CAREGIVER

Eighty-three year old “Oscar” suffers from end stage lung disease. He is on continuous oxygen and gets short of breath so easily, which limits his ability to manage any of his needs. Oscar lives with “Deb”, his wife of thirty-two years. Deb is fifteen years younger than Oscar, but she says that he is her soul mate. The two met doing what they love; painting. Both paint water colors and their art is displayed throughout their home.

Deb has no time for painting these days as Oscar is getting weaker. He gets so short of breath with any activity. Deb needs to help Oscar constantly throughout each day. Oscar has three sons; although none live nearby and are limited in their support. Deb feels the total burden of caring for Oscar.

During my visit today, it was obvious how upset Deb was. She started to slowly cry while struggling to share something. Deb is very intellectual and categorizes her emotions. She feels productive only when doing a task. She says she feels so helpless as she cannot make Oscar better. I told her that that is not her responsibility as no one has that power. I shared how the task of “being there” is tremendous support for Oscar. I added that her presence is huge for Oscar, to which he quickly nodded his head up and down to strongly agree.

Deb then started to cry saying she has nothing left to give. I spoke about the benefits of caregiver self care and the importance of her having routine breaks. Fortunately, there is funds to pay for attendant care. When I spoke of hiring someone several hours each week, Deb perked up. She liked that idea. I gave her a few referrals and she said she was going to call today. Her whole demeanor changed from sadness to lightheartedness.

She is a great caregiver and, I know, with some weekly support, she will continue to help Oscar for the duration. No one really understands the demands of being a full time caregiver until they have done it themselves. I truly believe that caregivers will jump to the front of the line when it is their time to cross over. God bless them all.

CAREGIVER
　
　

His strength is getting zapped.
He is getting weaker day by day.
He gets short of breath so easily now.
He needs her help with everything.

It causes both of them guilt.
He for asking; she for negative thoughts.
It’s obvious their love for each other;
but both are just getting worn-out.

She had a meltdown today.
Tears flowing, not wanting to admit
her depression; her shame.
“I need a break! I can’t go on!”

She feels trapped; he helpless.
Both are not getting enough sleep.
Nerves are raw; tempers short.
They don’t know what to do.

We talked about being a caregiver.
How guilt can overcome us all.
The benefits of caregiver self care.
Let’s get her some needed breaks.

She heard what I was saying.
No one can or should have to do it all.
With additional help in the home,
I know she will continue to be
         an amazing caregiver.