THEY DON'T KNOW

We admitted three patients to our hospice program today. Two suffered from Alzheimer’s and were quite debilitated, while the other had a cancer diagnosis.

I have always thought that not knowing how forgetful and dependent one was, it might be a blessing. Meeting these two confused patients today made me stop and think a bit more about that thought. Both of them were struggling with not knowing what to do and not being able to communicate their questions or thoughts.

The gentleman with cancer was also struggling with what was happening to him. He totally knew his prognosis and poor status. He knew what the two patients with dementia did not. All three were struggling with, "Why?" and "What is it all about?" Whether one understands or not, it became clear a bit more to me today, that no one ever knows. I truly believe there is no simple answer to such powerful questions.


THEY DON'T KNOW

She was diagnosed years ago.
Her symptoms increasing over time.
Alzheimer's, dementia, forgetfulness.
Somehow it is just all the same.

She has no short term memory.
No recollection of anything past.
She just doesn't know while asking,
          "What do I need to do?"

He no longer talks, but shouts out.
Mumbling words with no meaning.
He has lost one of his greatest gifts;
         his intellect; his mind.

He has a PhD in history.
He has always sought out answers.
No longer able to do so.
Is it a blessing in disguise
that he doesn't understand why?

He was told yesterday his status is terminal.
No more treatment to be done.
He is processing all of this information.
He too, wants to know why.

Being aware or not aware,
it somehow seems the same.
Asking questions with no answers.
All struggling to regain control.

They just don't know,
          but then, neither do we.
                   We likely never will.