TWO WEEKS

We received a referral today to admit “Phil”, seventy, to hospice.  Phil had been totally independent and healthy until he heard two weeks ago, “You have pancreatic cancer that has spread”.  Phil has been married for almost fifty years to his wife, “Lisa”.  They have two children who live nearby and are very involved and supportive.   

Within these two weeks, Phil, who had been totally independent, started declining rapidly on a daily basis.  When we met Phil and his family today, he was bedridden, incontinent and totally dependent.  He is now confused and speaking only a few words at a time.  Family states he spends most of his days sleeping.  

Lisa had moments of crying as was, understandably, struggling with her husband’s rapid decline.  It was obvious to all that his time of death likely may be within hours or only a few days.  Lisa was very open and honest with her emotions and stress.  There are no rules on how to grieve or feel.  I tell families that whatever you are feeling, no matter what, is called “normal”.  I spent time with Lisa comforting her. 

Lisa and I were sitting at the dining room table so she could sign the admission paperwork.  As I stood up to leave, I asked Lisa if there is anything else I can do for her?”  She said “Yes” as she also stood up.  She then gave me a deep hug while crying.  As I walked to the front door, Lisa and I both stopped and gave each other two more hugs.  It brought me tears as is so validates me, as well, that I am where I need to be.  I felt that with Lisa and I both meeting, it was truly from above.  It was my honor to have met Lisa and her family.  

TWO WEEKS

 

It was just two weeks ago

that he was fully independent;

capable of doing what was needed;

                    totally living his life.

 

Suddenly, “It’s pancreatic cancer

which has spread to your liver; your bones!”

He has since been in a rapid, daily decline;

becoming weaker; sleeping all of the time.

 

He is no longer eating or drinking.

He is bedridden and becoming confused.

He chose to have comfort care; no treatment.

“I want to go home; to have my family around.”

 

Family is appropriately struggling to cope.

She was crying, “I don’t want to make a wrong decision”.

“He trusts you to follow his wishes as his health care agent.

You don’t make a decision; but deeply think,

                    What would he tell me to do?”

 

I offered support by validating her deep emotions.

She stated appreciation and thanks for hospice’s support.

As I got up to leave, I had one last question;

“Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?”

 

She answered “Yes” and gave me a huge hug.

Her daughter then stated, “Wow!  She never does that!”

I knew then that maybe I helped just a wee bit;

to give her strength to help her through the days ahead.

 

His swift, recent decline likely won’t slow down

as it is so apparent that his time is short.

For him, that may be the best way to go;

but his family may pray to God to give him at least

                    two more weeks of life.