RETIREMENT

 About five weeks ago, I would suddenly become lightheaded, short of breath and weak.  After multiple tests being normal, I was diagnosed with Orthostatic Hypotension.  My blood pressure would suddenly drop after any strong exertion.  My husband and I have done a lot of research, along with guidance from my physician, and I am learning slow and gentle behaviors.  I am slowly getting stronger and able to do a lot more.  

Due to those limitations, I strongly know that I cannot do hospice social work any longer.  I am grieving that loss but know that is my reality.  My focus is on getting stronger and being aware of my new “normal”.  I will then let go and flow to where my journey takes me.  

The staff had a celebration for me today in the office.  Being there today was wonderful.  I was with my co-workers/family.  I felt that before long, I likely may be back in another role.  That is what keeps me going.  

My Blog may not have weekly stories, but I will likely continue to write poetry.   I would love for you to check in now and then.  Thank you for all of your support these past 17 years I have been posting.  It means a lot.

 RETIREMENT

Today was my last day at hospice.

I am now officially retired. 
I thought I would work for many years more,

but the arrow flew directly into my heart.

I was diagnosed with something I never heard of,

but it is a common occurrence among us all.

With any quick exertion, my blood pressure drops

resulting in light headiness and shortness of breath.

There is no cure or treatment but knowing how to go slow.

It’s best to walk slowly, rise from a chair gradually and be gentle.

I am getting stronger daily following these guidelines.

Once I know my new baseline, I will let go and allow my journey to flow.

Hospice had a celebration party for me today

which totally melted my heart.

Hearing how I was a mentor, a hugger, and a teacher.

All said with sadness as not wanting me to go.

I know I made a difference at hospice;

to the patients, to the families, and staff alike.

I know that I will never be ready

to ever completely give any of that up.

I may have officially retired, but I am not, quite yet, done.

So strongly, I believe, from deep within my heart,

I may volunteer or help hospice in some other way as

                         I know that, before long, 

                                                  I will be back.

QUALITY OF LIFE

“Daniel”, sixty years old, was diagnosed with End Stage Kidney Disease recently.  Daniel has spent many years living on the streets.  He recently had been living in a rooming house surrounded by drugs and crime.  Daniel’s only family is a cousin, “Gene” living about twenty miles south.  When the hospice nurse admitted Daniel three days ago to hospice, he did not know his cousin’s phone number.  Many patients at Joshua’s House have a history of drugs or poor choices.  They have burnt many bridges and are alienated from their families.

While meeting with Daniel today, I asked him about his emergency contact.  He then named his cousin Gene.  He then gave me Gene’s phone number.  After the visit, I called Gene.  Gene was so supportive and caring.  I gave him the address of our shelter, “Joshua’s House”.  He then lovingly said, “I will visit him tomorrow”.  I felt so good about this visit.  In the end, I believe most of us are good people.  We all do make wrong decisions at times, but for most of us, we learn and move on.  Good luck Daniel and Gene.

QUALITY OF LIFE

He's been homeless for many years.

He spoke about his hardships;

living in a rooming house;

drugs; theft and crime.

He now has end-stage kidney disease.

He needs to go on dialysis.

He chose not to as so strongly wants

                         “Quality of life.”

He is very weak and mostly stays in bed.

He is eating about one-fourth of his food.

He gets short of breath with exertion.

With no dialysis, his life is now down to weeks.

He was admitted to our hospice shelter

for terminally ill patients who are homeless.

Five cabins; three bedrooms in each;

along with a bathroom and kitchen.

Private rooms with a large closet.

A hospital bed with a TV nearby.

Free food and comfort along with

twenty-four-hour hospice care.

He denied any fears about it all.

He has a strong faith that supports him.

“This place is wonderful and comforting.

This truly does define so perfectly to me;

                         Quality of life.”

                         

 

AGE

I met two amazing patients and families today. Coincidences always catch my attention. I found many similarities between these two patients that I visited today. How each were coping is neither right nor wrong. Our hospice team wants to be right where the patient and family are without any judgment on how one should react. We all cope in a way that works for us. We all cope our way. That is how it should be, no matter what age one is.

AGE

 It is easy, at times, to guess someone’s age;
but then, personality plays such a strong part.
Often one can easily stereotype and be so wrong.
I have met old thirty-year olds and, in addition,
                         young ninety-year-olds.
 
Grieving any loss is so individual.
There is no particular pattern at all.
Young or old; grief is profound.
We all live, and we all will die, our way.
 
I did two back-to-back admissions today.
Both were diagnosed only three months ago.
My first visit was to a gal only forty-four years of age.
The second patient will turn 100 in five days.
 
Both were diagnosed only four months ago;
one with cancer and the other with heart failure.
Treatment is no longer working for either;
                         so now, comfort care.
 
Being young, you would think she would want to fight it,
but she is realistic in such an amazing, optimistic way.
“Yes, I know what is happening and it may not be too long;
but I have always had such a positive attitude about life.
That is what has always worked to keep me going.”
 
Being almost 100, one may think she would be ready to go.
She is legally blind, hard of hearing, and very short of breath.
Lying in her bed, she was frigidity while saying,
“I hurt all over.  Help me, I want to live!”
 
Whether old in a young body or young in an old body,
we all will thrive if we are true to who we absolutely are.
Respect others and do no harm; go with your flow.
Experience teaches; knowledge educates and wisdom thrives;
                         no matter what age you are.
 

NOTHING

"Elias”, aged sixty, was diagnosed with Liver Cancer one year ago.  He underwent chemotherapy, but his cancer continued to grow.  Reading his medical records that came with the hospice referral, it so appeared that his life was very challenging.  Upon meeting him, I was so amazed about his positive attitude about life.  His strong faith gave him tremendous strength.  “Way to go Elias!” 

NOTHING

 

He came to Joshua’s House this morning;
our shelter for homeless, terminally ill patients.
He was diagnosed with metastatic cancer last year.
He recently said, “No more treatment”,
                         as the cancer continues to grow.
 
He came to America in his early twenties,
sharing, “It was all about a special gal”.
He married another and had four children.
All of them are now estranged from him.
 
Years ago, he worked at a grocery store.
He also helped others with home repairs.
Those times and years somehow don’t count
as he now has no financial income at all.
 
Reading and hearing about his background;
one so easily can think, “He has nothing”;
but upon meeting him, one does instantly notice
his strong faith and positive attitude about life.
 
His voice is so soft and gentle as he shares his faith.
He has been a Seventh Day Adventist for his entire life.
He will frequently and quietly ask God for support
as so fully believes in a strong and loving God.
 
As I was leaving, I asked, “Is there anything else?”
He then asked if he could pray with me.
He closed his eyes and held my hand
giving thanks for my visit and support.
 
Driving away, I realized that, yes, his possessions are few;
his family and friends do not come around; and he is solo,
but then he strongly believes he has all that he will ever need.
His truth is that he has so much more than nothing;
                         he has everything.

 

SO SAD

I went out to admit “Ben” to our Palliative Care program today.  His situation is so sad, but then his family, so amazingly, focused on reality along with the good.  They have taught us all that the best gift anyone has is their heart and soul.  So often an illness can grab all of the attention as it is so visible and real.  This wonderful family was real but also focused on who Ben is as a person.  I feel so honored to have met all three of them.  Thank you.

SO SAD
 
It was just three years ago this month
while he was just driving home from work,
that a semi crossed over the double line;
                         hitting his car head on.
 
Now at age thirty-four, he is paraplegic.
He has a trach; a ventilator; a feeding tube.
He is forever bedridden as weakness stays.
He is non-verbal, but can blink his eyes for yes or no.
 
His mother and sister devotedly care for him.
They are so focused on following his wishes.
He simply told them recently, “I want to live”;
so, he is now Full Code and Full Intervention.
 
Before the visit, I read about his health history.
The emotion that totally embraced me was sadness.
He suffered a cardiac arrest two weeks ago.
Mom then said, “That is the third time he has died”.
 
Yes, his family feel sadness and grief too,
but focuses on the positives in his life.
They spoke about his children and his faith,
while strongly sharing his heart and soul.
 
Mom said he loved the show “Seinfeld”.
She then shared one of his favorite episodes.
It was then when he laughed with no sound,
but one clearly saw the humor in his eyes.
 
Yes, it is definitely a sad situation, but then;
his family has given his life purpose and meaning.
There is a reason why he is still here.
He may be our biggest teacher
                         of them all.