I'LL MISS YOU

Eighty-four year old "Shelley" came onto hospice with a diagnosis of end stage dementia. Shelley and her husband, "Frank", were married for sixty-five years. Frank and Shelley moved into a retirement community in order to be near their children. Frank knew that he would be needing his children's assistance to help in the care of his wife.

Once Shelley became bed bound, her needs became too much for Frank. "Janet" their daughter, lived nearby and offered to care for her mother. Shelley then moved into her daughter's home. Janet and her partner, "Cathy", were excellent caregivers. They were both nurses and knew the demands of caring for a terminal patient.

Janet was able to care for her mother during the day while Cathy was at work. On the weekends, their roles reversed as Janet worked the weekends leaving Cathy in charge of Shelley. Frank would spend a large part of each day at Janet's home. With the demands of physically caring for his wife no longer on his shoulders, he was able to sit by his wife and just love her. It was a perfect solution for the family.

Shelley came onto hospice soon after moving into Janet's home. She was bed bound and eating very little. Her prognosis was a few weeks based on her increasing weakness and confusion. Shelley had good days and bad days. During my weekly visits, there were times when she was lucid and had energy, while other times she was very weak and appeared more confused than usual.

During my visits, I spent most of my time sitting at the kitchen table talking with Janet. Janet had tremendous insight regarding her "roller-coaster" emotions during this time. She was forthright and honest regarding her feelings. She was very open about any positive and negative emotions. We had many lively conversations at the kitchen table while sipping an espresso.

Janet and Cathy welcomed hospice staff into their home with embracing arms. They constantly expressed their appreciation for any support. One felt like an honored guest. Janet and Cathy were easy to get to know as they were so open with their joy for each visit. The topics of conversation could get lively and off track, but their primary focus was the care and comfort of their mother.

I went to Shelley's funeral today. It was a beautiful ceremony befitting such a gracious lady. I hugged Janet, Cathy and Frank goodbye knowing, as I sadly walked away, that it was likely the last time I will see them. It is awkward for hospice staff to stay connected with families as it can never be a regular relationship between friends. The memory of the loss will always accompany hospice.

I'LL MISS YOU

It was hard to walk away today.
It was hard to say goodbye.
Knowing it was likely the last time
we would see each other again.

I will miss going to your home.
I will miss our spirited talks.
Our time together is now over.
We always knew that it would end.

I am glad that I have met you.
I am glad our paths did cross.
But now I'm a reminder of a sad time.
A memory you will never forget.

It's time for us to move along.
We must go our separate ways.
But you will always be a part of me.
You are someone I'll never forget.

Meeting another way
it's likely we would be friends.
I am really going to miss you
knowing what could have been.