JUST LIKE ME

Eighty-two year old Mary suffers from lung cancer. She is widowed and lives alone. She has two adult sons; one living about two hours away who visits frequently. She came onto hospice three months ago after receiving all available treatment without success.

Mary accepts what life brings her; counting her blessing along the way. She will find the positive in any situation knowing that there are so many in her life that care. Mary had been doing quite well since on hospice until last week. She had been driving and managing all of her personal and household needs. Occasionally, she had a few bad days where she tired easily.

I went out to do a routine visit today and found Mary weak and nauseas. She said she had not eaten much for a week except for a nutritional supplement. She added that today she could not keep anything down. She then said, “I am ready for this to be over.” She says she still finds joy in her life with her huge network of friends, but does not like living this way.

Mary has Long Term Care insurance that will pay for twenty-four hour care. She is resistant to initiate the care saying, “What do I need them for?” I explained that they could do the laundry, make her bed, household chores etc., so she could have the energy for things she enjoys.

Her stubbornness and independence reminded me of me. I could see myself in her behavior. We both are very stubborn and independent which often makes it difficult to accept any needed help. I have already told my two adult sons, “I am not going down easy.”

I respect Mary and understand how difficult it is to ask for help. I encouraged her to take into account her safety and what could happen while weak and living alone. She agreed to call the Attendant Care Agency tomorrow to let them know that she may need them sooner rather than later.

Through all of this, she keeps her positive attitude about life. In her, I see myself as likely managing things the same way if I ever were in her situation; stubborn, positive and accepting. We all are who we are. I will end with a favorite quote, “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.”


JUST LIKE ME
　

We share more than our first names.
We share more than bearing two sons.
She is stubborn, determined and optimistic.
          Just like me.

She’s been sick for a short while.
She had been doing quite well.
Last week there was a sharp decline.
Not quite knowing where to turn.

She is resistant to let go of some control.
She is accepting her weakness; her changes,
saying “I am doing alright.”
Just like I probably would.

She has always been there for others,
but finds it hard to reach out.
Family and friends are available to help.
She knows how much she is loved.

She’ll die the way she has always lived.
Seeing her cup continually half full.
Realistic and accepting of what life brings.
          Just like me.