GRIEVING

Eighty-two year old, “Eleanor” had been estranged from her son, “Richard”, for years. Richard became addicted to alcohol and drugs as a young man. Eleanor shares that she and Richard have not spoken in years. She says that when she suffered her stroke a few years ago, she never heard from her son. She has disappointments and regrets over their relationship. She takes some blame for the breakdown saying that maybe she could have done some things differently.

Her son had been in a nursing home as he could no longer care for himself. Richard’s friend, “Peter”, was willing to step in and help as needed. Richard’s health took a sudden turn recently to where he spent most of his days sleeping and eating very little. That is when the hospice referral was made.

When I went out on my first visit to meet Richard, I found him in a deep sleep. I gently jiggled his shoulder, but he did not awaken. On my second visit yesterday, I found Richard unresponsive and in a coma. One knew his death was imminent.

Richard died a little after midnight this morning. The hospice nurse reported that Peter was going to call Eleanor and inform her of her son’s death. I called Eleanor later this morning to offer condolences. It was then when I discovered that Peter had not called her. She was not surprised by the news as did know her son was in a nursing home and not doing well.

Eleanor shared that her daughter, “Danielle”, died seventeen years ago from cancer. Eleanor is very close to her three granddaughters, Danielle’s children. Eleanor has a strong faith which helps her cope with the belief that her son is now at peace. She spoke of regrets and sadness that he got into drugs. Eleanor will move forward with the help of her Christian faith and her three granddaughters. I wish her well.

GRIEVING

　
Life has not been easy for her.
She has suffered so many losses;
more than any mother
should ever have to endure.

She’ll readily admit to those around,
“Loss is different when it’s a child,”
First her daughter from cancer,
now her son from poor choices.

I thought she was told about her son.
I thought she already knew.
I called her to offer condolences
finding I was the one to let her know.

She was not at all surprised.
She knew that this call would come one day.
She regretted the choices he had made.
She so wished it didn’t have to end this way.

She has been grieving her son for years.
Grieving the death of their relationship.
Grieving what he could have become;
his potential, his future.

She will mourn him a while longer.
She will grieve as any mother would.
But she also feels some relief
hoping now he has found his peace.

A mother’s love.
A mother’s heartache.
A mother and her son,
       for quite a while,
              have both been grieving