JUST BE

　
"Randy", seventy-one, was diagnosed with cancer three months ago. Randy tried chemotherapy, but the side affects were horrendous and he chose to stop the treatment. Randy lives with his wife, "Becky". They have four children and a very large extended family. The majority of the family members live locally and were all in the home when I arrived this afternoon.

I heard from the nurse who had visited earlier in the day, that Randy was imminent, unresponsive and likely will die within hours to a few days. When I walked into the home, Randy's daughter escorted me to Randy's hospital bed where he was in a deep sleep. Becky was standing next to him holding his hand. Becky's face was red from crying.

Becky immediately asked me to sit with her at the dining room table nearby. Becky started to talk and shared these past few months of Randy's illness. She was trying to process and find some purpose and meaning of it all. Becky had been in a terrible car accident several years ago and had been questioning why she survived her car going over a cliff on a mountain road. She now feels that she survived to take care of Randy.

An important part of the Social Worker's role is active listening, validating and normalizing feelings. What one feels is so personal and it is their truth. As a Social Worker, it is not my role to fix or change anything, but to help guide another to their solution.

Becky was easy to be with and as I rose to leave, I didn't feel that I do all that much. Even with my training, one always wants to say something to make things better or fix things. It is our human nature I suppose. Becky has such tremendous supports, she will be okay. I felt honored to have helped her today.

ADDENDUM: Randy died the following morning with his wife at his side. I telephoned Becky to offer condolences. Becky said she was doing fine as her family was all around. She said she is making a list of things to do as "We always make lists." She said that she was by Randy's side when he took his final breath.

Becky shared that when she and Randy were first married, he was a trucker. Whether he was gone one day or a week, he always came home saying, "I love road trips." She added that they took a lot of road trips over the years. As Becky sat up with Randy throughout the night holding his hand, she knew his death was close as his breathing was very slow and erratic. She told Randy, "It is okay to take that one last road trip." The next moment Randy took his last breath. That experience gives Becky tremendous peace.


JUST BE

She needed to talk.
She needed someone to listen.
To hear her story;
to understand her pain.

There was nothing more to be done.
No words; no quick fix; no cure.
She needed to know she wasn't alone.
Someone to validate her sorrow.

I didn't say much, but mostly listened.
I did clarify her words saying I understand.
I normalized her grief, her coping; her faith.
But what she primarily needed from me was to
          "Just Be."

As I rose to leave her final words did surprise me.
I didn't feel like I did all that much.
"You are wonderful.
         Thank you so much."

We all want to be heard.
We all want to be counted.
But mostly, when in a crisis, all we need is another to
Just Be.
         Just Be with Me.