has hired an attendant to relieve Jack and to help Melanie.

Jack has no fears about dying saying he has had a good life. He believes that when it is over, it is over. He sees no other options and that is just fine for him. Today was my first visit to meet with him and his son. He graciously welcomed me into his home and then said, “What is it you do? I don’t need anything”, in his typical gruff manner.

Not surprisingly, Jack is handling his dying like he has handled everything else in his life; black or white. He tries to put on a rough façade, but then said that I could come back anytime I wanted. When he isn’t paying attention, that kindness and big heart shines through.

I hope I can support him as he needs. It may be a challenge to truly know what those needs are. I only know it was a pleasure to meet him and his son. He tries so hard not to be gracious and soft, but it slips out quite often.


‘THAT’S ALL THERE IS”
　

He has always been a simple man.
No complications in his life.
He sees the world as black or white.
No other options for him.

Life is not that complex to him.
He is from the old school of thought.
Work hard and you will succeed.
That philosophy has always worked for him.

He has a gruff exterior.
He wants you to believe he is fine.
Even with that stubbornness and brusqueness, 
he still can‘t hide his big, bold heart.

Like all of us, he has had sadness in his life.
Even with his grandson’s death, he will say,
“We all live; we all die.
That’s all there is.”

Those words have usually worked for him,
but you know not so well this one time.
His grandson’s obituary from eight years ago
is still caringly displayed on his refrigerator door.

He’ll continue to be gruff and crusty.
He’ll continue to demand control.
After eighty-eight years, it is hard to change.
He’ll keep telling you that he’s fine,
    until
        “That’s all there is”.