BOTH

I opened two patients to hospice today; both being female in their early nineties. Coincidentally, they lived about two miles away from each other. Both were widowed over twenty years and had, previously, been living alone.

Each was diagnosed three months ago; one with lung disease while the other cardiac. Both have been in a decline to where each is much weaker and losing weight due to a poor appetite. "Dot", ninety-four; was hospitalized two months ago. Her family and the doctors thought she would die while in the hospital. Dot prevailed to where she was able to return home. Dot was very wobbly on her feet with poor vision and not safe to be alone.

Dot's daughter, "Jess", lives about an hour away. Due to Jess's husband's health issues, she cannot come around as often as needed. Dot's family hired twenty-four hour attendant care. Dot has the funds to pay for the help she needs. Dot tells herself, and others, that her attendant is really just a companion. Although a struggle, Dot is determined to do housework saying she cleans one room each day.

Dot was dressed very fashionably wearing pink boots with heels to match her pink outfit. Dot walked slowly holding onto the furniture as she maneuvered around in her home. She was in denial regarding her limitations. I respect Dot's independent personality, but also know that she could put herself at risk if she had it her way.

On the other hand, "Myra", ninety-two, has totally accepted her limitations. She, too, is very weak and in a decline. She told her daughter and myself, "I am ready to go." She wished she lived in Oregon where they have the "Right to Die" legislation. I informed Myra that hospice neither shortens nor lengthens life. When it is your time, you will let go.

Both women have daughters who care. Both daughters are feeling helpless in their ability to do something for their mother. One mother wants to go while the other won't let go. Neither is wrong nor right, although both have some challenging times ahead. I wish both women and their families the best. There is not much else one can do.


BOTH


They both are in their nineties.
Each widowed over twenty years.
Both had been living alone
until a recent decline in their health.

One; her daughter has moved in
while the other now has 24/7 attendant care.
Both needing the extra help;
one with total acceptance; the other not so.

She told her daughter, "I am ready to go."
Through tears, her daughter said she understood.
She will give her mother permission to go
as knows her quality of life is no more.

The other, though, is fighting her decline.
She feels she is okay on her own.
She needs help, but is determined to do it alone.
She is angry at her daughter for hiring the help.

I respect independence.
I admire the courage of letting go.
We only walk this walk one time.
Neither family,
          I am sure,
                   not surprised at all.