“Ray”, fifty-seven years old, suffers from bladder cancer that has spread to his lungs and lymph nodes. He has had health problems his entire life. When he was six years old, he was run over by a truck which resulted in a lifelong back problem. Ray went on disability ten years ago due to that back injury.
Ray has been married to “Toni” for thirty years. They have three adult children, who all live nearby. Toni works part time as an attendant for an elderly woman. She gets minimum wage for her effort. The couple struggle with finances due to their limited monthly income.
Ray was admitted to hospice as his treatments were no longer working. His cancer had metastasized to where there was an obvious tumor on his face and hand. Ray is always in a good mood and laughs so easily. He will talk honestly about the pain of the two tumors. The next thing you know, he is telling you a silly joke or story and then he’ll laugh.
Ray does worry about Toni as he feels she is the one carrying the burden. Ray is unable to handle many of the tasks he used to be able to manage around the house. Toni will openly talk about her stress and, as she terms it, “the weight on my shoulders.” Initially, Toni worried that once Ray was on hospice, he was going to drop dead at any moment. I talked with her about the end of life process and typically what happens. She was relieved when she understood that Ray likely will be around a little while longer.
Our hospice receives donated funds from families. The donations all go back to our patients and families. We use the funds to purchase appropriate booklets and handouts which we routinely hand out. In addition, when a family’s income is low and they are not able to pay a basic expense, we are able to utilize those donated funds.
When we admitted Ray to hospice, two weeks ago, I was able to get hospice team’s approval to pay for his cremation expense. Ray and Toni were so grateful, they could not believe it. I discovered from my visit yesterday with the couple, that their electricity will be turned off in four days if they don’t pay the balance. Again, I was able to get team approval to pay the bill.
I called Toni to say I would need to come out today to pick up the bill in order to present a copy of it to the proper manager for payment. An hour later, as I walked into their home, Toni said that Ray cried when he heard what we had done. Ray emotionally shared that, "No one has every done anything like that for them before." They were so moved and thankful, it melted my heart.
HE’LL LAUGH
Life has been hard for them.
They have struggled for years.
They work so hard to stay ahead,
but somehow are always one step behind.
They talk about the hard times.
They’ll share the worries and the pain.
He’ll tell you a funny story about his best friend;
and then he’ll laugh.
They don’t have fancy furniture.
They don’t wear designer clothes.
He’ll smile at you and share a corny joke,
and then he’ll laugh.
They count their blessings every day;
of which they feel abundant.
Not one possession do they consider.
It’s all about family and their many friends.
We covered the cost of his funeral plans.
We paid their late electric bill.
“No one has ever done
anything like this for us before.”
And then he cried.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
HER JOURNEY
Fifty-one year old “Sam” suffers from lung cancer. She was diagnosed about a year ago and has had a slow decline. Sam was admitted to hospice three months ago as she was bedridden, eating very little and weakening. The family and hospice all believed that Sam had only a few weeks to live.
Sam’s sister, “Vicky”, moved in with Sam to help out. Vicky took a leave from her job in order to be available to her sister. Sam’s only other family is her son, “Brian”, who lives in the home with his wife, “Abby” and their two daughters. Brian works and is available on the weekends.
About a month ago, Sam started to slowly get stronger. With her increased energy, she was able to sit up more in the living room, initially using her wheelchair as a walker. During this time, she has improved enough to get out of the home and enjoy her life. She no longer needs a wheelchair or walker, but does say she still gets tired easily. She says she has gained weight because she is eating a lot more.
Sam has hope for her future. It appears that she may be in remission from her cancer. Her doctor ordered a scan in order to see the status of her disease. Today, I heard that her cancer has spread to her liver and glands. The doctor now predicts a sudden decline prior to Sam’s death.
The news saddens all of us, but Sam has had so many joyful days believing that her cancer was receding. I see her experience as a powerful lesson to us all. Embrace today as that is all that any of us ever have. Each day is a precious gift. This is a strong reminder at how precious that gift is. Life is so fragile and none of us know where the journey will lead us.
HER JOURNEY
Each of our journeys have twists and turns.
Some corners we choose to go around;
others we don’t see coming.
In the end, we all are surprised more often than not.
Her journey had been fairly calm and routine
until cancer came to call a year ago.
She revised a new course; picked up the speed;
altered her route around the obstacle on the road.
There was a slow decline like predicted.
To no surprise, she became weak and bedridden.
Family rallied around to give support.
Everyone thought it wouldn’t be long.
Then suddenly, things began to change.
She is now getting stronger day by day.
She’s eating more and gaining needed weight.
She is enjoying her life once again.
Hope is now a word in her vocabulary.
There is a small light at the end of the tunnel.
She is making plans and getting out more.
A long, healthy journey is now in her prayers.
A routine scan surprised everyone.
The cancer is still growing and spreading its wrath.
The doctors say her decline will be quick.
Her journey has taken another surprising turn.
She is teaching us all a valuable lesson.
Enjoy today as that is all that we ever have.
There are no guarantees for a tomorrow.
Embrace your journey,
no matter where it leads you.
Sam’s sister, “Vicky”, moved in with Sam to help out. Vicky took a leave from her job in order to be available to her sister. Sam’s only other family is her son, “Brian”, who lives in the home with his wife, “Abby” and their two daughters. Brian works and is available on the weekends.
About a month ago, Sam started to slowly get stronger. With her increased energy, she was able to sit up more in the living room, initially using her wheelchair as a walker. During this time, she has improved enough to get out of the home and enjoy her life. She no longer needs a wheelchair or walker, but does say she still gets tired easily. She says she has gained weight because she is eating a lot more.
Sam has hope for her future. It appears that she may be in remission from her cancer. Her doctor ordered a scan in order to see the status of her disease. Today, I heard that her cancer has spread to her liver and glands. The doctor now predicts a sudden decline prior to Sam’s death.
The news saddens all of us, but Sam has had so many joyful days believing that her cancer was receding. I see her experience as a powerful lesson to us all. Embrace today as that is all that any of us ever have. Each day is a precious gift. This is a strong reminder at how precious that gift is. Life is so fragile and none of us know where the journey will lead us.
HER JOURNEY
Each of our journeys have twists and turns.
Some corners we choose to go around;
others we don’t see coming.
In the end, we all are surprised more often than not.
Her journey had been fairly calm and routine
until cancer came to call a year ago.
She revised a new course; picked up the speed;
altered her route around the obstacle on the road.
There was a slow decline like predicted.
To no surprise, she became weak and bedridden.
Family rallied around to give support.
Everyone thought it wouldn’t be long.
Then suddenly, things began to change.
She is now getting stronger day by day.
She’s eating more and gaining needed weight.
She is enjoying her life once again.
Hope is now a word in her vocabulary.
There is a small light at the end of the tunnel.
She is making plans and getting out more.
A long, healthy journey is now in her prayers.
A routine scan surprised everyone.
The cancer is still growing and spreading its wrath.
The doctors say her decline will be quick.
Her journey has taken another surprising turn.
She is teaching us all a valuable lesson.
Enjoy today as that is all that we ever have.
There are no guarantees for a tomorrow.
Embrace your journey,
no matter where it leads you.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
COMFORTING WORDS
“Dave”, sixty-six, was diagnosed with prostate cancer two years ago. He was admitted to hospice yesterday because of a recent, dramatic decline. Dave lives with his wife of two years, “Joyce.” I went out today to meet with the family. When I walked into the home, Dave’s two best friends were there helping out.
Joyce stated that three weeks ago, Dave was riding his motorcycle. Today, Dave is confused, weak and has not eaten for two days. It appears that he is into his dying process. I called the hospice nurse because the family was struggling to keep Dave from falling. He was restless and kept trying to get up off the hospital bed. Dave is very weak and is wobbly on his feet. The family said that Dave was up all night and Joyce did not get any sleep.
The nurse came out within the hour and informed the family that Dave likely has hours to days to live. The family was aware prior to our visit today, but hearing it out loud can be shocking. The nurse explained things so clearly in the kindest way possible. Her words are like gentle hugs.
The family started asking appropriate questions and it was apparent that they did hear what the nurse was telling them. The nurse opened up the conversation to where it was easy for me to introduce tough topics regarding funeral planning, giving Dave permission to go etc.
A favorite phrase of mine is when she first admits a patient to our program, she will say, “Hospice will follow you for the duration of your illness.” What a gentle way of saying we will be with you until your journey is over. She always amazes me and it always is a joy to see her in action.
COMFORTING WORDS
Hospice conversations can be emotional.
Families, quite often, are overwhelmed.
Comprehending what is being said is difficult
in addition to being an overload of information.
Our goal is to relay important facts,
knowing the subject matter is stressful.
We want them to utilize our support
with perpetual comfort wherever we can.
This is often a challenging goal.
One must meet the family where they currently are.
We must find the subtle line so they softly can hear.
Being direct is often hurtful where listening stops.
I worked with one of our special nurses today.
Over the years, she has taught me well.
She has a way of relaying information from her heart,
in the kindest, most gentlest way I know.
I have stolen many amazing expressions from her.
Somehow she knows perfectly how to coin a phrase.
She will let families know she truly hears them,
in words that soothe and always console.
The family today was no different.
He has hours to a few days at most.
The family is appropriately sad, but wish him peace,
by truly hearing her amazing,
thoughtful,
comforting words.
Joyce stated that three weeks ago, Dave was riding his motorcycle. Today, Dave is confused, weak and has not eaten for two days. It appears that he is into his dying process. I called the hospice nurse because the family was struggling to keep Dave from falling. He was restless and kept trying to get up off the hospital bed. Dave is very weak and is wobbly on his feet. The family said that Dave was up all night and Joyce did not get any sleep.
The nurse came out within the hour and informed the family that Dave likely has hours to days to live. The family was aware prior to our visit today, but hearing it out loud can be shocking. The nurse explained things so clearly in the kindest way possible. Her words are like gentle hugs.
The family started asking appropriate questions and it was apparent that they did hear what the nurse was telling them. The nurse opened up the conversation to where it was easy for me to introduce tough topics regarding funeral planning, giving Dave permission to go etc.
A favorite phrase of mine is when she first admits a patient to our program, she will say, “Hospice will follow you for the duration of your illness.” What a gentle way of saying we will be with you until your journey is over. She always amazes me and it always is a joy to see her in action.
COMFORTING WORDS
Hospice conversations can be emotional.
Families, quite often, are overwhelmed.
Comprehending what is being said is difficult
in addition to being an overload of information.
Our goal is to relay important facts,
knowing the subject matter is stressful.
We want them to utilize our support
with perpetual comfort wherever we can.
This is often a challenging goal.
One must meet the family where they currently are.
We must find the subtle line so they softly can hear.
Being direct is often hurtful where listening stops.
I worked with one of our special nurses today.
Over the years, she has taught me well.
She has a way of relaying information from her heart,
in the kindest, most gentlest way I know.
I have stolen many amazing expressions from her.
Somehow she knows perfectly how to coin a phrase.
She will let families know she truly hears them,
in words that soothe and always console.
The family today was no different.
He has hours to a few days at most.
The family is appropriately sad, but wish him peace,
by truly hearing her amazing,
thoughtful,
comforting words.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
TROUBLES
Fifty-seven year old “Doug” was diagnosed with bladder cancer two years ago. Unfortunately, chemotherapy did not work for him. His doctor told him that there was no more treatment available, as radiation was not a viable option for him. Unfortunately, his cancer has spread to his bone and lymph nodes.
Doug has been married to “Tanya” for thirty-six years. They have four adult sons; of which three live in the home, along with Doug’s handicapped brother. All four of their sons have some emotional and physical needs ranging from alcoholism, bi-polar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder; just to name a few. In addition, their one son, who doesn’t reside in the home, cannot raise his six year old daughter, due to his own emotional challenges. Doug and Tanya have guardianship over “Kaley”, their granddaughter. Fortunately, throughout the hard times, this is a very devoted, close-knit family.
Through all of these struggles, Tanya has been the anchor that has held this family together. Doug has been on disability for over ten years due to back problems prior to being diagnosed with cancer. Tanya works part time as a hired caretaker for an elderly woman. Tanya says she has done it for seven years and feels supportive by her patient as it is someone with whom she can talk with.
Even though Doug has been ill for over two years, Tanya has been able to manage and cope, praying that someday he will be cured. Since Doug was admitted to hospice two days ago, the reality of his situation has come to a head. She has switched from hoping for a cure, to feeling that he may die at any moment. The strain has her easily in tears to where she cannot stop thinking about it.
Tanya has always found a way to respond to her troubles. Her electricity may be turned off within four days unless she pays the $400 overdue bill. She declines any help, as feels she will find a solution. Her philosophy is “Things always have a way of working out.”
Tanya was receptive to meeting with a bereavement counselor weekly. In addition, I will visit weekly to give her the additional support. Hopefully between hospice’s and her family’s support, she will be able to get through this difficult time.
TROUBLES
Her road has been rough.
It’s been one thing or another.
Each time, she’s been able to keep on going,
until now.
She is raising her young granddaughter,
as her son can’t handle the task.
Her other sons can’t make it on their own,
so all three have recently moved back home.
No one is working but her.
Part time; minimum wage.
She loves her job caring for another.
It’s where she gets her needed support.
It’s been a struggle to pay the bills.
There just isn’t enough money coming in.
It has always worked out somehow,
until now.
Her husband is dying; she sees the decline.
There is nothing she can do.
Her tears flow so easily, she can’t stop crying.
Now, for the first time, she’s the one needing help.
She has always been the one they all turned to.
Now it is their turn to support her.
She has never asked them for help before,
until now.
Troubles.
Doug has been married to “Tanya” for thirty-six years. They have four adult sons; of which three live in the home, along with Doug’s handicapped brother. All four of their sons have some emotional and physical needs ranging from alcoholism, bi-polar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder; just to name a few. In addition, their one son, who doesn’t reside in the home, cannot raise his six year old daughter, due to his own emotional challenges. Doug and Tanya have guardianship over “Kaley”, their granddaughter. Fortunately, throughout the hard times, this is a very devoted, close-knit family.
Through all of these struggles, Tanya has been the anchor that has held this family together. Doug has been on disability for over ten years due to back problems prior to being diagnosed with cancer. Tanya works part time as a hired caretaker for an elderly woman. Tanya says she has done it for seven years and feels supportive by her patient as it is someone with whom she can talk with.
Even though Doug has been ill for over two years, Tanya has been able to manage and cope, praying that someday he will be cured. Since Doug was admitted to hospice two days ago, the reality of his situation has come to a head. She has switched from hoping for a cure, to feeling that he may die at any moment. The strain has her easily in tears to where she cannot stop thinking about it.
Tanya has always found a way to respond to her troubles. Her electricity may be turned off within four days unless she pays the $400 overdue bill. She declines any help, as feels she will find a solution. Her philosophy is “Things always have a way of working out.”
Tanya was receptive to meeting with a bereavement counselor weekly. In addition, I will visit weekly to give her the additional support. Hopefully between hospice’s and her family’s support, she will be able to get through this difficult time.
TROUBLES
Her road has been rough.
It’s been one thing or another.
Each time, she’s been able to keep on going,
until now.
She is raising her young granddaughter,
as her son can’t handle the task.
Her other sons can’t make it on their own,
so all three have recently moved back home.
No one is working but her.
Part time; minimum wage.
She loves her job caring for another.
It’s where she gets her needed support.
It’s been a struggle to pay the bills.
There just isn’t enough money coming in.
It has always worked out somehow,
until now.
Her husband is dying; she sees the decline.
There is nothing she can do.
Her tears flow so easily, she can’t stop crying.
Now, for the first time, she’s the one needing help.
She has always been the one they all turned to.
Now it is their turn to support her.
She has never asked them for help before,
until now.
Troubles.
Monday, September 2, 2013
SAVINGS
Sixty-six year old “Yvonne”, suffered from lung cancer that had spread to her bones. She was on hospice for only a few weeks as her decline was rather swift. Yvonne lived with her husband, “Joseph”. They had one son, “Jason”, who was twenty-five. Jason was studying medicine at Ohio State University. One could instantly see how proud she was of him, as her face would light up when speaking about him.
Yvonne was also so proud of being married to Joseph. She would always say how lucky she was to have such an attentive husband. Joseph was a high school math instructor and was off for the summer so he was available to care for Yvonne during her rapid decline. The two were devoted to each other. Joseph was so aware of Yvonne’s needs before she even was aware herself.
Jason flew home to say goodbye to his mother. He knew this would be the last time he likely would see her. I made a visit and was able to meet Jason and give support to the entire family. We talked about how difficult it is to say goodbye. How can one condense twenty-five years of having such a wonderful mother in one five day visit?
During Jason’s visit, Yvonne didn’t speak much as she slept most of the time. Due to weakness, her voice was very soft. Jason, like most college students, didn’t have much money to spend on extras. Over the course of twenty years, Yvonne would hide any extra cash she had all over the home. She would put it in pockets of clothes or in the back of drawers and closets. It was amazing that she was able to remember all her secret hiding spots.
The day before Jason had to return to school, Yvonne directed Joseph and Jason all around the home. The money was for Jason so he would have extra cash while in school. With every dollar hidden, Yvonne was giving love back to her family in a way she knew would make a difference. She never saw what a beautiful person she was, but always appreciated her husband and son. She was the most amazing one of all. Yvonne died three days later and I know she was at peace knowing her son would be okay. A mother’s final gift to her family.
SAVINGS
Her family was her primary focus.
Proud and lucky were words that she used.
Her husband so attentive;
her son studying hard.
She never put herself first.
Her focus, always on them.
Keeping the house up for her husband;
enlightening her son the value of school.
She secretly hoarded money away.
For years, she hid cash all over their home.
Extra dollars hidden deep in the closet;
an old coat pocket stuffed with spare change.
Her son took a break from his studies.
He flew home to tell his mother goodbye.
He knew this was the last time he’d see her
as her disease was nearing the end.
She could hardly speak any longer,
but she had something important to share.
She directed them all over the house
to look in old boxes; to search dresser drawers.
They were dumbfounded; amazed
as money was stuffed everywhere they looked.
Her one final gift to her family so proud;
more than twenty thousand dollars
no one ever knew that was there.
Yvonne was also so proud of being married to Joseph. She would always say how lucky she was to have such an attentive husband. Joseph was a high school math instructor and was off for the summer so he was available to care for Yvonne during her rapid decline. The two were devoted to each other. Joseph was so aware of Yvonne’s needs before she even was aware herself.
Jason flew home to say goodbye to his mother. He knew this would be the last time he likely would see her. I made a visit and was able to meet Jason and give support to the entire family. We talked about how difficult it is to say goodbye. How can one condense twenty-five years of having such a wonderful mother in one five day visit?
During Jason’s visit, Yvonne didn’t speak much as she slept most of the time. Due to weakness, her voice was very soft. Jason, like most college students, didn’t have much money to spend on extras. Over the course of twenty years, Yvonne would hide any extra cash she had all over the home. She would put it in pockets of clothes or in the back of drawers and closets. It was amazing that she was able to remember all her secret hiding spots.
The day before Jason had to return to school, Yvonne directed Joseph and Jason all around the home. The money was for Jason so he would have extra cash while in school. With every dollar hidden, Yvonne was giving love back to her family in a way she knew would make a difference. She never saw what a beautiful person she was, but always appreciated her husband and son. She was the most amazing one of all. Yvonne died three days later and I know she was at peace knowing her son would be okay. A mother’s final gift to her family.
SAVINGS
Her family was her primary focus.
Proud and lucky were words that she used.
Her husband so attentive;
her son studying hard.
She never put herself first.
Her focus, always on them.
Keeping the house up for her husband;
enlightening her son the value of school.
She secretly hoarded money away.
For years, she hid cash all over their home.
Extra dollars hidden deep in the closet;
an old coat pocket stuffed with spare change.
Her son took a break from his studies.
He flew home to tell his mother goodbye.
He knew this was the last time he’d see her
as her disease was nearing the end.
She could hardly speak any longer,
but she had something important to share.
She directed them all over the house
to look in old boxes; to search dresser drawers.
They were dumbfounded; amazed
as money was stuffed everywhere they looked.
Her one final gift to her family so proud;
more than twenty thousand dollars
no one ever knew that was there.
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