I was asked by our Human Resources Director today, to write a poem about hospice from the perspective of the employees. I grabbed a pad of paper and then asked her what led her to hospice. I then walked around the office jotting notes, while interviewing several nurses, a home health aide, two office workers and other staff. Hospice is a unique group of people who can talk about death and dying easily.
As a hospice worker, I am very selective to whom I talk to about my work as one never knows how unsettling it can be to others. It is so supportive to talk with co-workers as they understand the language. I have tried to figure out what brought me to hospice as many of us do. No one really has a clear answer. The similarity between us is that we all are drawn to this work. It is a calling. It is a privilege. It is such a blessing. The rewards are so amazing.
This poem was a group effort by our entire hospice team. In addition, one can change the title to any hospice of their choosing and it would be an accurate description of that staff as well. This is sacred work and is respected by those in the field of death and dying.
Folks continue to thank us for being there for them, but it is us who need to say “Thank You”. Thank you for allowing us into your home, sharing something as intimate as dying and telling us we made a difference in your life today. It doesn’t get any better than that.
YOLO HOSPICE
Hospice is more than a building.
Hospice is more than an agency.
Its foundation is the people inside
who make it run so smoothly.
If you ask what keeps them going,
their answers are as unique as they are.
None of them have chosen hospice,
as hospice has chosen each one of them.
Life experiences have directed their path.
“It is so natural to be here”.
“A massage for my soul.”
“It didn’t bring me here, but it keeps me here.”
You will hear honor, privilege, connection.
“It touches a deeper place in my soul”.
“Treating the whole family holistically
at the most vulnerable time in people’s lives.”
A diverse group of chosen people
who receive tremendous rewards just knowing
that they made a difference in someone’s life today;
easing a transition towards a peaceful death.
Yolo Hospice.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Saturday, February 21, 2015
PRAYING
“Ken”, forty-eight, was hospitalized four days ago due to confusion and weakness. Ken suffers from liver and kidney failure. Ken has been divorced for years and has no children. Ken is close to his mother and siblings, who all are nearby and supportive to him.
Ken lives on one of two homes on his mother’s sixteen acres. His mother, “Alice”, lives in the other home. The doctor told Ken and Alice yesterday that there is nothing more to be done. Alice shared that she heard the doctor say, “He is dying. Take him home.” No matter how gently or kindly the doctor said it, I am sure that as a mother, Alice only heard the word, “dying”.
Alice has been a Seventh Day Adventist her entire life. She said that between 1-2AM this morning, she prayed to let her son live. She said that when she came to the hospital this morning and saw Ken, he was much more alert. She knows her prayers were answered as Ken said he started to feel better between 1-2AM.
Both Ken and Alice will fluctuate between “I am dying vs. I am living”. Ken wants hospice, but doesn’t believe he is dying. Alice wants to respect Ken’s decision for CPR, but then feels he needs to come home and let nature run its natural course.
None of us know how we would feel in any situation until we are faced with that situation. Denial is a huge part of the grieving process. It lets one cope using baby steps. The doctor’s news yesterday came so unexpected to Ken and Alice. The grieving process can be such an up and down, roller coaster ride. Hopefully time and prayer will help Ken and Alice through these upcoming days and weeks in order for them to each find their peace.
PRAYING
She’s been faithful all of her life.
Her strong beliefs have always saved her.
When tough times come her way,
she will always turn to prayer.
Yesterday, they were told he was terminal.
The last thing they expected to hear.
His kidneys and liver are failing.
There is no more to be done.
She prayed to God early this morning.
She prayed to let him live.
She knows her prayers were answered
as today he is much more alert.
Confusion impairs his judgment,
although he knows what’s going on.
He wants hospice and readily signed on,
adding, “It’s not my time to die.”
She agrees with him having CPR,
although knows it would be futile.
No more hospitalizations, no life supports.
Let him die a natural death at home.
She’s being a loving mother.
She wants her son to live.
Up and down, back and forth;
conflicted between grueling choices.
She prayed to God this morning.
She’ll pray to him again.
I pray her faith will sustain her
as she slowly learns to let him go.
Ken lives on one of two homes on his mother’s sixteen acres. His mother, “Alice”, lives in the other home. The doctor told Ken and Alice yesterday that there is nothing more to be done. Alice shared that she heard the doctor say, “He is dying. Take him home.” No matter how gently or kindly the doctor said it, I am sure that as a mother, Alice only heard the word, “dying”.
Alice has been a Seventh Day Adventist her entire life. She said that between 1-2AM this morning, she prayed to let her son live. She said that when she came to the hospital this morning and saw Ken, he was much more alert. She knows her prayers were answered as Ken said he started to feel better between 1-2AM.
Both Ken and Alice will fluctuate between “I am dying vs. I am living”. Ken wants hospice, but doesn’t believe he is dying. Alice wants to respect Ken’s decision for CPR, but then feels he needs to come home and let nature run its natural course.
None of us know how we would feel in any situation until we are faced with that situation. Denial is a huge part of the grieving process. It lets one cope using baby steps. The doctor’s news yesterday came so unexpected to Ken and Alice. The grieving process can be such an up and down, roller coaster ride. Hopefully time and prayer will help Ken and Alice through these upcoming days and weeks in order for them to each find their peace.
PRAYING
She’s been faithful all of her life.
Her strong beliefs have always saved her.
When tough times come her way,
she will always turn to prayer.
Yesterday, they were told he was terminal.
The last thing they expected to hear.
His kidneys and liver are failing.
There is no more to be done.
She prayed to God early this morning.
She prayed to let him live.
She knows her prayers were answered
as today he is much more alert.
Confusion impairs his judgment,
although he knows what’s going on.
He wants hospice and readily signed on,
adding, “It’s not my time to die.”
She agrees with him having CPR,
although knows it would be futile.
No more hospitalizations, no life supports.
Let him die a natural death at home.
She’s being a loving mother.
She wants her son to live.
Up and down, back and forth;
conflicted between grueling choices.
She prayed to God this morning.
She’ll pray to him again.
I pray her faith will sustain her
as she slowly learns to let him go.
Monday, February 16, 2015
A FIGHTER
“Josie, fifty-five was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago. Her cancer has now spread to her brain. Josie lives with her fourth husband, “James”. Josie has a daughter from a previous marriage who will be visiting in a few days. Her daughter lives in another state and will be staying for a few weeks to help out and support her mother.
Josie’s doctor made a hospice referral as Josie’s treatments were no longer working. Josie was having intravenous treatments. Hospice’s philosophy is not curative, but comfort care. The hospice nurse and I went out to meet Josie and James. We wanted to inform Josie and James about our program as well as assess if they were ready to come onto hospice. We knew Josie had intravenous fluids today, but did not know if she had planned on continuing that treatment.
While the nurse and I sat in Josie and James living room, we discussed the hospice program. I asked Josie if she wanted full treatment or if she wanted nature to take its natural course. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. We want to support Josie with any decision she needs to make.
I was explaining “Full Code”, (having everything done to keep one alive) versus “Do Not Resuscitate” (letting the disease take its natural course). Josie paused in thought for a moment and said that the treatment’s effects were only lasting for one day. She then suddenly burst into tears, collapsed into her husband’s arms” and told him that she was tired of fighting. He held her so lovingly and said he understood. You could see that both of their hearts were breaking.
I felt so humbled and honored to have witnessed such an intimate and loving moment. Afterwards I commended Josie on speaking her truth to James. Most people are not able to be so direct with their emotions. I told her that it will help James to know what she wants.
This is a perfect example of why I do what I do. I am so blessed every day in my work. I will continue to do this amazing work until I can’t. Families and patients do the hard work, we don’t. It is truly an honor to walk along side of them.
A FIGHTER
She’s struggled through life.
Times have been rough.
Addictions, divorces, poverty.
Tremendous burdens to overcome.
In her forties, she met her soul mate.
They’ve been together eleven years.
You can see the sparkle in both their eyes;
their devotion to the other.
Five years ago her cancer struck.
She fought it as best as she could.
The cancer now has spread to her brain.
Pain and nausea, her daily companions.
We asked her about her treatment.
She said that today was the last.
It is no longer working for her.
A sudden realization of what was to come.
She needed to tell him.
She needed him to understand.
It was time for her to let go.
She collapsed in his arms and cried.
“I am tired. I am ready.
I can’t do this anymore.
I am done. I am so sorry”.
A fighter.
Josie’s doctor made a hospice referral as Josie’s treatments were no longer working. Josie was having intravenous treatments. Hospice’s philosophy is not curative, but comfort care. The hospice nurse and I went out to meet Josie and James. We wanted to inform Josie and James about our program as well as assess if they were ready to come onto hospice. We knew Josie had intravenous fluids today, but did not know if she had planned on continuing that treatment.
While the nurse and I sat in Josie and James living room, we discussed the hospice program. I asked Josie if she wanted full treatment or if she wanted nature to take its natural course. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. We want to support Josie with any decision she needs to make.
I was explaining “Full Code”, (having everything done to keep one alive) versus “Do Not Resuscitate” (letting the disease take its natural course). Josie paused in thought for a moment and said that the treatment’s effects were only lasting for one day. She then suddenly burst into tears, collapsed into her husband’s arms” and told him that she was tired of fighting. He held her so lovingly and said he understood. You could see that both of their hearts were breaking.
I felt so humbled and honored to have witnessed such an intimate and loving moment. Afterwards I commended Josie on speaking her truth to James. Most people are not able to be so direct with their emotions. I told her that it will help James to know what she wants.
This is a perfect example of why I do what I do. I am so blessed every day in my work. I will continue to do this amazing work until I can’t. Families and patients do the hard work, we don’t. It is truly an honor to walk along side of them.
A FIGHTER
She’s struggled through life.
Times have been rough.
Addictions, divorces, poverty.
Tremendous burdens to overcome.
In her forties, she met her soul mate.
They’ve been together eleven years.
You can see the sparkle in both their eyes;
their devotion to the other.
Five years ago her cancer struck.
She fought it as best as she could.
The cancer now has spread to her brain.
Pain and nausea, her daily companions.
We asked her about her treatment.
She said that today was the last.
It is no longer working for her.
A sudden realization of what was to come.
She needed to tell him.
She needed him to understand.
It was time for her to let go.
She collapsed in his arms and cried.
“I am tired. I am ready.
I can’t do this anymore.
I am done. I am so sorry”.
A fighter.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
TWO MEN AWAKE
The hospice nurse and I admitted two elderly gentlemen to hospice today. There were several similarities between these two families. Both men suffer from end stage cardiac disease, have family close by to help and the wife is the primary caregiver. In addition, both men do most of their sleeping during the daylight hours.
“Nick”, eighty-eight, was just discharged from the hospital after a five day stay. He came home on oxygen as was easily short of breath with any exertion. Nick’s wife, “Melanie”, is fifteen years younger than him, is in good health and physically able to manage Nick’s higher level of need. Although, during the visit, she was so exhausted, saying she hadn’t had much sleep for several days.
Nick gets anxious once the sun goes down as it is a reminder that nighttime is coming and he will, as his usual, struggle to get to sleep. Nick dozes off for a few hours and then wakes up for several more hours and then dozes off again. Melanie says that any sleeping medication they have tried doesn’t work at all. She is hoping hospice has an answer for her.
The second visit of the day was with “Cliff” and his wife, “Jan”. Cliff is able to ambulate slowly using a cane, but has had some recent falls and cannot be left alone. Cliff and Jan are both eighty years old, although Jan looks so much younger than her stated age. She and Cliff had been extremely active their entire life. While Cliff’s energy has subsided, Jan still has a lot of get-up-and-go.
Both Jan and Cliff take life as it comes without much worry. Cliff has no fears about dying saying, “When it is my time, I will go readily to see Jesus”. The couple are both very direct and matter-of-fact. Jan, too, shared Cliff’s challenging sleeping pattern of being awake at night and asleep during most of the day. She described it so perfectly. I told Jan that I was going to borrow (steal) her phrase as it was so well expressed.
One doesn’t realize the impact of being a caregiver until they have personal experience doing it. When the patient does not allow the caregiver to get enough sleep, that job is a thousand fold more difficult. I know that when it is a caregiver’s time to cross over, they will jump to the head of the line. I am so humbled and grateful for all the caregivers out there for the selfless and amazing work that they do.
TWO MEN AWAKE
“Sundowners” is a term we often hear
when one is elderly, sick or confused.
One struggles with sleeping at night,
triggering drowsiness during the day.
Caregivers strive to keep up
as their body clock is in a different zone.
The world’s activities are in the daylight hours
while most things slow down and stop at night.
He’s been home only a few days.
He gets anxious once the sun goes down.
He worries about not being able to sleep,
which keeps him awake for hours.
She wants to be able to care for him,
but is getting exhausted needing her own sleep.
She’s trying to keep him awake during the day,
hoping a nighttime sleeping pill might help.
He, on the other hand, is awake most of the night,
falling asleep right before dawn.
He arises early afternoon
ready to face his day.
She told us about his sleeping habits.
He, too, is struggling during the night.
She was able to describe it so perfectly saying,
“He sleeps most of the day
and then he naps at night.”
“Nick”, eighty-eight, was just discharged from the hospital after a five day stay. He came home on oxygen as was easily short of breath with any exertion. Nick’s wife, “Melanie”, is fifteen years younger than him, is in good health and physically able to manage Nick’s higher level of need. Although, during the visit, she was so exhausted, saying she hadn’t had much sleep for several days.
Nick gets anxious once the sun goes down as it is a reminder that nighttime is coming and he will, as his usual, struggle to get to sleep. Nick dozes off for a few hours and then wakes up for several more hours and then dozes off again. Melanie says that any sleeping medication they have tried doesn’t work at all. She is hoping hospice has an answer for her.
The second visit of the day was with “Cliff” and his wife, “Jan”. Cliff is able to ambulate slowly using a cane, but has had some recent falls and cannot be left alone. Cliff and Jan are both eighty years old, although Jan looks so much younger than her stated age. She and Cliff had been extremely active their entire life. While Cliff’s energy has subsided, Jan still has a lot of get-up-and-go.
Both Jan and Cliff take life as it comes without much worry. Cliff has no fears about dying saying, “When it is my time, I will go readily to see Jesus”. The couple are both very direct and matter-of-fact. Jan, too, shared Cliff’s challenging sleeping pattern of being awake at night and asleep during most of the day. She described it so perfectly. I told Jan that I was going to borrow (steal) her phrase as it was so well expressed.
One doesn’t realize the impact of being a caregiver until they have personal experience doing it. When the patient does not allow the caregiver to get enough sleep, that job is a thousand fold more difficult. I know that when it is a caregiver’s time to cross over, they will jump to the head of the line. I am so humbled and grateful for all the caregivers out there for the selfless and amazing work that they do.
TWO MEN AWAKE
“Sundowners” is a term we often hear
when one is elderly, sick or confused.
One struggles with sleeping at night,
triggering drowsiness during the day.
Caregivers strive to keep up
as their body clock is in a different zone.
The world’s activities are in the daylight hours
while most things slow down and stop at night.
He’s been home only a few days.
He gets anxious once the sun goes down.
He worries about not being able to sleep,
which keeps him awake for hours.
She wants to be able to care for him,
but is getting exhausted needing her own sleep.
She’s trying to keep him awake during the day,
hoping a nighttime sleeping pill might help.
He, on the other hand, is awake most of the night,
falling asleep right before dawn.
He arises early afternoon
ready to face his day.
She told us about his sleeping habits.
He, too, is struggling during the night.
She was able to describe it so perfectly saying,
“He sleeps most of the day
and then he naps at night.”
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