SAD

We received a referral today to admit, “James”, a seventy-year old diagnosed with liver failure.  James had been living alone until he took a fall one month ago.  That fall dramatically changed things for James and his family. He could no longer live alone and so moved in with his son, “Jeff”.  Jeff has taken leave from work in order to care for his father.  James is not safe to be alone and needs supervision.  

When the nurse and I walked up, James was sitting quietly in a wheelchair. All of us sat near him, but it was like he was so disconnected.  His eyes would track us like he understood; but who truly knows.  Now and then, he would nod his head side to side or up and down to answer a question. 

I wish him the best and hope James knows how much his son loves him.  Love, for sure, being the best gift around. 

SAD 

 

Most of my hospice cases

have a component of sadness.

But then, so many soften that emotion

with love; support; each other.

 

I feel so blessed and honored

to do this incredible work

as patients and families so frequently

                    do truly amaze me.

 

Now and then, a case will hit me hard.

I typically never see it coming;

until the visit is over and I am back in my car;

giving me time to reflect my thoughts.

 

He took a recent fall and hit his head

causing a change in his mental status.

His eyes track you and he seems aware

as will slowly nod his head now and then.

 

He is much weaker and unable to walk.

He is eating only bites and has lost weight.

He is no longer speaking at all as his son will say;

                   “He is choosing not to talk”

 

Were things meant to be this way for him?

It is like he has given up on his life;

accepting all of the bad while blind to the good.

I pray that he is living his life his way.

 

But then;

          it just makes me feel

                                         so sad.

WEAPONS

As part of the hospice admission team, we are guided by Medicare guidelines.  They require all hospices to ask specific questions.  One of the challenging questions we are required to ask is “Are there any weapons in the home”.  Most folks are fine and I typically will hear a “No”.  There have been a few times when someone will say, “I refuse to answer that question”.  I then move one, but I strongly feel that there are weapons around.  

Grief is such a strong emotion for all of us.  So many use humor to cope.  That will arise with this question and it typically will make me laugh.  Humor so takes the edge off their emotions regarding the loss of a loved one.  My best rule of thumb is keep laughing as I plan on doing so

WEAPONS

 

I ask a lot of specific questions

when doing a hospice admission.

We have to follow Medicare guidelines

or could easily lose our license.

 

We ask every patient; every family,

“Are there any weapons in the home?”

It is asked for the safety of our staff,

but the perception of that question

brings up a multitude of answers.

 

It is a difficult question to ask now and then;

although I mostly hear someone answer, “No”.

If they say “Yes”; I then ask, “Are they locked up?”

Most are locked up, but some no.

                    Then, we just move on.

 

I try to use humor occasionally to soften the question;

“Any weapons; any ammunition; any AK-47s?”

It typically gets a laugh

                    easing the struggle to answer.

 

Families also use humor, as well, with their answer.

Again, likely to soften the awkwardness.

When asked, a ninety-five-year-old woman,

with a huge smile gruffly said,

                    “Just my mouth!”

 

Today, when I asked the wife that question;

she hit my funny bone and I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Do you have any weapons in the home?”

                    ‘Yes, My Red Ryder BB Gun”.

 .

 

I AM BACK

My son was infected by a rare bacteria that attacked his colon. The Department of Health said that he received it from a restaurant.   His surgeon said that he had never had a patient before with this infection.  It was, at that time, that we were told that he would be able to have the surgery reversed six to twelve months later. 

Two weeks ago, we returned to be with him during that second surgery.  It was a relief knowing that it was also successful and that he can return to his normal life upon recovery.  His dad and I returned home, although I was still feeling stress over this entire experience.  

Three days later, I returned to work.  It was then that I realized I was back to my normal.  I hadn’t realized that the stress hadn’t totally left me for eight months.  I know it is a “Mom” thing, but it surely did surprise me.  It is wonderful to be back to my old self.  I am again truly happy and upbeat.  This experience was such a perfect awareness of how important pure love is.  It is not things that you do, but it comes from deep in one’s heart.  Whoever I need to thank, I hope they hear.  “Thank you for this beautiful awareness”.

I AM BACK 

 

Eight months ago, he had emergency surgery.

It was a very rare infection that killed his colon.

I was by his side during his 22-day hospitalization;

wanting to fix things; wanting to say the right words.

 

I felt that I should know better; I should know what to do;

as I have counseled caregivers my entire career.

But then, he is my son; forever twelve in my mind.

I’m his mother, I should fix things; make it all better.

 

We traveled back to be with him again two weeks ago.

He had his second surgery to put things back in order.

He was in the hospital only overnight as all went well.

He will soon be back-to-normal again.

 

Stress stayed with me even when we arrived back home.

I returned to work three days later; thankful to have normal again.

I was happily singing to the music on the radio

as I was driving to do a nearby admission.

 

I love to sing when I am listening to music as I drive.

It made me realize that I hadn’t sang in the car for months.

It was then that I totally understood;

                  “I am back!!!”