NOT YET

Ninety-one year old "Marian" suffers from lymphoma. She has been widowed for over thirty years which has resulted in her having a very independent personality. Marian lives in an assisted living environment as she needs help with all of her needs. An attendant stops by every two hours to check in on her.

Marian spends her days sitting in her recliner in her room, except for the times when an attendant wheels her down to the dining room for meals. She says she turns the television on in the afternoons as there is nothing worth watching in the mornings.

Marian's daughter, grandchildren and two great-grandsons live nearby and are very involved, supportive and visit often. Marian lights up when talking about her two grandsons. Every Wednesday night is "No Cook Night" and the family all eat out in a local restaurant. Marian looks forward to that weekly family ritual.

Marian has been extremely active all of her life. Exercise and keeping fit are very important to her. She struggles with her daily limitations. She is grieving the loss of her independence.

When I visited Marian yesterday, she excitedly told me, "I made a decision today!" She told me how, for the first time, she went to an exercise class that morning. She said she could only do sitting exercises, but was happy that she had attended. When the aide was wheeling her out of the room after class, she was stopped at the door. Marian was laughing when she shared how they wouldn't let her leave as there was an art class starting. She ended up painting this wonderful Easter decoration that she will give to her grandsons. One could see how proud she was.

Marian wants to do more activities that are offered at the facility, but her body is just wearing out. She has such a young spirit and gets so frustrated by not being able to do want she wants when she wants.

One one hand, she will share that she is ready for it all to be over, but then she talks about her two great-grandsons and says she needs a little more time. Marian has such spunk and spirit. She shares such wonderful stories about her life and gets me laughing throughout each visit. She is an inspiration to us all.


NOT YET

After nine decades of living,
her body is starting to wear out.
She had always been so active.
She's not yet ready to give up.

She can no longer walk.
Her one arm is frozen in place.
She needs help throughout her day,
but she's not yet ready to stop.

She used to teach yoga classes.
She worked out every day.
Now she's tired of sitting in her recliner
waiting for the aide to come by to help.

She just started the exercise class.
She had fun with arts and crafts.
She wants to do more of the activities.
She wants to do more than just sit.

She says there are a lot of old people here
even though she's older than most.
"They go to bed way to early".
She still has more hours left in her day.

She would like it to be over soon.
She doesn't like living this way.
But then she thinks of her two grandsons,
"I need just a little more time."

She's just not ready.
Not quite yet.