THE COWBOY

"Flo", seventy-eight, suffers from lung cancer and dementia. Flo lives with her husband of fifty-eight years, "Robert". Flo and Robert live on a large ranch. The family loves horses. Throughout their life, they have participated in rodeos and many horse races. Robert worked at a nearby horse ranch for many years.

The couple have three adult children; who all live nearby. One sees many photos displayed in their family room. Each photo shows a family member with a horse. Horses are a big part of this family.

Flo has been in a two week decline to where she no longer can walk and is much weaker. In addition, she is getting more confused. Her appetite is down and she is sleeping more. Flo's doctor made a referral to hospice due to her recent changes.

The hospice nurse and I went out to meet with Flo and her family. The family's ranch is way out in the country. There are a few ranches nearby. Their property is pretty isolated, which Robert loves.

Flo didn't participate in the visit due to her confusion. When one first meets Robert, he presents pretty rough and tough. He was angry that Flo wouldn't try harder. Robert speaks what is on his mind and loves it when others are straight with him. He may say that Flo should try harder, but if you present him with reality, his face becomes very emotional as he understands it is her disease that is limiting her abilities to handle many of her daily tasks.

Robert says his best medicine is riding his horses on the ranch. Robert's daughter, "Penny", says that her dad has always wanted to be in control. Flo's dying is something he cannot control and it is breaking his heart. He presents like a tough guy, but his huge heart shines through. Penny says her parents always have bickered and teased each other. Robert showing his tough side is a lot easier for him as he can then shake off his true emotions.

I was able to communicate with Robert some reality, which was difficult for him. He thanked me for coming and said it did help him. I felt honored as he said, "You are in my circle." He said that was a good thing as not many can get in. His toughness may show, but his huge heart shines through along with his strong love for Flo.


THE COWBOY　

He presents rough and tough.
Riding his horses;
walking his ranch.
He loves being outdoors.

Now his heart is breaking.
He doesn't know what to do.
He wants to manage things,
but that is not working well at all.

He is trying to regain some control.
It has always worked for him before.
Somehow it is so much easier
to handle his horses on the ranch.

He has always been a straight shooter.
He appreciates it if you are the same.
If you present him with reality,
he'll tear up and know it is so.

He'll help her the best way he knows.
He'll get angry along the way.
Trying to control the situation,
then go outdoors to settle down;
         to ride his horse.

The Cowboy.