ALONE

Sixty-one year old “Rob” suffers from renal cancer. Rob was diagnosed a month ago while in the hospital for a short stay. Two weeks ago, he was placed into a Skilled Nursing Facility. It was then that Rob was referred to hospice. Rob’s ex-wife, “Elaine”, had been involved and supportive and helped with the placement. Initially she informed the nursing home staff that she was the contact person.

When the hospice staff called Elaine to set up the initial visit, she adamantly told hospice not to call her as she was not involved. The nursing home staff was unable to get any additional information from Rob as he was getting confused and could not help.

A few days later, I did a visit to the nursing home to meet with Rob and attempt to find out who would be legally making decisions for him. Family can make decisions without legal paperwork, but it is always best when you can talk to someone with whom the patient has delegated that role. Unfortunately, Rob was in a deep sleep and I could not awaken him. To no avail, I read through Rob’s nursing home chart in order to attempt to locate another family member or friend.

The social worker from the nursing home called me today requesting that I attend a care conference this afternoon for Rob. Fortunately, I was able to shift my schedule around and attend. The nursing home staff still had Elaine as a contact person. They had called Elaine about the care conference and she agreed to be on speaker phone for the meeting. When the social worker called her during the conference, she told him that she was not involved and did not want to take any responsibility for Rob.

The social worker said that, in these type of cases, they call the Public Administrator who will take over once the patient dies. The patient will get cremated through the state.

It just seems so sad to have one’s life end so alone. How many people will be aware or even will care that he has passed? I know I care and it breaks my heart as I feel so sad for him. I guess we choose our life and have to take some responsibility for the outcome. Maybe it is a blessing that he isn’t aware of his current situation. It could be that he is not sad at all. I would like to believe he is going to a better place and will never be alone again. God only knows.

ALONE

　
It breaks my heart to see him.
Lying there with no one around.
A handsome man struggling to breathe.
In a nursing home; alone.

His mother is elderly and frail.
She’d like to help, but cannot.
She struggles with their strained relationship.
She’ll sadly share, “He got into dope”.

His ex-wife refuses to help.
She doesn’t want to be involved.
She needs to distance herself from him.
There is no one else to call.

He’s hardly eating anything at all.
He no longer is able to talk.
He spends most days in a deep sleep.
Likely not aware of what is going on.

He doesn’t have much time left.
The county will then take over.
They’ll do what needs to be done.
Cremation and burial;
        alone.