MOUTHS OF BABES

Thirty-nine year old "Carl" was diagnosed with brain cancer eight months ago. He underwent chemotherapy that was not successful. In the more recent weeks, he is struggling with finding the right words to say. Carl totally understands what is said to him, but cannot process his thoughts easily.

Carl lives with his wife, "Linda", and their two young children; ten year old "Danny" and seven year old "Shawna". Linda and Carl are both school teachers and have communicated so clearly with the children the truth about what is going on with their father.

I sat down and met with the two children to see how they were coping and to offer them support. I was totally impressed by the maturity of both of the children, but especially awestruck by the questions posed by Shawna.

Throughout all of this, Carl remains upbeat and continues to smile. The family uses humor to cope in such a beneficial way. They are all aware that Carl is declining, but choose not to let negativity have control. They also honor each other in their individual grieving needs.

When asked about any spiritual or religious beliefs, Carl's sister, who was present during the visit, said, "We were raised loose Lutherans". The family have a belief in God and the afterlife, but do not identify with any particular church community.

I know the family is facing difficulties, but also know that they will come through and be okay in the end because of the tremendous support they have for each other.


MOUTHS OF BABES


He's been sick for months.
The cancer has invaded his brain.
It's hard for him to process a thought.
He struggles to find the correct words to say.

She knows things are different now.
Her daddy is not quite the same.
He can't do things like he did before.
He's sleeping a lot when she wants to play.

She says that cancer is lonely.
The other kids don't understand.
She can talk with her mommy,
but wishes she could talk to her friends too.

I sat with her and talked about grief,
telling her that whatever she feels is really okay.
I asked if she had any particular questions,
aware that children want only the truth.

Children will ask what they want to know.
They are direct and straightforward that way.
She did have a profound question to ask,
"When will my daddy die?"

I spoke about the end of life process,
trying to help her understand.
Daddy may stop eating and drinking.
Typically it is a slow decline.

She listened closely to what I said.
She sat quietly letting the words sink in.
She still had one more question in mind.
"How do we tell when daddy has died?"