MY GRIEF

I met “Josh” and his wife, “Kathy” about six weeks ago when Josh was in the hospital.  It was only three months ago that he was diagnosed with Cancer that has spread to his brain.   After Josh was discharged to home, I went back to their home to talk with Kathy about hospice support. I did not see Josh at that time as he was asleep in his bedroom. 

Kathy also had questions about our Palliative Care program.  I educated her on both of those programs.  Knowing he was eligible for hospice, but wanting to support both of them to choose what support feels right to them.

 Josh is my son’s age.  After hearing about the late hospice admission today, I had a strong need to accompany the nurse to this admission.  Kathy has come to terms to Josh’s terminal status. She has hopes that his illness doesn’t last for too long a time as “He is unable to do anything that he loves to do”. 

 She is now ready for hospice and felt strong relief that we were available to help both of them as needed. I spoke with Josh for a few moments.  He was lying down in his bedroom.  He looked so weak and helpless. 

As I was leaving, this strong sense of loss embraced me.  I was strongly pulled into their terminal emotions, knowing that it can happen at any time to any of us.  It makes me appreciate each day and while I strongly embrace my family and my friends.  I will feel my emotions for a little while with awareness of how precious life truly is.

MY GRIEF

 

It was just about six weeks ago

that I met he and his wife.

Two months prior he heard,

“It’s cancer that has spread to your brain.

 

I met his wife again about two weeks ago

as she requested more information about hospice care.

They both weren’t quite yet ready for it,

but she wanted to know what it was all about.

 

We went out again this afternoon

to admit him to our hospice program.

He has declined so rapidly;

bedbound; confused; not eating much.

 

It was a late afternoon admission,

but I so strongly had to be there.

As she opened the front door,

she said what I had been just thinking;

                    “Third times a charm”.

 

He is two months younger than my son.

He has a dry sense of humor, just like my son.

A strong emotion of sadness has hit me.

“There, but for the grace of God, go I”.

 

It brings up intense emotions of loss;

of feeling powerless and vulnerable.

Strong thoughts of “When will our next loss occur?”

It mightily does hit all of us now and then.

 

It has caught me by surprise,

as my grief is so authentic; so true.

But I will feel what I need to feel

while allowing myself

                    to simply grieve.