The hospice nurse and I met with "Linda" today to admit her mother to our hospice program. While Linda and I were sitting at her kitchen table, she began to share the tragic story of how her grandson was murdered. Her tears flowed so easily while she was talking. She easily shared the pain of her grief while holding my hand. I sensed that she felt some support and relief while talking about her dear grandson.
Linda shared that music and prayer helps her cope with life's tough times. She is doing what she needs to do to help her cope, but grief always has a way of surprising one while showing up so unexpected.
Linda's mother is ninety-five and has had a long and fulfilling life. She has struggled a bit with heart failure, but was able to live her life her way until recently. Her mother is declining a bit each day and with that decline, Linda's grief is strong. Linda has a huge family that is very supportive to her and her mother. I know she will get through this tough time with her singing, her prayers and her family. And then, every now and then a strong reminder will surface resurfacing the pain of her grandson's death. I pray for her strength.
THREE YEARS AGO
The tears always will flow
when talking about her grandson.
He had just turned sixteen
when he was brutally murdered
just three years ago.
They shot and killed him
because he wouldn't do what they wanted.
They were searching for his friend
and demanded answers from him.
The police never found his body,
but the two of them will serve
a life time sentence of 108 years
with no possibility of ever receiving parole.
Now her mom is dying
after living over ninety years.
She struggles to let her mother go
as she so knows the compelling pain of loss.
Her grief is compounded
as it is, again, bringing up
those painful memories
of losing her grandson just three years ago.
Grief and loss are powerful emotions.
No one ever gets a free pass.
Sadly it will continue to happen now and again
as her grandson's grief is
forevermore.
Saturday, December 28, 2019
Saturday, December 21, 2019
SHE IS READY
We admitted, “Claudia”, eighty-nine, to our hospice services today. Claudia suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. Claudia has five sons, who all live nearby with their families. All of her sons are devoted to their mother. One feels the strong love the moment you enter her home. It is so wonderful.
Claudia was lying down in her bedroom. The moment the nurse and I walked in, she gave us such a beautiful smile. One could see her gentle soul and kindness. The family would laugh so easily while teasing. You know they all got it from Mom. They had the nurse and I laughing a lot. I told them that it was very difficult to remain in any kind of professional role when in their presence. It was great.
We were informed that Claudia’s husband died two years ago after a short hospice admission. They said their mother missed their dad every day. Claudia has shared with her sons many times that she is ready.
The family understands and has accepted her wish. They say that she has had a wonderful life, but she misses their father so deeply. Claudia, I wish you peace and know that you will go when it is your time to do so. Here’s to a beautiful journey.
SHE IS READY
The moment you meet her,
you easily embrace her huge heart.
She immediately gives you one lovely smile
the moment you enter her room.
She's had a full and wonderful life,
raising her five sons till grown.
Traveling all over the world
with her husband of whom she adored.
She is now dependent needing so much help.
Alzheimer's has taken its toll.
She forgets so easily and cannot recall,
but does feel the love of her family around.
"She has good days and bad days,
but each day it is getting worse.
Our dad died on hospice two years ago.
She so misses him every single day."
One wants to help her; to take care of her.
To give her comfort and peace of mind.
But she is so ready for it to be over.
She just wants to totally let go.
She has told her sons,
"I'm slowly dying. I want to be with Papa."
While her sons understandably say,
"She is dying of a broken heart.
She is losing her will to live."
She is ready.
Claudia was lying down in her bedroom. The moment the nurse and I walked in, she gave us such a beautiful smile. One could see her gentle soul and kindness. The family would laugh so easily while teasing. You know they all got it from Mom. They had the nurse and I laughing a lot. I told them that it was very difficult to remain in any kind of professional role when in their presence. It was great.
We were informed that Claudia’s husband died two years ago after a short hospice admission. They said their mother missed their dad every day. Claudia has shared with her sons many times that she is ready.
The family understands and has accepted her wish. They say that she has had a wonderful life, but she misses their father so deeply. Claudia, I wish you peace and know that you will go when it is your time to do so. Here’s to a beautiful journey.
SHE IS READY
The moment you meet her,
you easily embrace her huge heart.
She immediately gives you one lovely smile
the moment you enter her room.
She's had a full and wonderful life,
raising her five sons till grown.
Traveling all over the world
with her husband of whom she adored.
She is now dependent needing so much help.
Alzheimer's has taken its toll.
She forgets so easily and cannot recall,
but does feel the love of her family around.
"She has good days and bad days,
but each day it is getting worse.
Our dad died on hospice two years ago.
She so misses him every single day."
One wants to help her; to take care of her.
To give her comfort and peace of mind.
But she is so ready for it to be over.
She just wants to totally let go.
She has told her sons,
"I'm slowly dying. I want to be with Papa."
While her sons understandably say,
"She is dying of a broken heart.
She is losing her will to live."
She is ready.
Saturday, December 14, 2019
FIFTY YEARS
The hospice nurse and I admitted "John" to our hospice program today. John suffers from lung cancer that has spread to his bones. The moment we walked into the home, John welcomed us so graciously. He spoke about his life in such a realistic way. He did not blame anyone for his cancer, but spoke of his years of abusing alcohol and smoking cigarettes.
John has suffered so many losses in his life. All of his relatives are deceased. John embraces his days as no one in his family have survived to see fifty years, but him. John has three daughters who all live nearby and are healthy. Two of John's daughters were present during our visit, and one could so feel the strong love in the home. It was so beautiful to see.
John cherishes each day that he has, while having no fears about dying. He has strong spiritual beliefs and knows that there is an afterlife, but not sure what it is all about. His wife died four years ago and he truly knows he will be seeing her again. He is looking forward to that moment.
I was so amazed by John, as he realistically and easily spoke about his life; the good, the bad and the ugly. He had no blame, but total acceptance. He embraced each day as it came, knowing any day could be his last. I wish him the best.
FIFTY YEARS
He casually spoke about his life.
How he smoked and drank for years.
His body has reacted to those addictions;
lung cancer is now in control.
He is very realistic regarding his life.
Fully accepting all that he's been through.
He lost his wife four years ago.
He knows he will see her soon.
He spoke about his family.
How all have died before seeing fifty years.
His mother in her early thirties;
his father at forty-nine.
He no longer has his siblings;
both brothers have already died.
He does not talk of the strong pain of that loss,
but quietly will say, "I still miss them every day."
I asked him about any fears or concerns.
His answer came from deep in his heart.
"I am in bonus time. I embrace each day.
It's all in my Higher Power's hands".
He's lived twenty years longer than any of them.
His life has been up and down.
He has no regrets or unfinished business.
He just doesn't want to die alone.
His three daughters will grieve him I know,
but are so appreciative of the time that he has had.
All anticipated an early death,
but he has always, and will continue to.
embrace his life no matter how many years.
John has suffered so many losses in his life. All of his relatives are deceased. John embraces his days as no one in his family have survived to see fifty years, but him. John has three daughters who all live nearby and are healthy. Two of John's daughters were present during our visit, and one could so feel the strong love in the home. It was so beautiful to see.
John cherishes each day that he has, while having no fears about dying. He has strong spiritual beliefs and knows that there is an afterlife, but not sure what it is all about. His wife died four years ago and he truly knows he will be seeing her again. He is looking forward to that moment.
I was so amazed by John, as he realistically and easily spoke about his life; the good, the bad and the ugly. He had no blame, but total acceptance. He embraced each day as it came, knowing any day could be his last. I wish him the best.
FIFTY YEARS
He casually spoke about his life.
How he smoked and drank for years.
His body has reacted to those addictions;
lung cancer is now in control.
He is very realistic regarding his life.
Fully accepting all that he's been through.
He lost his wife four years ago.
He knows he will see her soon.
He spoke about his family.
How all have died before seeing fifty years.
His mother in her early thirties;
his father at forty-nine.
He no longer has his siblings;
both brothers have already died.
He does not talk of the strong pain of that loss,
but quietly will say, "I still miss them every day."
I asked him about any fears or concerns.
His answer came from deep in his heart.
"I am in bonus time. I embrace each day.
It's all in my Higher Power's hands".
He's lived twenty years longer than any of them.
His life has been up and down.
He has no regrets or unfinished business.
He just doesn't want to die alone.
His three daughters will grieve him I know,
but are so appreciative of the time that he has had.
All anticipated an early death,
but he has always, and will continue to.
embrace his life no matter how many years.
Saturday, December 7, 2019
SADNESS
The hospice nurse and I went out to meet "Steve", a fifty-seven year old suffering from lung and heart disease. Steve was discharged home this afternoon from the hospital after a two day stay for shortness of breath. We arrived at Steve's travel trailer five minutes after the paramedics arrived. The paramedics were waiting for us to come as did not want to leave Steve alone.
Steve is very weak as his body is fighting constantly to take another breath. The nurse and I walked into Steve's tiny trailer which stopped me as I had never seen such filth, disarray and so many cockroaches.
What amazed me is that Steve didn't seem bothered by it at all as his biggest concern was making sure his medication would always be delivered to his door on time. He did not want to be out of any of his prescription medication.
I am a mandated reported and self neglect is reportable. I did make a referral to Adult Protective Services and they will follow up. My biggest concern is that Steve needs help and he would not allow me to call his brother, who lives nearby. I wanted to assess how available and involved his family is in helping him.
Unfortunately I believe Steve will call 911 and end up in the hospital again. The best plan would be for the hospital to place him in a Skilled Nursing Facility to get the proper care. My heart just breaks for him and for all that he may have missed because of his addiction What a huge loss for him and for all of us as well.
SADNESS
He has severe lung and heart disease;
needing oxygen all of the time.
He's had countless ER visits
with complaints of severe chest pain.
He's had a very difficult life
making choices that didn't help much at all.
His biggest worry is delivery of his medicine,
but heroin has grabbed all of his power.
He lives in an unkempt, roach infested trailer
which is just a normal day for him.
No worries about bathing, doing laundry or food;
"Just make sure my medicine arrives on time."
My first impression was
how could anyone live this way?
The filth, the disorder; the chaos.
But then again; addiction always leads the way.
I can't get him off of my mind.
I am haunted by his soul.
What opportunities were there for him?
What might have he achieved?
He knows his time is short.
He has accepted it without fears.
I hope he finds his peace in this life;
but for me, the strongest emotion I have is
pure sadness for him
and for so many other lost souls.
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