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“Barbara”, eighty-one years old, suffers from end-stage cardiac disease. Due to his drinking, Barbara had been separated from her, now deceased, husband for many years. Barbara has three adult sons. Two live out of the area, while her youngest son, “Gavin”, lives about thirty minutes away.

Gavin’s two brothers have limited involvement with their mother. Gavin shared that on Mother‘s Day or their mom‘s birthday, the two eldest brothers do not even call her. The estrangement is a result of theft, anger and entitlement from the two sons. Gavin has come to terms with his brothers’ personalities and has accepted the situation as it is. Barbara still dreams that her three sons will all come together one day and get along.

Barbara was admitted to hospice three months ago. Initially, she was doing quite well. Recently, she has declined quite suddenly to where she is bedridden, weak and sleeping most of her days. If one could guess, it looks like she has less than a few weeks left to live.

When I first met Gavin and Barbara, I was impressed at how open both of them were with their emotions toward each other and their feelings of grief. When I discovered that Gavin was a retired policeman, I was surprised. One can only imagine the horrors and heartbreak he witnessed throughout his career. He sees the positive in everyone and everything. He speaks about how thankful he is for his life and always counts his blessings.

Gavin spends half the week with Barbara and the other half with his own wife and two young sons thirty minutes away. He and a hired caretaker share Barbara’s care. It works out well for all.

I made a visit today and, for the first time, Barbara slept through it all. She typically is such a sweet hostess and the two of us get into our, “girl talks”, as she calls them. Today I was able to spend time alone with Gavin. It was then when I heard some remarkable stories about his family and his career. He told me about how his one brother stabbed their father to death and spent eight years in prison. He also shared that his other brother has stolen money from mom over the years.

It is amazing to me, that Gavin is able to focus on the positive with everything. He has had some rough times in his life, but he will pull out the best that there is in any situation. He is a realist, but refuses to be drawn into any negativity. He accepts others as they are without needing to change them. Gavin is straight with others and hopes that they understand that we all have choices in life to turn anything around. I admire his courage, his strength and his honesty.


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He was a career policeman.
He witnessed a lot of hate and heartbreak.
Such a challenging and dangerous job
would leave some cynical and hardened.

He always saw the good in others,
no matter what the deed.
He attempted to educate, not penalize.
It kept him fulfilled and rewarded.

He always sees the positive side.
His cup is always half full.
Even now with his mother dying,
he will smile and be thankful for each day.

He is with her more days than not.
No other family is willing to help out.
He gets tired and run down,
but he wouldn’t change a thing.

He shared some family history today.
Alcoholism, anger, murder, theft.
Surrounded by chaos and hatred,
he became a stronger, realistic man.

He loves his mother with all of his heart.
She taught and influenced him well.
He is a better man because of her.
No matter what struggle each day brings, 
       his cup will always be
              half full.