FIX IT

Sixty-two year old "Donna" suffers from end stage lung disease. Even while on continuous oxygen, she struggles with each breath. Donna came onto hospice four months ago when, at that time, the doctors told her that she would likely die within six months.

During my first visit to Donna's home, we talked in her office. She did computer work for a small construction company and was able to work from home. Donna has many friends and, during that time, was able to go out frequently and enjoy their company.

Over the course of these past few months though, Donna is spending more and more time in bed. She is becoming weaker and struggling more with her breathing. During my visit this week she shared that she lost air while attempting to use the commode next to her bed. Likely it is disease progression, but she wants it to be panic attacks. "Mark", Donna's husband, then said that Donna is sleeping a lot more. Quickly Donna said it is because she is depressed. She then added, "Craziness can be fixed."

Donna and I talked about panic attacks, depression and disease progression. I gently clarified the significance of each. She was hoping for an easy fix, but with her eyes tearing up, she then understood it was the disease driving the symptoms.


FIX IT

She gets short of breath so easily
so she spends her days in bed.
She struggles to breathe just lying there
using energy she does not have.

Her disease is winning the battle.
Her lungs are shutting down.
She is weaker, she is sleeping more.
She grieves the life she used to have.

She wants me to say she is depressed.
That's why she is sleeping more.
She wants me to say it's panic attacks
when she is gasping for precious air.

There must be something she can do.
There must be something that can be done.
With the right medication, the right dosage;
"Craziness can be fixed."

We talked about disease progression.
We talked about her grief.
A single tear rolled down her cheek
as the reality of the situation became clear,

"I was hoping you could fix it."