HER CHOICE

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit “Caroline”, fifty-seven years old, to hospice.  Caroline was diagnosed with metastatic rectal cancer only fourteen months ago.  The doctor said she needed to undergo surgery to remove the tumor; while adding that she would have to undergo chemotherapy treatment prior to the surgery.  Caroline and her mother, “Connie”, met up with three more oncologists at different medical centers hoping to hear that Caroline does not have to have chemotherapy.  Unfortunately, all four of the oncologists gave the same advice; chemotherapy and then surgery. 

Unfortunately, Caroline had, in the past, two family members who did undergo chemotherapy with horrific side effects.  These events set strong negative thoughts inside of Caroline; whereby she would never opt for chemotherapy treatment.   Hence her cancer continued to grow which strongly affected Caroline in such an arduous way.   

Caroline’s mother, “Connie”, is her caregiver.  Connie doesn’t fully understand her daughter’s wishes, but will totally support her.  I so respect Caroline and Connie, but sadness did embrace my soul.  I was able to hug Connie so tightly while she gently cried.  I know so many of us strongly feel, at a loss of a child, “This is so out of order.”  I would like to find a reason, but so know that there isn’t one.  God bless Caroline and Connie.

HER CHOICE

She heard metastatic rectal cancer

only fourteen months ago.

“Before we do surgery to remove the tumor,

you will need to undergo chemotherapy.”

 

She strongly opposed getting chemotherapy

as feared the potent chemicals would only hurt her.

After consulting three more oncologists, she heard the same,

“No surgery if you choose no chemotherapy.”

 

She has strongly stood by her decision; her choice,

even though, now, she is tremendously weak.

She is no longer able to eat or drink fluids.

                    The nausea has dictated all.    

 

She is only fifty-seven years old.

Her mother says she has always been a mighty soul.

“She will stand by her convictions;

                    she will stand by her choice.”

 

Her mother appropriately cried during our visit;

“She is begging to die; she is so ready to go.

I don’t want to lose her; not now or ever,

but I have to respect; I so have to honor;

                    Her choice.”