TO SAY GOODBYE

Seventy-six year old "Millie" suffered from lung cancer. She had been on hospice for over a year when I first met her. My partner social worker, "Melanie" had been the social worker for Millie and spoke so highly of her after each visit that she made. Melanie found out that her own cancer had returned and was going to have to be off work for many months due to the treatment she would require herself.

During Melanie's time off, a part-time/on-call social worker would cover for her, although would not be able to manage Melanie's entire caseload. I would manage what the on-call couldn't cover. When we were dividing up the cases, Melanie told me to keep Millie on my caseload as she would brighten up my day. She said that Millie was good for my mental health.

It was a very difficult time for our hospice department having one of our own so seriously ill. We all feared that Melanie herself would be a hospice patient before too long.

Millie had been widowed five years and missed her husband tremendously. She spoke about her death openly and was disappointed that the decline was so slow. She had two wonderful daughters who lived nearby. Both were extremely devoted to their mother.

On each visit I made to Millie's home, she would continually ask about my life. My goal was to get to know her and help her, but she was not as interested in doing that. She was always so interested in others and had such an upbeat personality. She was tiny and petite, but had so much energy. I would visit weekly when able. Millie didn't need weekly visits, but she so enjoyed the company and was such a delight to be around.

Her decline came quickly. I hadn't seen her for about a month as she had been visiting a relative in another state and returned home while I was on my own two week vacation. I was able to do one final visit to say goodbye. She was unconscious, but looked so beautiful. I struggled with letting go. It helped knowing that she was so ready. Some patients I do grieve and Millie is one of those.

TO SAY GOODBYE

I had to come by on Friday.
I had to come to say goodbye.
You looked so beautiful, so peaceful.
You were ready to be on your way.

I wasn't ready to say goodbye to you.
I wasn't ready for you to go.
You came into my life because of my own loss.
You brightened up those troubled days.

I know it shouldn't be about me,
and usually it never is.
But somehow you are different.
It is not the same at all.

I heard about your death yesterday.
I'm so glad I came to say goodbye,
but I can't get you off my mind.
You have touched my heart and soul.

You were ready to say goodbye.
You were ready to let go.
That alone, gives me peace and comfort.
So I now say to you;
Goodbye.