REASONS TO LAUGH

“Annie”, seventy-five, was diagnosed with leukemia two months ago. Annie has been married to “Ted” for fifty-three years. Annie was extremely artistic; designing the home they have lived in for over three decades. Her watercolor paintings are displayed all over their tri-level home.

Annie was teaching art at the local community center when she was given her cancer diagnosis. Five days later, Ted’s doctors suspected he was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. Ted had an appointment with a psychiatrist to confirm that diagnosis, but he cancelled it in order to care for Annie. Annie’s disease progressed rapidly these past two months. The hospice nurse and I admitted Annie to hospice late last week and Annie died twenty-four hours later.

The nurse's and my visit overlapped and Annie was in a deep sleep while we were there. Ted and their son, “Michael” proudly showed me Annie’s art work and shared wonderful stories about her life. They knew she was in her dying process and, between sharing their grief with me, they would intermix the conversation with laughter while telling funny stories of Annie’s life.

At one point during the visit, Ted went out into the kitchen with the hospice nurse to check on Annie’s medications. It was then that Michael told me that his wife has asked for a divorce. He has not told his father about his impending divorce as wants to wait until all of this is over before he tells him. Michael has support from Alcoholics Anonymous and, in addition, is seeing a counselor routinely

Today I met with Michael and Ted to do a bereavement visit. They again told stories about Annie. Ted and Michael both shared how they have cried over the loss, but the next sentence has them reminiscing about Annie which gets them laughing. It is wonderful as they are using humor to cope, but also are facing the reality of such a loss.

As I was leaving, Michael walked me out to the car and said that he likely will move in with his father. He said it would be a win-win situation as the house and grounds may be too much for his father to manage.

Although they both face tough times ahead, I know they will make it through as there is a strong bond between the two of them. I have no doubt that Ted and Michael will continue to find reasons to laugh.


REASONS TO LAUGH


She was diagnosed only two months ago.
Her decline was sudden and swift.
Days later an Alzheimer’s diagnosis for him.
He put off his treatment to care for her.

Although she is now gone, her creativity remains.
Her art proudly displayed all over their home.
A backyard kiln to fire her glassware.
A baby grand piano waiting to again be played.

Their only son, devoted, and such a big help.
He spends as much time there as he can.
He tries his best to now focus on his father’s needs,
although his own home life is such a mess.

His marriage has been rocky for months.
His wife now says she wants a divorce.
Getting help from a counselor and a support group,
he’s been sober for fifty-three days.

Intermixed with lots of laughter,
they talk about days gone by.
They share her stories.
Joking and teasing all around.

There will be many hard days ahead for both of them.
The loss of a loved one;
          the loss of a marriage;
                    the loss of brain power.

They use lots of humor while talking
never avoiding the reality of their personal pain.
But one thing I know for sure,
they will make it through
as long as both of them
          continue to find
                    reasons to laugh.