SOBER

“Sally”, eighty years old, suffers from end stage dementia and cardiac disease. Sally had been living in a skilled nursing facility with around-the-clock care, when she took a dramatic decline. Sally is widowed and has three children. The three of them decided to bring mom back home. The plan was for her youngest daughter, “Bette”, to fly out from Minnesota to care for her mother.

Sally's other daughter and son live nearby, but have full time jobs. Bette is on disability from a lung injury while serving in the Marines. She offered to fly out to care for her mom while her siblings worked. Her siblings will help out on the weekends to give Bette a break.

I first met Bette and Sally the previous day when Sally was still in the skilled nursing facility. Sally was to be discharged home later that day. Bette was nervous about being able to care for her mom properly. I went out to their home the next day to check in and see how they both were doing. Bette was so gentle caring for her mom. Sally looked happy to be home. She was lying in her hospital bed in the living room with Bette sitting by her side holding her hand.

It was then that Bette told me about her drinking. She says she had been drinking for thirty years. She stops; goes through withdrawal, drinks again; withdrawal, and the cycled continued. She shared that she had been sober for thirty-one days; pointing to her bible and other religious books; adding that her spirituality is what will keep her sober.

Sally was on hospice for only twelve days when she passed away. Bette was sitting by her mother, holding her hand, when she took her last breath. Today, two days later, Bette started to drink. She called our hospice office for help. She was so ashamed and embarrassed, but was receptive to a visit.

Bette was able to rant and rave while processing her thoughts. I reassured her that she did a beautiful job caring for her mother. In the end, I listened and validated Bette's feelings. I also guided her toward her solution for help. I left resources for her along with a hot-line for her to call if needed. Sally said she would call her brother, who has been sober for eight years. I wish her all the best and hope she is able to reach out and remain sober utilizing the supports she has available to her.


SOBER

She has the biggest heart of all.
She flew here to care for her mom.
She’s been sober for thirty-one days.
She’s done it all on her own.

She says she will never drink again.
Her Bible and faith keep her sober.
She is not worried about it at all
as her primary focus now, is her mom.

She was sitting next to her mom’s bed,
comforting words; holding her hand.
She was telling her that it was okay to go
when she took her final breath.

She started to drink two days later.
She is embarrassed and ashamed of herself.
She says she has no more focus in life,
“I don’t want you to come, but please do.”

The first thing she asked me
was to throw out all the booze.
She talked; she rambled; she talked some more.
She figured out what she wants to do.

She’ll get help with her drinking.
Then she will return home.
She’ll volunteer at her local hospice.
A new focus to help her remain
         Sober.