“Dave”, sixty-six, was diagnosed with prostate cancer two years ago. He was admitted to hospice yesterday because of a recent, dramatic decline. Dave lives with his wife of two years, “Joyce.” I went out today to meet with the family. When I walked into the home, Dave’s two best friends were there helping out.
Joyce stated that three weeks ago, Dave was riding his motorcycle. Today, Dave is confused, weak and has not eaten for two days. It appears that he is into his dying process. I called the hospice nurse because the family was struggling to keep Dave from falling. He was restless and kept trying to get up off the hospital bed. Dave is very weak and is wobbly on his feet. The family said that Dave was up all night and Joyce did not get any sleep.
The nurse came out within the hour and informed the family that Dave likely has hours to days to live. The family was aware prior to our visit today, but hearing it out loud can be shocking. The nurse explained things so clearly in the kindest way possible. Her words are like gentle hugs.
The family started asking appropriate questions and it was apparent that they did hear what the nurse was telling them. The nurse opened up the conversation to where it was easy for me to introduce tough topics regarding funeral planning, giving Dave permission to go etc.
A favorite phrase of mine is when she first admits a patient to our program, she will say, “Hospice will follow you for the duration of your illness.” What a gentle way of saying we will be with you until your journey is over. She always amazes me and it always is a joy to see her in action.
COMFORTING WORDS
Hospice conversations can be emotional.
Families, quite often, are overwhelmed.
Comprehending what is being said is difficult
in addition to being an overload of information.
Our goal is to relay important facts,
knowing the subject matter is stressful.
We want them to utilize our support
with perpetual comfort wherever we can.
This is often a challenging goal.
One must meet the family where they currently are.
We must find the subtle line so they softly can hear.
Being direct is often hurtful where listening stops.
I worked with one of our special nurses today.
Over the years, she has taught me well.
She has a way of relaying information from her heart,
in the kindest, most gentlest way I know.
I have stolen many amazing expressions from her.
Somehow she knows perfectly how to coin a phrase.
She will let families know she truly hears them,
in words that soothe and always console.
The family today was no different.
He has hours to a few days at most.
The family is appropriately sad, but wish him peace,
by truly hearing her amazing,
thoughtful,
comforting words.
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