TASKS

Sixty-five year old, “Barb”, suffers from peritoneal cancer. Barb lives with, “Ray”, her husband of thirty-eight years. They have two adult sons who live nearby with their families. After their workday, both boys will drop by to check in on their parents. Barb’s sister, “Celeste”, has come from the Midwest to stay for the duration to help Ray in caring for Barb.

Barb spends most of her days in bed now. She has a poor appetite and is eating very little. Barb still manages to get to the bathroom using her walker. Due to weakness though, Ray or Celeste will walk next to her in case she starts to fall.

During my visit today, Ray, Celeste and I sat down and spoke in the living room. Barb was asleep nearby in the family room. Ray was sharing stories about Barb. He says she has always been very organized. He added that Barb is always several steps ahead of him as she is constantly thinking about future tasks that are needing to be done. Barb always wants to be in control of her life and their activities. He said she is very good at it.

Ray added that the system has always worked well for them as he had the luxury of focusing only on the current task at hand. Ray shared that, over this past weekend, Barb was telling them how she wants her memorial. She was informing them where to have it; what music she wants etc.

Ray showed sadness while sharing Barb’s final request of him. Fortunately, Ray and the family want what Barb wants, and will follow her wishes. Letting go is never easy, but when the patient is so dependent, oftentimes it is a blessing. I believe any of us, when our quality of life is diminished, could find ourselves also saying, “I am done. Let me go.”


TASKS
　

She has always been the one in charge.
She stays organized by making her lists.
She often has had trouble sleeping through the night,
as her brain works overtime filtering tasks.

She makes it easy for him.
He only has to focus on the task at hand.
He doesn’t worry about what’s next.
It has always worked well for them.

Even now when she is dying,
she doesn’t want to lose any control.
She is arranging her future memorial;
telling them what to do; what she wants.

Her quality of life has diminished.
She is sleeping more and eating less.
They have increased her pain medication.
She has told her family she is ready to go.

She had one last item on her list;
one final task to complete.
She knows it wasn’t easy for him to hear;
but this morning she did ask;

“The best way to show your love for me
           is to let me go.
                    Just let me go.”