"Kristen", sixty years old, suffered from breast cancer that had spread to her lymph nodes. Kristen had been divorced for years and lived alone. She was not close to her family, but had a multitude of close girlfriends who were family to her. Kristen had her own massage therapy business that she ran out of her home. She was a very spiritual being and loved being connected to nature.
Kristen was diagnosed five years ago. Initially she tried the holistic approach for treatment. She did okay for quite a while until a decline a few months ago. It was then that she did chemotherapy and radiation, to no avail. Recently she told her friends that she wished she did chemotherapy and radiation first, instead of the other way around.
Kristen was determined to live and fight her battle. She continued with the holistic approach as long as she could. It was when Kristen took a turn for the worse, that her friend, "Lisa", who was the agent on her health care directive, called hospice to admit Kristen to our program. Four days earlier, Kristen was driving her car. The day we went out, she was imminent and unresponsive. With her friends at the bedside, Kristen died twenty-four hours after we admitted her to hospice.
The next day, I called Lisa to offer condolences. It was then that Lisa told me about all of the birds that were appearing. Lisa and her friends believe it is Kristen's spirit. It is giving them peace knowing she is still around and doing okay.
I hear so many of these stories, that for me, it validates my belief that there is life beyond. Of course, life, and possibly death, is all about perspective. In the end, it doesn't really matter if it is true or not. If one believes it to be true, then it is true to them. I just know that I felt goose bumps hearing this beautiful story. It if brings joy, then it is a great thing.
BIRDS
She loved to work in her garden.
She loved the birds that flew around.
She even had a bird clock in her living room,
chirping a different variety every hour.
She was a very spiritual being.
She believed in nature; in energy.
She died with a radiant glow.
They believe it was her spirit leaving.
They know she didn't go too far
as she continues to show them she is around.
They are seeing birds everywhere;
in the park; in their homes; in their yards.
Moments after they picked up her body,
her cat brought a baby blue jay into the home.
The bird flew directly into her bedroom.
They had trouble getting it back out.
Her friend found five blue jays in her yard.
Another; two doves landing by her feet.
Her great niece spoke of a blue bird circling overhead.
She's only eleven, but knew it was her aunt.
Whether it is true or not,
doesn't really matter much at all.
The important thing is that they all do believe;
the most compelling truth of all.
Friday, July 24, 2015
Saturday, July 18, 2015
BOTH
I opened two patients to hospice today; both being female in their early nineties. Coincidentally, they lived about two miles away from each other. Both were widowed over twenty years and had, previously, been living alone.
Each was diagnosed three months ago; one with lung disease while the other cardiac. Both have been in a decline to where each is much weaker and losing weight due to a poor appetite. "Dot", ninety-four; was hospitalized two months ago. Her family and the doctors thought she would die while in the hospital. Dot prevailed to where she was able to return home. Dot was very wobbly on her feet with poor vision and not safe to be alone.
Dot's daughter, "Jess", lives about an hour away. Due to Jess's husband's health issues, she cannot come around as often as needed. Dot's family hired twenty-four hour attendant care. Dot has the funds to pay for the help she needs. Dot tells herself, and others, that her attendant is really just a companion. Although a struggle, Dot is determined to do housework saying she cleans one room each day.
Dot was dressed very fashionably wearing pink boots with heels to match her pink outfit. Dot walked slowly holding onto the furniture as she maneuvered around in her home. She was in denial regarding her limitations. I respect Dot's independent personality, but also know that she could put herself at risk if she had it her way.
On the other hand, "Myra", ninety-two, has totally accepted her limitations. She, too, is very weak and in a decline. She told her daughter and myself, "I am ready to go." She wished she lived in Oregon where they have the "Right to Die" legislation. I informed Myra that hospice neither shortens nor lengthens life. When it is your time, you will let go.
Both women have daughters who care. Both daughters are feeling helpless in their ability to do something for their mother. One mother wants to go while the other won't let go. Neither is wrong nor right, although both have some challenging times ahead. I wish both women and their families the best. There is not much else one can do.
BOTH
They both are in their nineties.
Each widowed over twenty years.
Both had been living alone
until a recent decline in their health.
One; her daughter has moved in
while the other now has 24/7 attendant care.
Both needing the extra help;
one with total acceptance; the other not so.
She told her daughter, "I am ready to go."
Through tears, her daughter said she understood.
She will give her mother permission to go
as knows her quality of life is no more.
The other, though, is fighting her decline.
She feels she is okay on her own.
She needs help, but is determined to do it alone.
She is angry at her daughter for hiring the help.
I respect independence.
I admire the courage of letting go.
We only walk this walk one time.
Neither family,
I am sure,
not surprised at all.
Each was diagnosed three months ago; one with lung disease while the other cardiac. Both have been in a decline to where each is much weaker and losing weight due to a poor appetite. "Dot", ninety-four; was hospitalized two months ago. Her family and the doctors thought she would die while in the hospital. Dot prevailed to where she was able to return home. Dot was very wobbly on her feet with poor vision and not safe to be alone.
Dot's daughter, "Jess", lives about an hour away. Due to Jess's husband's health issues, she cannot come around as often as needed. Dot's family hired twenty-four hour attendant care. Dot has the funds to pay for the help she needs. Dot tells herself, and others, that her attendant is really just a companion. Although a struggle, Dot is determined to do housework saying she cleans one room each day.
Dot was dressed very fashionably wearing pink boots with heels to match her pink outfit. Dot walked slowly holding onto the furniture as she maneuvered around in her home. She was in denial regarding her limitations. I respect Dot's independent personality, but also know that she could put herself at risk if she had it her way.
On the other hand, "Myra", ninety-two, has totally accepted her limitations. She, too, is very weak and in a decline. She told her daughter and myself, "I am ready to go." She wished she lived in Oregon where they have the "Right to Die" legislation. I informed Myra that hospice neither shortens nor lengthens life. When it is your time, you will let go.
Both women have daughters who care. Both daughters are feeling helpless in their ability to do something for their mother. One mother wants to go while the other won't let go. Neither is wrong nor right, although both have some challenging times ahead. I wish both women and their families the best. There is not much else one can do.
BOTH
They both are in their nineties.
Each widowed over twenty years.
Both had been living alone
until a recent decline in their health.
One; her daughter has moved in
while the other now has 24/7 attendant care.
Both needing the extra help;
one with total acceptance; the other not so.
She told her daughter, "I am ready to go."
Through tears, her daughter said she understood.
She will give her mother permission to go
as knows her quality of life is no more.
The other, though, is fighting her decline.
She feels she is okay on her own.
She needs help, but is determined to do it alone.
She is angry at her daughter for hiring the help.
I respect independence.
I admire the courage of letting go.
We only walk this walk one time.
Neither family,
I am sure,
not surprised at all.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
THE COWBOY
"Flo", seventy-eight, suffers from lung cancer and dementia. Flo lives with her husband of fifty-eight years, "Robert". Flo and Robert live on a large ranch. The family loves horses. Throughout their life, they have participated in rodeos and many horse races. Robert worked at a nearby horse ranch for many years.
The couple have three adult children; who all live nearby. One sees many photos displayed in their family room. Each photo shows a family member with a horse. Horses are a big part of this family.
Flo has been in a two week decline to where she no longer can walk and is much weaker. In addition, she is getting more confused. Her appetite is down and she is sleeping more. Flo's doctor made a referral to hospice due to her recent changes.
The hospice nurse and I went out to meet with Flo and her family. The family's ranch is way out in the country. There are a few ranches nearby. Their property is pretty isolated, which Robert loves.
Flo didn't participate in the visit due to her confusion. When one first meets Robert, he presents pretty rough and tough. He was angry that Flo wouldn't try harder. Robert speaks what is on his mind and loves it when others are straight with him. He may say that Flo should try harder, but if you present him with reality, his face becomes very emotional as he understands it is her disease that is limiting her abilities to handle many of her daily tasks.
Robert says his best medicine is riding his horses on the ranch. Robert's daughter, "Penny", says that her dad has always wanted to be in control. Flo's dying is something he cannot control and it is breaking his heart. He presents like a tough guy, but his huge heart shines through. Penny says her parents always have bickered and teased each other. Robert showing his tough side is a lot easier for him as he can then shake off his true emotions.
I was able to communicate with Robert some reality, which was difficult for him. He thanked me for coming and said it did help him. I felt honored as he said, "You are in my circle." He said that was a good thing as not many can get in. His toughness may show, but his huge heart shines through along with his strong love for Flo.
THE COWBOY
He presents rough and tough.
Riding his horses;
walking his ranch.
He loves being outdoors.
Now his heart is breaking.
He doesn't know what to do.
He wants to manage things,
but that is not working well at all.
He is trying to regain some control.
It has always worked for him before.
Somehow it is so much easier
to handle his horses on the ranch.
He has always been a straight shooter.
He appreciates it if you are the same.
If you present him with reality,
he'll tear up and know it is so.
He'll help her the best way he knows.
He'll get angry along the way.
Trying to control the situation,
then go outdoors to settle down;
to ride his horse.
The Cowboy.
The couple have three adult children; who all live nearby. One sees many photos displayed in their family room. Each photo shows a family member with a horse. Horses are a big part of this family.
Flo has been in a two week decline to where she no longer can walk and is much weaker. In addition, she is getting more confused. Her appetite is down and she is sleeping more. Flo's doctor made a referral to hospice due to her recent changes.
The hospice nurse and I went out to meet with Flo and her family. The family's ranch is way out in the country. There are a few ranches nearby. Their property is pretty isolated, which Robert loves.
Flo didn't participate in the visit due to her confusion. When one first meets Robert, he presents pretty rough and tough. He was angry that Flo wouldn't try harder. Robert speaks what is on his mind and loves it when others are straight with him. He may say that Flo should try harder, but if you present him with reality, his face becomes very emotional as he understands it is her disease that is limiting her abilities to handle many of her daily tasks.
Robert says his best medicine is riding his horses on the ranch. Robert's daughter, "Penny", says that her dad has always wanted to be in control. Flo's dying is something he cannot control and it is breaking his heart. He presents like a tough guy, but his huge heart shines through. Penny says her parents always have bickered and teased each other. Robert showing his tough side is a lot easier for him as he can then shake off his true emotions.
I was able to communicate with Robert some reality, which was difficult for him. He thanked me for coming and said it did help him. I felt honored as he said, "You are in my circle." He said that was a good thing as not many can get in. His toughness may show, but his huge heart shines through along with his strong love for Flo.
THE COWBOY
He presents rough and tough.
Riding his horses;
walking his ranch.
He loves being outdoors.
Now his heart is breaking.
He doesn't know what to do.
He wants to manage things,
but that is not working well at all.
He is trying to regain some control.
It has always worked for him before.
Somehow it is so much easier
to handle his horses on the ranch.
He has always been a straight shooter.
He appreciates it if you are the same.
If you present him with reality,
he'll tear up and know it is so.
He'll help her the best way he knows.
He'll get angry along the way.
Trying to control the situation,
then go outdoors to settle down;
to ride his horse.
The Cowboy.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
WHEN?
"Margaret", ninety-three, has been residing in a Board and Care home for three years. She had been fairly active and was able to manage many of her needs. She walked with a walker, had a great appetite and enjoyed her days. She has a very large room with an even larger window facing out to the front garden. Margaret has a hummingbird feeder right outside her window. One of her greatest pleasures was watching the birds feed. In addition, Margaret spent a lot of her day working jigsaw puzzles. Several of her favorite puzzles were displayed on the walls of her bedroom.
Two months ago, Margaret suffered a stroke which left her right side paralyzed. She no longer can walk and needs the staff to maneuver her around in her wheelchair. Margaret's eyesight is failing along with her hearing. One has to speak loudly in order for her to hear what you are saying.
Margaret is widowed and has three children. Her daughter, "Annie", lives nearby and visits every other day. Her two other children live out of the area with infrequent visits due to geographic distance. Margaret doesn't like to be alone as feels so helpless when no one is around. Annie has arranged for visitors to come on the days she cannot be there.
Margaret has a long history of anxiety. Margaret's anxiety was triggered by the hospice nurse and my visit. She thought hospice would prolong her life. Margaret is forgetful and. with the limited hearing, struggled at times to keep up with the conversation. Margaret kept asking the nurse and I how long does she have. She wanted an exact date.
Margaret has no religious belief and feels once someone dies, there is no afterlife. She has no fears about dying at all. She just feels miserable with all of her limitations. She kept asking why she was still here, how long does she have or will hospice be prolonging her life?
Seeing Margaret struggle so, makes me also question why does she, or anyone, have to suffer. I believe we are all here until it is our time to go. I would like to think Margaret has one final lesson for us. Or, on the other hand, one more lesson to learn. I hope with hospice's support, she will find comfort and peace.
WHEN?
"When will this be over?
Why do I have to live this way?"
So many difficult questions
with no satisfactory answers.
Her eyesight is failing.
She struggles to hear what is being said.
No longer able to do those things
which gave her life such pleasure.
She misses doing jigsaw puzzles;
watching the hummingbirds outside;
her favorite shows; enjoying a meal.
No quality of life left for her.
She has no fears about dying.
She is ready for it to come.
She believes once it is over, it is over.
There is nothing more.
With rising anxiety and frustration,
she pleaded with us to help her.
"I want to be invisible; I am done.
How much longer do I have?
When?"
Two months ago, Margaret suffered a stroke which left her right side paralyzed. She no longer can walk and needs the staff to maneuver her around in her wheelchair. Margaret's eyesight is failing along with her hearing. One has to speak loudly in order for her to hear what you are saying.
Margaret is widowed and has three children. Her daughter, "Annie", lives nearby and visits every other day. Her two other children live out of the area with infrequent visits due to geographic distance. Margaret doesn't like to be alone as feels so helpless when no one is around. Annie has arranged for visitors to come on the days she cannot be there.
Margaret has a long history of anxiety. Margaret's anxiety was triggered by the hospice nurse and my visit. She thought hospice would prolong her life. Margaret is forgetful and. with the limited hearing, struggled at times to keep up with the conversation. Margaret kept asking the nurse and I how long does she have. She wanted an exact date.
Margaret has no religious belief and feels once someone dies, there is no afterlife. She has no fears about dying at all. She just feels miserable with all of her limitations. She kept asking why she was still here, how long does she have or will hospice be prolonging her life?
Seeing Margaret struggle so, makes me also question why does she, or anyone, have to suffer. I believe we are all here until it is our time to go. I would like to think Margaret has one final lesson for us. Or, on the other hand, one more lesson to learn. I hope with hospice's support, she will find comfort and peace.
WHEN?
"When will this be over?
Why do I have to live this way?"
So many difficult questions
with no satisfactory answers.
Her eyesight is failing.
She struggles to hear what is being said.
No longer able to do those things
which gave her life such pleasure.
She misses doing jigsaw puzzles;
watching the hummingbirds outside;
her favorite shows; enjoying a meal.
No quality of life left for her.
She has no fears about dying.
She is ready for it to come.
She believes once it is over, it is over.
There is nothing more.
With rising anxiety and frustration,
she pleaded with us to help her.
"I want to be invisible; I am done.
How much longer do I have?
When?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)