SHOCKED

As part of our hospice support, upon a patient’s death, the Social Worker will call the family a day or so later to offer condolences and support.  I was asked to help out and made three condolence calls today.  With each patient, I go back and look at the Social Work admitting note that documents what family member to call.  

One of the calls I made was to a family member that I had met over a year ago as I did the hospice admission.  I vaguely remember this family.  I do so many admissions, it is hard to remember them all.  

What I heard from this family member totally shocked me.  Life, at times, feels like it can be so unfair.   Some folks seem to get more than their fair share.  Loss is so hard for all of us, but when things hit so close to each other, I cannot even imagine the pain. 

This is an amazing family and I have no doubt they will move on graciously.  The daughter was very interested in seeing one of our bereavement counselors as we follow up for 13 months as needed.  I am amazed at how beautifully they are handling their losses as their strong faith does give them comfort; which isn’t a shock, but something of beauty.

SHOCKED

 

It is so easy to think

that you have heard it all,

but then again, with just a little surprise,

you normally will hear something new.

 

I met them over a year ago;

a mother and her three kids.

Mom was needing more and more help,

so her daughter, Shawna, moved in.

 

Mom died peacefully four days ago

so, this morning I picked up the phone

to call Shawna and her family;

to offer condolences and give support.

 

When someone answered I asked for Shawna.

It was then when she told me the news.

“This is Susan, her sister.

Shawna died suddenly eight days ago.”

 

I didn’t know what to say; I was so shocked.

I could not find any appropriate words

so I simply just said,

“I am so sorry.  This has to be so rough”.

 

She then beautifully replied,

“Shawna came down to take Mama home.

We know they are both at peace.

                    That gives all of us comfort”.

 

I am amazed at how they are coping

as her words melted my heart.

The shock did stay with me for a while,

but I am all the more so happy

                    they are finding their peace.

 

AFTERLIFE

Working in hospice, I frequently am touched from above.  When I walk into a home, I immediately let go and allow my instincts to receive from above.  I had scheduled a social work admission visit today.  As I was reading the medical records, it was apparent that this patient was imminent and likely transitioning.  

The patient was eighty-four years old.  She had been diagnosed with liver cancer a few months ago.  She had been doing just fine until one week ago.  It was then she started to rapidly decline on a daily basis.  I met the patient’s three children.  We all walked into the bedroom where their mother was lying down and in a deep sleep and unresponsive.  The family had a very strong Baptist faith which gave all of them comfort and hope. 

The family all needed to talk and started to tell me wonderful stories about Mom.  She was a very giving, hard worker her entire life.  I shared that people die the way they live and their mother will surely do this her way.  

It was then I was guided from above to talk with them about how their mother will show them, in a way they will understand, that after she is gone, she is okay.  The children had already spoken with their mother about this while letting her know how it would help all of them.  I spoke about several experiences I have heard from other hospice families as well. 

This family’s spirituality and faith were so strong and also comforting to them.  It gave them peace hearing other stories about loved ones letting their family know that they are okay.  Their mother died peacefully the next day.  They all, for sure, will be sad, but have comfort in knowing that she is okay.  We all believe what is right for us; which, in turn, gives us amazing support.  May this family find peace.

AFTERLIFE

 

Mom was diagnosed just six months ago,

and had been doing quite well.

Then suddenly, in just one week, all has changed.

She is now imminent; in a deep sleep;

               her time is near.

 

The four of us met by her bedside.

They spoke openly about their grief.

“This is happening way too fast.

It makes it so hard to see her go!”

 

“Your mother will let you know,

in a way you will understand,

that she is okay and doing fine.

You will know that it is her;

               your heart will tell you so.”

 

I shared a few of my Hospice experiences

of stories that I have been told;

where patients have come back around

in a way that families truly know.

 

“I told Mom to come back as an owl;

while my brother requested a hawk.

My sister asked mom for a carnation;

as it’s my mother’s favorite flower.

 

“My sister walked onto her porch this morning

and was totally taken by surprise;

as lying in the middle of her porch

was a single pale pink carnation.”

 

“You have made afterlife a reality

by the stories you have shared.

You have helped all of us so greatly.

You have given us total peace”.

 

DEFINING SPIRITUALITY

Joseph, ninety-seven years old, was admitted to hospice several days ago.  I did a follow up phone call “visit” to educate the family about Social Work support.  I spoke with Joseph’s daughter, “Connie”.  Joseph suffers from lung cancer which has recently metastasized.  Joseph recently tried a new chemotherapy treatment, but the side affects were tremendous.  Joseph and his family chose hospice for comfort at home. 

When I asked Connie about her father’s spirituality, she shared his strong beliefs against any religion secondary to all the “man-made rules”.   He was raised Catholic and strongly informed his daughter that “God does not care if one eats meat on a Friday or misses Mass on a Sunday.  In the end, it is about how you live your life”. 

Connie, being a very strong Catholic, believes in the rules of the church.  She strongly felt that her father will not make it to heaven unless he accepts faith in his life.  She tried several times, all unsuccessful, to convince her father to believe what she believes.  She felt that once he dies from his cancer, she will never see him again.  

I felt the instinct to share my story about my out-of-body experience nine years ago.  It was an amazing, but very humbling experience, which brought up many questions such as, “What do I do with his experience?  What is it all about?”  I have come to strongly believe that I had that amazing experience to share with a patient or family member one person at a time.  Talking with Connie today so strongly supports that belief to me. 

I have faith that all of us believe what is right for us to believe; no matter what it is.  It gives one support and comfort as it helps us understand a bit as well as making some sense to us.  No one is able to; or should even try to, convince anyone else to believe what you believe as it such a powerful, individual belief.  Stay strong both of you; Joseph and Connie.  What will be; will likely and truly be.

DEFINING SPIRITUALITY 

 

Upon meeting hospice patients and families,

I share a lot of information about our program.

Along with asking numerous questions;

my favorite thing to ask is “What are your spirituality beliefs?”

 

Yes, religion is spiritual, but it is deeply so much more.

Atheism, creation and nature are strongly spiritual in kind.

Your spirituality is about your unanswered questions;

with hopes of what it may be; if anything at all.

 

He was raised a very strong Catholic

but resisted all the “man-made rules.”

“He’s kind of tough.

                    He’s a rebel with his faith.”

 

She’s a strong Catholic who lives by her devotion.

She’s tried to talk with her father about afterlife;

but he will have nothing to say about it at all.

She’s afraid that once he dies, she will never see him again.

 

I am often guided from above while doing hospice work.

I trust my inner voice; I trust my instinct;

so, from that intuition, I told her about my experience

                    of crossing over to the other side.

 

Bringing tears, I was so amazed by what she then told me,

“You have given me comfort.

I now know, when it is my time to go,

I will forever and always be

               with my father for eternity.”

 

“It is a beautiful story; an amazing story.

You have made a tremendous difference in my life.

‘Thank you so much for telling me.

                    I will never forget you!”

 

TWO WEEKS

We received a referral today to admit “Phil”, seventy, to hospice.  Phil had been totally independent and healthy until he heard two weeks ago, “You have pancreatic cancer that has spread”.  Phil has been married for almost fifty years to his wife, “Lisa”.  They have two children who live nearby and are very involved and supportive.   

Within these two weeks, Phil, who had been totally independent, started declining rapidly on a daily basis.  When we met Phil and his family today, he was bedridden, incontinent and totally dependent.  He is now confused and speaking only a few words at a time.  Family states he spends most of his days sleeping.  

Lisa had moments of crying as was, understandably, struggling with her husband’s rapid decline.  It was obvious to all that his time of death likely may be within hours or only a few days.  Lisa was very open and honest with her emotions and stress.  There are no rules on how to grieve or feel.  I tell families that whatever you are feeling, no matter what, is called “normal”.  I spent time with Lisa comforting her. 

Lisa and I were sitting at the dining room table so she could sign the admission paperwork.  As I stood up to leave, I asked Lisa if there is anything else I can do for her?”  She said “Yes” as she also stood up.  She then gave me a deep hug while crying.  As I walked to the front door, Lisa and I both stopped and gave each other two more hugs.  It brought me tears as is so validates me, as well, that I am where I need to be.  I felt that with Lisa and I both meeting, it was truly from above.  It was my honor to have met Lisa and her family.  

TWO WEEKS

 

It was just two weeks ago

that he was fully independent;

capable of doing what was needed;

                    totally living his life.

 

Suddenly, “It’s pancreatic cancer

which has spread to your liver; your bones!”

He has since been in a rapid, daily decline;

becoming weaker; sleeping all of the time.

 

He is no longer eating or drinking.

He is bedridden and becoming confused.

He chose to have comfort care; no treatment.

“I want to go home; to have my family around.”

 

Family is appropriately struggling to cope.

She was crying, “I don’t want to make a wrong decision”.

“He trusts you to follow his wishes as his health care agent.

You don’t make a decision; but deeply think,

                    What would he tell me to do?”

 

I offered support by validating her deep emotions.

She stated appreciation and thanks for hospice’s support.

As I got up to leave, I had one last question;

“Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?”

 

She answered “Yes” and gave me a huge hug.

Her daughter then stated, “Wow!  She never does that!”

I knew then that maybe I helped just a wee bit;

to give her strength to help her through the days ahead.

 

His swift, recent decline likely won’t slow down

as it is so apparent that his time is short.

For him, that may be the best way to go;

but his family may pray to God to give him at least

                    two more weeks of life.

 

GIVING THANKS

“Rose”, eighty-eight, had been living so independently until one month ago when she fell and hit her head.  Her daughter-in-law, “Jill” was told by the doctors that she may have suffered a stroke.  After a one- month skilled nursing facility stay, Rose is now home, bedridden and dependent with all of her needs.  Rose speaks using only a few words at a time.  When we mentioned “There is no place like home”; Rose nodded her head. 

I was so impressed by Jill as she is the primary caregiver for Rose.  Jill also cares for her 28-year- old son who suffers from Downs Syndrome.  Toward the end of our visit, Jill added that her husband was lying down in the back bedroom.  She then softly added, “He is dying from lung cancer”.  No matter what challenge, Jill turns to the positive side of life.  I was so amazed by her strength and upbeat personality.  

As I was leaving, she complimented and thanked me for my support.  It is so humbling as Jill gave me so much more than I gave her.  I truly get it back a thousandfold.  I am so blessed to do this work.     

GIVING THANKS

 

It was just six weeks ago

that she fell and hit her head.

She was so independent before the fall,

now helpless with all of her needs.

 

Her daughter-in-law told us her story;

“She’s lived in this same house her entire life,

and I lived right across the street.

I’ve known her son forever.

We’ve been married over thirty years.”

 

Sadly, two of the patient’s four sons have died;

but she’s continued to convincingly move on.

“She’s tough and strong.

                    She never complains”.

 

She and her family live with Mom.

She takes care of everyone there.

Her one son has Down’s Syndrome,

while her husband is disabled with lung disease.

 

She sees life in such a positive way;

in spite of all of these struggles.

She smiles and gently says, “I rely on God

with a strong support group of Church women”.

 

I so admired her strength;

her beautiful way of handling things.

As I was leaving, she heartfeltly said,

“You are so beautiful.

                    You’ve helped me so much”.

 

My reply, also so deeply from my heart,

“You have given me a thousandfold

of what little I have given you.

For all that you give; for all that you are;                                                      

I graciously, softly, and simply just say                                                                              

                    Thank you.”

                                              

GRAIN OF SAND

When I have time, I reach out to my fellow social workers to see if I can do a phone call or visit for them.  One of the social workers asked if I could visit a patient residing in a Skilled Nursing Facility.  The patient has been in a recent decline.  Her nurse case manager feels that her time is near. 

As I walked into the facility, I walked up to the nurse’s station to talk to the patient’s nurse for an update.  The nurse spoke to me about the struggle the patient had yesterday and this morning.  She then added that the patient died fifty-five minutes ago.  The facility did inform the family and hospice.  In fact, the hospice nurse had already made her visit. 

I then turned my focus onto the nurse.  Staff can so easily grieve a loss of one of their residents.  They typically are with the patient so much more than the family.  When I asked her how she was coping with the loss of her patient, she had a surprised look on her face as likely she doesn’t get asked that a lot.  

I was able to counsel her on her emotions and grief while validating and normalizing how she is coping.  To me, it is a perfect example of how powerful “little things” truly are.  I felt I was meant to be there.

GRAIN OF SAND

 

She asked if I could visit

her patient in a nursing home.

The patient is actively dying;

likely within a week or less.

 

The staff and patient need support

as she is in a daily decline.

She has stopped eating and is sleeping more.

Her journey has now gone within.

 

As I walked into the facility,

I initially met with the patient’s nurse.

She spoke about the patient’s decline

in the past few days and also this morning.

 

She then informed me that the patient had died

about fifty-five minutes ago; just before I came.

“We have notified the family members

and the hospice nurse has already stopped by.”

 

I then turned my focus towards her;

as the loss of a patient travels wide.

I was with her for only ten minutes,

but gave comfort and support to help her cope.

 

There is only one Mother Theresa;

as there also is only one Gandhi;

but we so need every drop of water in a waterfall;

and every railroad tie that’s been laid down.

 

I was meant to be there for the nurse.

I validated her grief; her sadness.

The timing of my visit was amazing,

as, for only a moment, I was simply

                    one essential grain of sand.

 

 

 

HIS QUALITY OF LIFE

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Bernie”, to our hospice program.  Bernie, who is ninety-seven, has declined slowly this past month.  His is unsteady on his gait and has fallen multiple times.  With each fall, the family takes him to the Emergency Room to be examined.  Fortunately, Bernie, has not broken any bones, but does have a few bruises from those falls. 

Bernie had been walking with a walker, but since his most recent fall two days ago, he is now using a wheelchair.  Bernie has a large, extended family, who most live nearby.  Two of his children live in the neighborhood along with his eldest granddaughter, “Monica”.  Bernie has a very supportive and involved family.  In addition, he has 24-hour care seven days a week. 

Bernie’s gait is unsteady and he continues to be a high risk for falls.  Bernie is eating mostly only breakfast, but will have cold cereal at dinner time.  He has lost weight in the past several months.  Bernie is sleeping so much more as Monica shared, “He sleeps about eight to ten hours at night; in addition to with many naps during the day”.  

I was so inspired by Bernie as he spoke so beautifully about his blessings in life.  He focused solely on the positives and embraced that amazing support.  He is an inspiration. 

HIS QUALITY OF LIFE

 

“I’ve had a wonderful life.

My family is so remarkable

while my work was so gratifying.

There’s not much left I need

                    or honestly have to do.”

 

He’s lived a long fulfilling life;

always able to manage most all of his needs.

Lately all has noticeably changed.

He’s weaker, falling, sleeping more.

 

He is highly educated and worked with primates;

studying animal behavior at the university nearby.

He served in the Marines during World War II.

He was in combat, but stated,

“I was taught what I needed to learn”.

 

They fear his road may now be headed down;

so, they called hospice in for the extra support.

He was weak and spoke so slowly, but then;

he’ll be ninety-eight in a few months.

 

He spoke so highly and thankful of his family.

He appreciates their support; their kindness; their love.

He has, always and forever, fully embraced his life;

focusing largely on the positives that surround him.

 

When asked about his spiritual beliefs, he clearly said,

“I do not believe there is an afterlife.

Do not hold onto what may likely not be.

Grab your quality of life each day”.

 

“Life is all about living.

Enjoy the riches of life.

It will always, and forever,

                    be there.”

 

HIS TRUTH

The nurse and I went out to admit “Eric”, fifty-seven years old, to our hospice program.  Eric was diagnosed two months ago with a very aggressive cancer.  Since the two months of diagnosis, Eric has rapidly declined.  Eric is very weak and needs assistance with all of his activities of daily living. 

Eric has lived in Montana for many years.  He is single and has no children.  Two days ago, he moved in with his sister knowing that his needs are rapidly increasing.  His mother also lives nearby and is supportive and loving.  

Eric sees the truth about his life and world.  He is so realistic about the good and the bad, that is helps him think about what can he do, if anything, to help himself deal with the reality of the situation.  Eric’s biggest concern was his pain.  Eric shared that he would not mind if he had to be unconscious to control the pain.  Fortunately, hospice’s number one gift is comfort care.  They are so good at it. 

Eric has accepted his fate and poor prognosis.  He denied any fears about what was happening to him.  I am so amazed as it has only been two months since this all began. 

I felt unconditional love in the home, which is the best gift of all, but then, how do they deal with this tremendous loss.  They all were so real in their words.  I spoke with Eric’s mother, who so agreed that this is out of order.  She then added that it is her strong faith which helps her cope. 

I wish this family all of the best and hope that, we as hospice workers, can help them as fully as we can, in order to meet their needs.  I bless them all.

HIS TRUTH

 

He has always been a straight shooter

while accepting his truth as it truly is.

He’s embraced the good in his life

along with accepting the reality of the bad.

 

He was diagnosed only two months ago;

a genetic, but aggressive cancer.

He tried radiation and chemotherapy,

but strongly stated five days ago, “I am done!”

 

His decline has been quick

resulting in tremendous pain and weakness.

He’s moved in with his sister

to get the care that he so desperately needs.

 

When asked about his goals or how we can help,

he earnestly replied, “I don’t want to be in pain;

I don’t want to be a burden;

I want to have quality of life with comfort.”

 

When I spoke about grief and the emotions of loss,

he, not surprisingly, responded in his direct and truthful way;

“I have made peace with it all.

                            I have no regrets”.

 

He sees reality and positively adjusts.

I know he will continue to speak his truth

and will die the way he has lived;

in reality along with

                           his absolute truth.

 

GROWING OLD

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Glady’s, ninety-nine years old.  The hospice referral stated that Gladys had stomach and heart disease.  Prior to walking in, the nurse and I expected to see someone frail and weak due to her age.  As we walked into her kitchen, Gladys was slowly walking toward us with her walker, to welcome us into her home. 

We weren’t quite sure if it was her as she looked so much younger than her ninety-nine years.  She was so alert and extraordinarily funny.  Her three children were there and we witnessed wonderful teasing between all of them.  Gladys was sarcastic in such a fun way.  She laughed so easily while talking about her recent experiences with her health. 

One would think at her age, she would so likely meet hospice criteria, but she did not.  Her health is stable even though she needs help with many things.  We referred the family to our Palliative Care Program for support.  

Gladys appreciated each day she had, but was realistic regarding all of the losses she has experienced over the years.  She spoke sadly about her two husbands and grandson that have died.  She also spoke about the difficulty of losing all of her peers.  She would speak very honestly about those losses, while putting in a bit of humor along the way to help her cope. 

She is an amazing individual who, I know, has touched so many people along the way.  I feel so honored to have met her.  She is a doll!!!!!

GROWING OLD

 

In just two more months,

she will be one hundred years old.

Her doctor referred her to hospice

with stomach and heart concerns.

 

We walked into her charming home

expecting to see someone frail and weak.

We were so surprised to meet her

as she walked over to welcome us in.

 

She looked twenty years her junior

so we weren’t quite sure it was her.

She walked slowly with her walker,

but had a lot of energy to spare.

 

She had beautiful white hair;

held back with a stylish hair clip.

She was alert and so aware,

while she sat us all down.

 

She spoke about all of the losses

that come with growing old.

She has been widowed twice while adding;

                    “All of my friends are now gone.”

 

Her tears flowed heavily

while speaking about her grandson’s death.

“I just don’t like to talk about it much

as it makes my tears so easily flow”.

 

She embraces each day that she has

while so appreciative of her family’s support.

Yes, there is sadness at times with aging,

but she, so amazingly, knows the beauty of

                    Growing Old.

 

ANGER

The hospice nurse and I first met, “Kimmy”, two days ago.  Kimmy’s mother, “Brenda”, had been in a nursing home for about one month for physical therapy after a fall.  The goal was for Brenda to work with the physical therapists in order to accomplish walking twenty feet.  Kimmy told her mother that when she walks twenty feet, she can come home. 

Brenda, at first, worked well with the therapist.  Once Brenda walked ten feet, she just stopped working with the therapist.  Kimmy so strongly believed that her mother “was just giving up on living”.  Brenda has suffered from depression for years.  Kimmy would speak so honestly about her mother, but with anger.  

Brenda was discharged from the nursing home today to home.  The hospice nurse and I went out to admit Brenda to hospice.    Kimmy was still holding onto her anger.  Hopefully, one day soon, she will come to some resolution regarding her mother’s health issues.

ANGER

 

She was angry when we met.

Angry that mom has given up.

“She promised she would never do this to me.

I suppose her words were false”.

 

Mom fell two months ago.

She was then hospitalized for urgent care.

She went to rehab for physical therapy.

“When you walk twenty feet, you can come home.”

 

She got to ten feet and then gave up.

She refused to do any more.

No longer talking or eating.

She is now bedridden; totally dependent.

 

She has cared for her mother her entire life.

She had to grow up way too fast.

Somehow; she was the mother in their relationship;

                    not the other way around.

 

Her grief has turned to anger.

She wants a logical answer as to why.

It is never rational as randomly occurs.

There are no clear answers for anyone.

 

She says she copes by distracting herself,

but I hope she finds some needed support.

Her anger may help release some wrath;

to lead her one day to comfort;

                     to embrace her inner peace.

 

TEQUILA

“Jason”, fifty-four years old, was diagnosed with liver disease just a few months ago.  Jason truthfully told us that he has been drinking a full bottle of Tequila for decades.  Jason was able to work until his recent diagnosis.  Jason is so real and tells his truth.  He has no regrets or concerns.  He has accepted his fate without any worries stating, “It is what it is”. 

Jason has been married to his wife, Sheila, for thirty-one years.  They have one son who lives locally, but Sheila is hesitant to ask her son for help stating, “He is so busy working”.  As Jason’s decline has been pretty rapid, it is putting more responsibility on Sheila.  She spoke about being “overwhelmed”, but is resistant to ask family or friends for help.  

During our visit, we spoke a lot about Jason’s health concerns and needs, but the last part of the visit was so beautiful.  Jason and Sheila spoke about their love for each other.  Their faces would light up as they spoke about their pure, unconditional love.  In addition, they told us some pretty cute and funny stories about their life together.  

They are a perfect example of what really is important in life for all of us.  If one has love, it so amazingly helps all of us to cope.  Loss is tremendously difficult and emotions do run high, but with love in the picture, the grief may become a bit lighter.  I wish Jason and Sheila the best.  I also want to thank them for welcoming us into their home while sharing their life with us. 

TEQUILA

 

He’s been drinking heavily for years.

“One bottle of Tequila a day”.

His body has lost the battle

as two months ago he heard;

                    Cirrhosis of the Liver.

 

He has declined rapidly since that time.

He is so weak; he needs a walker.

He is eating and drinking a minimal amount.

He is realistic and has easily accepted it all.

 

His focus is not on himself, but his wife

as he was just told, “Likely only a few months”.

He wants to make sure she will be okay.

His love for her is so real; so deep.

 

She wants him to eat more; drink some water,

but he just doesn’t want any of it.

He is ready to go, but she is tightly holding on.

She is appropriately not ready for him to die.

 

He tells us, “She is beautiful; she is wonderful;”

while she lovingly will say the same about him.

There is no criticism; no excuses;

                    no shame.

 

It is about the best gift of all;

pure unconditional love.

Nothing more; nothing less.

It just doesn’t get any better than that.

 

THIS IS SO WHY

I worked for Kaiser Hospital for over twenty-four years.  Half of that time in the Emergency Room while the other half in hospice.  I loved my work tremendously.  Spiritually I was led to Yolo Hospice eight years ago.  I wasn’t even looking for a job, but followed my heart and drove over for the interview. 

Walking into their lobby, I had no thought about quitting Kaiser.  Two hours after the job interview, Yolo called and offered me the job.  It was to do the admissions for their program.  I was a case manager at Kaiser which brings along a lot of responsibility and interruptions in one’s day.  Doing admissions gives me pleasure as the Admitting Department tells me the time and place of an admission and I go with the Admitting nurse.  I meet so many amazing people while getting to hear their stories.  I explain the hospice program while assessing their grief, their support and over all how things are going.  I then return to the office to document and then I am done and onto the next admission. 

I meet so many amazing, appreciative folks.  It doesn’t get any better.  The rewards are seeing grateful faces and hearing appreciative words routinely.  We all hear thank you so frequently, it is so wonderful.  I truly believe it is the little things that are profound.  We all walk in with our hearts while patients and families feel that love.  

This grieving husband gave me a priceless hug.  This is a perfect example of why I do what I do.  I will continue to do this work, until the time, which may or may not come, when it is my time to go.  I tell people, “When it becomes work, I will then go.” 

THIS IS SO WHY 

 

I, occasionally will get asked

similar questions now and then;

“When are you going to retire?

When are you going to quit?”

 

I retired eight years ago

from a job I totally loved.

I was spiritually led here

knowing it was my time to come.

 

I am honored to do what I do.

Wanting and needing our support,

folks graciously welcome us into their home.

Then thank us so deeply just for our presence.

 

They have been married for over fifty years.

An inter-racial, gay couple.

Becoming one in the prejudice 1970’s,

made them love each other even more.

 

His grief penetrated him so deeply.

I listened and validated what he had to say.

I didn’t say much but graciously

offered empathy and heartfelt support.

 

As I was leaving, he stopped me on the front porch.

He paused and stood quietly for a moment.

Then turning, he hugged me so tightly;

while trembling, he gently laid his head on my shoulder.

 

He was thanking me for my support

while giving me the greatest gift of all.

This is why I continue to do what I do.

               This is so why.

 

HARD WORKER

 “Jon”, seventy-three, was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer two years ago.  Coincidently, it was two weeks after his retirement.  Jon underwent chemotherapy and radiation, but his cancer continued to grow and metastasize.  Jon chose to stop treatment one month ago.  Since that time, he has become weaker and needing more help with his daily activities.  Jon can no longer ambulate and is bedridden.  He is dependent with all of his needs. 

Jon has been married for over fifty years.  They have three children and many grandchildren.  All of the family lives nearby and are very devoted to their father and to each other.  Jon’s daughter, “Anna”, told me that they have a “Joint Family”.  They all look out for each other.  It was so wonderful to hear their family stories of support and love. 

The family is struggling with Jon’s decline as he has always been a fighter.  The doctor had previously mentioned hospice over a year ago.  Jon and the family said no to hospice at that time.  Anna feels that her father is living because he is such a strong fighter. 

It appears that likely the family will all be shocked when Jon dies, but I know their love for each other and their strong faith will help them cope.  I believe that Jon isn’t the only “fighter” in this family.  They are strong!

HARD WORKER 

 

Coming to America thirty-five years ago,

his first concern was to support his family.

He was a professor in his home land,

while aware; that career likely was no more.

 

He labored in the fields, in a cannery

and the largest department store around.

Often working double shifts;

so focused on his family’s needs.

 

He retired two years ago last month.

Then, two weeks later, he heard the news.

“Chemotherapy and radiation are next

as it is cancer that has spread to your bones.”

 

These past two weeks have been dramatic.

His decline has been suddenly swift.

He is bedridden and not eating much at all.

It is so likely that his time is near.

 

The family cannot see his downturn as;

“He has forever been a fighter.

He has always had a strong will to live.

               He never gives up!”

 

He will continue to fight until the end

as that is how he handles difficult times.

He won’t go until he knows his family is okay;

as his focus is always to do what’s best for them.

 

He will live his life and manage his death

in the only way he knows how.

He will forevermore take care of his family,

as he is, and eternally will always be,

               a Hard Worker.