“John”, forty-four years old, was hospitalized when he was diagnosed with bile duct cancer only two months ago. He was then informed that it had already metastasized. The doctors spoke about running tests, but there weren’t many available options for treatment.
John is realistic and chose not to undergo any further treatment or tests. He told his wife, “Annie”, “I want to go home and be comfortable with our family nearby. John has been married for fifteen years. They have two young children; ages ten and eight.
Many questions arose during my conversation with Annie. The majority were logical questions, although we did talk about grief/loss and techniques that can support children. I am so glad that hospice’s bereavement department does follow up for thirteen months or more, if needed. May God bless this family.
WHY?
He was completely healthy
until just two months ago.
Now, he is bedridden, not eating
and way too weak to do anything.
I called her to check in and give support.
When asked how she is coping, I then heard;
“This is the worst experience
I have ever had in my entire life!”
I replied, “I can only imagine; but then I can’t”.
She then giggled a bit and said, “Thankfully”.
“How do I explain things to my two young kids?”
I spoke about children’s grief and what is available
to give both of them their much-needed support.
“Why is this happening; he is way too young?
He didn’t smoke, drink or eat many sweets.
He exercised and watched his diet.
This is so not fair to him or to us.”
I totally validated her words and questions.
I replied, “We are logical beings and want an account,
but there is so answer; there is no justification at all.
It is okay to feel you want to fix it and make it go away.
This is all called “normal”.
She is realistic and gave him permission to go,
but did cry appropriately throughout our talk.
In the back of each of our minds though,
we will likely again ask the same question;
“Why?”
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