Saturday, August 17, 2024

FINDING CONTROL

Working in hospice, it is understandable while I meet so many who are dependent.   Being dependent is something that I do not believe anyone would relish.  I too, do say that I want to die the day before I become dependent.   Anger is a symptom of grief and loss.  We are logical beings and look for answers in a rational way.  There is no logical meaning to be found when one is diagnosed with a terminal disease.  As often I hear from patients is, “It is what it is”.  That is as logical, I guess, that we can be.


FINDING CONTROL 

 

So many patients that I meet

need help to get through each day.

I have never met anyone who has said,

                    “I love being dependent”.

 

She was diagnosed, just recently,

with chronic respiratory failure.

She is weak, bedridden, and on oxygen;

necessitating help with all of her needs.

 

He was diagnosed three months ago

with metastatic gall bladder cancer.

He is fragile, with a very unsteady gait.

He too, needs help with his daily activities.

 

Her daughter says, “She is very difficult.

She has always been a very angry person”.

She lives on a beautiful horse ranch,

but finding control is at the top of her list.

 

His first words were expressions of anger;

as he spoke about his recent hospital stay.

“They don’t care about me at all.

They just wanted me to be gone.”

 

Both are grieving the loss of their independence.

I would worry if either felt nothing at all.

Life truly does offer good to all of us,

but yes, it is often difficult to see,

when strongly, only focusing on,

                    finding control.

  

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